


I Was Younger Then

by LustilyFaust



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alchemy, All of the Snape, Alternate Universe - Canon, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, But slightly not canon, Department of Mysteries, Equivalent Exchange Full Metal Alchemist, F/M, Fluff, For my love for Snape, Gay Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Has a Twin, Horcruxes, Horcruxes trying to possess Harry's twin, In Character, Lilys daughter, Love Snape? No Problem, M/M, Mentor Remus Lupin, Mentor Severus Snape, Non-binary Tonks, OFC - Freeform, Other, Pansexual Remus Lupin, Severus Snape Redemption, Severus Snape-centric, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Snape trying his best be a father figure, Teacher-Student Relationship, Twin conneciton, Twins, Violence, Yule Ball (Harry Potter), sassing the potions master, snape still hates harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:02:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 36
Words: 117,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26184634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LustilyFaust/pseuds/LustilyFaust
Summary: Penny Potter (twin of Harry Potter!) is the clone of her mother, but her mannerism are that of her father. Regardless, Snape is unable to shake the talented, sassy, challenging, and fascinating girl. The two are unable to resist arguing and are a true oddity to those around them. Has Severus Snape finally met his match? Will Penny Potter ever listen?Set in the fourth year, this combative mentorship/friendship gets more complicated as Penny learns there is more to her natural magical  talent, and what drew her to Snape in the first place may have been out of her control.Snape, unable to disentangle himself from the girl find himself struggling with his vow. He never imagined caring about the other Potter, whom he feels Dumbledore has neglected in favor of Harry. Will he follow suit, or is Penny just too important?**This will go into DH, with some flashbacks from previous years.
Relationships: Cedric Diggory/Original Female Character(s), Draco Malfoy/Blaise Zabini, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 130
Kudos: 177





	1. The Cheerful Potions Master

**Author's Note:**

> ** I don't own Harry Potter and make no money writing fanfic. Characters and world belong to JK Rowling **
> 
> I started this story and wanted it to be about Snape, and what he would have done if he could try again. Would he apologize, talk more, try harder? Or would the dark arts always lure him?

Penny Potter could have never imagined the way her life would turn out. She was the younger twin sister of Harry Potter, had grown up with him at their aunt and uncle's on Privet Drive and never knew she was a witch until her and Harry’s Hogwarts letters arrived the year they turned eleven. It had been a magical year, learning about who their parents truly were and finding their home at Hogwarts. Both Penny and Harry were sorted into Gryffindor, they become closer, but also more independent. Harry found instant friends in Ron and Hermione. The three were inseparable. Everyone whispered when Harry walked by, he was after all, the boy who lived. And Penny, well she was just his twin sister. She had survived because Voldemort died trying to kill Harry.  
  
It was strange having grown up in a normal life, never knowing how famous Harry was, to then be be transported to such a different reality. She always knew her twin was special, had loved him fiercely and felt for his annoyance being the center of attention. She understood why he clung to his close friends, commanding such deep devotion, but it didn’t mean she hadn’t been jealous. Needless to say, it had been an adjustment, going from being Harry’s best friend to a secondary thought. Everyone worried about the boy who lived. It had made Penny determined, she would do all she could to be worthy to stand beside her favorite person.

Penny was a bit more sociable than Harry, being charismatic "like her father," as many people liked to remind her. Unlike Harry, Penny had no close friends, but she did have many friends. No one turned down her company so she made a habit of being the entertainer, giving her a name throughout Hogwarts, one only Fred and George rivaled. Her peers liked her, even the Slytherins, they seemed not to think of her as a 'Potter,' (which was in and of itself, still irritating.) Her flare for drama helped her popularity, motivating her to set up the Hogwarts drama club early in her time at Hogwarts, after some of her followers had begged her upon visiting her live readings, where she would narrate various muggle tales. Everyone loved to listen to her renditions, and she practiced often. Professor Dumbledore asked her to read a _Christmas Story_ to the small gathering of people who remained at Hogwarts over Christmas break in their first year. He complimented her fiercely, and even Professor Snape seemed to have nothing negative to say. Penny Potter found her place at Hogwarts, and it sufficed to keep her content.

It was the first day of her fourth year and she settled down for double potions. Her red hair fell over her shoulder. She examined it, thinking of how often people told her she was a clone of her mother. She looked towards the back of the classroom, searching for Harry, who was known to look like their father, James. She wondered what it had been like for James, entering his fourth year, what his dreams had been. She smiled at Harry and turned to face forward. Harry had Ron and Hermione sitting on either side of him, trying to hide from the view of Snape, who always seemed to have a grudge against Harry. Penny sat alone towards the front of the classroom. The front was usually occupied by the Slytherins whom Snape obviously favored. Penny knew Harry couldn’t stand it, but Penny had an easy time ignoring it, but Snape never harassed her the way he harassed Harry. Interestingly, she found Snape left Harry alone more often when she sat away from him, and nearer the front. Something about the sight of them side by side grated on his nerves.  
  
Her location didn’t bother her and people never minded taking the space next to her, from either house. It was generally pleasant to have people coming and going, but she never did travel in a set group, like most of her peers. Today, Malfoy sat beside her.   
  
“Penny, have you heard the Triwizard Tournament is being held here this year,” he said in a drawl.  
  
"What’s that?” she asked.  
  
“I always forget about your upbringing,” he said, glancing back at Harry.  
  
“What a charming thing for you to say” she said sardonically.   
  
He smiled at her, she knew he always found her to be amusing, even though he tried very hard to be bored with most of Hogwarts.   
  
“It’s an international competition between schools. My father says only the best wizards from each school are chosen.”  
  
“And witches,” she corrected him.   
  
“Are you planning on entering then,” he smirked.  
  
“I daresay the wizarding world could do with a female champion,” she said, her eyes gleaming.   
  
“Quiet down, out with your summer homework” Snape said, moving through tables and sweeping essays away with a flick of his wand.

He stopped beside Penny, “Ms. Potter, did you not think your homework was worth doing this summer?” he said, peering down at the empty space in front of her. He flicked away Malfoy’s large stack and waited for her response.  
  
She returned his stare with her own fierce look. “It’s Penny.”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“I have told you, I prefer to go by Penny, I am not a possession of my father, last names are an archaic way of enslaving women to their male counterparts,” she told him, matter-of-factly.   
  
“Another feminist tirade, I thought you’d at least wait until the second day of class for one of those,” he smirked.  
  
The class laughed, but Penny turned away from him, refusing to answer.  
  
“As I was saying, your homework,” he pressed, his eyes glinting with dangerous excitement.  
  
“I’ll answer you, Professor, when you address me as I have asked to be addressed."  
  
The class stopped chuckling, waiting with bated breath for Snape to explode. He was a strict teacher and hated back talk. The Gryffindors shook their heads, while the Slytherins gaped, wide eyed.   
  
“I think we can agree that being a product of your father is a most unfortunate predicament,” he said cooly, peering back at Harry. “Nevertheless, _Penny_ ,” he said, stressing her name with the utmost delicacy, dark eyes capturing hers when she finally turned back to face him, “your homework,” he finished holding out his hand.   
  
She gave him a charming smile and reached for her bag. He looked taken aback by the sudden change of mood.  
  
“Well, Professor, about that, I had some issues with your assignment.”  
  
“Issues,” he said quietly, eyes narrowed, “do tell.”  
  
“I think there were some failings with your prompt, and requirements for the assignments, particularly in reference to the use of moonstones in droughts. What did you mean by droughts? Because as a potions master I know you know, there is no real category known as ‘droughts’ and unlearned people simply just clump together these potions by brewing methods, which makes no sense in and of itself, but that’s another topic to be discussed. But, were you asking about all of them, the polygeneous ones or the amonious antidotes that rely on moonstones?” she demanded, pulling out a stack of parchment larger than the one in his hand, and handed it to him.  
  
“What is this,” he hissed.  
  
“I wrote your paper on each of these subcategories because you did not specify. I simply cannot allow my grade to be at the mercy of your carelessness.”  
  
The class gave a collective snort, looking from one to the other. Malfoy even nudged Penny in the side, clearly afraid for her.   
  
“While I can empathize with having a severe case of anxiety, overachieving will get you no bonus points in my class. We will discuss this after class," Snape sneered.   
  
“I am sorry you feel as though a serious student in your class is looking for free points, I merely wrote the essays from my own meager understanding of potions,” she replied pointedly.   
  
Snape looked back at her, his mouth twitching ever so slightly. The two of them seemed to enjoy this back and forth, but many people wondered at her ability to get away with such snark in the face of such a severe professor. Yet, Snape never punished her the way he did others. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact she did actual work, but it was more than likely related to Penny's resemblance of her mother. Albeit, the man never did reveal in what capacity he knew Lily, the topic only crept up in bizarre moments.  
  
The school body, however, saw it very differently. They speculated wildly, how could the infamous Penny Potter had charmed even the heartless Severus Snape? It seemed to only add to her allure. Professor Lupin often told her that charm and cheek was that of her father, James and she would do well to keep it in check so as not to spend as much time in detention as he. Penny thought nothing of the warning, she challenged everything she learned, and questioned her professors at every chance she got--to Snape’s disdain.   
  
“You’re insane,” Malfoy whispered in her ear.  
  
“Accept nothing at face value.”  
  
“I like it.”  
  
Penny's eyes turned and fixed on Snape, who began talking after dropping the papers on his desk.  
  
“Today we will begin to look at antidotes, which means half of the class will be brewing poisons and the other will be brewing antidotes to those poisons, at the end of the class we will be testing them.”  
  
Penny nearly leapt out of her chair with glee, jubilant to finally get a chance to try her hand at antidotes.  
  
“You will be brewing a poison,” Snape said coldly, dropping an ingredients list for a poison in front of Penny.  
  
“But Professor!” she cried, clearly devastated.   
  
He turned back to look at her, “They require enough fear of their poisons.”  
  
“That isn’t even fair.”  
  
“Then be dumber,” he said with a shrug.   
  
She scowled at him as he walked away. Thankfully the man had pulled out _Trickling Teft_ , a meticulous brew that would lull the victim into slumber before melting away their insides. It had been very popular with housewives in the 60’s, who wanted to murder their husbands, because it was virtually undetectable at the time. Now it was notable by the way it turned the back of the throat grey, and was easily remedied with a simple antidote, within 2 hours of administration.   
  
Malfoy gathered his ingredients and started on his potion, almost adding the wrong ingredient before Penny kicked him in the shin,“Those are grey skinned beetles, you need green!” she hissed.  
  
He was quickly rushing off to find the correct beetles when Snape finished his intimidation rounds and stopped again beside Penny.  
  
“Why have you replaced the pickled frog leg with the bark of sandalwood,” he asked, staring down his hooked nose at her.  
  
“Because pickled frog is a stupid ingredient, it’s evident in this potion that its purpose is to slow the acidic property of the teft to allow for an agonizing disintegration of the insides. However, its use has numerous downsides, one being the way it gives the fluid a purple hue, making it more detectable. The sandalwood serves the same purpose, but actually neutralizes any colors in the fluids due to the presence of the flobberworm,” she replied, carefully measuring her next ingredient, stirring it two times counterclockwise and then immediately removing from the heat.  
  
She turned to stare at the professor who was considering her curiously. “Do you disagree?”  
  
“Do you trust yourself enough to be sure his antidote will cure whatever you have just created?” Snape replied.  
  
“I trust your vested interest in not letting your most fascinating student die,” she replied smugly.  
  
“I would not discount my belief in pain as a useful learning tool.”   
  
“Oh, believe me, I haven't" she said, glancing around at her stressed classmates, their brows furrowed in anxiety. “I don’t think you’ve made nearly enough rounds to make Neville cry today, you must be feeling cheerful because it’s the first day of term.”  
  
“I am never cheerful.”  
  
“Aren’t you?” she said, looking up at him with a smile.  
  
He leaned lazily on her desk, his arms folded. “I trust you have been timing this? If it sets too. . .”  
  
“Yes Professor, I did read your instructions, I do, from time to time find them useful.”  
  
“Then you’ll be delighted to know you left your stirring utensil in your cauldron and it’s made from aluminum, and by now it has contaminated your potion,” he said with a horrible smirk.  
  
Penny's eyes bulged. “No,” she said in horror.  
  
He left her to dwell on it, moving to harass her brother instead. Penny was too caught up in trying to think through her mistake to hear what he was saying, but from time to time, she'd catch the Slytherins snickering. Beside her, Malfoy was having a bad time with his antidote, it had turned a shade of purple instead of pink.   
  
“Help!” he begged quietly.   
  
She glanced over at his cauldron and then down at his list, trying to determine what he had done wrong.  
  
“I think you can save it, if you go get some dillyfae and cut it really small, like really, really small and mix it on high heat,” she said quickly, as Snape glanced up from the stack of parchment he was reading, his expression full of disgust. He narrowed his eyes, looking between the pair. Penny looked away innocently, pretending nothing was amiss. It took her the better part of 30 minutes to realize Snape had made up her mistake and just intended to stress her out for his cruel pleasure. She yelled out furiously when it dawned on her.  
  
“Sorry, just really invested here,” she mumbled, when the class turned to stare at her. Everyone burst out laughing, telling her they loved her and wouldn’t let her die from her own poison.   
  
Penny and Malfoy finished first, leaning back to let things simmer before bottling it for testing.  
  
“So how many people compete in this Triwizard Tournament?” Penny asked, leaning on her elbow to watch Draco.  
  
“One person is selected from each school, my father said Beauxbaton and Durmstrang have been invited. We will likely get more details tonight.”   
  
“Isn’t that where VIktor Krum goes?”  
  
“Don’t tell me you have a crush on him like every other girl,” Draco said with an eye roll.   
  
“I mean, you know what they say about good flyers,” she said in a sarcastic tone.   
  
“Well then, guess I’ll be out on the pitch tonight, if you care to join me,” he said flirtatiously.  
  
“You can take Ms. Potter--” Snape began, “Penny” he corrected mid-way through, seeing her furious expression, “out to satiate your teenage hormones if you manage to cure her with your antidote, Malfoy. I trust you will not disappoint me, but do let her suffer a bit before administering, girls never like a boy who is too eager, ” Snape drawled.  
  
Malfoy and Penny both flushed and looked away from each other. Satisfied with his efforts to embarrass them, Snape moved on.  
  
Everyone prepared and traded their potions. Ron ended up puking so profusely he could not drink Harry’s antidote, and was carried by him to the Hospital Wing. Snape made Penny wait ten minutes after taking her _Trickling Teft,_ to try Draco’s antidote. Draco had become rather nervous watching her change several shades of green from the discomfort, that could have been mistaken for a bad case of food poisoning. Penny furiously began writing down everything Draco described about her appearance until Snape snatched the quill away from her and forced the antidote down her throat after she said she'd like to see what else would happen if she waited longer.   
  
Penny was packing up when Neville’s sobs reached her. She looked around the empty room to where Snape was standing over Neville telling him he’d get a 0 for the day because everyone had refused to test his antidote.  
  
“I’ll try it, Neville.”  
“P-Penny, you sure?”  
“Of course Neville, everyone deserves a chance to learn,” she said, shooting an angry glance at Professor Snape.  
  
He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms impatiently. Picking up the _Withering Draught_ Seamus had made, Penny tipped it back. As soon as it hit her throat she began gagging. She felt every surface that had made contact with liquid begin to contract in a horrible fashion. Without realizing, she was clawing at her throat, eyes watering from the pain of it. Terrified, Neville passed her his vial with a shaking hand. Penny took it without a word. She knew instantly it would be bad, her eyes darting to Snape, who’s smooth black one’s looked over her with a knowing smile. She doubled over in pain, reaching for Snape's cloak as though it would make the pain go away.  
  
‘P-Professor, will she be okay,” Neville said in little more than a squeak.  
“You have successfully poisoned her, you buffoon. You have received your marks for the day, are you happy? Now get out so I can deal with this!” Snape said in a hard tone, pulling Penny up to look at her.  
  
She was breaking into a cold sweat, her body felt like it was on fire, and the feeling of choking would not relent. It now moved to her uterus which felt like it was shrinking inside of her. She tried to cry out in pain, but she could not get anything out or in. Her throat had closed, squashed together as though it would never open again. Snape dragged her to his desk and sat her on it, turning away to wave his wand, ingredients soaring over towards him in response.  
  
“Your insides have contracted and will continue to contract until your vital organs shut down. All of your nerves is on fire because every fiber of your being pushes against them, it’s quite painful isn’t it?” he said in mock concern, eyes glinting.  
  
Still clutching his robes, she gaped at him and his choice of a teaching moment. He seemed to relish being vindicated.

"I don't even know what the Longbottom boy gave you, perhaps we should wait and see what symptoms come from that. . ." said Snape with a terrible grin.   
  
Penny shook her head violently, unable to utter a sound. Another painful twang in her abdomen nearly sent her to the floor, Snape all but holding her upright. He pushed her lulling head backwards for access to her mouth. With green goo lacing it, he placed his finger firmly under her tongue and held it there firmly for five seconds before handing her a vial to drink, which miraculously went down her throat, (having sprang open just long enough to let it pass. )  
  
Penny continued to cling to his robes, panting from the effort to breathe. Snape stood silently and watched her, every once in a while feeling her head, he lingered for a moment, taking a stray strand of red hair and looking at it. Curiously, she looked up at the dark eyes that were so very lost in thought, which then turned away from her hair and gazed back down at her, his brow furrowed.  
  
“Lily,” he said quietly, as thought Penny could not hear him.  
  
“I'll admit I often look at my hair and think of her too," Penny whispered, trying to focus on his face.  
  
It swam across her vision, his expression impossible to read, it almost seemed sad? But she had to look away, refusing to let go of him, feeling as though she were falling over. He was silent, acknowledging, in his own way, their shared feelings. Penny was use to this, over her years at Hogwarts she admittedly had spent much time with her potions master, though he tried hard to off-put her. Penny was always been an eager student, and was instantaneously with her potions master on her first days of double potions. She asked many questions, which seemed to startle the man. Something about the way he had looked at her when she first walked into his class, as though he were seeing a ghost, and the way his face softened when no one else was around, it made Penny feel like she wanted to know more about the sallow-skinned man.   
  
Their dynamic was generally a back and forth, pupil demanding, and teacher exasperatedly trying to teach. But he never denied her the opportunity to learn, and from time to time, these quiet exchanges would occur. He refused to comment, but she knew he heard her. Penny never pressed him, demanded to know how he knew her mother, she just accepted the pieces of his sorrow.  
  
“You have so little faith in me, you think I’d let that buffoon of a kid kill? Next time, do not waste my good graces for that,” he finally replied, handing her a glass of water he summoned.  
  
She took it, downing it in a single gulp. The pain was easing, allowing Penny to sit up. Several minutes had passed, him standing silently before her, careful not to touch her legs that dangled over the side of his desk, her hand the only thing breaking the barrier between them.

Finally releasing the connection between them, she wiped sweat from her head.

“I told you, you’re cheerful today,” she smiled, moving to stand on wobbly legs.   
  
He stepped back, allowing her space to stand. " I told you--”  
  
“You lied,” Penny cut across, “you’re an open book, you can't hide all the time, and it's obvious when you slip, ” she continued, glancing at his perplexed expression.  
  
“Are you a psychiatrist now too?” he said, his thin lips pursed.  
  
“No Professor, I do not have to be, I simply pay attention to you.”  
  
She gave him a sad smile, and grabbed her bag, headed off towards transfiguration, she was already going to be late. Snape made no reply, the only sound to follow her being the light _thump_ of the dungeon door shutting behind her.  
  
Penny was determined, one day that man would finally admit it, they were friends.


	2. Like Your Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Penny wanted to do was eat, but Snape finds himself unable to stop himself from provoking an altercation. This time, however, Penny is not in the mood to take it laying down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love me some Snape!

“I’m sorry Professor! I--” Penny started, bursting into Transfiguration ten minutes late.  
  
“Do not worry about it Ms. Potter, Professor Snape sent word to me. I am glad you are well enough to join us, take a seat, we are working on some birds today,” Professor McGonagall cut in, gesturing to a free space beside Hermione, who looked eager for today’s lesson.  
  
Penny always liked sitting with Hermione, who never disturbed her learning with bored sighs and often had interesting things to say on the topic at hand.  
  
“What’s wrong with him?” Penny asked, looking back at Harry, he was clearly irritated about something.  
  
“Snape gave him a 0 again,” Hermione whispered, taking the cage of birds offered to her.  
  
Penny groaned, she had not noticed Snape’s make-Harry-miserable escapades that day. If she had she may have been able to do something. The mornings class was a loud one due to the squawking and fluttering of all the birds. Hermione turned her bird on the first try, while many others in the class struggled with their efforts. Professor McGonagall ended up in an ethics debate with Penny after Penny said she could not transfigure the bird because "it did not want to be a teacup."  
  
“How is it alright for me to force the bird? Because I have magic I get to do whatever I want? The bird doesn’t like it, doesn’t having a life give it a right? Or, is magic might?” Penny demanded.  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous, what are you going to do, ask it?” McGonagall replied severely.  
  
“I did, and it wants to be a toucan vase.”  
  
“And how did it tell you that?” McGonagall asked, eyes narrowed.   
  
“Through its magic, Professor, can’t you feel that?” Penny said incredulously.  
  
“In this school we use our wands, not our feelings, Ms.Potter. And today we are transfiguring birds into teacups, but you can feel free to submit an opinion piece on the topic of your dispute to the prophet.”  
  
Setting her jaw, Penny reached out with her magic and turned the bird into a toucan vase. To cement her point, she pulled out three more birds, declared their wishes, and then promptly turned one into a pair of earmuffs, the second to a cat, and the last into a bobble head Dalmatian. Professor McGonagall gave an angry sigh, her face red.   
  
“While that is brilliant wand work Potter, I hope you will remember that during your OWLS they will not allow you to debate ethics and you WILL receive marks according to how well you perform the task set before you,” she said, her voice unnaturally high, “However, I might add, you remind me very much of your father,” she finished, a sad expression behind her eyes.   
  
Penny glanced at Harry, who responded by shaking his head at her.  
  
“You’re mental, you know that,” Harry said an hour later as they were walking to lunch in the Great Hall.   
  
“I just don’t think it’s right, and this is a school, is this not precisely the place for those discussions?”  
  
“If you say so. Anyways, did Snape poison you after we left, what took you so long?” Harry asked, his eyes full of suspicion.  
  
“Snape was not technically the one who poisoned me. He was trying to give Neville a 0 so I offered myself up,” Penny said with a shrug, seating herself between Ron and Harry when they reached the Gryffindor table.   
  
“Poor Neville, I bet Snape loved that,” Harry said in a tone of disgust.  
  
“The man is a sadist, of course he did,” Ron interjected.   
  
“Hardly, he’s a professor,” Penny said, dumping collard greens onto her plate.   
  
“You and Hermione are way too trusting of titles,” Ron said through a mouthful of chicken.  
  
“Neville’s antidote was awful though, it was true agony, I still feel weird,” Penny sighed, trying to find her appetite.   
  
“Are you sure Snape actually cured you?” Harry said, eyeing her while he filled his plate with the various offerings strewn about the table.   
  
“Of course he did, he’d lose his job if he were just trying to kill students!” Hermione said in a shocked voice, taking a seat beside Ron and looking at him with disgust.   
  
“I think perhaps it’ll just take the day to feel myself, my nerves just feel on fire, and my head hurts a bit,” Penny said, rubbing her head rigorously, as though hoping to beat the sensation away.   
  
“I know the feeling, my scar has been bothering me the last few hours,” Harry whispered to her.  
  
“Another dream?”   
  
“No, just pain, wonder what it means.”  
  
Penny frowned at him, “I wish I had an answer for you, Voldemort is nowhere near you.”   
  
He looked worried, his green eyes, so much like her own, stared fiercely at her through the jet black hair. She reached up and moved it tenderly, touching his scar like she always did. Her twin, the boy with the lightning bolt scar, who looked so much like their father, except for the eyes. Harry squeezed her hand and they returned to their meal.  
  
The rest of the afternoon was a long one, Penny’s headache persisted, and she felt exhausted by the time her classes finished. She decided to return to the common room and take a long nap before dinner. She woke up groggy when Hermione prodded her several hours later, asking if she wanted something to eat. On their way down, Penny decided to stop at the Hospital Wing and see if Madam Pomfrey had anything to help her head, but immediately regretted the decision. The woman was shocked Penny had not paid a visit to her sooner, and ranted about “poisoning children” and all the things that could have gone wrong. Then she took a complete tally of Penny’s symptoms, calling her a “frail child.” Since Penny flat out refused to stay the night, Madam Pomfrey gave her a couple of potions, and forced her to agree to return the next morning.   
  
Penny entered the emptying Great Hall at a brisk walk. Instinctively she looked toward the staff table where Snape’s dark eyes followed her across the room. For whatever reason they always did this, their eyes gravitating to the other whenever either of them entered a room. On her way to the Gryffindor table several Slytherins called out to her, asking when quidditch and theater would be starting again. It was Penny’s pet project, bringing extra-curricular activities to life at Hogwarts. She had been given the O-K to coordinate for-fun quidditch games for the student body who wanted to play but were not on a house team. The endeavor proved a huge hit, and students from all the houses participated, not even bickering along house lines. Professor McGonagall had commented on Penny's "unique ability to unite her peers," and agreed to supervise. Dumbledore had even given her an award for “Services to Improve the School” for it. Professor Flitwick had jumped at the chance to help Penny organize the Hogwarts choir and drama club, which was a byproduct of the reading group Penny had begun in her first year.  
She loved to perform, and reading out loud to Harry was how she had started. When she arrived at Hogwarts she had convinced many of her friends to listen to her narrate many muggle stories. This led to the more formal performances that she and several other classmates organized. They now gave a Christmas and Spring show, which was as beloved as quidditch matches.  
  
Penny took the seat Malfoy offered her, her scarlet robes very out of place among the emerald ones.   
  
“Do you think we’ll be able to?” she said to Draco.  
  
“Dumbledore just announced the Triwizard Tournament before you walked in,” he said to her and the group of Slytherin boys who gathered in beside them, “the quidditch cup is postponed, but I don’t see why we can’t continue recreationally.”  
  
She nodded her agreement with the blonde boy.  
  
“I’ll ask the head of houses tomorrow, and try to pitch it as a way to bond with our guests. Maybe if someone from each house could accompany me, to show how we all support this, they’ll be more likely to make accommodations”   
  
Marcus, a broad, handsome 6th year nodded, “Especially since they’re only letting those of age enter the tournament, the rest of us need something to do.”  
  
“Are you kidding me?” Penny exclaimed, her hopes crushed.   
  
“Yeah, we’ll have to find a way around that. . .” Draco said with a determined expression.   
  
“Alright, I better be off before they refuse to serve me dinner,” Penny said after a few more minutes of conversation.  
  
She glanced towards the staff table, finding Snape again, who seemed to be watching her liaisons with the Slytherins intently, Dumbledore was speaking beside him. Following Snape’s gaze, Dumbledore’s kind blue eyes landed on Penny. He gave her an amused smile, the twinkle in his eye as present as ever. She flushed, turned her head down and marched onwards, being hailed by the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables consecutively. She had the same conversation with each of them, and they agreed to send someone with her the next morning. Then they asked her if she really had refused to transfigure a bird that day. After that they returned to their chatter about the upcoming tournament.  
  
It was 15 to eight when Penny finally took her seat, the Great Hall almost deserted. Snape was dimming the lights and clearing empty tables, getting ever nearer her. Penny quickly filled her plate with food, hoping against all odds the man would not be cruel enough to send her to bed without dinner. She ate slower than she wanted because of her tender stomach. The room was silent except for Snape’s steps, which were headed in her direction. She did not dare meet his eyes until he stopped right in front of her.  
  
“Evening Professor, fancy meeting you here,” Penny said casually.   
  
He stared at her incredulously, folding his arms and tapping his wand against his upper arm.   
  
“Professor, I just sat down, and really what else do you have to do? Isn’t this what you signed up for being an educator and all, never letting the kids go hungry?”  
  
“Ms. Potter, you spent a good thirty minutes socializing before you even began eating, I have a great many better things to do than entertain such entitlement.”  
  
“Penny,” she replied in a dangerously low voice.  
  
He rolled his eyes.  
  
‘Well, _Penny_ , do you disagree?”  
  
“I do! I cannot help that the Gryffindor table is placed all the way over here and that I must walk past all the other houses. Are you suggesting that because I am popular, I should not be allowed to eat? If you had paid attention you would have noted they hailed me,” she said lamely, knowing her argument would not work on the potions master.   
  
His face darkened, and she knew she had annoyed the man, hitting some hidden nerve.  
  
“An excuse befitting your father,” he said furiously.   
  
“You say that like it’s an insult,” she replied with narrowed eyes.   
  
“It is,” he snarled.  
  
Refusing to take his bait, Penny stood. “If that is your opinion of him, I am sorry for you. I did not get the chance to know him, but considering he DIED for me, I feel obliged to defend his character. Sorry to inconvenience you,” she said shortly, making to climb over the benches and return to the common room.  
  
“Sit!” spat Snape, unable to form any other words.  
“Why!”  
“You--ten minutes,” he continued in angry, shaking, half sentences.   
  
They stared at each other, daggers flying between them. Then, slowly, they both took a seat, red coloring his pale features. He looked decidedly away from her, his expression severe. Penny ate in silence feeling worse than she had all day. The man perplexed her, she never could understand his seeming hatred for her father, or why he used it against her when he was angry. She put her fork down, courage welling in her chest.  
  
“I don’t care about your past with my father, but it’s crap, the way you use something I know nothing about to hurt me. I look up to you--so why do you have to be such a git!” she burst out before she was able to stop herself.  
  
He turned slowly, dangerously, towards her, ensnaring her with his icy stare. Immediately regretting her choice of words, she flushed. She didn’t know why she said it, but his unfair anger just pushed her too far after feeling so crumby all day. The way he picked at the pieces he didn’t like about her just because it reminded him of her dad felt unusually cruel. There were many things she didn’t like about his attitude, but it had never mattered to her. His grumpy days, his seemingly sadistic tendencies, she took the man as he was, looking to him to explain a great many things she just wanted to understand. Penny knew he felt it too, knew she had not imagined the last three years of endless hours spent in each other's company, each of them always looking for ways to provoke the other. If Severus Snape liked anyone’s company, she had to believe he liked hers. Or maybe he didn’t, and her one sided admiration was now coming to realize the rejection written all over his features.   
  
“What did you say,” Snape said, in barely more than a whisper.  
  
It was a more terrifying sound than any yelling of Uncle Vernon’s that Penny had ever endured. A vein throbbed along his temple much like her Uncle’s and she could see his hands shaking with his rage.   
  
“I-I won’t apologize Professor,” she stuttered, sitting up a little straighter as though to muster what was left of her courage. “You don’t even pay attention to what I’m saying, you just get offended because I called you a git, like you’re on some ego trip.”  
  
Penny should have stopped while she was ahead, at this point she was simply digging her own grave. What was left of Snape’s thin lips disappeared, he stood, his chest heaving.  
  
“You are as insolent as he! He had no respect for rules and authority either. You want me to listen to you, then say something that isn’t laced with self absorption!” he spat.  
  
“I am not my father, I am not Lily, I am Penny! And I refuse to let you force me to pay for the sins of my parents! Maybe one day you’ll open your eyes and stop being so afraid,” she shouted at him, standing as well  
  
“Afraid?” he snarled.  
  
“Of admitting you care about me as much as I care about you, that you’re invested. It’s scary, isn’t it, Professor, emotions,” she replied callously.  
  
“Detention! My office for the next two days,” he spluttered, clearly taken aback by her admonition.   
  
“Fine, I look forward to spending the quality time with you, hopefully by then you can pull yourself together enough and we can finish this conversation like emotionally capable adults,” Penny said, marching away from the Gryffindor table.  
  
The hall ahead was dark, but Penny only saw red. Out of the side of her eye she saw Snape move a violently in her direction, as though to hex her, but with an enormous amount of effort he seemed to stop himself with a long slow breath. With her nose in the air, Penny marched past the furious man, asking herself why it mattered so much. Why did what Professor Snape thought about her matter so much? Why the hell did she want Severus Snape to like her--he never liked anything.


	3. The Bargain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey ya'll! I meant to post this sooner, but I have been busy trying to find an internship :( I've also been writing this while listening to Harry Potter bands, ahahah! It's amazing. 
> 
> Here continues the Snape fest. I'm *trying* to stay true to his character best I can, but also try and not write him based on Harry's interaction. SO, that means exploring that side of him that wishes he had another chance with Lily. Is that regret strong enough for him to get over the fact Penny is a POTTER?

Arithmancy went by in a blur the next morning. Still in a bad mood, Penny spoke to no one and made a point of skipping breakfast. She sorely regretted her decision because it made Herbology with the Hufflepuffs feel exorbitantly long. She managed to pay some attention to the subject of various water plants, some of which lived in the Great Lake, but found herself struggling to listen to the majority of the class. When it finally ended, she ran for the Great Hall, wanting to get in some food before she gathered the other house volunteers to meet with their head of houses.

When she arrived she compulsively glanced at the staff table, thankful the infuriating man was nowhere to be seen. He was normally also notoriously late to meals, much like herself. Harry joined her several minutes later. 

“You alright?” he asked.

“I am now,” Penny said with a satisfied sigh.

“Maybe don’t skip breakfast next time, just a thought.”

Penny scowled. 

“Okay dad. I’m still a little tender today and was forced to visit Madam Pomfrey this AM. She said I still looked pale.”

“You do, a bit. Maybe just take it easy, take a break from doing everything,” Harry said, taking a large swig of pumpkin juice.

“Says the guy who saves Hogwarts every damn year. You’re a shoe in for the Hogwarts champion,” Penny teased.

The image of Harry forced into any more spotlight greatly amused Penny, she knew something like the Triwizard Tournament would be an experience her brother would loathe. To be fair, he had enough on his plate, and plenty of people who wanted him dead. Penny on the other hand thought she would rather like being the Hogwarts champion, but she was a showoff, much like her father--as the potions master would have her believe. The thought of Snape brought a scowl to her face. Penny felt in no mood to face the man after their row. He had given her detention! She had never had detention before in her life, that was Harry’s job.

Harry jammed her in the side, evidently not amused by her comment. 

“Be gentle, I’ve got detention tonight, and who knows what hard labor Snape will make me do.”

“You got detention?” Harry and Ron choked.

“Yeah, I may have yelled at Snape last night,” Penny said, shaking her head at her own stupidity. 

Harry’s eyes bulged. “And he didn’t kill you?”

“For a moment I thought he would, he couldn’t even get his words out and his vein was throbbing, you know, like Uncle Vernon’s does,” said Penny.

“It was good knowing you,” Ron said with a look of disbelief. 

“How many times do I have to tell you Ron, Professor Snape is a teacher, and Dumbledore trusts him,” Hermione said in an irritated tone. “She’ll be cleaning cauldrons or something.”

“What do you do in detention, you two are always there,” Penny asked Harry with a grin.

“I can’t wait to tell Snuffles this, he’ll probably hang your detention slip on the icebox with pride,” Harry said, an amused look in his eyes.

“One day we really need to get the details of exactly what they got up to while at Hogwarts,” Penny said standing.

“Where’re you off to?” Harry asked, sounding a bit disappointed.

“To do too much and not take it easy. I’m about to go beg Professor McGonagall to let quidditch happen this year, even with the Triwizard Tournament,” said Penny, ruffling Harry’s hair as she went. 

On her way out of the Great Hall, Penny collected Hannah Abbott, a blonde girl from the Hufflepuff table; Marietta Edgecombe, a serious looking fifth year from the Ravenclaw table, and Draco Malfoy joined them at the double doors. 

“Who wants to do the talking?” Penny asked.

The two girls looked at each other nervously, they had not bargained for speaking. 

“I need this to look like a school thing and not just a 'my thing,' anything any of you can say will help, it doesn’t have to be long, just your experience,” Penny continued when no one responded.

They nodded and headed towards Professor McGonagall’s office.

“Snape isn’t happy with me, I’ll need you to work your magic,” Penny whispered to Draco.

“It’ll cost you,” he smirked.

Penny eye’d the blonde boy, uncertain she wanted to be in his debt. She also felt a a tinge of betrayal for Harry before saying, "Fine, what do you want?”

“When I am ready to collect, I’ll let you know.” Draco said, pushing past her and leading the way into their meeting. 

McGonagall was turned away from the door, speaking to Sprout and Flitwick, who stood near her desk, when they arrived. On the far wall was Snape, arms crossed, looking very disinterested in the current conversation. Penny refused to make eye contact with him and stared straight ahead as Draco Malfoy greeted the Professors in his smooth voice. Penny unfortunately ended up on Draco’s left, nearest Snape. She felt his dark eyes boring into the side of her head, and the pull of her own eyes wanting to see what his held today. Was he still mad? Would his anger with her still be evident? 

“I commend what you have achieved here, and I think all of us can agree we support your cause, however, we have many preparations for this tournament and I simply do not have the time to commit to supervision this year,” Professor McGonagall said, startling Penny from her thoughts.

She looked genuinely sad when Penny met her eyes. It was evident whatever the other three had said had left an impression.

“I’ve also agreed to help ensure the safety of the tasks and with my commitments to the Hogwarts choir I do not think I can add anything else” squeaked Professor Flitwick. 

“Sorry kids, with the greenhouse I just don’t have the time,” Professor Sprout said in her deep voice. 

Heart sinking, Penny finally looked at Snape, his dark eyes watching her, calculating quietly.

“This was Ms. Potter’s club, was it not?” Snape said, giving the slightest hint of a smile at Penny’s obvious irritation at his use of her surname, 

“I mean I did start it, Sir,” Penny replied.

“Yet I have not heard you speak a word, albeit Mr. Malfoy’s appeal was very eloquent, but I’m curious, why do you think I should give up my free time for this?” said Snape in a cool voice.

“It did start as my idea, but I’d hardly call it mine. As you’ve seen, many others have taken an active part in it. The success of this was only possible because of Draco, Hannah and Marietta, they organized those interested in their houses. I ask of your time Professor because I believe it helps Hogwarts feel more like a community and less like four houses in continual competition. I also know it helps many students with find relief for their anxiety and stress. It's also less exclusive than the house teams,” Penny said, refusing to look away from the dark eyes that threatened to unsettle her. 

“How very poetic,” Snape smirked, finally moving away from the wall, “Because Mr. Malfoy made such a compelling case, I’ll do it.” 

Anger flared in the pit of Penny’s stomach. Snape had done that on purpose and his dark eyes were searching her face for the satisfaction of knowing it had worked. Biting her lip, she turned resolutely away from him, refusing him the knowledge. The other head of houses looked shocked by Snape’s kindness. Then McGonagall clapped her hands and sent them on their way before they were late for their afternoon classes.

Hannah and Marietta hugged Penny and rushed off down the corridor leaving Penny and Draco just outside the office.

“Thanks for that, pretty sure he wouldn’t have agreed if it weren’t for you,” Penny said with a small smile, still irritated.

“It is my pleasure, I look forward to collecting,” Draco replied, stepping into her space and nudging her into the wall just behind her, his right taking up residence above her shoulder.

He leaned in just close enough to make the breath catch in Penny’s chest. For a moment she thought he intended to kiss her, but instead he looked down at her lips and touched her warm cheek with his thumb. Draco was handsome, his complexion as bright as his hair. Against her better judgement and opinion of her brother, she had liked him, but she had never imagined anything more than their flirtatious back and forths. Penny suddenly regretted the deal she made with him. Thankfully, loud steps broke the moment and both of them turned to meet the unamused expression of Snape. He looked from one to the other, his eyebrow raised. 

“Get to class Draco,” he said to the boy.

“Of course, Sir,” Draco said in a sickly sweet voice.

He turned to Penny, winked, and then swept from the hallway. Penny remained, dumbstruck and trying to gather her composure. Normally she was the forward one, she had never been caught off guard before. 

“Does he like me. . .” Penny said, not realizing the thought left her lips.

Snape snorted, returning Penny’s attention to the man. She briefly forgot her anger, trying to see whatever Snape was thinking.

“That was a serious question? Ms. Potter, who has an answer and argument for everything, is finally stumped by the hormone’s of teenage boys,” Snape said, a note of derision in his voice.

“If only I had your expertise with teenager boys,” Penny replied darkly.

She moved away from the wall, touching her cheek, trying to remember the feeling of Malfoy’s fingers.

“Having been one, I imagine I could clear up a great many misgivings you may have. Lucky for you, Draco is learned in the art of female hormones, and I daresay you will find yourself educated in no time,” Snape said dryly.

“What! No--what have I done! Professor, what do I do to get out of this!” Penny said, pacing in an anxious circle. 

“I am the potions master, not a counselor.”

“This can’t happen, there must be some potion, you must know of one, like an anti-love potion, but you know, makes someone _un_ -attracted to people.”

At this, Snape rolled his eyes.

“Ms. Potter, I do believe most people simply use their words.” 

“What words?” said Penny, with a stupid expression.

“And to think just last night you were saying I needed to pull it together to be an emotionally capable person,” Snape sneered.

Penny scowled, hitched her bag on her shoulder and turned away from him to head towards Defense Against the Dark Arts. She refused to let him find any more pleasure in her suffering. 

“Your detention will be at 6 o'clock tonight, after quidditch. I look forward to seeing how this situation progresses,” he said before she was out of earshot. 

She made it to class just before the bell chimed, taking a seat beside Harry. Mad-Eye Moody entered a few moments after her, his wooden leg _clunk, clunking_ after him. His magical eye zoomed around and settled on Harry, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat. It seemed natural that one of the best aurors in the ministry, who had brought more dark wizards in than anyone else, would be interested in the boy who lived. 

“You are in your fourth year and the ministry thinks you are still too young to learn the truth about dark magic. A load of codswallop if you ask me, you need to be prepared, you need to know,” Moody growled. 

The room held its breath, entranced, or frightened by the grizzly looking man. 

“Who can tell me what the three unforgivable curses are,” Moody asked, magical-eye zooming in all directions again.

Hermione’s hand shot up.

“You, Ms. . .?”

“Granger, sir. There is the Cruciatus curse, the Imperius curse, and the killing curse,” Hermione answered, glancing nervously at Harry.

While she answered, Moody pulled a large spider from a container on his desk. The sight of it elicited a small groan from Ron, who seemed to recoil from the sight of it. 

“The Imperius curse,” Moody said, placing the spider on his desk, “was used extensively when You-Know-Who was in power. With it, you can make a person under its control do whatever you wish.” 

Pointing his wand at the spider he whispered, “Imperio.”

The spider immediately stopped its desperate attempt to escape. Instead, it stood on two legs and seemed to do the waltz. Penny watched it with a sickening feeling in her stomach, deeply disturbed by the look of enthusiasm on Moody’s face. 

“The Cruciatus curse was good for loosening the tongue of unwilling informants, and was a favorite form of torture for You-Know-Who,” Moody continued, lifting the Imperius curse. “Curcio!” 

The spider immediately began to twitch and writhe in a disturbing manner. It’s muscles contorted and spasmed, and Penny was sure it would rip itself in two. For some reason Penny could not tear her eyes away from it. 

“Stop it! Can’t you see you’re upsetting him!” Hermione yelled.

For a moment Penny was confused, thinking she was referring to the spider, but then her eyes fell on Neville, and she understood. His face was ashen, he was shaking and clearly overcome by what he was witnessing. Moody simply shrugged and released the spider. Neville’s face remained blank and unmoving from the spider.

“The Avada Kedavra curse, or the killing curse as Ms Granger called it, is the worst of them all. A single curse to take a human life. Only one person has been known to survive it and he’s sitting right in front of me.”

All eyes turned to Harry, who stared resolutely at Mad-Eye. Moody lifted his arm, eyes not moving from Harry

“You can't, it's illegal!” Hermione cried, but it didn’t matter.

“Avada Kedavra!”

A blinding green light shot from his wand causing Penny’s head to explode with pain. Something was tearing at the inside of her head, someone was screaming; she was screaming and a woman was pleading

_“Not Harry, please not Harry!”_

_“Take your daughter and move aside!” demanded a shrill voice._

But it didn’t matter, the woman was not going to move, and then the green light erupted, and the sound of a limp body hitting the flood resounded. She was screaming--Penny--red eyes drawing nearer, but then someone was shaking her.

“Penny! WAKE UP,” Harry roared. 

His green eyes loomed over her, full of panic. She was on the floor, the class gathered around her. Penny’s face was covered in a cold sweat, she touched it, blinking against the bright afternoon sun that poured through the windows. 

“What happened?” Penny asked Harry, trying to ignore the muttering around her. 

Then she glanced at the spider, dead, on the table and she understood

“Come on, I’ll take you to the Hospital Wing,” Harry answered, helping her to her feet.

Moody nodded his agreement, his magical eye observing Penny now. Once they were out of the classroom Penny turned to Harry and said, “I heard her Harry.” 

The horrible expression on his face told her he understood, and already suspected. He had told her what he experienced every time a dementor came near him, the thought made her shudder. He wrapped his arm around her,

“When I was learning how to do the patronus charm, I’d hear hear every time, a part of me wanted to faint just to remember the sound of her voice,” he admitted. 

“That’s all it took, that one stupid spell to change everything,”

“Yeah, I wish I knew how I survived it, maybe she could have lived too.”

“And dad,” Penny added. 

Harry helped her into a bed inside the Hospital Wing.

“We still have each other,” Harry said, forcing a smile, but his eyes were distant.

“I heard you too Harry, you were trying to talk, probably trying to tell Voldemort to leave, so very like you,” 

Before Harry could respond, Madam Pomfrey rushed over and demanded an explanation. Harry told her what happened and received a great many scandalized comments, before rushing off to Care of Magical Creatures, leaving Penny to the clutches of Madam Pomfrey (with an apologetic smile.) Penny was still clammy, and she was shaking uncontrollably 

“What this school has come to, and an already frail child, and of course you fainted dear, you have experienced such trauma,” Madam Pomfrey muttered, forcing Penny to lie back with a cool cloth before leaving to fetch a few other things. 

Penny’s insides squirmed, she felt awful. The sensation of something pressing against her brain was the worst part. It was almost like an intruder had taken up residence and was trying to force its way into every crevice in her head while her brain throbbed in protest. She had always wondered what it had been like, Voldemort coming after Harry. She had not imagined she had been near Harry, or that her and her mother could have gone free. Why would Voldemort have said that and why was he so bent on killing Harry, a baby? It made no sense to her. Penny had been reluctant to share that information with Harry, unsure how he would have taken it, or whether he already knew-- _Voldemort only wanted him._

Madam Pomfrey allowed Penny to leave with enough time to make it to the quidditch pitch for their first game of the season. Draco was already there with the others and they were breaking into rotations. 30 or so had shown up. They’d have enough time to play two games, meaning almost everyone had a chance to play.

“I’ll sit this one out, Madam Pomfrey says I can’t fly,” Penny offered when it came to deciding teams.

“Is it true you actually fainted in DADA?” Draco smirked.

“I haven’t been feeling well,” Penny scowled. 

“Did the unforgivable curses scare you?” 

The Slytherins all snickered, but the other students looked curious, as did Professor Snape. 

“Real funny Malfoy, better stop now or I will join the game and knock you off your broom.”

“Alright, alright, but tell me, do you remember it You-Know-Who killing your--”

“Get on your broom now Mr. Malfoy and start this game or I am rescinding the gift of my time,” Snape cut across him, his lips barely moving.

The fury in his eyes startled Penny, and Malfoy too because he jumped into the air, leaving her alone with Snape. He turned his dark eyes on Penny, his expression almost pained, like her face was a torment to him. 

Feeling uncomfortable, Penny moved past him and took a seat in the bleachers to watch the match, though she cared little for what was going on. She touched her red hair, thinking of the sound, that sound, of her mother hitting the floor. She pushed the image from her mind, afraid it would make her woozy again. From the corner of her eye she saw Snape make his way towards her and take a seat somewhat beside her, but with enough distance to ignore her if he wanted to. 

“If you are still feeling ill from the other day, you should have come to me,” Snape said in an angry tone.

Penny snorted uncontrollably, immediately realizing how rude it was of her when his eyes flashed dangerously in her direction. 

“Is that an apology? Or are you afraid everyone will think you’re trying to kill me?” she jested. 

His face darkened and eyes narrowed, but he slid the distance between them, extending a hand out for her own. She stared at it confused, and slightly afraid.

“Let me check your pulse,” he said with an eye roll.

“Oh,” Penny said, obeying the request.

His skin was surprisingly warm to the touch and he held her very gently, turning her hand over to check her pulse. His smooth skin on hers made her heart thump faster, and she became embarrassed that he could hear it too. She never felt like she could hide much from the man, but she had never before felt this exposed. Her heart was betraying her anxiety, her confusion, her youth. 

“What seems to be the problem, other than the obvious look of death,” he asked, observing her critically, his fingers still holding her wrists.

“It’s just been a strange couple of days, and I don’t even think it’s related, but my head, I can’t shake the feeling I’m not the only one in my head. I feel this constant drain, this intrusion. . .” she said, lost for words. 

Snape’s eyebrows contracted towards his hairline, and his mouth creased more so than normal. 

“I have not heard of a reaction to the withering draught addling the brain. . .”

“My brain isn’t addled!” Penny fumed, trying to yank her hand away from his, but he held tight to it, his lips twitching. 

“There is a method I know for relief, but it’s. . .unorthodox,” Snape said slowly, releasing her wrist. 

“That doesn’t sound sketchy,” Penny said, still perturbed by the man. 

Her skin felt like it was vibrating where he touched her. She rubbed it subconsciously, wondering what it was. 

“It’s a branch of magic most aren’t trained in.”

Even though she felt unsettled by Snape and certain this would only result in him continuing to gain the upper-hand, she could not refuse the possibility of relief. 

“Yeah, okay, I suppose you can’t make it any worse,” Penny said with a shrug.

Snape appeared satisfied, but did not move away from Penny again. “Were you just trying to get out of Mad-Eye's class by fainting, I assure you I'd have the utmost sympathy if you did,” he said, considering her for a moment. 

Cheeks red in embarrassment, Penny looked away. 

“No. Professor Moody was, erm, introducing us to the unforgivable curses,”

“Of course he was,” Snape replied in a sharp tone. 

He waited for her to finish and when she said nothing, he pressed, “And?”

“And, yeah, I fainted when he performed the killing curse,” Penny replied annoyed, staring decidedly away from the man, “I heard her. . .I heard _him_ kill her,” she finished in barely more than a whisper.

The horror of the truth of it swept across her body, leaving her covered in goosebumps. She suddenly felt very much alone on the quidditch pitch and the evening breeze much too cold. Snape’s prolonged silence distracted her for a moment, and she turned to face him. His eyes were cold, distant, and unseeing. There was pain in his eyes, a pain that Penny also felt in her own heart. Without a thought, she laid her hand on top of his. She did not meet his eyes, turning instead to look in the other direction. Snape said nothing, but he also did not move his hand away from hers, she almost thought she felt it relax beneath her.

Snape was infuriating, but he, more than anyone else, understood. There was nothing to be said, nothing that could be said. Instead, he was just there, he had always been there and Penny wanted him to remain so. 


	4. With Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does Snape even know what he feels? I imagine hiding it and wanting to spend more time with Penny is a hard thing to balance! But is he jealous?? Only time will tell.

Penny was standing in the dimly lit potions classroom, a pile of grimy looking ingredients, labels worn off, waiting for her. Her head throbbed uncomfortably, and she rubbed her forehead in an attempt to make it go away. Looking at what would be hours of work, she groaned inwardly. She still had Transfiguration and History of Magic reading to complete by tomorrow. 

“Sit,” said Snape, motioning to a seat across from his desk,

She did as she was told and waited for him to whisk around the desk to face her. 

“The method for helping the symptoms you have mentioned is known as Legilimency and Occlumency. It is the means for entering someone’s mind and the ability to keep someone out of your mind.”

“What! You can do that?” Penny said, suddenly paranoid.

Snape nodded, his dark eyes feeling suddenly threatening looking back at her. Had he intruded into her thoughts? Was he there, at this very moment, listening to her turmoil? 

“The thoughts of 14 year-olds are very dull, you can put to rest your worry I have every bothered to look,” Snape said in an almost bored tone.

“How chivalrous of you,” said Penny, feeling relieved. She had definitely committed plagiarism a few times for Harry, the last thing she needed was Snape finding out and tormenting Harry any more than he already did. 

“However, this will require you to open yourself me, so I can find the source of the problem and help strengthen your mind. This should relieve the feeling of intrusion you have described,” he said, interlacing his fingers delicately, watching her closely.

It seemed straightforward enough to Penny, but she did not understand what was causing the pain or why it had started so suddenly. She heard the nagging voice of her brother in her ear, demanding explanations, reasons, and causes, more information that Snape may be conveniently withholding, but Penny found she just didn’t care. It was nearly impossible to remain focused with the continual buzzing that had developed and was on the verge of making her want to scream. It was only the start of term and she already had so many things to catch up on, choir started tomorrow and she had not even considered what their show this year would be. Penny needed the exhaustion gone, she needed the use of her brain back. 

“If I agree to this, what are you capable of accessing while inside my head,” Penny finally replied in a suspicious tone.

“That is up to you. It depends on your ability to control your emotions. Anything you think of will be shared with me.”

“Lucky I am not Harry and have impeccable control of my emotions, but I do have secrets not fit for the delicate eyes of my professor, so steer clear,” Penny said, leaning back in her chair, her arms on the back of her head and a grin spreading across her face.

His eyes flashed like they did when she reminded him of her father. Unamused and borderline vindictive, Snape pulled out his wand, laid it in front of her and leaned forward.

“Shallow minds have the least to hide,” he said cooly. 

“That explains a lot about you then,” Penny said, shifting forward in her seat, as though accepting his challenge. 

“Lets see then, legilimens!” he said, pointing his wand at her more quickly than she thought possible, 

Penny’s head exploded with pressure. Something was pressing its way inside of her skull, unkindly brutalizing every fiber of her brain. She screamed, her mind pushing against it, but it was no use. She thought she could still see the classroom but at the same time she also saw nothing but the darkness pushing against her. And then it stopped, and she was panting, staring blurry eyed at Snape. He stared at her a moment, his features perturbed. 

“Dear me, did I forget to mention it will hurt less if you think about opening your mind to me,” he said with a smirk.

“How kind of you to share that tidbit of information after making my skull feel like it would explode,” she said wryly.

“We will try again, this time focus,” he demanded.

Penny took a deep breath and focused on him, trying to brace herself for the pain she expected to come.

“Legilimens!”

This time Penny searched for the familiarity of Snape. It started as a nudge somewhere in the back of her head, as though a door separated her from Snape. She felt the angry pressure, raging against the knocking, trying to drown it out.The effort at which the presence ragged against her filled her head with pain, making it nearly impossible to focus in Snape. But then his hand was on hers, sending pleasant ways of electricity through her. Penny focused on the warm hand, searching for the place Snape was. Her mind relaxed as his thumbs made small circles on her skin. He was soothing and Penny trusted him.

And then he was there. She saw him in front of her, but he was also inside her, observing himself through her eyes. The feeling was strange and Penny became overly aware of a cascade of thoughts and emotions towards the man. Pushing aside the onslaught she did not fancy sharing with him, she focused instead on the relief that emanated from Snape’s presence. He moved through her mind gently, almost tenderly. It wasn’t until he stumbled on the pressure that Penny yelped in pain. Whatever it was, it did not like Snape, and tried to retreat further into the recesses of her mind. The pain of it made Penny physically recoil. She wanted to pull away from Snape, break the connection, but his hand pressed firmly against hers, reminding her not to fight against him. Taking a deep breath, she cleared her mind of all thought, and a moment later the fleeing intruder had disappeared, and it was just her and Snape looking back at each other.

Penny fell backwards in her chair, feeling faint, trying to grab onto anything to keep steady. Snape was beside her in a flash, kneeling down and wiping her face with a cool cloth he had conjured. She had not realized how hot she felt, or that she was panting like she run a marathon.

“That drained a lot of your magic, that’s why you feel unsteady.” he said, waving his wand and causing a small bottle filled with a bright purple liquid to zoom towards him. 

He opened it, and held it under her nose. “Breathe deep”

It smelled like peppermint and cold winter days. It filled her lungs and eased her racing heart. Penny still felt very dizzy, the entire room seemed to be tipping sideways, making her feel sick. She closed her eyes, trying to feel normal.

“I just want to lay down in the dark,” Penny said, trying not to throw up.

“Come on,” he said, almost lifting her to her feet.

Penny clung to his arm, trying hard to convince her legs to move. She stumbled with Snape to his fire where he tossed some powder into it, causing the flames to burn brightly green. They walked through them and arrived in his office. He conjured a small cot in the corner and laid her down. He stared down at her for a long moment as though conflicted. He seemed to settle on laying the cloth on her forehead. They didn’t say anything to each other. Penny was afraid she’d spew all over him. She stared up, trying to find the dark eyes, but they swam across her vision, so she closed them, clutching the side of her bed for comfort. She listened to the sound of his footsteps trail away from her. 

Laying there, she wondered what she had just experienced and if this would be a normal occurrence. Maybe Harry was right, she needed to take a breather for a while. Penny did 'too much' because when all was quiet, when there wasn’t the next thing ‘to do,’ she had to think about who she was and who she wanted to be. Being the ‘other’ Potter bothered her more than she let Harry know. While she loved him more than anyone else, she had felt out of place in his life since they came to Hogwarts. Harry knew who he was as did everyone else. He was happy with the way his life was, with his friends. Penny on the other hand always felt like something was missing, a sense of loneliness. It pushed her to fill her time, to read, to be the person always bringing people together. But everyone already belonged to groups and Penny would always be the person who simply moved through them. 

Her eyes fluttered open, the room appeared to be still. It was dim, the only light coming from a candle sitting on Snape’s desk where he sat with a pile of parchment. He seemed to be grading, and unamused with the work before him. His eyes narrowed and he scowled at the paper, and then hastily scribbled over the work, moving onto the next. His black hair fell over his shoulder and he took a deep breath in, looking more relaxed than Penny had ever seen him before. Penny’s heart felt at ease. For some reason, whenever the man was around, Penny’s life made sense, she felt a little less lonely around him. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of Snape, wanting to be able to stay just a little bit longer. Without realizing it, she dozed off to sleep, her methodic breathing causing Snape to turn away from his paper. He observed her much in the same way she had him, the world quiet and his eyes full of regret.

* * *

The sun was bright the next morning, and the Great Hall was full of noise. Everyone was excited for the arrival of the two other schools later in the evening. A group of 6th year girls sitting next to Penny giggled, wondering out loud if the newcomers would be cute or not. 

“Late night,” Ron grinned, taking up residence beside her. 

Penny nodded, not really wanting to talk about the details of her evening. 

He reached over her for the porridge and four scones. “Too bad you’ll miss the arrival of the schools tonight,” he went on, inhaling a scone.

Penny groaned, remembering she would indeed be relabeling and cleaning the pile of disgusting ingredients she had seen lain out for her yesterday. Snape would not let her off twice and would likely have her make up yesterday's work. She used up all his kindness falling asleep in his office. He had somehow returned her to her bed at some point, which Penny was very thankful for. She slept amazingly and woke up feeling 100 percent herself again. 

Just when Penny was about to head towards double potions with the Slytherins, Hedwig soared in and landed in front of her, extending her leg with the letter she carried. Penny patted her on the head and took the letter before running after Harry Ron and Hermione. 

“Who’s that from?” Harry asked, glancing at the letter in her arm.

Penny looked down to see her herself, “It’s from Lupin!” 

“What’d he write to you for,” said Ron. 

“Oh seriously Ronald? She was friends with him last year,” Hermione said.

“Yeah, but he was a teacher, isn’t that a bit, weird?”

Hermione rolled her eyes.

“Why would that be weird? I wrote to him all summer, he gave me an amazing reading list,” Penny said perplexed.

“That was marvelous, did you finish _Hexes in Hungary?_ ” Hermione said, cutting across Ron before he could respond.

“How’d you get her book list from Lupin?” Ron said, looking from one to the other.

“I sent it to her, of course. We wrote to each other about them all summer,” Penny replied.

Ron rounded on Hermione, “How come you didn’t write to me all summer?” he demanded. 

“Because it’s like talking to yourself when the only response isn’t even a complete paragraph,” said Hermione cooly. 

Annoyed, Ron walked in and took his seat next to Harry. Chuckling to herself, Penny rushed off to her seat, hoping to read some of her letter before Snape arrived.

_Dear Penny,_

_It is lovely to hear your detailed thoughts on the booklist I wrote for you. I am also delighted you shared it with Hermione and found discussing them an enjoyable pass-time for a dull summer. Your analysis of Milly Mae’s 'Bogarts, Boxcars and the Imagination' was particularly impressive. It is evident you have your father's talent, but I think you have a particular gift for writing. The essay was one of the best I have seen and I was wondering, with some revision, if you would allow me to have Dumbledore submit it to the Daily Prophet? They accept student work, and often do student profiles on the writers. I have attached my thoughts and suggestions. . ._

The elation Penny felt in her heart at his words was cut short by a pale hand snatching the letter from her.

“A love letter?” Draco said, a grin across his face.

“Does that make you jealous, Malfoy?”

“I like a challenge, but let's see who my competitor is,” he said, scanning the paper. 

He burst out laughing when his eyes stopped on the name. “That halfbreed,” he sneered.

“Don’t call him that!” Penny hissed reaching to take back her letter.

Malfoy kept it just out of reach, baiting Penny into his space. Irritated, she didn’t care as she half climbed over him to reach it. Her fingers almost curled around it when a slim hand took it. She looked up into the face of Severus Snape. He scanned the two of them, “It is class time, you can flirt later,” Snape said coolly. 

“Please sir, that’s my letter,” said Penny, returning to her seat.

“And you are in no need of it now, unless you think the words of--” he scanned the paper, his lip curling “Remus Lupin cannot wait for later.” 

The class began murmuring loudly, the last thing Penny needed was them speculating about her relationship with a previous professor. Snape seemed satisfied with himself, and moved briskly to his desk where he laid the letter and then wrote the day's task on the board. Annoyed, Penny set to task and gathered her ingredients. The _Confusing Concoction_ they were brewing was fairly straight forward. The brewing of it almost bored Penny. It was a little fiddly, but there was nothing about it that Penny did not already know. She glanced at Snape’s desk, thinking of the letter Lupin wrote her.

When Lupin was a professor at Hogwarts, Penny had loved discussing schoolwork with him. They met weekly and he often went out of his way to find things that might interest her. Lupin really inspired Penny, and unlike Snape, did not find it hard to be open, and tell her what he thought of her and all she accomplished. What he had written in his letter, it excited and motivated her. He really thought she had written something others might care to read. 

Sighing, she glanced over at Malfoy’s pot, it looked respectable, albeit a little thinner than the instructions described it should be. Snape was making his rounds, glancing in cauldrons and inducing anxiety. “Are we boring you Ms. Potter?” he said when he finally stopped at her table.

“A bit,” she replied too honestly. 

“Let me help you with that,” he hissed, and dumped the entire contents of sandalwood into her cauldron.

“Hey!” Penny yelled, jumping up from her stupor. “You just sabotaged my entire concoction, it was perfect!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, did you see anything Mr. Malfoy?” Snape said, looking at Draco.

“No sir, Penny’s concoction looked like that before you arrived,” he said in a convincing tone. 

Infuriated and biting her tongue, Penny glanced at the clock deciding to start again. She refused to take a 0 for the day, even if it meant she would miss lunch. When the class had finished, Harry gave her a clasp on the shoulder and left for lunch. She didn't look at Snape, too angry for words. He had blatantly ruined her potion, something he didn’t even stoop to in tormenting Harry. However, he said nothing when she remained at the end of class. Evidently, even he could only push Penny so far. All she had wanted to do with her time was finish reading her letter and see the suggestions Lupin had made, but of course any mention of Lupin had angered Snape. He hated the man almost as much as he hated Penny’s father, and any correspondence with him required punishment. Snape left her alone until she approached his desk with her completed offering. He ignored her, continuing with the paper he was grading. In no mood for the game, she tipped over his ink bottle.

“Sorry, my hand slipped,”

"If you're not careful mine might also slip, Ms. Potter," Snape said, dangling her letter over the puddle of ink.

"Penny," she corrected, her eyes watching his hand anxiously.  
  
"In this school we use proper formality, but of course you assume you are above that."  
  
"Alright Severus, I see you are upset about not being included. But as I have argued before, the use of surnames is archaic, not polite, " she said sardonically. 

His eyes flashed at the utterance of his first name. Penny couldn't tell if he wanted to murder her, or if he rather liked it.   
  
"I am your Professor--"

"Don't lecture me after you just abused that title to ruin my work and make me stay during my lunch. If you were lonely, you could have just asked me to stay," Penny cut across him. 

His face burned red with anger and he stood. "Get out!"

"Not until you give my a fair grade and then I shall do whatever you like, sir!" And she thrust her Confusing Concoction towards him. He took it with a shaking hand, scribbled a grade on his clipboard before looking back up at her.

"That wasn't so hard was it. Next time try and assign a potion that isn't so rudimentary, and I imagine we will both hav a better time," she said, snatching her letter and marching towards the door.

Her Confusing Concoction hit the wall just to the left of her, apparently Snape was angry enough to throw things, and Penny was not game enough to even look back, slamming the door shut behind her. Returning for detention at 6 would not be pleasant...

Penny made it halfway down the corridor when she stopped and looked back down at the letter in her hand

_They accept student work, and often do student profiles on the writers. I have attached my thoughts and suggestions. If you are interested, please send back your revision and I will do the rest._

_I am sorry to hear your aunt and uncle, but glad you and Harry can get out of the house and find ways to occupy your time. I completely understand your attachment to Hogwarts, it was the first place that felt like home for me as well. By now you are already back there, and I wish you a great first term, I hear exciting things are happening and look forward to hearing about your busy year._

_As for me, I worked on my garden this summer, Hagrid supplied me with some amazing, albeit dangerous, specimens to grow. I’ve added some of the photos. Try not to worry too much about snuffles, he will write when he can. I will try and make a trip to Hogsmede on one of your free weekends, it would be nice to see you and Harry. I’ll send you more info when it gets closer. For now, study hard, and stay out of trouble!_

_With love,_

_Remus Lupin._

Happiness soared in Penny’s chest. Not even Snape could ruin her good mood. She turned over the envelope and looked through a series of photos of a small cottage, in front of which was a garden. There were some photos of Hagrid carrying what looked to be a man eating plant, and one of Lupin smiling at the camera. next to a sunflower. He looked less tired than he had while at Hogwarts, and very handsome. But Penny had always thought he was handsome, although that could have been her bias. In her mind's eye, there was no better person than Lupin. She read his letter several more times while she walked to the library. She intended to start revising during her free period. On one hand Penny wanted to make him proud, but she also was greedy and wanted to hear from him again. Hogwarts was a bit diminished without him and she missed his company sorely. Her third year had been a very happy time for her, while her fourth year seemed to be shaping up to be a complete nightmare. 


	5. Under Pressure Precious Things Can Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think of Snape as a very clumsy character, emotionally. He is desperate for redemption, but getting there is a hard process for him. His nature remains the same, and I think his anger is something he does not always want to overcome.
> 
> Does Snape find Penny's presence to be a second chance, or is she simply a reminder of past failure and pain? 
> 
> But really, watcha hiding on your forearm Snape? ;)

Penny’s reading load was at crisis level by the time the afternoon rolled around. It would likely require an all nighter with her first drama club meeting of the term and then detention with Snape. It was a highly inconvenient time to be in trouble, especially when all she wanted to do was devote her time to the rewriting of her essay. It needed to be perfect, her OCD was getting the better of her and she made very little progress in the library. 

Autumn days were always sunny and only mildly chilly which meant the production would meet in the courtyard with professor Flitwick to brainstorm what they would perform for Christmas. Fred and George always managed to steal snacks from the kitchens, and everyone spent a better part of an hour laughing and engaging in various forms of improv while others scribbled the ideas on piles of parchment.

“Madam” George said, taking Penny’s hand. He was wearing very old, emerald robes made of velvet, and a crown. 

“Are we going to do a rendition of King George then,” Penny grinned, pondering how well all the beheadings would go over at Christmas. 

“The one man cast would bore our audience to death, we both know I have the acting talent in the family,” Fred said.

Penny turned to look at him, he was laying various delectable treats on a table in the middle of the courtyard, a pile of costumes sitting next to him. The props were always Penny’s favorite part of their shows. Fred and George had a serious talent when it came to stage managing. She relied on them more than anyone else to ensure everything went smoothly and everyone was entertained. They had been first to sign up for her club and were the reason they had a fanbase now. Naturally, everyone liked them with their ability to become so many different characters. 

“Let me snack early, I missed lunch,” Penny said, snatching a pumpkin pastry from George. 

“Better get used to it, in your 5th year you will never have time to eat with preparation for OWLs.” said George, jumping onto the cement ledge near the table. 

“I don’t envy you,” said Penny.

“Like we worry ourselves with OWLs, we are too busy working on an aging potion,” said Fred, nonchalantly.

“You two actually want to compete?” 

“Of course,” they replied in unison. 

A group of 5th year Ravenclaws entered the courtyard before Penny could respond, they were laughing boisterously. Moments after them, more students began trickling in until there were about 50 or so interested students in the courtyard. Professor Flitwick arrived last, squealing with glee when he saw so many students. For the first 20 minutes they all snacked and chatted, Penny finding a place by Cedric Diggory, a handsome 7th year Hufflepuff. Penny liked him, he was charming and made for the stage. Unfortunately, so did everyone else, he was very popular, especially with the girls. He liked chatting to Penny after they played leading roles together in their last production. They had probably spent more time bursting into hysterical fits of laughter than actually reciting their lines. They had been cast as Matteous Conway and Paisley Prue in a play named _Carrying Conway,_ a somewhat alternate universe Romeo and Juliet where Paisley is raised in a pure blood family, but is not pure blood herself and falls for Matteous, who is set to wed a very high ranking pure-blood woman. 

Cedric and Penny had a hard time taking their romantic lines seriously, and spent much of their time pranking each other. Even Fred and George believed the show doomed until the day of their full run through before the actual performance. As it turned out, Penny and Cedric had amazing chemistry, a chemistry a lot of people murmured about. Their performance had been so convincing that Penny had been exiled by Cedric’s fan club, who were distraught at the thought they were dating. It didn’t matter that Penny and Cedric had no interest in dating and returned to their absurd shenanigans as soon as their roles concluded.

The group spent the better part of 20 minutes laughing at the recounting of Cedric's very interesting summer and his silly father, but were forced apart by George, who dragged Penny over to Flitwick to begin working out who had musical talent and would be relegated to the choir, allowing for a count of available actors. The process actually ate up a lot of time, as names were taken, preferred roles written down, and availability determined. In the last five minutes, students wrote down and passed to Flitwick, any suggestions they had for what they should perform. With the hope being by their next meeting they could firmly agree on their show and then begin divvying up roles and writing the script. The thought of all the work made Penny want to groan, but she was always excited. Being back at Hogwarts, being creative, it made everything feel right and enthused her. She completely forgot the irritation of her morning and was happy to get plotting with Fred and George about how to blow the show out of the water, after all they had two foreign schools to impress, everyone would be bringing their best. 

By the time dinner rolled around Penny was desperate, but also starving. She needed to get reading her transfiguration text or she would not be ready for the next day’s lesson. Cedric agreed to help her hide from the Gryffindor table and her brother, who would, no doubt, not allow her to read. He threw his cloak over her and invited her to sit at the Hufflepuff table. The other boys in his year greeted her with handsome smiles (she had not realized that so many attractive people were sorted into Hufflepuff,) and left her alone when Cedric informed them she was hiding. 

Her feet on the bench, she leaned back against Cedric, absorbed in her book, a pastrami and tomato sandwich in her hand. The noisy Great Hall seemed to fade into the distance and for a short-while. But then, from the corner of her eye, she saw a dark figure walking towards the staff table, and her gaze turned. Snape was making his way briskly to his seat. He looked less angry than he had before, but by no means did he seem to be in a good mood. His black eyes trailed over the Great Hall, landing on the Gryffindor table. His lip curled, indicating his eyes had fallen upon her brother, he reserved that look only for Harry. But then he moved from the right to the left, searching for something. Was he searching for her? Penny wasn't sure why the thought gave her satisfaction. She liked knowing she wasn’t the only one who went through these meal time rituals. She wondered vaguely if he would locate her, and whether he would give her a disapproving look. Glancing at the time, she quickly returned to her book, Snape would eat for a good thirty minutes and then she would be expected for her detention. 

“If Ced isn’t the champion I’ll eat my hat,” one boy said loudly, jostling Cedric and knocking Penny’s book from her hands.

Cedric leaned down and grabbed it for her, “Sorry about that,” he said.

“No worries, Are you going to put your name in the cup?”

“Of course,” he grinned. 

“I hope you get beat by a girl.” 

“No chance of that, you’re too young to enter.”

Penny rolled her eyes, poking him in his side, “There aren't a lot of girls in your year, are there?”

“No, there aren’t” Cedric replied in a sulky voice, causing Penny to burst out laughing.

“Well, I’m sure all us younger girls will gladly cheer you on as our champion, just don’t let us lose the cup!” Penny said, handing him back his cloak and packing her bag.

Snape was already headed towards the double doors, and if she did not follow closely behind him he would no doubt consider her late. 

“You cheering me on instead of telling me what to do? I could look forward to that,” Cedric said, waving as she sprinted after Snape.

The damn man was so tall, making his strides much longer than hers. She only managed to catch him when he reached his classroom, waving the door open. He glanced sideways at her and then entered without a word. Penny’s heart leapt in her chest, was she afraid to follow after him, or excited? The two emotions seemed so easily confused when Snape was present. He stood just inside, holding the door open, waiting for her. When she entered he snapped it shut behind her and walked to the table piled with all the old ingredients she had seen the night before. 

“You will be sorting these to determine what is still of use. Then you’ll wash and re-label them _with no magic_ ,” he said.

“Is that all,” Penny replied sarcastically. The pile was ginormous and she did not much fancy trying to determine if they were past their expiration date.

“I can always find more for you to do,” he said delicately, eyes flashing dangerously. 

“Let’s just start with this.”

Penny began her slow work. Most of the ingredients looked rancid, but she had to uncork them to be certain. The smell of many of them was awful enough to make her sick. Yet, some of them were ingredients she had never heard of and she found herself intrigued.

“Erm, Professor,” she said tentatively. 

He looked up from what he was doing, indicating he was listening. 

“Can I have some parchment and a quill,”

“Why?” Snape said, brows furrowed. 

“I’d like to make a list of some of these ingredients, to look up later.” 

With a flick of his wand he obliged her, sending a quill and parchment soaring in her direction. With it in hand, Penny began her list, writing several notes about the texture, smell, and physical appearance of many of the ingredients. Penny worked meticulously, sorting the one’s she thought she could identify and those she did not recognize. Then she worked through subcategories of ‘expired,’ ‘possibly expired,’ and ‘obviously good.’ 

When she had labeled and cleaned the ones she knew, she collected the one’s she didn’t and headed towards Snape’s desk, parchment also in hand. She dumped the pile and sat down.

“Ms. Potter, these were on _that_ table so as to contain the mess that you have now poured all over my working space,” Snape said looking unamused. 

“You looked like you needed a break from the paper you were scowling at,” Penny said with a shrug. 

“They are from your year, not a very bright lot you are,” he said smoothly, pushing the papers aside. 

“If you can find something wrong with my essay, I’ll date Malfoy.”

“I was under the impression you already were, did he find out about you and the Diggory boy then?” 

“The only relationship I am in is with my school work,” Penny said, offended. She really wanted her Malfoy problem to go away, but her bargain loomed over her head, reminding her Draco would have his chance.

“But really professor, Cedric Diggory? I thought you were more observant than that.”

“It is you who are disillusioned, but it’s probably for the best, it is evident you have no talent for romance. The boy will find another girl to amuse him once he gets over you,” Snape said in a bored tone, reaching for one of the bottles. 

“Be careful not to project your own feelings towards women on Cedric,” Penny replied coolly. His assumption she was a play thing had irritated her. 

“Am I to endure another lecture on the worth of women? If you do not wish to be an object, stop hanging off all the boys in the castle as one,” he said with a contemptuous smile. 

“It’s the boys who look pretty on my arm, and the more the merrier.”

He studied her down his hooked nose. His vein throbbed in the side of his head. How he was mad was beyond her, he had basically slut shamed her when she hadn’t even kissed anyone yet. It was always a power struggle with him, but at the same time, his anger also appeared conflicted. His dark eyes examined her face, searching for something she knew nothing of. 

“This is Devil's Flower, it is normally a vibrant fuchsia, but the longer it sits the more the vitamin c is released, diminishing the color to this state. It is virtually useless like this and is normally only good for 2 years after harvesting,” he said, choosing to ignore her remark.

Grabbing her parchment, Penny wrote furiously. “What does it look like when it’s harvested?” she asked, glancing back up.

Rubbing his temples, Snape sighed. He gave into her curiosity and reached for her quill, his soft fingers brushing her own. Again, she felt the jolt of electricity between them. He did not seem disturbed by it and began sketching for her. But she could not shake the feeling, or the need to know what it was and if he felt it too.

“Didn’t you feel that,” said Penny.

“Feel what,” Snape said, not looking away from his drawing.

“This!” Penny said, reaching for his hand. 

The quill dropped from his hand as she took hold of it with her left hand, her right stroking his pale, smooth skin tentatively. It was cool, but the vibration gave her a sense of warmth. Staring at his hand intently, as though she would be able to suddenly see the source of the feeling, she continued to brush the delicate skin. Snape said nothing, his body very stiff in his chair. Penny flipped it over and began tracing the lines on his palm. The sensation was so very pleasant, but she did not understand it, she had never felt anything like it. Why did she feel it only with Snape? Why had it never occurred when anyone else touched her? Plenty of attractive, young men had been in her space and never felt remotely connected to them.

Curiosity getting the best of her, she trailed her fingers towards his wrist, touching the bright blue vein that pulsed with life. Before she could move any further towards the forearm hidden beneath his long sleeve, a pincer-like hand grabbed her roughly, stopping her in her tracks.

“That’s quite enough of that,” he said in a low voice, prying her off him.   
He sat straighter, putting distance between them. He looked angry and also a little unnerved. 

“You didn’t answer me,” Penny said, rubbing her wrist. Angry red marks had popped up where his fingers had grabbed her unkindly.

“Am I to understand you expected me to not feel you touching my hand.” 

“That’s not--

“What’s the matter, your boy-toys not giving you enough to satiate your ego? I have zero interest in entertaining your attention seeking,” Snape said, looking down at her with contempt. 

“Are you that afraid of vulnerability that you could say that with any conviction,” Penny fumed.

“Are you so self-absorbed you cannot even see yourself and your ridiculous behavior!” he said, his face as red as a cherry tomato. 

“You would let a grudge against my dad make you this petty? I’ve spent more hours here than anywhere else in this castle!”

“I am well aware of all the hours of my time that have been wasted on indulging your pretentious pursuits of learning,” said Snape, his voice cutting. 

The pain his words evoked cut across her chest, stinging her at her core. His face was contorted, more irate than she had ever seen him. He was almost scary to look at, and more than anything, he emanated a hatred that made her want to run out of his office and put as much distance between them as she could. She nodded, swallowing hard against her emotions. Standing, she looked down at the table, no longer able to look at the man. And then she turned and moved wordlessly towards the door. One foot in front of the other, back straight, trying desperately to leave with what was left of her dignity, but a moment later she was sprinting, unable to stop herself. 

The door swung open, Snape yelling something behind her that she couldn’t make out. She just kept moving, letting her loud heart and aching lungs distract her from the feeling in her chest--the horrible empty sensation. She had seen what he thought of her, how he had perceived all the time she spent with him. Penny existed in some delusion, was it ego, as he accused? Every moment they shared felt like some sort of lie, a lie that ate away the parts of herself she thought she understood. When Hogwarts felt lonely, when her brother was busy and there was no one waiting for her, there had always been potions. Snape was a distant and surly man by nature, but he had never turned her away. Had she always just intruded on his time and been willfully ignorant of his feelings about it? Penny pushed the thought aside, trying to force her humiliation from her heart. She laid down in her four-poster bed, the other girls already asleep. It was likely past midnight and all was silent, except for the sound of Penny trying to choke away her emotions, refusing to let them surface.

She never wanted to go back, something felt broken inside her--Snape had never been her friend. 


	6. More Teaching and Less Tormenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My summer vacation is almost over and I'll be back in full time college :( SO I am trying to post as much as possible before then!
> 
> Snape isn't incapable of apologies, we know that. But he isn't exactly great at them, and he has been burned.

It was the longest first week of term in Penny’s short life. It felt more like a month had passed, and she wanted nothing more than the weekend to get away from everyone and catch up on her homework. She had managed to hide out in the hospital wing on Thursday, avoiding even her brother, but was forced to face her obligations come the rising sun of Friday. 

Penny made the executive decision to eat her breakfast in the kitchens in order to avoid the Great Hall and the tirade of people who would inevitably ask her how she was. She did not feel like she had the energy to keep up pretenses. The sting of Snape’s words had not faded, and Penny found they had greatly diminished her joy in many things. She tried several times to do her homework, but found herself unable to focus, and ended up tossing her books. Because of her track record and night spent in the Hospital Wing, she managed to receive extensions from her professors but she dared not ask Snape for one. With more willpower than she knew she was capable of, she finished her foot long essay, but with very little enthusiasm. The topic seemed to just depress her. Thankfully the kitchens were loud and prodded her from her sulking. Dobby greeted her with enough enthusiasm to make the other house elves offended.

“Mistress Potter, how pleased Dobby is to see you!” he squeaked. 

“Hi Dobby, I like your hat!” Penny said, trying to sound more enthusiastic than she felt. 

“Mistress is very kind, what can Dobby do to thank her?”

“I just wanted to eat my breakfast down here, if that’s okay,” 

Dobby’s eyes lit up with glee and he and a group of other elves prepared a very decadent array of offerings, complete with the most amazing espresso Penny had every tasted in her life. While she ate, Dobby told her of his time at Hogwarts and how he spent his days. He also spoke about her brother and how much he missed him. Penny promised to tell Harry and to have him visit, which made Dobby very happy. When she finished, she told Dobby how much she enjoyed the meal and the coffee, causing the elf to almost burst into tears. She gave him a hug, and then forced her legs to move her towards double potions.

Penny had not laid eyes on Snape since she left his office. Admittedly, she was nervous what his reaction in class would be, and even more so of her own. She still felt embarrassed for running away like a child. The classroom was empty except for Neville when Penny arrived. She had planned it this way, hoping to take the seat beside Neville before anyone noticed anything was different. When she sat down Neville looked at her with wide eyes.

“Penny! How are you doing, I heard you were unwell.”

“Good morning Neville, I’m doing better, still a bit off. Do you mind if I sit with you today? It'll help my dizziness,” Penny replied with a small smile.

“Of course not, especially after what you did for me,” Neville said with an apologetic blush.

“Don’t worry about it, Snape should do more teaching and less tormenting.”

“He does enough for you,” Neville said quietly, “you’re amazing at potions.”

“We all learn differently, I’d be upset to think that my success at potions made you feel like you can’t learn. Snape isn’t exactly gifted when it comes to teaching. But if you ever want someone to study with, count me in,” Penny said, feeling sad hearing Neville’s words.

Her invitation seemed to cheer him up. The rest of the class milled in, Harry spotting her as soon as he entered. Sometimes it felt like their twin brains felt each other and honed in on the other. Penny remembered one time she had gotten lost in a market while shopping with Aunt Petunia. She had been crying next to a fruit stand, looking at a sea of people, none of them her family. And then out of nowhere she felt that Harry was approaching and she ran towards the feeling until they found each other at a sausage vendor. Harry and her brushed it off as ‘one of those twin things' but they often forgot how strange it was, and after three years at Hogwarts had definitely weirded out many of their friends with it.

“I thought Snape killed you,” Harry said looking bewildered.

“I wish. Just an early cold I guess,” Penny replied, trying to avoid the scrutiny of his eyes. 

Before he could respond, Snape entered the room and Harry retreated to his seat, not wanting to be free prey for whatever mood the Potions Master was likely to be in. Snape walked to the front of the class, glancing at Penny’s empty seat before turning and scanning the room. Her chin resting on her hand, Penny looked towards the wall, not wanting to meet his gaze when he discovered her at the back. Saying nothing, he waved his wand for the day’s task and then began moving around the room to collect their papers. Penny nearly snorted with laughter when she looked at his assignment. It surely had to be a joke that he had written _Beautification Potion_ on the board. With the other schools taking up residence, providing new blood to lust after, many students would be interested in brewing this. But Penny could not believe Snape would indulge their teenage whims. 

Paranoid of running into Snape, Penny busied herself at the ingredients cabinet. However, when she returned her paper still sat where she had left it. Of course Snape had refused to take it, all he wanted to do was find a chance to torment her. The joke was on him because Penny wouldn’t take it to him if she didn’t have to--

“If I do not have your papers, you have one minute to bring them to my desk or they will not be accepted,” Snape said in a cool voice.

Raging inwardly, Penny was the only person to stand and march towards his desk. She stared at the floor, refusing to look the man in the face. 

“I must have missed yours,” Snape said smoothly.

Penny could feel his eyes on her, searching for hers. Shame and embarrassment kept her own away from his face. She extended her paper to him and said nothing. The seconds ticked by and he did not take the paper from her so she slammed it down on top of his pile and turned on her heel and left. He let her leave, remaining silent, but a few people were watching their exchange, murmuring curiously. As quickly as she could, Penny returned to her cauldron and began her brewing. It was complicated, the sort of challenge she would normally be elated to try her hand at, but she found herself unable to derive any joy out of the endeavor.  
  
She sighed, stirring her concoction casually, all around her people were sweating, muttering, and anxiously prodding their attempts. Penny felt so far away from all of them, as though she were trapped behind a screen, watching all her motions, but having no feelings attached to them. Neville kindly pulled her from this stupor, he was having a hard time with his potion and was on the verge of tears. She glanced at him and stopped him before he dropped a tablespoon instead of a teaspoon of ground mantis into his already catastrophic mess. 

“I think you may have gotten nervous and removed it from the heat when it began to bubble. It needs high heat for precisely ten minutes. I know, when it looks like it’s going to boil over, it seems like you should stop,” Penny said, peering into his cauldron. 

“Can I fix it?” Neville asked in a small voice.

“Do you see how the color is green? It’s because the proteins in it haven’t broken down. I think if you put it back on the heat for 5-7 minutes you might end up with something closer to what you’re looking for--then add the mantis.”

He gave her a thankful smile and returned to his work. Unfortunately, their conversation had caught the attention of Snape, “Is something wrong?” 

“No sir,” Neville answered in a shaking voice. 

“I wasn’t asking you,” Snape said with disdain, turning his gaze on Penny. 

She stared resolutely down at her potion and shook her head.

“Cat got your tongue? I did not catch your answer, _Penny,”_ said Snape, pausing on her name.

Penny’s insides twisted, his words felt like a cruel game, was he getting pleasure from her misery? She didn’t want to know, and still, for the life of her, could not look at the man. 

“No,” Penny managed to force out of her dry throat. 

“Then why does your Beautification Potion have a golden hue when it should be a pale yellow?” Snape pressed.

“I don’t know,” Penny replied quietly. 

“You don’t know?” Snape repeated. 

Penny didn’t answer, she knew what she had done wrong, she had been careless in her brewing, too preoccupied with the nerves that unsettled her stomach. All she wanted was for the bell to chime and free her from the agony, but the clock ticked so slowly as she watched it, still trying to avoid Snape’s gaze. Harry glanced at her, his eyes seeing more than she wanted to share. There was no pretending with him, and no doubt he would ask her about it as soon as class ended. 

“If you can’t _look at me_ and explain what went wrong in your potion, you are receiving a 0 for the day's work.” Snape said, delicately stressing the command to stop avoiding him. 

Penny’s insides churned, twisting into an uncomfortable knot. Her hand clenched on her utensil while she tried to muster her courage. She had perfect marks in all her classes, a 0 would make it impossible to keep that streak. Snape knew what he was doing, using Penny’s weakness against her. She opened her mouth several times to say something, but nothing came out. And then the memory of him and his angry face silenced her completely--“indulging your _pretentious pursuits of learning.”--_ She could only manage to shrug her shoulders. By this point in the exchange everybody had turned from their work stations to watch the two of them, most of them shocked at Penny’s unwillingness to answer a potions question.

“Please sir, it’s probably my fault, Penny spent some time helping me fix my own potion,” Neville blurted out bravely. 

“A lot of help it did a buffoon like you,” Snape sneered. 

“Don’t talk to him that way!” Penny said fiercely, finally looking at the man.

Snape looked taken aback by her sudden outburst, but somewhat satisfied he broke her resolve. 

“Excuse me?” he said dangerously.

“He’s not a buffoon, no one deserves to be spoken to that way when they’re just trying to learn, if you loathe teaching so much why be a professor.”

Ron whistled his approval and many of the other Gryffindors "here here'd" theirs while the Slytherins snickered. Snape ignored them, his eyes narrowed. He bent forward, “You will stay after class, and if you can’t fix _that_ , the 0 is yours,” he spat and then turned to finish his rounds before the other students started cleaning up. 

People were looking at Penny in confusion and awe, but they quickly returned to finishing their work and presenting it for grading. Neville grabbed her shoulder apologetically. Penny tried half-heartedly to fix her own work, but her brain would not focus. As everyone filed out, only she remained seated, staring at her potion as though willing it to be correct. Her heart thumped uncomfortably in her chest, her legs desiring to follow her peers from the room. Finally, the last two filed out and the door closed with a light _thump,_ leaving Penny alone with the person she least wanted to speak to.

She didn’t move, but remained at her station, waiting for the misery that was to come. His footsteps echoed in the room, they seemed absurdly loud, each one of them making her heart feel as though her chest would explode. He was before her, his pink knuckles moving into her field of vision. 

“This is the most abysmal piece of work I have ever seen you submit,” said Snape, checking the consistency with a ladle.

Penny knew it was true, but it did not hurt any less to hear him say it out loud. 

“What do you have to say for it."

“Nothing, I’ve just been unwell. . .” Penny muttered, fiddling with her bag. 

“If it’s your head again, I can take care of that,” he said, the threat in his voice evident as he produced his wand.

“No!” Penny said too forcefully, recoiling away from him in fear.

Penny wanted as many doors between her and Severus Snape as possible, not him in her mind, party to the turmoil he caused; a turmoil she would not be able to hide from him. She looked up at him in her fear, as though seeing him cast the spell would allow her to counter it. He made no move to do so, he merely peered down at her, his scathing eyes searching her face.

“I-I’m-I’m fine. Really.”

“Indeed,” he said, unconvinced. “As it stands, even your worst work is far above the rest of those imbeciles, and you managed to salvage that buffoon's potion. In my mercy, I will shall give you your points.”

“His name is Neville.”

“I am aware of that.”

“Don’t treat him that way,” Penny continued, her anger boiling in her chest. 

Snape’s mouth twitched ever so slightly, his hands pressed into the edge of the table and he bent towards her. “Why,” he hissed.

“B-because it hurts,” she said simply. 

“You or him?” 

“What?”

“Are you certain it’s him who has the hurt feelings?” 

Snape’s eyes flashed, boring into her head. Penny could not bear to look at him a moment longer. She felt the unease that her thoughts were not her own and that he knew what she was thinking. So she returned to staring resolutely at the bag she was fiddling with. His hand bridged the distance between them and he pulled the bag unkindly out of her grip, demanding her attention. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Penny lied. 

“Liar,” he hissed.

“It is my prerogative to share my thoughts and feelings as I see fit. If I am lying, it is no business of yours.”

“I was under the impression it was you who suggested vocalizing emotions.”  
  
“You made your feelings perfectly clear the other day, I see no reason to continue this conversation in light of those sentiments,” Penny said, voice shaking slightly.

She reached for her bag intending to leave, if she didn’t she would be late for Transfiguration. His hand caught hold of her unsuspecting one, yet the grip was gentle, and his face showed a softness that stopped her from pulling away.

“I would regret--” he began, fumbling for words, “if you left believing I meant it,” he finally blurted out, looking awkward, like the words he spoke were absurd and childish. 

For a moment Penny was not even certain he spoke the words, surely she had imagined them. She could not envision a world where Severus Snape would regret or care about anything, yet his eyes were alight with a desperation she was familiar with--the need for her to accept his apology. It was evident he was as uncertain of her feelings as she had been his. His face finally gave away his secret, the man no longer hiding behind his wall, more vulnerable than Penny could have imagined him. Her breath caught in her chest and the world seemed to rotate slightly to the right, her response trapped in her chest. 

“If you mean it, I’d not hold it against you, but if you aren’t serious, it’s a cruel joke,” she finally replied.

The tension in his body seemed to relax like he was deflating in a giant sigh of relief. Penny’s own tension seemed to abate, confused how a mere ten minutes had held so many different emotions. It was exhausting, but even without the man’s verbal reply, she knew he meant it--she received his apology. Her heart felt lighter in her chest, but her responsibilities intruded on the glee. 

“I’ll be late or class if I don’t leave now,” she said, her resolve conflicted. 

Professor McGonangall would be expecting her, and she had used up all her excuses, she needed to race there at this moment or she would lose points for tardiness. Snape gave Penny a curt nod and released her hand. They lingered a moment in each other's gaze before Penny turned and ran full speed to Transfiguration. Half-way there, Penny collided with a very firm body. Their arms outstretched to catch her before she hit the ground.

“Ve are looking for the Transfiguration classroom, can you point us,” said a heavily accented voice.

Blinking, Penny allowed the strong arms to set her upright, her green eyes meeting the brown ones of Viktor Krum, international quidditch star. 


	7. An Oversight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my readers :D I'm trying to keep my posting streak up. I appreciate that you read and comment ^-^
> 
> I awent back and fixed a couple of chapters, (I wanted some dialogue to be more in character!) I also realized I should fix Krum's accent and had to look up a reference. Hopefully it all reads a bit better now.
> 
> Anyways,
> 
> Snape made a vow to protect Harry Potter, but he did not foresee Penny Potter becoming so important to him. How will he handle the situation when he begins to feel as though Dumbledore has neglected the needs of one twin in the favor of the other? Perhaps there is more to 'the other Potter' than meets the eye.

Professor McGonagall was too distracted by the group of Durmstrang students that accompanied Penny to notice her tardiness. In fact, she awarded Penny five points to Gryffindor for helping them find their way. Apparently, as part of the ‘relations’ the Triwizard Tournament was intended to create, groups of students were asked to join Hogwarts’ classrooms to foster an environment for friendships to kindle. 

“She vas very helpful,” Krum said politely about Penny, who tried to inch awkwardly away from the limelight. 

The classroom was all eyes forward, entranced by the quidditch star, (and shooting daggers at Penny for her luck in running into him.)

“Ms. Potter never fails to find a moment to help her peers,” Professor McGonagall said, while beckoning the Gryffindors to make room for the new students.

“Potter?” Krum said, voice full of interest. 

“Not _that_ Potter, Harry is over there,” Penny said, shamelessly throwing her twin under the bus to escape. 

Harry sent her a glare that was almost severe enough to actually burn her. All Penny could do was smile apologetically and take refuge at an empty desk. To her horror, after finishing introductions, Viktor Krum took the seat beside her. Penny could hear Ron cursing her to Hades and back. Ron loved Viktor more than he loved life itself. Once everyone was settled, Professor McGonagall gave an introduction to their topic for the day and then set them to task transforming a bird into a fish. It was a difficult bit of magic because the creatures lived in very different environments, so the transfiguration needed to be exact or the creature would not have the necessary features to survive in its altered state. 

“I call him Earl,” Penny said to Krum, trying to ease the tension.

“Vhy?

“Why not? You don’t think it looks like an Earl?”

“No. Birds do not require names, they are useless.” Krum said, examining her through his thick brows.

“I do not think everything has to be useful to magic folks to warrant interest,” Penny said darkly, reaching out with her magic to attempt the transfiguration. Earl hopped onto her finger and chirped. “What kind of fish do you want to be?” she whispered to it.

Closing her eyes, she reached for the bird’s magic, its tiny expression pulsating incredibly quickly. A moment later, as though she took hold of the ball of light and remolded it, the bird became an angel fish flopping in Penny’s hand. She quickly set the fish in the tank provided and turned to Krum with a grin on her face, proud of her effort.

“How did you do that?” he demanded, staring at her wide eyed. 

“I just did what Professor--”

“You didn’t use your vand,” he said, pointing to the wand laying beside her.

“Oh, yeah, I guess I didn’t,” Penny replied, staring at her wand in confusion. 

She often felt like her wand was unnecessary for work like transfiguration, but she had never actually performed a spell without it in hand. She simply forgotten to pick it up because Krum distracted her, but the endeavor had felt very much the same.

“Vot is this, you teach this at Hogwarts!” Krum said loudly, turning to Professor McGonagall.

She was just a table away admiring Hermione’s work. She turned, giving Krum a severe expression. She did not like outbursts in her class.

“This is a transfiguration class, so we transfigure, yes,” Professor McGonagall said, striding to their table.

The room had turned with interest to the confrontation, the students looking between Penny’s confused face and Krum’s offended one.

“Not transfiguration, expression, you teach expression? Because at Durmstrang ve vould never,” Krum said in an angry voice.

Penny had never heard the word before, but she saw the way Hermione’s eyebrows contracted towards her hairline and knew she had done something bad. Growing up in the muggle world with Harry often resulted in a lapse of understanding about some of the most basic elements and facts about the wizarding world. It often frustrated Penny, who tried hard to read as much as possible, but this particular topic was not something she was familiar with.

“No one in this classroom has every used--”

“She just did, I vatched her!” Krum accused, pointing at Penny.

Professor McGonagall turned to Penny, her features very unsettled. 

“Surely not, Ms. Potter, did you?” she asked.

“I have no idea what expression is, Professor,” Penny admitted.

“Show her vot you did,” Krum demanded, passing his own bird to Penny.

Penny turned to McGonagall, who nodded. “Just show us how you transfigured yours into that angelfish.” 

“Alright. . .'' Penny said, uncertainly. 

Leaving her wand beside her she took the bird into hand and repeated what she had done the first time. When she found the bird’s center she willed it into its new shape: a flopping clown fish. She dropped the creature into its tank and looked at her Professor, who was shaking slightly, her lips pursed.

“Penny, how did you do that,” she said breathlessly. 

“I just did what I always do Professor, I told you, I can feel them,” Penny said, trying to be quiet enough to not be heard by the entire class.

It was no use, every pair of eyes was on her, staring at her with a sense of awe and fear. They seemed confused by what she had done, but none of them seemed to show the same horror that could be found in Hermione’s, Krum’s and Professor McGonagall’s faces.

“Come with me, you will need to see the headmaster,” McGonagall said, straightening herself up. She marched off to her desk and began scribbling on a piece of parchment.

“Professor please, I didn’t mean to do anything wrong.”

“Leave your bag, your brother will collect it. To the headmaster, _now,_ ” Professor McGonagall said, pushing the letter into her hand. She grasped Penny’s hand kindly, eyes full of worry, and then pushed her on her way.

With only her wand in hand, Penny set out for the headmasters office. Her stomach was in a terrible knot, Penny fearing she would be expelled for what she did. It was frustrating not knowing what had been so terrible. Krum’s face had been so angry, like she had used dark magic--she only turned a bird into a fish! It was clear though, whatever she had done wrong was bizarre but not well understood by the rest of her class. There was at least solace in that.

Penny never spent much time with Professor Dumbledore. She only came into contact with him though Harry, usually in the hospital wing after her brother accomplished some impossible heroic action. It was evident Dumbledore liked her brother very much and took a special interest where he was concerned. With Penny however, Dumbledore seemed content to observe from afar. He always gave Penny the feeling he saw right through her. He also took a noticeable interest in her relationship with Professor Snape, his expression often shown with amusement when he found her and the potions master together. 

“Tongue-tied toffee” Penny said to the gargoyle and ascended the stairs to the headmasters office. 

There were voices coming from the other-side of the door, they were so loud that Penny’s first attempt at knocking went unheard. She rapped, rather rudely she felt, a second time, and the door opened.

“Come in,” came Dumbledore’s kind voice.

Inside, Dumbledore and two faces looked back at her.

“Ms. Potter, what a pleasant surprise,” Dumbledore said, beckoning her in. 

Penny took a few tentative steps forward, faltering halfway across the room. 

“I believe you two are familiar with Penny Potter,” Dumbledore said to his guests who were staring at her as though they were looking at a ghost. “Penny this is the Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge, and that is Ludo Bagman, they are here to help with preparations for the Triwizard Tournament,” 

“My lord, Dumbledore, she is the spitting image of Lily isn’t she,” Fudge said, ignoring the introduction completely. 

“Minister, Mr. Bagman,” Penny said, extending her hand politely.

“I believe Penny hears that quite often, Cornelius. She is indeed the image of her mother, and just as talented.” Dumbledore said brightly.

The two men accepted her hand, Fudge grasping it delicately, as though she would disappear. Ludo taking her hand firmly and shaking it enthusiastically, “But clearly she is more of a troublemaker, sent to see the headmaster in the first week,” he winked. 

Penny’s eyes narrowed, offended. Her brother was the troublemaker, not her. 

“That’ll do, I must beg you to allow me to give my student privacy so Penny can tell me why she is here,” Dumbledore said, standing to escort the two men to the door. They spoke there a few more moments before he returned to his desk, gesturing she should also sit.

Penny obeyed, fidgeting uncomfortably under the scrutiny of the bright blue eyes.

“I hear you have had a rough first week back,” Dumbledore said politely.

“Who told you that?” Penny said defensively, flabbergasted the headmaster would know anything about her.

“As headmaster, one hears many things. Now, tell me what brings you here on this lovely day?”

“I don’t actually know, sir.”

“A casual visit, wonderful.”

“Not like that, headmaster sir. Professor McGonagall sent me from class, she told me to give you this.”

Penny handed him the letter which he took with a nod of thanks, and slit it open, reading the words through his half moon spectacles, his white eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly. When he returned his gaze to Penny it was as pleasant and light as ever.

“She says here that Viktor Krum of Durmstrang accused you of using expression while in class, is that correct?” he paused.

“Yes, sir.”

“And when asked to demonstrate what you did, you indeed use expression to--” he said, looking down at the letter again, “ah, turn a bird into a lovely clown fish, in a most advanced manner,” he finished returning to smiling at her.

“I couldn’t say professor, I do not know what expression is,” Penny admitted apologetically.

“Naturally, most do not know of it. Did you use your wand to perform the magic?”

“Well no, I forgot to. It’s the first time I’ve ever done that, but most of the time my wand feels like a habit rather than a tool,” replied Penny, brows furrowed. 

“Would you show me what you did?” 

“S-sure.”

Dumbledore retrieved a bright yellow, oval paper weight from his desk and handed it to Penny, “You may use this.”

Penny accepted the weight, “It reminds me of a lemon drop,” she said, placing her wand on his desk. 

“It was a secret Santa gift from Professor Snape,” Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.

Penny chortled with laughter at the thought of Snape shopping for the absurd thing in a store that had likely been full of old ladies.

“Professor Snape told me he doesn’t celebrate Christmas.”

“Nor Birthdays, but you will find he can be persuaded, but I do not need to tell you that, I have heard you have persuaded him to work on a great many of his bad habits, you are quite the influence.”

“Me?” Penny replied flabbergasted. 

The idea of her influencing Snape seemed absurd, but Professor Dumbledore was observing her with a look that said her inability to see it for herself was the only absurd thing in the room. Penny had known Severus Snape for four years, he remained very much the same as when she met him, surly and decidedly grumpy. She shook off her thoughts, there was much she would like to say on the topic of Snape, but the presence of the headmaster helped her bite her tongue. Dumbledore was a kind man, but the casual relationship Penny shared with Snape was not shared here and she thought it better to remain polite.

Turning to the paperweight, she closed her eyes, searching for the object. It felt decidedly different, as inanimate objects do, it lacked life. But it was still able to be formed, and so she molded it like a potter would clay. Opening her eyes she found a small, green soldier before her. Turning it over in her hand, she smiled, it was just like the ones Harry had loved to play with when they were little. Aunt Petunia never allowed her or Harry their own toys and certainly not expensive ones. But every once in a while they would come into possession of a quarter and be able to get a new soldier from a toy machine at the shops. Penny could not for the life of her figure out why she had thought to turn it into this, but something about the paper weight held a trace of a fondness of memories and it felt important to honor that. She looked up at Dumbledore, worried he would also look at her as though she were a freak.

His eyes appeared distant as though he were lost in thought, his mouth no longer wearing its warm smile. Finally he said, “It is impressive, I think you have found the nature of the gift.”

“Please sir, why was everyone so upset?” Penny blurted out, eager to understand. 

“What you have is a rare gift, people often fear what they do not understand. I imagine Viktor Krum was upset because the last recorded wizard with such an ability was Gellert Grindelwald,” Dumbledore answered, almost apologetically. 

Repulsed with herself, Penny pushed the object away from her. Grindelwald had been one of the most wicked wizards history recorded, second only to Voldemort. He had killed many and for many years went on a “Magic is Might” campaign, reigning terror until Dumbledore brought him in. The thought that her magic was somehow like his frightened Penny. Was she also capable of such evil? 

“How do I make it stop,” Penny said, stony faced. 

Dumbledore sighed and gave her a sad smile. “My dear child, do not make the same mistake in fearing what you don’t understand. It is true Grindelwald chose a dark path, but abilities do not make the man, or woman for that matter. There is nothing inherently wrong with what you are capable of. I know for a fact that your Professors believe you to be not only a brilliant student, but a gifted one when it comes to leading and unifying your peers.”

Dumbledore’s words somewhat calmed Penny’s thumping heart. His blue eyes were sincere and she knew he was a powerful wizard, having studied for many years. His understanding could be trusted, but the sadness that dimmed his eyes still left her a little uneasy, like he was looking for a long lost memory and could not find it in the features of her face.

“So I am not in trouble?” Penny asked, awkwardly. 

“Nothing which you have done has violated any school rules,” he said, clasping his fingers together as though that settled it. “However, it is not how I would have wished for you to learn of this, and with the students of Durmstrang here, you will know that Grindelwald spent time at Durmstrang and left quite the impression.”

“Yes sir, I read a history on it a couple summers ago.”

“An avid reader, how very unlike your brother!” he smiled, the fondness for Harry evident in his expression. 

Penny couldn’t help but snorting, Harry did hate reading more than most she knew. She did not know how he made it through his classes when he did everything in his power to avoid their reading assignments. Yet, during the summers he never did mind when she read out loud to him.

“Sadly, they will not take kindly to you because of this, I would caution you to be wary. The news will spread like all things in a school, and I am sorry to say the Ministry will likely request an inquiry. But do not trouble yourself over that, you will have the complete protection of the school, but that will not stop them from wanting you,” Dumbledore went on, his voice suddenly serious. 

Penny made to reply but her words were drown out by the door bursting open

“Dumbledore! They are saying the Potter girl performed expression, _expression,_ in front of the Bulgarians. I told you--" said Snape furiously. 

He stopped halfway through the door, looking between the pair of them, eyes wide with fury and suspicion.”

“Ah, Severus, how good of you to join us!” Dumbledore said, his eyes glimmering with amusement,

Feeling mortified that word of her exchange had already spread through the castle, Penny picked up the toy soldier and pretended to examine it. 

“So, it _is_ true.” Snape said, barely able to control his shaking.

“Indeed, how any of us missed it these several years is an unfortunate oversight, but thankfully Penny here has managed spectacularly,” Dumbledore replied, as though he did not notice Snape’s rage. 

“The Durmstrangs Dumbledore,” Snape said in a strangled voice, striding forward to stand beside Penny.

Penny watched them, anger emanating from Snape while Dumbledore remained as serene as ever, yet, a power seemed to radiate from him--he still commanded the conversation. 

“As I said Severus, it was an unfortunate oversight. While _we_ will do all we can to ensure Penny’s safety, I do not think this is the appropriate time for this conversation. Penny deserves the space and support to understand her powers,” said Dumbledore. His voice was not unkind but there was a sternness in his tone that said the conversation was over and that Snape should not continue. 

Snape’s face was stony rendering Penny unable to read it. His eyes glanced momentarily down at her, and then he finally said, “An oversight. . .or an inconvenient piece of information overlooked in favor of the _other one_ ,” he hissed vehemently. 

Penny did not understand what he meant, but the message seemed to reach Dumbledore. His eyes flashed momentarily, but he seemed to decide against responding. “Will you be so kind as to escort Penny to her next class and ensure her professor understands her tardiness is not her fault. I do not wish to be rude, but alas, I am required elsewhere, and I think this conversation better had another time,” Dumbledore said pleasantly.

With a curt nod, Snape turned and swept to the door. Penny scrambled out of her seat, feeling extremely uncomfortable about the direction her visit had taken. 

“Thank you for your time, sir,” Penny said with a small smile before racing after her potions master.

He said nothing when they reached the staircase, but anger still seemed to oozed from him. There were many things that still confused her and many questions she wanted to ask, but it did not feel like the right time to prod Snape. For all she knew he thought her a budding dark wizard, and what did he mean about the _other one?_ Who was this other person he was referring to? 

When they were two corridors away from Dumbledore’s office, Snape finally rounded on Penny like a small child in trouble. She stumbled backwards, startled by the fierceness of his expression.

“You are not to travel alone. You will take your brother or anyone else with you at all times, and under no circumstances are you to wander the castle at night,” Snape said, grabbing her upper arm roughly. 

“What is wrong with you,” Penny demanded, trying to pry herself from the deranged man. 

“Acknowledge that you understand me,” he said through gritted teeth, his fingers bruising the flesh of her upper arm.

“I don’t need a babysitter or you telling me what to do, especially when no one wants to explain what this means,” Penny replied angrily.

A terrifying moment later he began shaking Penny violently, “For one goddamn moment in your life can you stop being so arrogant and listen!” Snape all but yelled.

“Is there a problem,” growled the familiar tones of Mad-Eye Moody.

Snape froze where he was, his face suddenly turning blank as Mad-Eye’s wooden leg _clunked_ towards them 

“Is there a problem,” Moody repeated when he reached the pair. Both eyes were fixed on the side of Snape’s head.

Straightening up, Snape released Penny and turned on Professor Moody, “There is nothing here to concern you, Mad-Eye, but I heard there were some garbage bins left unchecked in the kitchens that need your attention,” Snape sneered. 

“That’s the Potter girl you’re manhandling there, ironic how you’d have an interest in her, aye. I hear you also target her brother,” Moody replied, his slit of a mouth opening in a horrible grin.

“What are you implying?” 

“That no matter what Dumbledore has been fooled into believing, I know tigers don’t change their stripes,” said Moody, looking pointedly at Snape’s left forearm.

Almost instinctively Snape’s right hand clasped his forearm as though to hide something from Moody’s sight. In response Moody chuckled. 

“Get to class,” Snape commanded without looking at her. 

“And do let me know if Professor Snape continues to bother you,” Moody added as she skirted past the men. 

Penny merely nodded, too shaken by the exchange to form any words. She rushed down the corridor wanting nothing more than to find Harry and to avoid everyone else. Her first week had devolved further than she could have ever imagined, and she was certain Snape had cycled through a year's worth of emotions. Would the man ever make any sense? Whenever she made any progress with him it felt like they immediately regressed ten steps. 

  
  



	8. What This All Means

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all!! I'm baack! I've got some good stuff lined up (I hope!) Thanks for all the encouragement and reading this story. I live in an area where there is a ton of forest fire smoke so I can't go outside, which is a perfect reason to spend all day writing !! Ahh, the good life. Also, this chapter is a bit longer, but extra Snape since he was a little absent in the last. 
> 
> Alright, here goes.
> 
> Expression, Bulgarians and a deranged Snape, Penny really does not need these stressors when her homework is at crisis levels. What do you do when you have a ton of homework? Play quidditch, of course! After a some poor decision making, Penny must confront a most horrible emotion, shame. Having never grown up with parents she never could have imagined how awful it would feel to see Severus Snape disappointed.

Penny did not know where her free time and weekend went. How it was already Tuesday again and how she was still behind on homework was beyond her. Lupin’s letter also loomed on the outskirts of her mind on the pile of all-the-crap-need-doing, but she just didn’t have the time to get to it. Talking to Harry Ron and Hermione had eaten up Friday. They found her in the common room and immediately barraged her with questions about what had transpired. Hermione had so kindly brought Harry and Ron up to speed on what expression was and how Grindelwald had been known for it. Ron didn’t seem phased by the connection to such a dark wizard, he thought it was cool and wanted to test her abilities on any stupid little thing he could think of. He even fantasized about how she could help Gryffindor cheat in their quidditch matches because ‘no one would know she was performing magic.’ Harry, in an irritated voice, reminded Ron that the Gryffindor quidditch team performed perfectly well without cheating. The next brilliant idea of Ron’s was to set up a cheating ring, to which Hermione thoroughly chewed him out.

On Saturday, Harry had convinced Penny to walk the grounds with him. It was nice to be alone with her twin, their minds at ease, and their conversation flowing like it had when they were children. Neither could finish a thought without the other one interjecting, already knowing the end of the sentence. It made them laugh and reminded Penny of simpler times. Of course, Harry had become obsessed with Snape’s behavior with Mad-Eye Moody, he never really could believe Snape wasn’t up to something. He was also convinced Penny would not be safe in his company. This was one of the only topics Harry and her diverged. Penny refused to hear it, she understood where Harry’s anger and bias came from, and Snape deserved it for how cruel he often was to Harry, but things were different for her, she had known a Severus Snape Harry had never seen. It saddened her that the man spent so much of his time being cruel, but she, herself, was unable to hold it against him, or to stay away from him. It angered Harry, but that would not stop Penny. 

Snape didn’t show up to the Great Hall over the weekend, it concerned Penny slightly, but they had also parted ways on strange terms. The bruise on her upper arm was green and purple when she showered early Sunday morning. It took all of her resolve not to search out the man, but her homework being beyond the point of being able to ignore was a good incentive to stay on task. Harry was also in crisis and gave her the look he saves for when he is three papers deep and does not know where to start. All four of them sat in the common room reading and writing, Penny double checking many of the questionable facts Ron and Harry tried to insert into their papers. It was evident they had never listened to a thing in History of Magic. Their essay, which was mostly a review from the year before, was filled with confused, half-muddled ideas and some of the goblins Ron referenced were completely made up.

By the time Tuesday afternoon rolled around Penny’s eyes were bloodshot from all the studying she had done. She rubbed them vigorously in an attempt to make them remain open long enough to finally respond to Lupin. The revisions to her essay were finished, well, she told herself they were finished because she needed to stop obsessing over it. Lupin would be able to help her with anything else she missed. Flattening her parchment to write to Lupin felt rather soothing, like her chest was finally releasing all that was trying desperately to stay inside. She looked down at his photograph that she kept with her and smiled. Dipping her quill she wrote, 

_Dear Lupin,_

_It’s so good to hear from you. I liked the photos you sent, the sunflower suits you! Are you sure you want to enter my work? I just wrote you my thoughts and felt they were kind of all over the place, I hadn’t written in any particular format. But I won’t lie, I’d be ecstatic if the prophet were to publish it, and I thank you for your words of encouragement, they really mean a lot. My first week back has not been very good, so your letter was a welcome delight._

_Some strange things have been going on at Hogwarts this term. I imagine you already know of the Triwizard Tournament. The Bulgarians were in my class, and well, I did magic in class without my wand, and Viktor Krum (yup the quidditch star!) accused me of doing ‘expression’. It was a very tense moment. Then Professor McGonagall sent me to see Professor Dumbledore, and he says that I do have this expression, though I do not quite understand what it is? He said Grindelwald was known for it and the ministry will want to make an inquiry. This is just a lot to take in, and to top it off Snape apparently believes the Bulgarians have it in for me, but I am not very familiar with the history of this, or what expression is. How could I not know something like this about myself? Does this make me different? It feels like people look at me differently, but I don’t think they understand it either. It’s just, well, I worry, will I end up in the dark arts? Sometimes I wish dad were here, I look at his picture and want so terribly to ask him what it all means, would he have accepted me if he knew?_

_Harry hasn’t been very happy with me, he thinks I am too trusting of Professor Snape and that I should spend less time with the man. I really wish you were still at Hogwarts, it really isn’t the same without you and our new DADA Professor, Moody, is very strange. . ._

Penny paused for a moment and then glanced at the clock, she would need to finish writing to Lupin later, quidditch would be starting soon, and this week she intended to play. Soaring above all her fears and thoughts sounded just like the remedy she needed.

When she arrived at the pitch the sky was a perfect blue with bubbly white clouds zooming across it. The wind would make for an interesting game. Just ahead of her were the usual group discussing teams. Snape was looming in the background, sitting stiffly on the bleachers, his cloak closed tightly against the wind. Penny only lingered on his face for a moment because several new faces moved into her field of vision and her stomach turned upside down. Malfoy stood beside a group of stocky looking Bulgarians. Penny groaned inwardly, wondering if Snape would even let her fly, and attempted to join the group unnoticed. The effort lasted all of two seconds. 

“We get Penny!” Hannah Abbot yelled, beckoning Penny towards her.

The Durmstrang students immediately began murmuring in Bulgarian, Viktor Krum among them. 

“We’re playing against a professional quidditch star, we have no chance!” Penny whispered to Hannah. 

Unfortunately, her team seemed to be more excited by the prospect of playing against Viktor Krum, and Malfoy seemed all too content to be on the team with the Bulgarians, foreseeing an easy win. With a great sigh, Penny put on her yellow ribbon, signifying her team and went to choose a broom with the others. Viktor Krum picked up his broom first, giving it a scathing look.

“A nimbus,” he laughed, showing it to the other Durmstrang students, who snickered to themselves. 

“At Durmstrang ve have firebolts, a gift from the International Quidditch League,” a tall, dark haired Durmstrang student said to Malfoy. 

Ignoring the rest of the conversation, Penny took a broom, she would be playing chaser. While Harry always liked to play seeker and was exceptional at it, Penny preferred the role of chaser. Most people assumed, being twins, they would like all the same things. It was hard not to roll her eyes sometimes when people voiced their amazement that Harry and Penny were, indeed, their own people with their own interests. Penny found being a seeker dull, she enjoyed the energy, thrill and tension of chaser, and of course the satisfaction of scoring. 

The teams lifted off from the ground and Penny’s heart soared through her chest. The sensation was unlike anything else, it made her burst into a huge, stupid grin. Flying felt like the most natural thing in the world for Penny. All her exhaustion dissipated as soon as her feet left the ground, leaving only the exhilaration of the game to be played. Waiting for the balls to be released, Penny noticed a figure join Snape, was it the Durmstrang headmaster? It was hard to tell from where she was, but judging by Snape’s stiff posture that was turned decidedly away from the person, it was apparent he did not want the company. Penny chuckled inwardly, it was about time Snape was forced to suffer, especially after Penny’s last violent encounter with him. 

The whistle was blown and they were off, Krum shooting past Penny, his robes whipping her in the face. He was a spectacular flyer, but she got the feeling he was doing more than showing off, it felt like a message to her. Pushing the thought away, she soared towards the center of the field, shook Malfoy’s hand and then began the chase. The Durmstrang students were fierce players, one taking up residence as a beater and the other two players as chasers, Krum was obviously the seeker. Penny managed to take control of the quaffle and soared towards the goals Malfoy was guarding, the Bulgarians hot on her tail. They managed to flank her on either side, one of them spitting in her face when he rolled towards her, as though to knock her off her broom. Penny dropped the quaffle, but managed to dodge the in-coming bludger the Bulgarian had tried to force her into.

Anger welling in her belly, she wiped her face and zoomed after them. She managed to intercept the quaffle and pass it to Hannah before they had turned tail. Weaving after Hannah, Penny took control of the quaffle and scored on Malfoy. Again, Krum zoomed in front of her, causing her to stop abruptly and nearly be thrown off her broom. It was becoming more evident that Snape’s warnings may have been validated, never in Penny’s life had she experienced such an aggressive game of quidditch. 

With some amazing broom work, Hannah, Marietta and Penny managed to score three more times, angering Viktor Krum, who yelled in Bulgarian at his teammates, before flying off with a burst of speed in search of the snitch. In the single moment that it took to look at Krum, two bludgers sailed towards Penny, one hitting her in the side, the other almost hitting her in the the face, except she tumbled sideways off her broom from the first bludger, barely catching herself with one hand. She dangled, gasping for the air needed to make the horrible pain in her ribcage subside long enough to pull herself back on. She could hear the yells of the crowd watching while Hannah managed to help her get back onto her broom. Setting her jaw, Penny became suddenly obsessed with winning. If the Durmstrangs had it out for her then she would rub their nose in a loss. 

Circling back across the pitch, Penny took the quaffle yet again, passed it off and then in a moment of dread saw Viktor’s head snap to his right as though he saw something. While her teammates were headed towards Malfoy, Penny darted off towards Krum, if she was fast enough she would cut him off, otherwise she would lose the game of chicken. He was so transfixed on the small golden ball he did not see her coming. A moment before his fingers would have ended the game he saw her as she crossed the path between him and the snitch. For an awful second Penny thought he would plough straight through her, but then he veered sharply to his right. Halfway through the maneuver, his foot collided with the side of her head. Stars burst into her vision and she barely managed to stay on her broom. Unfortunately, the disorientation was all that was required for the Durmstrang beater to smash the bludger directly at her head. Before Penny could even blink, it collided with the side of her neck, causing her head to feel as though it had been dislocated from her spine. She was jarred sideways, grasping her neck with both hands, and fell off her broom. 

The sensation was still sickening even with the awful pain in her head and neck. Her entire body braced for the impact, the screams of those in the pitch echoing in her ear. And then, sooner than she thought possible, it reverberated through every bone in her body. The impact was worse than anything Penny could have managed. She had landed on her shoulder, which gave way under the force of gravity and she let loose a blood curdling scream, rolling sideways onto her back, choked with tears of pain. The sound of feet pounding against the ground met her wet ear, something was bleeding, but Penny could not tell what. The world spun before her and blackness threatened to over take her, but Penny refused to give the Durmstrangs the satisfaction of that. Instead, she gritted her teeth, swallowed her screams, and willed herself to remain conscious. It was really just more torture for herself. Hannah was the first to make it to Penny. She tossed her broom aside and ran the distance between them.

“She’s bleeding!” she yelled before kneeling. “Merlin's beard, Penny…” she said, clearly afraid to touch Penny. 

More voices pressed in as others made it across the pitch.

“Severus, it vas an accident, it vas just a game and clearly she vas out of her league,” said a condescending voice. 

“MOVE,” Snape screamed, his voice maniacal with anger. 

Everyone fled, including Hannah, who looked terrified. Snape’s figure came into vision and he knelt down, his wand already out. His eyes darted over her injuries, assessing the most urgent. Once he seemed content, he began muttering something, his wand sweeping over her shoulder. Penny winced, her vision flooded with tears. 

“Malfoy,” Snape called. Draco appeared immediately, waiting for instruction. “To the Hospital Wing, bring Madam Pomfrey, inform her there is a neck injury,” he commanded, not looking at Draco. 

When Draco hesitated, staring at Penny with a mixture of fear and pity, Snape screamed again, “DON’T JUST STAND THERE AND OGLE, BOY. GO.” 

Even though Snape’s anger was evident when he spoke, his composure remained quite calm and confident, his features stony. He pressed and prodded Penny’s various body parts, muttering to himself under his breath. He managed to locate the source of the tingling in her spine, pressing firmly on the knot in her neck while uttering an incantation. 

“Professor,” Penny choked, trying to speak through what felt like a collapsed throat, “My throat--”

His gentle fingers moved there next, pressing on either side and without so much as acknowledging she spoke, he seemed to almost pull her throat back open. Penny’s angry lungs gulped in the oxygen while Snape turned towards the crowd, finally aware of their presence.

“Get back to the castle now, this game is over. And Karkaroff, Dumbledore will hear of this,” Snape hissed. 

The fearful students yelled well wishes at Penny, promised to visit her in the Hospital Wing, and then moved toward the castle to spread the gossip about the Durmstrang’s war against Penny. No doubt it would be the talk of the school. Penny didn’t care, she was most fearful to face her twin. He would already be aware of her injury, she could feel his anxiety in a corner of her mind, much in the same way he likely felt some of her pain. She hoped he would not be too alarmed. 

“I will need to test your nervous system to assess any _permanent_ damage,” Snape said, stressing the gravity of her stupidity with a disgusted look. His eyes were cold with rage, but behind his disheveled features Penny felt something else, like his worst fears had been confirmed. 

“It was a pretty cool maneuver, though wasn’t it, forcing Viktor Krum to swerve,” Penny said, trying to find the silver lining of her predicament. 

“Oh yes, and completely worth the cost of your spine,” Snape said scornfully.

“Hey, I can still feel my toes!”

“Ms. Potter, you fell from over 50 feet, it is not your _toes_ that are the issue.” 

While they spoke he busied himself tapping her nose and each finger, looking to her to confirm she felt it. His hands then moved to her abdomen, reaching for the buttons of her shirt,

“This will need to go,” he said, unapologetically.

Penny nodded, she was in too much pain to care if Severus Snape took off her shirt. 

“If Krum hadn’t kicked me in the side of the head,” Penny mumbled to distract herself.

“Then what, What would you have done, hmm?” Snape snapped, finally turning his irritation on her. 

“We might have won,” Penny said, offended by his tone.

She may have fallen off her broom, but at least she hadn’t lost. 

“Won…” he said in a dangerously low voice. “All of you Potters think you are so special, more clever than the others, and shouldn’t have to be bothered to think! No, of course the popular Penny Potter cares how it _looked,_ ignore the fact they wanted to seriously injure you-- _did seriously injure you!_ ”

The words were cutting and unfair. Why on earth would she have believed they had wanted her to nearly die during a for-fun quidditch match?

“If you were so damn paranoid, why didn’t you just catch me!” Penny yelled, trying pathetically to move herself away from Snape.

The agony of movement caused her to cry out in pain, Snape’s hands forcing her to remain still, his eyes flashing. 

“If Karkaroff hadn’t been standing in my way like the oaf he is--” Snape spat, too enraged to complete his thought.

“Hang on, is that why you’re mad, you looked away just like I did,” Penny said, eyes wide, realization dawning. 

Could Snape actually be upset because Karkaroff had stopped him from preventing an injury he suspected the Bulgarians would try to inflict and not that Penny had played?

“This has nothing to do with me, Potter, you were reckless and are paying the price for that recklessness.”

“My name is Penny,” she yelled at him, unable to control herself. She knew he only saved that vehement use of her surname for Harry and her father, his use against her was a low blow, even for him. Between the pain and his accusations, she did not have an ounce of self-restraint left and did not care.

“Your ineptness knows no bounds, I warned you Potter, but nothing penetrates that thick head of yours,” Snape said spitefully. 

“Get away from me,” Penny spat.

“And let you further injure yourself, I think not.”

“Get.Away.From.Me,” Penny repeated, this time more forcefully.

“No,” he replied cruelly, his mouth twisting in a horrible smile. 

It was a peculiar way to have a conversation, Penny, almost completely immobile on the ground, the pain subdued, but not abated. Her right shoulder was in a sling, and Snape’s hand still remained motionless on her stomach, the rest of his body shaking with the effort not to explode with his fury. If how she felt was any indication of how she looked, she was certain she must look pretty awful. But it could not be worse than the meanness etched in the lines of Snape’s face. It was devoid of any softness or care she would have expected in the case of such an injury. The man blamed _her_ , after she had been viciously attacked, as though she should live in some cage and worship every word that fell from his mouth. He had given her no explanation the other day, not to mention his warning did not include an, ‘avoid every activity you participate in because the Durmstrang students want to kill you,’ like what? How in Godrics Hollow would she have come to any of the conclusions Snape was accusing her of being too stupid to see? What world was he born to or lived in that violence of such a nature should be expected? 

“You are intolerable, even more so than this arm,”

In a flash of annoyance and his thin fingers grasped her injured shoulder and squeezed just hard enough to elicit the yelp of pain he desired.  
“You’re worse than the Bulgarians, you sadist,” Penny fumed through tears when he released her with a satisfied expression, daring her to try his patience again.

He bent in low, his hooked nose mere inches away from her, his long hair falling towards Penny’s face, it smelled of bergamot and a smoldering fire. The smell was wonderful and Penny’s greedy emotions honed in on the excitement being so near the awful, evil man caused her. 

“What does that make you?” he said, his voice dripping with his accusation. 

Unlike him, her feelings always betrayed her, and the nearness of Snape made it nearly impossible to conceal her juvenile emotions. The fluttering in her stomach, the need for his approval, the addiction to irritating him just to know she could get under his skin. Perhaps she was a masochist, what else would motivate anyone into Snape’s company--it certainly wasn't a mutually enjoyed conversation. 

“In a lot of pain,” Penny sighed, closing her eyes.

Snape made no reply, but his fingers on her buttons told her he was returning to his original task, likely to confirm the worst, the more to blame Penny for. Her shirt splayed open while his fingers groped unkindly at her organs, searching for any internal bleeding. Then, most pleasantly, his cold fingers grazed her side, they felt almost like a shock on her skin, and she gasped before she could stop herself. When the gasp left her lips, his hand froze in place.

“Your fingers are cold,” Penny lied. 

His finger trailed back over the same place, telling her he knew she was lying. Her eyes remained firmly closed, she could not bear to look at him, it was a purposefully mean thing to do to her in such a state, and after the humiliating encounter she had with him the other week about this feeling, she would not give him the pleasure. Yet, it was blissfully distracting, the humming of his fingers on her skin as they tapped gently on various locations, ensuring she could feel them. Her ticklishness became evident, and he looked content with her responsiveness to him when she finally opened her eyes again. Penny dared not say anything to invoke his displeasure yet again. When he was finished and satisfied she still had feeling in all her limbs, he tried to close her shirt with a paternal awkwardness. 

Their eyes met quietly for one last moment, his hand lingering on her abdomen like he was afraid the wind would blow her shirt open, eyes full of what Penny dare not hope was genuine concern. Now that his anger had abated, in the last light of the day, she saw etched in the lines of his eyes, sadness. The sunset cast a pinkish glow, softening all of Snape’s features and causing the tree’s in the foreground to sparkle magnificently. In that moment she thought the man quite beautiful and wanted nothing more than to reach out to him, but then the sun disappeared and darkness shrouded his face again. Madam Pomfrey’s steps were upon them, and on a stretcher, Penny was whisked away from the horrible, hard ground and the peculiar thoughts that confused her.

Snape’s expression had reminded Penny of that desperate feeling she felt about her father sometimes--she did not want to disappoint Severus Snape, and the fact she had left regret lingering horribly in her chest.


	9. Is This What Swooning Feels Like?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends, I don't deserve you, T_T my lovely readers. You make me so happy! This was a really fun chapter to write, lots of great, little interactions before events start rolling. These more at-length scenes with Snape are what I really want from this story. I want to focus on the development of his struggle and need for redemption, and hatred for everything about Penny that reminds him of how he messed up.! 
> 
> ***
> 
> Recovery is slow, almost as slow as Penny's uptake on the gravity of her situation. But Harry has been selected as a Triwizard Champion and it is suspected someone put his name in, on purpose. Too preoccupied with with worry for her twin, Penny has not yet asked the questions she probably should demand answers to. 
> 
> Will another run-in with the Durmstrangs finally force her to admit Snape is right, she needs to stop being reckless. And accept her fourth year at Hogwarts refuses to entertain any form of normalcy. 
> 
> Lucky for Penny, Professor Snape is never far when she needs him.

Recovery was not a pleasant experience for Penny. The fury of Madam Pomfrey was more than the Hospital Wing could contain. It almost made Penny wish she had been left with Snape, he was reasonable compared to her new prison guard, who declared she would need to stay in the Hospital Wing for at least a week, and was, under no circumstances, to get out of bed. The first few days weren’t bad because of all the sleeping draughts she was given. Snape showed up with a freshly brewed batch of them. Naturally, he had no sympathy for Penny. 

“The potions master uncertain of his own work? I don’t buy it, you must have missed me,” Penny said, when Snape waited for her to take her prescribed draught.. 

“Don’t flatter yourself, I brewed this one as a double dose and am curious to know if there will be any adverse side-effects,” he smirked. 

“Well, you know I missed you. There isn’t any stimulating conversation here, no one likes to argue like you do,” Penny hiccuped, suddenly feeling strange. 

“Is that so,” he said quietly, looking more amused than Penny had seen him before.

“Why yes, it is. Who wouldn't miss those scowling cheekbones and emotional deflections,” she giggled.

Whatever else had transpired in the exchange, Penny could not remember. The thought of it mortified her when she woke several hours later. The man would have expected the loopy side effects and clearly had remained for the show, likely to torment her at a later time. He was horrible and would probably not let her forget the exchange. Penny doubted anyone had ever told Snape they missed his company, so it was probably the highlight of his life, she thought to herself in an effort to stop obsessing. 

Her injuries were a good distraction, they required a lot of care. Some ribs were cracked and her shoulder was in horrible shape, but Madam Pompfrey was most worried about the state of her internal organs, insisting she needed to remain long enough to allow her remedies to promote cell repair and prevent any internal bleeding that could occur. This required frequent checks of the coloration of Penny’s abdomen. Half of which, erupted in the most horrific bruise Penny had ever seen, with blue and purple extending over more skin than she thought possible. 

Admittedly, the severity of her injury unsettled Penny, especially when she saw herself through the eyes of her twin. The worry in Harry’s wide eyes was unmistakable. This quickly devolved into rage and hatred for Viktor Krum and the other Durmstrang students. The recounting of the story already made it through the entire school, and, to Penny’s pleasure, it actually remained quite accurate. Her fellow Hogwarts students were enraged about the attack, and relations quickly became tense. It did not matter that mere days before they had been saying Penny was a freak, she was their freak, and the idea that the fall could have killed her shook them to their core.

Harry, like Snape, was not amused that Penny had been so reckless and refused to confirm her play was brilliant. He demanded she be more careful, and all but banned her from being alone. It became a school mission, with visitors constantly rotating from her beside, ensuring no one had the chance to ‘finish the job.’ At least they brought her a lot of gifts, but Madam Pomfrey felt like Penny was not resting enough with so many visitors, which is why she recruited Snape and his sleeping draught.

Penny lost her patience with her bed rest near the end of her stay when she found out that the Triwizard champions had been chosen. Viktor Krum, Fleur Delacor and Cedric Diggory were all chosen, which was well and fine. But then the cup did a peculiar thing and spat out a fourth name: Harry Potter. After interrogating him, Penny believed Harry did not put his name in the cup, but the question remained, who did? It was deeply unsettling, and Penny was very worried for her brother. The tasks were going to be difficult and an easy opportunity to harm Harry, but once entered, Harry was bound to the tournament, and the judges agreed he had to compete. It was a horrible mess and Penny was full of anxiety over it. To make matters worse, Harry and Ron got into a horrible fight over it because Ron actually believed Harry put his name in the cup. Harry being Harry had zero patience for such an absurd idea and wasted no time telling Ron he was an idiot if he thought Harry stupid enough to do such a thing. If Ron had reacted like such a git, Penny did not want to know how the rest of the school was responding. It would be a tough thing to share the role of champion with Cedric Diggory, he was very popular. 

On the Wednesday that Penny was finally released from her bed, she was still wearing a sling on her right arm and was not looking forward to brewing anything without the use of her arm. It did not help that Snape assigned the most meticulous piece of work for the day, the Swelling Solution. Penny was back to her normal seat in the front of the class beside Malfoy, who still seemed unsettled whenever he looked at her. It didn’t help that the bruise on her neck was still a blackish purple and very prominent against her fair skin. 

“Malfoy, do help Ms. Potter with her chopping before she takes her fingers off,” Snape said dryly as he watched her struggle to accomplish anything productive with her left hand.

Malfoy obeyed and began carelessly hacking at her boomslang causing Penny’s eyes to nearly bulge out of her head

‘What’re you doing, it says to dice, not _hack,”_ Penny hissed.

“I am helping you, you don’t get to complain,” Draco replied incredulously.. 

“This explains the mess of your own cauldron,” Penny quipped, glancing at his, “the dicing should be _uniform.”_

“Okay, know it all.”

With a dirty look, Draco hacked her boomslang into slightly more proportionate chunks (that were still abominations to Penny) and slid them toward her, returning to his own work.

“I can’t work under these conditions. Professor, I need a spell for knife work,” Penny said loudly, turning around to catch the attention of Snape. 

She winced when her arm bumped the table, jarring her shoulder. It was going to be a very long recovery that would likely drive her insane.

“What seems to be the problem, Ms. Potter, not had your fill of attention-seeking while in the Hospital Wing?” Snape said silkily, striding towards their table.

The Slytherins snickered loudly looking up to enjoy the scene. Watching the Potters suffer seemed to be a favorite sport in this class.

“I know it must have been difficult for you, to teach so many classes without my stimulating presence, so I’ll take that as your way of saying you missed my classroom contributions,” Penny replied coolly.

The corners of Snape’s mouth twitched slightly and he looked down at the mess of her boomslang, cringing ever so slightly at the sight of the disproportionate lobs of ingredients.

“SEE. IT IS ABOMINABLE. You must tell me a spell for knife work and I’ll fix it myself.” 

“Do I look like a housewife to you?” 

“You would make a lovely housewife, I didn’t know you were dating,” Penny said in mock surprise.

It was the Gryffindors turn to snicker, eliciting the displeasure of Snape, who’s eyes narrowed and lips turned into a fine line.

“Perhaps if you paid more attention in charms class, or hadn’t fallen off your broom, like a dunce, you would not have this problem,” he replied lazily, making to leave.

“One spell, you are the potions master, you know that I simply cannot produce anything with _this!”_ Penny said desperately. 

“You are correct, I am the potions master, but potions masters cut their own ingredients, we do not use magic for things that require a _delicate_ hand,” Snape said, lips curled into a cruel grin.

“If you will not tell me, then hold that so I can cut it more evenly.”

“I care more for my fingers than your tantrums,” he drawled.

Snape was being vindictive, but Penny did not have the time for it, the clocking was ticking by and she still needed to begin brewing. The look on his face made Penny fearful he would actually force her to continue to suffer, and she refused to let him. Setting her jaw, her eyes flashed fiercely and she whipped her hair over her shoulder and said, “I will not forgive you if you make me use this,” so quietly only Snape could hear her.

Thankfully, the rest of the class was used to tuning out Snape and Penny, and the difficulty of their potion made it extremely easy not to notice. Malfoy, cursing under his breath ran back to the cupboard in search of an ingredient he overlooked. Snape stared down at her, his expression faltering. Without a word, he pulled her ingredients to him and began cutting with expert skill. Penny couldn’t help but admire the work.

“It’s so beautiful,” she said, sticking her face near the boomslang. 

Snape’s palm pressed against her forehead, pushing her face away, his eyebrow raised. “Do you want to lose your nose?” 

“Is this what swooning feels like,” Penny sighed dramatically, pouring the ingredients Snape passed to her into her cauldron. 

“I would not know, I have never experienced such a ridiculous emotion,” he said impatiently, moving onto the next item. 

“Doesn’t it just make you so happy.”

“I have spent more years than you have been alive trying to teach imbeciles, like you brother, rudimentary skills. No, I would not say it makes me happy,” Snape sneered, glancing at Harry. 

Penny could not help but roll her eyes, the man was always such a willful belligerent, he could never just be a pleasant participant for any conversation, but that was precisely what Penny liked about him, She could not help but smile into her cauldron listening to him.

“How can you say that in my company, I have only ever produced excellence for you, you’re welcome.” 

“Ms. Potter, I am sorry to be the one to inform you, but not everyone is as obsessed with you as you are with yourself.”

“That’s fine, I’m content knowing you are,” Penny replied smugly, glancing to watch his face contort.

It was as satisfying as she knew it would be. He floundered for words, his face refusing to settle on an expression. 

“It was a compliment, you’re the one who refused to take it” Penny said unapologetically, “Professor,” she added quickly when his eyes flashed in her direction. 

“I have no use for compliments. Your flirting is better wasted on one of the many boys you keep to stroke your ego,” he said, reaching over her and brushing the contents of his cutting board into her cauldron.

He fixed her with a hard stare, searching for the fruit of his labor. He found what he was looking for almost immediately. Penny’s irritation was written all over her face, it was one of the down sides of being the sort of person who liked to act, she had zero control over her facial expressions, leaving her emotions always on display. It made life difficult sometimes, but generally people found her more trusting because of it. With Severus Snape, however, it was awful, and often resulted in him being the winner in their game of tit for tat. His thoughts almost always remained fortified behind his mind and face, with very little ever slipping through the cracks. 

“Because my love for potions must be about some sex appeal you’re hiding in that overcompensation for lacking masculinity,” Penny said sardonically, turning decidedly away from him to busy herself with the rest of her instructions. 

“Careful _Penny,_ your insecurities are showing,” he said in a sharp whisper, purposefully slowing at her name before leaving her to stew in her irritation. 

He only used her name to annoy her because he refused to ever just be pleasant, still, the sound of it on his lips sent her stomach into an annoying flutter of butterflies. She had spent over a week in the Hospital Wing and had quite looked forward to her potions lesson. Why, she knew not. Things never went as she hoped and she was not certain why she kept coming back for more. The only consolation was, so did Snape. For all his calloused language, he still did as Penny asked And what was that expression about when she told him she would not forgive him? In truth, she had not expected him to give in, instead she thought he would call her on her bluff and leave her to her own devices. But he had obliged her, cut all of her ingredients. They had been such beautiful cuts too, he didn’t even need to glance at her book to know what he was doing, his hands just worked. Recalling it made her swoon all over again, why couldn't any of her peers in her year do things like _that._ Anything potions related stirred her to her core, and it was sad that most of her classmates just didn’t care. Penny loved reading and learning about the subject. The thought of teaching it, getting to do it daily, it greatly appealed to her, but she dare not tell Snape that. Imagining the kind of response he would have caused her to cringe inwardly, but it did make her wonder how and why he had become the potions master. One day she would ask him.

“Why is it pink!” Malfoy raged beside her.

“Because you don’t read,” Penny said, amused.

“What’s the supposed to mean,” he said, turning his pretty eyes on her, narrowed in irritation.

“If you ask nicely I’ll tell you.”

The grin that slid across his full lips made Penny immediately regret her decision. His hand reached out and stroked her arm gently. He looked at her through his long, dark lashes, tilting his head ever so slightly. He was charming and Penny could feel her blush shoot into her cheeks.

“Tell me, please” he simpered.

“You forgot the last step,” Penny said quickly. She shook her head, turning away from him when his eyes lit up. Her gaze mistakenly fell on Snape, who sat at his desk observing their interaction with a wry smile on his face.

He was enjoying the front row seat to her fumbling humiliation. Penny was not made for these kinds of interactions. It was part of her nature to want to poke, prod and joke, but Malfoy seemed to take it to another level, a level Penny was not interested in. She narrowed her eyes at Snape and looked down at her beautiful potion. A few minutes later Snape made his rounds, scratching their grades on his clipboard, dismissing them.

“Excellent work, Mr. Malfoy,” Snape said smoothly. 

He moved to Penny’s, barely glancing at the solution before turning to leave.

“Hang on, are you really going to say nothing? It’s perfect,” Penny complained.

“Of course it is, I did all the knife work,” he said, looking down his hooked nose at her with disdain.

Too angry to respond, Penny began jamming her items back into her bag. With her cauldron emptied, she gathered her ingredients and made to put them away, but oddly, her foot caught on something she did not see, and she tripped. With her arm still in a sling, she tossed everything she was carrying in an attempt not to re-injure her shoulder. Hitting the cold cement floor was still as awful as she imagined and she groaned. She rolled over floundering like a turtle stuck on its shell, in too much pain to want to try and get up. 

“Ms. Potter, do try to be more careful, those items are fragile,” Snape said sleekly, not bothering to help her from the floor. 

The pain in her shoulder made her grit her teeth in agony. She was thankful that her twin ran to her aid and distracted her from wanting to kill her professor.

“I wish we could hex him” Harry whispered through gritted teeth. 

“Maybe we could accidentally spill my swelling potion,” Penny replied, darkly.

Setting her upright, Harry tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled at her apologetically, straightening her sling for her. Their display of affection, unfortunately, was not private, and was more than Snape could handle for the day, 

“Potter,” Snape hissed, intending to deliver punishment on Harry.

“Go, I’ll pretend he meant me,” Penny whispered. Heeding her warning, Harry turned tail and was out of the classroom before Snape could stop him. 

Penny turned back to Snape,“Chill out, I’ll clean it up, I needed a moment to get off the floor,” said Penny as she purposefully blocked Snape’s path 

“Not you, the other one!” Snape fumed.

“Oh, well, if you listened to me and referred to me as Penny, like I prefer, there would be no confusion,” Penny pointed out, rubbing her sore shoulder.

He glared down at her, unamused. 

“What’s that? Why yes, professor, I am alright, thank you for asking.” 

The comment seemed to jar him back to the reality of the emptying classroom, and he turned away from her to call out to Neville just as he reached the door.

“Mr. Longbottom, take Ms. Potter with you, she seems to be dreadfully incapable today and could use some assistance to get to her next class.”

“I don’t need--”

“You are not the authority here, you will do as I say,” he said. And with an angry flick of his wand, her mess returned itself to the cabinet where it belonged.

Towering over her he pointed to the door, Penny made to reply, but was saved by Neville.

“I will not--” she began, Neville grabbing her by the hand and cutting her off. “Penny, let’s go!” he said desperately, pulling her, more forcefully than she would have expected, to the door.

Nose in the air, Penny allowed Neville to guide her out and away from a weeks worth of detention she would have likely gotten herself into if she had been allowed to finish her retort. Snape was definitely more sour and did not seem to mind taking it out on her. 

“Thanks, Neville,” said Penny when they reached the stairs. 

“He’s in a really bad mood lately, you should be more careful,” said Neville. He glanced down at her neck, his face turning green.

“Yeah, you’re right, all of this," she gestured to her injuries, "is not how I imagined this year going,” she admitted.

Shadows from the top of the dungeon stairs distracted them from their conversation and they looked to see a group of Durmstrang students, accompanied by a couple of 7th year Slytherins walking towards them. Penny stiffened when one boy pointed at Penny and called to the others in Bulgarian. They made a bee-line for her and Neville, who squared his shoulders.

The heavy-browed Durmstrang boy stepped in close to Penny in a clear attempt to intimidate her.

“Heretic,” he breathed, his face merely inches from her own. 

“Don’t call her that,” Neville said, his hands balling into shaking fists at his sides.

“Or vat?” the Durmstrang student snickered.

“Do you think class is on the stairs today? Because if you would like to receive a grade for today, I suggest you get inside, _now,_ ” came the quiet voice of Snape from below them.

“You got lucky, this time,” the heavy-brow boy whispered, and then pushed past Penny, jarring her uninjured shoulder aggressively as he went. The others spat “apostate,” and “heretic,” under their breath at her as they too moved around her. 

Penny glanced at Snape before she bounded the rest of the stairs. His eyebrow was raised in an I-told-you-so expression. Penny conceded, begrudgingly, Snape and Neville were right, she needed to be more careful. 


	10. Severus, Trust Is A Two Way Street

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Hello! We are almost 35,000 words in, whew! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, it motivates me to write! Writing this has really helped me being at home with all the covid stuff. It helps my anxiety from flaring up and keeps me busy while I wait for college to start up again. ^_^
> 
> Sorry if you read the update earlier, I deleted it because I realized I needed something else to happened, so this is changed quite a bit. I'm also adding violence tags from now on, because I feel like it's headed that way, so if you started reading before these tags, just be aware! 
> 
> ***  
> Penny finds herself in another argument with her potions master, this time after she overhears a very disturbing conversation he has with Karkaroff. 
> 
> Will their friendship fall apart at the moment Penny needs him most?

Penny and Neville decided the library was a good place to use their free period. They spent the better part of an hour talking through their charms homework and Penny helped Neville with an essay he was working on. The study session felt quite productive to Penny and Neville appeared beyond delighted that she remained with him. The boy was really kind hearted and wanted to do well, he just lacked confidence.

“Your voice is there, I see it, you just need to believe in it,” Penny said, yawning as she gave herself a one-armed stretch. 

“Thanks Penny, that really helped me, sometimes I feel so stuck getting my thoughts out,” Neville said, his cheeks red.

“Keep working at it, you''ll get it in no time, don’t let the process get you down. I remember in elementary school I was the last kid to learn how to read!" Penny admitted, recalling how Harry tormented her for being 'dumber than Dudley.'

She scowled inwardly, being slow at something was not nearly the same thing as being an unfortunate chunk of existence, like her cousin. He had no redeeming qualities. Penny on the other-hand thought she was great, and offered those in her life true enjoyment. Her self-acceptance was precisely the thing Snape hated most about her, because, apparently, it was an attribute her father also prized. Penny could not see it as a fault, and often imagined the kind of conversations she might have had with her dad if he wasn’t…

A group of whispering girls rushed past them, prodding Penny from her depressing thoughts. They were peering through the bookcases and whispering, “He’s so handsome, there’s no way he won’t win!”

“I’ll be back,” Penny said to Neville, getting up.

As she expected, Cedric was sitting at a table with his usual entourage of handsome Hufflepuff boys. They had books open, but were definitely not studying, instead they were laughing to some whispered joke. Penny strode over, placed her palms on the table in front of Diggory and bent close to his face.

“Excuse me, the library is not for handsome Hogwarts champions who don’t need to study, it’s reserved for common folk who don’t have fanclubs,” Penny said in her best impersonation of Madam Pince, the librarian.

“Sit down, Penny, you idiot,” Cedric grinned, sliding over and patting the tiny space he made for her on his seat.

Penny slid in next to him and he draped his arm over her shoulder to keep them both on the chair. 

“So, champion, our show is ruined now, I hope you’re happy.”

“You’ll really have to forgive me, what if I let you touch my cup when I win it? Will that spare me from your displeasure” he joked, giving her a handsome smile, his teeth almost unnaturally white. 

“I can’t be too displeased with you, I’ll likely be sitting out this show too, with this,” she gestured to her arm. 

His face become much less amused when he glanced at her shoulder. He pushed aside her hair to expose her neck to get a better look at her bruise, scowling at it.

“It’s as awful as everyone said,” he said darkly, tracing the discoloration with his pointer finger. “This might sound awful, but I wish I had seen it.”

“You really should have, Krum losing the game of chicken was the best moment of my life, pity it cost me this," Penny sighed. 

Cedric laughed, and the sound was as pretty as the rest of him. He was truly a distracting person to sit so close to. Penny turned away from him to see his fan club angrily whispering from their vantage point. It probably wasn't kind to provoke them this way, but it gave Penny some amount of internal satisfaction.

"Just beat him for me, and I'll forgive you of anything." 

“Not rooting for your brother then?” James Knickelbee, a black haired boy said, a note of derision in his voice. 

“Can’t get enough attention, that one, can he,” the boy beside Kncikelbee chimed in.

The group suddenly looked mutinous, and Cedric shifted uncomfortably beside her.

“Are you stupid,” Penny said unapologetically. “Harry didn’t put his name in the cup.”

“Right,” James Knickelbee said with an eye roll. 

“Are you actually thick enough to think he could get past Dumbledore’s enchantment? Dumbledore. Not to mention he has zero desire to participate in this tournament, and will be lucky to come out alive,” Penny said angrily, getting to her feet. She was no longer in the mood to continue in their company.

Cedric ran after her and stopped her before she rounded the corner to the table where Neville was still working.

“Penny, Pen, wait,” he said, grabbing her arm, and forcing her to look at him.

“I’m sorry, but they're idiots and if you--” she began.

“I don’t! They have no clue what they're talking about. I get it, he's your twin, and I wouldn't fancy being the youngest in this tournament” he said. He was holding her at arm's length, both his hands gripping her upper arms, though wary of her injury. He looked down at her with his pretty, pleading eyes and Penny found her irritation quickly abating. Being an insanely attractive person was definitely a super power, she noted. 

“Harry has enough on his plate, and I know people like to talk about him, but people don’t know him, Cedric. He isn’t the center of attention type, and certainly wasn’t looking to try and take your thunder.”

“No, that sounds more like something you’d do,” he grinned.

Rolling her eyes, Penny punched his arm with her useless left hand. The action likely hurt her more than him. 

“I better go, or your fan club will hate me again. You really should do us all a favor and just start dating someone.”

“When you finally say yes, I’ll make that happen,” he called after her.

Penny looked back at him and smirked, “I can’t date someone who’s prettier than me,” and returned to her table to gather her things.

“I’m gonna hit the showers before Astronomy tonight, Neville, I’ll see you later.”

He bade her farewell, and Penny set off to the 4th floor bathrooms on the east side of the castle. Five steps out of the library, Penny reversed course, remembering she still needed to post Lupin’s letter, which was really more like a novel after her stay in the Hospital Wing. The Owlery was on the top of the West tower and a nice little walk for Penny to think quietly. Life was very loud lately, and Penny often spent so much time in other’s company she forgot what her own thoughts sounded like. It was strange, how still the world was around her, her steps echoing down the empty corridors. The suits of armor creaked slightly as she passed them, and the portraits moved with life as their lonely inhabitants clamored to get a look at their visitor. It was a much quieter part of the castle. She imagined all the generations of students, who, like her, had likely walked this path to share their secrets, send their love letters, and write home. The thought of it made her smile. 

When she reached the top of the stairs to the Owerly, she jumped in surprise to find another figure already there and tying a letter to snowy-white owl. His black hair was disheveled as always. Harry was concentrating, his brows furrowed, and looked too adorable for Penny to handle. He hadn’t noticed her yet, so she strode towards him and ruffled his hair.

“I didn’t even feel you, are you hiding?” she asked.

“What? No, I just was in a hurry,” Harry said, standing with Hedwig perched on his arm.

“Strange, maybe I wasn’t paying attention, but I’m not usually surprised by you. Who’re you writing to, anyway?”

“Sirius. He says he’s headed back here,” Harry said, his voice strangled with guilt.

Penny reached for his shoulder and he turned to look at her, his green eyes, so like her own, staring back at her, full with worry.

“Because your name was in the cup.” Penny said, more to herself than him.

“He can’t,” Harry said desperately. And Penny understood. Her twin, always wanting to face his battles alone. 

He loved Sirius, the only family either of them had. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he caused Sirius harm. He was very unlike Penny, unlike anyone really. As selfless as any person could ever be. Penny, in her greedy heart, for a guilty moment was elated at the idea of seeing Sirius. The thought of the horrible fate that awaited him if he were caught hadn’t even crossed her mind. But that was Harry’s first thought. Of course it was, her brother was forever the hero. But Penny couldn't help but feel relieved, she had a bad feeling about the tournament and the more people to protect Harry, the better. 

“I don’t think the owl will help, Sirius does what he wants, but I do think it’s serious enough, Harry. Someone has it out for you.”

“Voldemort has had it out for me since I was born, I won’t let Sirius go back to Azkaban for this!”

"Dumbledore is here, and no one knows about his animagus form,” Penny sighed, coaxing a small owl off its perch to tie her own letter to.

“I have to try,” he said, setting his jaw. 

“Of course you do.”

They sent their respective owls off and walked together until they parted ways on the 5th floor, where Harry veered left for the Gryffindor common room, and Penny continued on to the girls showers. She still had a ways to go when she noticed two figures move out from the shadows just ahead of her. One had pushed the other and stood in their path, preventing them from escaping down the staircase. Penny crept closer, but made sure to move near the suit of armor, so as to block her from view. 

“Severus, it is getting darker, don’t pretend you haven’t noticed!” 

Squinting, Penny realized it was Karkaroff, the Durmstrang headmaster, speaking, and he seemed frightened. Snape on the other hand, looked livid. 

“I don’t know what you are referring to,” Snape sneered. 

“You can’t fool me, Severus, it hasn’t been this dark since before. . .”

“I see no reason to discuss this, you are operating under some illusion--”

Karkaroff grabbed Snape’s forearm, yanking at his sleeve as though something hid beneath it. “Roll up your sleeve then,” he demanded.

Snape had his wand in the other man's face before Penny even blinked. Snape’s expression was deadly calm, his lips a fine line, it was terrifying how much power emanated from him, his eyes forever calculating.

“I told you, I see no reason to discuss this,” he said in a dangerously low voice. 

Karkaroff took a step away from Snape and rolled up his own sleeve as he went. He turned just enough for Penny to see a mark on his forearm. It was dim, almost faded, but Penny could still make out the outline of the shape: a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth--the dark mark. A moment later, Penny yelped with pain, clutching her head which had inexplicably exploded with the pain of the familiar presence trying to force its way back into her skull. She swayed on the spot and knocked the suit of armor she was hiding behind over causing it to clatter loudly to the floor. 

She could make out the cursing of the two men, but not much more until swift steps echoed around her, clearly headed in her direction. Penny could barely see through the pain, but she had not lost her senses. Motivated by fear, she spun around and stumbled as quickly as she could, back the way she came. The dark mark was the mark of Voldemort and given to his servants. If Penny had interpreted the argument they were having correctly, she was currently alone with two Death Eaters. She did not want to think, or understand, she just wanted to move. The betrayal, if he, the man she trusted more than most, were a Death Eater was more than she cared to consider in the moment

His pincer-like grip caught her and yanked her back around to face him. He towered menacingly over her, the lines of his face hard, his eyes searching for confirmation of what he suspected. Penny pulled against him, trying to pry herself free, her heart thumping with fear.

“Penny,” he said delicately, clearly trying to assess the situation. 

“P-p-Professor.” 

“Leaving so soon?” he said softly.

“Didn’t see you there, ” she lied, glancing over his shoulder for Karkaroff, but he seemed to have made himself scarce.

“Is that so, what were you doing then?” 

Penny’s stomach flipped uncomfortably and her head was still pounding, the buzzing growing louder and more distracting. He held her firmly by the upper arm and Penny knew she had no hope of escaping his clutches, not without magic. But his wand was still in his hand, while Penny’s was tucked in her pocket. She would not be winning a duel, especially with her crippled wand arm. 

“I got a headache,” she blurted out. It was technically the truth, her head still felt on the verge of exploding. “On my way to the showers, so I decided to turn around,” she quickly added.

“Indeed. You know what I think, I think you were listening in on conversations that don’t concern you, about matters you could not possibly understand,” he hissed.

“Some things are pretty black and white, sir. Alas, I have no idea what you are referring to, but perhaps you’d care to share what you were doing here and clear matters up,” Penny replied, turning the tables on Snape.

“I will not tolerate such wanton disrespect. You are so like your father, strutting around the castle like you own the place, like everything concerns you!” he said through gritted teeth.

“Where do you get off being the mad one? I was walking down a corridor, in broad daylight mind you, when you accosted me!” Penny accused. 

“Don’t think me a fool, Potter! ” he yelled, shaking her violently. But her words seemed to have the intended effect because he released her, causing her to stumble backwrds into the wall behind her. But then he stepped in close to her like a cat playing with its prey before it went in for the fatal strike. 

“A fool? I think you’re unhinged, but I imagine you’d have to be to become a Death Eater!” Penny retorted in barely more than a whisper, her tone laced with venom.

“Ah, there it is, the self-important Penny Potter, indulged and disillusioned into believing she knows more than the rest, tantrumming like a spoiled brat.” 

His voice had become steadily lower, waspish, as it does when his anger reaches the boiling point. Penny should have taken the warning and backtracked, but her anger and curiosity made her reckless. The more the man interrogated her, the more her heart believed the awful possibility to be true.

“Deny it then, deny it and I’ll admit to everything you just accused me of,” Penny demanded in a strangled voice. 

The silence was deafening, Penny wasn’t even sure Snape was still breathing. She held her own breath, courage faltering slightly in the prolonged silence. Very slowly, he bridged the invisible bubble that normally existed between them, and stepped into her space. He bent down, his nose mere inches from Penny’s own. She tried to move away, but the wall held her firm. His hot breath hit her cheek, and his dark eyes bored into her head. 

“I, unlike you, am the professor here, I owe no explanation. I can do whatever I like, it is you who will do as I say, or face the consequences,” he said in a velvety voice, jamming his wand into her chest. A spark flew from it when it made contact with her, burning her cheek. 

Penny’s chest hitched in fear, her heart beating uncomfortably. Snape was not only a fully educated wizard, she knew he was considered exceptional among most. Penny had never envisioned a situation where she would be on the opposite end of his wand, she trusted the man, looked up to him even. But had she ever really known him? His face was livid, more deranged than she had ever seen it, but it was nothing compared to the cruel delight that shone on it, that terrified her. 

It was like he was feeding off her fear, relishing every agonizing moment she was afraid of his retribution. His magic emanated from him, sending a creeping chill up her spine. It was an awful breach of the trust in her relationship with him. Wizards never pointed their wands at each other unless they intended to do harm. His action tore what was left of her hope into pieces, she hadn’t wanted to believe he could be a Death Eater, but the face looking back at her was one she had never known.

His wand burned against her chest, digging itself between her ribs, reprimanding her for her disrespect. The sensation unhinged Penny, if Snape intended to push her, she would push back, and in a fool-hardy motion she grabbed the tip of Snape’s wand, and threw her weight towards him, causing him to stumble backwards a step.

“DENY IT,” she roared.

He looked on the verge of cursing her, but Penny didn’t care. Her own magic flared in her chest and felt as though it would burst out of her. They were suddenly encased in it, as it pulsed from her with every beat of her heart. The force of it howled around them, causing Snape’s robes to billow around him. His anger and cruelty dissipated instantly. He made no move when she released his wand to reach desperately for his chest, grabbing a fist full of his shirt. 

Penny didn’t know what was happening, but she didn’t care. The anger and pain spilled out of her, relieving the agony in her head. She could not think, she only felt the desperate need for the man to deny it, to confirm Karkroff was a liar. But he didn’t, he just stared at her with a tortured expression. He was looking at her, but saw something else, something she could never see. 

A memory that haunted; a place before her time; a curse he re-lived every-time her green eyes turned to him. Those were the emotions seeping through the cracks of his facade. She felt them as keenly as she felt her own anger, but she refused to let them reach her. The angry presence in her head pushed them away and forced its way further into her being, into her magic. 

It did not like Snape, did not trust him, wanted Penny far from him. Her magic swelled under its command, and Penny screamed from the agony of it, falling to her knees, trying desperately to cling to Snape, staring up with pleading eyes through her blurring vision. She reached desperately for his mind, seeking his connection to anchor her, but his mind did not answer, he did not open to her, he was still lost in his thoughts. When his senses finally returned and his eyes shone with the realization, it was too late. 

Her expression burst forth from her and Snape’s shirt was wrenched from feeble fingers, and his dark eyes disappeared as the darkness swallowed her. The sensation was reminiscent of the squashing of a balloon, when it's squeezed from the outside until its insides explode. Penny was the balloon and she was being pressed from within as all sides. She could not tell where she began or ended, or if she was still on the 5th floor corridor, there was only agony. 

But then, as suddenly as it started, the raging storm within her eased. She sat up, uncertain where she was or if it were even still her body she was inhabiting. The only thing she was certain of was, she was not alone. The intruder to her head stood before her, looking down at her with a handsome smile. Desperately, Penny looked around, but there was nothing to see. A blanket of emptiness encompassed them, except for the small amount of light that seemed to emanate from themselves. The man, who was really not much older than a boy, perhaps 19, watched her quietly, charming brown eyes taking in every inch of Penny. 

Where had Snape gone, and how did she end up here? She wondered fearfully if she had hurt the man when she lost control. She desperately wanted to tell him she was sorry, she didn’t mean it, but she knew he would not hear her from this place, their connection had been broken, and now she was a prisoner. 

“Don’t worry about Professor Snape, Penny, he won’t be intruding on us again. You are a difficult person to get the attention of, but no matter, you’re here now,” the intruder said, extending his hand to her. 

She scurried away from him, realizing her right arm was not in a sling and completely mobile. Wherever her magic had taken them, her body was somewhere else. 

“You can’t run, Penny, your expression helped me create this place, and it won’t let you out until I say,” he smiled, stepping toward her.

“Get out of my head!” she spat.

“If I did, your magic would consume you, but I can teach you how to control it, harness it and use it,” he said quietly. 

Behind him their world shifted, the walls of a small, dim lounge forming around them. The blanket of darkness parted, making Penny feel less disorientated. A fire crackled in the corner, and two armchairs sat vacant. The man beckoned for her to follow him. Gritting her teeth, Penny stood, hoping against odds she would find a way out of her own mind, if only she could reach Snape...

Even after such an explosive encounter with him, Penny could not help but wish for his presence, he had always been there to help her. The truth of the matter was, Death Eater or not, Penny had always felt safe with Severus Snape, if only he had felt the same and told her the truth. 


	11. Equivalent Exchange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!  
> THANKS FOR REVIEWING !! I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS AND THEY MOTIVATE ME!
> 
> Sorry the lapse of posting, I started a new job and college and needed some time to adjust the new schedule. BUT I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP ON THE THIS FIC ! There is much planned bwahaha. This chapter was hard because I needed to think about what I wanted Penny's relationship to be with Tom and make sure I wrote him correctly. He might be a recurrent character, tehehehe. 
> 
> I'll be posting at least once a week, and more on weeks with less work :) but as a general rule of thumb, expect a once a weeker, since I gotta edit! 
> 
> Lastly, today I learned a friend I lived with years ago passed away. She was so young and it was hard to wrap my head around that she'd never reply. My heart hurts, but it reminds me how precious living and doing the things you love is.  
> Annie, I hope you are free now.

“Charming, isn’t it?” her intruder said, pleasantly, looking around the room. 

“It could do with some more color, if you ask me,” replied Penny.

“An interesting observation.”

“What does that mean?” Penny said, not bothering to hide her distrust.

“Your expression invited _me_ here, not vice-versa.” 

He watched her curiously, his expression serene. It unsettled Penny, who sat stiffly in her armchair. If this was truly her mind, why did it not feel more familiar? And how on earth had she invited this nuisance? The idea that her magic was doing anything without her knowing worried her. 

“Who or what are you?” Penny said, slowly.

“I’m Tom.”

“Tom…?”

“Just Tom,” he confirmed, leaning forward in his chair to rest his elbows on his thighs. 

His handsome eyes glinted in the light, and he smiled pleasantly at Penny. His appearance was quite unexpected for someone who caused so much pain getting into her head. He had a full head of lush brown hair that matched his dark brows and handsome brown eyes. Everything about him was charming. He was unnaturally pretty, like Diggory, except his eyes glinted with a perceptiveness Penny had not seen before.

“Okay, just Tom, where are we and what are you? I’ve never seen you before,” Penny said, absent-mindedly sliding forward in her seat. 

“Only you can tell us where we are, this is, after-all, your party. As I said, I am here because your expression called me here.” 

“Well, let me formally show you out, because my expression was mistaken” Penny replied, pointing to the door. 

Tom chuckled softly, but the amusement did not reach his eyes. Something behind them unsettled Penny. His presence intermingled with the feeling of her own, as though he were embedded in her. The intrusion felt suffocating, like a snake was slowly squeezing the life out of her. 

“Tell me, were you aware of what you were doing back there, with Severus, any idea what you did to him?” 

Penny’s heart nearly burst with fear, she had been uncertain what she had done, and was worried she had hurt the man. She wanted to blame Tom, but she knew all of it had burst forth from her uncontrollable anger at the truth she knew Snape was hiding from her. 

“He will recover,” he added, piercing her with a knowing stare. 

“Let me go back and help him,” Penny begged.

“I told you, I can’t do that. You have been repressing your expression for some time. Much like an obscurial, it has become destructively attached to your emotions. Meaning, when you lose control, it does as well. As of now, your body is engulfed in the chaotic energy. I removed your consciousness from its connection to your nervous system to protect your mind from the. . .effects,” said Tom, standing 

He moved across the room to the bar and began pouring the two of them a drink. He offered the first to Penny, who accepted it. It felt as though the world had dropped out beneath her. She recalled Snape’s rage when he had entered Dumbledore’s office, and how Dumbledore said she had “somehow managed”, and the need for a ministry inquiry, it all began to make sense. It wasn’t just about Grindelwald, she has a ticking time bomb without ever realizing it.

“Effects. . .?”

He sat back down, and remained silent for a moment before responding. “You are familiar with obscurials, no?” 

Penny nodded, it had been a subject she read during her summer at the Dursleys. She found it to be a fascinating topic, albeit, horrifically sad. 

“Unfettered expression operates much in the same manner as an obscurus, the difference being that the destruction evoked turns inwardly instead of outward. Your power overloads every nerve of your body when it has been unable to be released. When practiced properly, it is ideally distributed back to the atoms it was taken from, that connection you likely feel with the life around you. Yours seems to find an outlet in your emotions, hence what happened with Severus.”

“And if it’s not regularly released for say, 14 years?”’ Penny asked, afraid of the answer.

To busy her shaking hands, she tipped her cup for a swig of the beverage, which burned her esophagus, causing her to choke. Tom smirked momentarily, but took a graceful sip of his own beverage to straighten his face before responding. 

“By the luck of your temperament, it appears you are not prone to emotional outbursts. But, your nervous system feeds straight back into your mind. I trust you can imagine what would happen in cases of emotional distress if that system sent large swathes of chaotic energy back along that path,” said Tom, his eyebrow raised.

The thought of it sent a shiver down Penny’s spine. A moment of anger could be all it took to lose all of herself. Perhaps she had narrowly avoided such a fate because of Tom’s intervention. If what he said were true, she could not safely return to her body without his help; she did not want to return to her body without it. Being afraid of oneself was a worse fate than being trapped where she currently was. 

“Assuming what you just said was true, what could you possibly do for me?” said Penny, flopping backwards in her chair. It was only when the cushion absorbed her tension that she realized how stiffly she had been sitting. Her muscles relaxed, allowing the wave of exhaustion to pour over her.

“Simple, I’ll be your conduit. If you allow me to show you how to redirect your expression, you will never have to fear losing control,” Tom said, his tone light. But he remained unnaturally still, as though a single movement would spook her. It reminded Penny eerily of a cat stalking its prey. 

“Why would you do that?” Penny said, sitting back up and returning to her stiff posture.

The voice of her brother was in her ear, and alarms were blaring. In the short time they had been a part of the wizarding world had she not been taught never to trust anything magical that she did not understand? Penny knew nothing about Tom, and while she had no real reasons to distrust him, that was not a reason to trust him blindly. 

“You are a clever girl, Penny, surely you have reasoned there is something in it for me, or I would not have answered your beckoning,” Tom said lazily, reclining in his own chair as he swirled the golden liquid in his cup. 

“An honest answer or the one you think I want to hear to make me trust you.”

Tom smiled at his glass, but made no response. Instead, he let Penny simmer in her own turmoil and anxieties. She was never a very good judge of character, Snape was her favorite person to hang with after all, and he turned out to be a Death Eater. But she was not her brother and did not require the moral purity he did. A deal with mutual benefits was as trustworthy as any, in-fact, it’s what the world operated on.

“What do you want, Tom,” Penny said, standing and refilling her own drink this time.

When she turned back around, Tom had stopped his idle fiddling and watched her with a renewed interest he could not keep from his eyes. They glinted with possibility, excitement even. 

“In excess, your expression is detrimental to you. As you have likely realized, I am not a physical being, but I rely on magical energy to retain my form. Without it, I’d vanish.”

“And access to my expression would be the charger you need to assure your continuation,” Penny finished, more to herself than him. 

She had never heard of such a being in any of her studies, but she was aware there was a lot more she did not know about magic, and some facets only select few wizards even knew. It did not seem unreasonable that what Tom said was true, nor did she see the harm in their exchange. 

“What assures me you won’t just siphon all my magic and kill me,” said Penny.

“That would return me to the precarious situation I currently find myself in, and I do not fancy uncertainty much.”

When Penny looked unconvinced he continued, “You are able to cut the connection at any point you see fit, the decision is yours, assuming you can control the energy when it returns to you in full force,” Tom said delicately. 

He watched her, raising his glass to his lips, never taking his eyes off of her. It was a gamble, to be sure. But as it stood, the people whom she trusted had not even disclosed as much information about her predicament as Tom. Her exchange with Snape also did not predispose her to wanting to find out what options they had would have for her, or to wait for them to rescue her from herself. The choice was hers, and Penny would trust Tom and speak to no one else about it. Snape had his secrets, she would not feel guilty for having hers.

“Alright Tom, you have yourself a deal. Get me the hell out of here and I’ll gladly give you what you need to continue to exist. How do we do it?”

Tom rose and cleared the space between them in two strides. He stood close to Penny, looking down at her through his perfect hair, his lips turned upward at the corners. Gently, he took her hand in his and began tracing on the top of her right hand.   
“Equivalent Exchange will allow us to become interconnected through your expression, thereby offering it access to my substance. The magic is very old, and not very pleasant, but it's easy enough to perform.”

“Can we opt for the semi-connected, no unexpected calls or oversharing version of this spell? I’d really prefer not to do this again,” Penny said cooly, pulling her hand back to herself.

The sensations that emanated from Tom’s touch sent a prickle up her spine. She wanted to be as far away from him as soon as possible. Something about him made Penny feel as though he would turn into a psycho at any moment, like his calmness hinged on her keeping the conversation going in the direction he wanted. If she could just return to her body she'd figure out a way to undo her exchange, and manage her expression later. 

“With pleasure,” Tom smirked.

He reached for the paring knife sitting on the bar and handed it to Penny and then rolled up the sleeve of his right arm. Penny merely gaped at him, fearful of what would be asked of her.

“Equivalent Exchange begins with a marking, I assume you would prefer I go first.”

“Hey, hey whoa, I’m not into cult--”

“An Equivalent Exchange requires grounding in the body, and then we will unite our magic through it and the mark will disappear. The process is just a bit. . .unpleasant,” he said, cutting her off and laying his hand on the bar.

Penny cringed internally. The thought of cutting him seemed much worse than enduring her it herself. She was quite squeamish when it came to blood. Even though she disliked Tom, she did not want to hurt him. His eyes were upon her, accusing Penny of her weakness, so she sucked up her reservation.

“Am I just supposed to doodle, because you’re getting a penis if that's the case.”

“Our marks must be the same, I’ll show you,” he said, taking her left hand in his.

At first there was nothing, but then a stream of images began to move across the bridge of their touch. As vivid as though she were staring at it, a picture of a peculiar symbol appeared before her. Her nerves knew what to do and she began carving Tom’s smooth, pale skin. First, a large circle, within that circle a hexagon and within that, a triangle. The blood trickled down his arm, more than Penny had expected, but she ignored it, finishing the mark with a circle at the very center. 

Without any hesitation, Tom took hold of her hand, forcing it flat onto the bar and began carving, his blood mingling with her own. It was painful, and if Tom were not holding her in place she would have flinched away from him. It was peculiar to think that she was not, in fact, a physical body, but a mental manifestation, everything about the experience felt no different than her actual body. When he finished, he raised his hand, waiting for her own. She grasped his sickly wet and warm hand firmly. 

Penny caught Tom’s eyes, a look of triumph ever present. His face was no longer handsome, but twisted, almost frightening. The snake had her, and she could not pull away from him if she tried. The whirlwind that had appeared when she lost control with Snape appeared again, surrounding the both of them. The sound was thunderous, angry, chaotic. It threatened to yank them apart, but then abruptly changed its course and began to flow into Tom. The sensation was peculiar, intimate, and intrusive. Parts of her intermingled with Tom who inhaled them greedily. It felt wrong, very wrong, to let something so intricate to herself become a part of him. His handling of it was calloused and rough. Penny wanted to take it all back, but she could not pull her hand away. 

The familiar feeling of being pressed on all sides engulfed her. Her vision began to fade and Penny forgot all about Tom. Finally, she burst like a balloon and thudded onto something hard and cold. Blinking, she was uncertain, all was still dark and she was disorientated. She made to roll over, and yelped in pain when she moved her right arm. Her shoulder screamed in agony, causing her to look down at her sling. She was back in her body, at least that was a good sign. But she appeared to be sitting on a pile of leaves which meant she was no longer inside Hogwarts. She could be anywhere and she was not certain how much time had elapsed. What she did know, it was night, she was in some sort of forest, and it was very cold. Her breath was moving like little steam clouds from her mouth, and a tiny snowflake settled on her nose. 

Penny’s stomach churned, it did not snow at Hogwarts in September. She needed to move and figure out what to do next, she would not survive in the cold for long. When she made it to her feet, with much effort, she wobbled unsteadily. Her body felt like it had run a marathon and her vision spun dangerously. In such a condition she could not walk her way out, not without help. Taking a deep breath, she settled on her best hope. Closing her eyes she muttered, “Expecto Patronum!” 

An extravagant parrot appeared before her. She needed Snape to recognize it, and she hoped it’d have enough strength to find him. He had called her absurd for such a form for her patronus, but she felt it suited her personality very well.  
  
“Bring Snape,” she whispered to it, closing her eyes and willing it to his office in Hogwarts. When it was gone, she sat back down and conjured a fire to warm herself. Her teeth were chattering uncontrollably in the cold, and her bare legs were miserable. She pulled her cloak around her tightly, trying to stave off the frosty air. 

Penny tried hard to remain awake, but the cold was relentless, her fire doing very little to keep her a reasonable temperature. Hours passed, and the tiny snowflake that had tickled her nose was now a light blanket around her, sparkling from the light of the moon. Penny could only think about how beautiful it was to look at. She vaguely wondered why her expression had brought her to such a place, but her sluggish brain finally gave into its need for rest, and sitting against a tree, she fell asleep.

Sooner than she expected, warm hands were touching her face, holding her firmly, trying to force her to focus. She blinked in her haze, but it remained too strong for her. Long black hair and dark eyes swam in her vision but she did not register who they belonged to. But their hands were so blissfully warm against her frozen cheek. She reached for them with her free hand, but her fingers did not bend in the way she intended. They were clumsy, stiff, and devoid of feeling. The sensation should have startled her more, but she was already falling back into her dream space, far away from the cold.

“Wake up, Penny!” the voice demanded

How rude of them, did they not know how tired she was? And the wonderful dream they had woken her from. She would not do as they say, she would continue on her way back to her solitude. But a violent shaking stopped her, and she was staring, disgruntled, at the hazy face again. Penny grumbled angrily and tried to roll over, but the person was holding tightly to her shoulders. They forced her into a standing position, and began half walking, half dragging her. She did not know where they were going until heat hit her face so fiercely it hurt. And then she was being laid down, but she no longer wanted to be. The warmth hurt, her fingers and legs were screaming in agony. She cried out in pain, and kicked at the body beside her, trying to get away, escape back to the dream she wanted desperately not to forget. 

But her effort was futile, those warm hands were tying her legs and free arm to the frame beneath her, demanding her wakefulness. 

“It’s painful, but I must. . .if you’d called me sooner, I could have done more,” the hoarse voice hissed.

Warm compresses covered her limbs, searing her flesh. Her screaming made her voice ragged, she wanted it to stop, but she did not remember how to speak, see or think. There was only the horrible pain and strong hands rubbing her fingers vigorously. The torment felt like it went on for hours, Penny zoning in and out of the room. Sometimes she thought she had departed her body, but anytime she began to doze again, rough hands bruised her into wakefulness. She was not allowed to return to the call of her subconscious. She simply laid limply, staring at the flames of the fire, imagining they were eating her flesh, until dark robes billowed into her view, retrieving something from the fire. It wasn’t until her hand was dipped into a bowl did she realize it was hot water. She choked in her agony, finding her voice.

“Stop!” she begged through tears. 

Her fingers surely were no longer fingers, and if they were, she did not want them. 

“The pain will be far worse unless you hold still,” his angry voice said in her ear, as he began removing her sling.

He would inflict the same agony to her other hand. She tried to yank it away, but her shoulder screamed with pain and she yelped.

“You imbecile, you’ll worsen your injuries!”

With his wand he subdued her, and started on the second hand. Penny simply stared dazedly at him, his dark locks so familiar, but her mind could not place them. Feelings stirred in her chest. She thought she was supposed to be relieved but she did not know why. He was familiar, his angry scowl and worry etched into the lines of his face, something about them filled her heart with calmness. He was her tormentor and rescuer, someone she loved dearly, but had a hard time admitting. 

Eyelids half open, “I knew you’d come,” Penny whispered, deliriously. 

“I could hardly ignore that nuisance of a patronus of yours, it attacked me like a rabid dog. Didn’t that half-breed teach you how to control it,” he replied stiffly. 

“I’m sorry--for before,” Penny muttered, finally closing her eyes. 

This time he did not force her awake, instead he sat in his chair, watching the mangled, insufferable creature fall asleep. His scowl softened and he reached to brush beautiful red hair away from her cheek.

“Sorry wasn't enough,” he said in barely more than a whisper. And then he leaned back, arms crossed, face towards the ceiling and closed his eyes, the lines of his face betraying his regret.

  
  



	12. For A Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lovely readers, thanks for commenting and reading, I appreciate you!!
> 
> I procrastinated on my homework to get this done, I hope you like it. IT'S AN ENTIRE CHAPTER DEDICATED TO ALL SNAPE AND PENNY. I apologize in advance for the bad things I'll have to do in coming chapters, so soak in the glory of this moment!

Penny’s eyes fluttered open. Her brain was sluggish and refused to register what it was seeing. She felt disoriented and stiff, but when she made to turn over and found herself tied to a bed. She tugged at her bonds, heart racing as she tried to remember how she had ended up here. Before she made any progress, her gaze fell on a sleeping figure seated in a chair beside her bed.

His arms were crossed, the man was truly as stiff in his sleep as awake. It was like he was always on the defensive and did not know how to relax. Her thumping heart eased, and relief spread over her. He had come, though why he had tied her to the bed was disturbing and perplexing. It was the kind of thing she had only seen in bad porn and did not dare think of Snape in _those_ kinds of dubious circumstances. Perhaps this was his punishment for her stupidity. And he didn’t even know the half of it, (Penny was uncertain she should tell him what transpired in her head. Especially when she wasn't sure what his opinion of her was after their altercation.) 

A Death Eater, she thought, looking at his still, pale features. There were many curious emotions that stirred within her as she let the thought of it settle over her. Confusion was the greatest, or perhaps disbelief. She just couldn’t understand how, but wasn’t sure if it was the--how he could have made that choice or--the how she really knew nothing about Severus Snape. He was much older than her, likely 35ish, and lived much of life before Penny knew him, so of course there were things. Yet, this was much more than a crazy ex or doing acid in your 20’s. It also made Penny question why Dumbledore trusted Snape. The mixed emotions frustrated her, so she pushed them aside. She did not want to squander such a rare moment of vulnerability. His head rested to the side, and his black hair framed his face nicely. Penny almost had the urge to brush them away from his pale cheek, but remembered, for some nefarious reason, she was tied to the bed.

Snape’s breathing was rhythmic, his chest rising and falling beneath his arms. His mouth was relaxed, but the lines around them were a permanent fixture. Penny wondered what he might have looked like when he was her age, what interested him and what led him down this path. He was forever the most interesting person to her, even if she’d never admit it. (His egotistical nature did not need the boost.) For whatever reason, Penny so easily forgot about his worse qualities, though most of their interactions were laced with his condescension. Even still, she felt that behind his facade he cared, and struggled to reconcile that caring with his hatred for her father. She'd seen it, in those moments when his guard fell--like this moment--when she could feel his energy as readily as the pillow beneath her head. The blissful vibration, the tingling when his skin touched hers, it didn’t lie.

Snape stirred, his slim hand rubbing his eyes in an effort to force them into wakefulness. Sitting upright, as though suddenly aware of his lapse in judgement, his eyes snapped to Penny’s face. Dark eyes met green, neither wanting to break the silence first. 

“I didn’t realize you were into bondage,” Penny finally blurted out, unable to handle the silence a moment longer.

He rolled his eyes, clearly unamused with her juvenile remark. 

He bent forward in his chair and began undoing the knot at her wrist. A wave of his scent hit Penny in the face, bergamot, always bergamot and stale fire. Penny took in the heavenly smell greedily before it moved away to untie her feet. When she was free, she tried to sit up, but floundered like a whale stuck on the beach. Taking pity on her immobility, Snape slipped his hands under her armpits and pulled her upright before moving to retrieve her sling. He made his way to the right side of her bed and took hold of her hand to examine it before returning her arm to its prison. 

“You are fortunate I have considerable magical capabilities,” he said, scrutinizing her raw flesh.

“I thought I was the arrogant one,” Penny snorted.

“Need I impress upon you the severity of the situation, Potter? Because I assumed you capable of critical thinking after four years of magical training,” he said, eyes flashing.

“Alright, you aren’t a morning person, duly noted,” Penny said, conceding. 

Snape’s expression remained severe as he replaced her sling and waved his wand to put a pot on the fire. Retrieving a bowl that looked to be full of some balm, he sat on the squishy mattres which sank considerably with the addition of his weight, and coated his hand with it. It smelled strongly of tea tree and citrus. Without warning he began massaging her hand unkindly, working the balm into her tender flesh. Penny winced and tried to reclaim her hand from the horrible burning, but Snape’s slender fingers held firm and continued their brutalizing. 

“Ow, really, that hurts, like a-lot!” 

“You reap the consequences of your foolhardy actions. I've never met a more idiotic, suicidal individual," said Snape, his voice dripping with disdain.

“Don’t call me an idiot! If you recall, I ended up in this predicament because of your violent, psychotic-break yesterday!” Penny fumed, her anger bursting to the surface.

“Yesterday?” he repeated, eyes darting to her face, searching for the truth in her minds eye. 

The anger was gone, to be replaced with a cold, calculating stare.

“It felt like yesterday. I sent my patronus as soon as I woke up,” said Penny, feeling irritated that he ignored the real issue at hand. 

“Woke up? Explain yourself. Do you have any inclination where you are, or how you got here?” 

“Should I?”

“Do try to use that brain you claim is so brilliant, and answer my questions, in detail!” snapped Snape.

His hands were shaking. It was evident he was on the verge of exploding, but Penny did not care. 

“Be obedient Penny, don’t question anything Penny. Why should I trust you a Death Eater like you, you pointed your wand at me!" Penny replied scathingly. 

“You insolent brat, you understand nothing!” he said in a dangerously low voice, his spit hitting her face with every word.

“BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING,” Penny roared, grabbing the front of Snape’s robes with her left hand and glaring up at him as though willing her gaze to burn him with the emotions she had welled up inside. 

The motion didn’t quite have the effect she aimed for. She was over a head shorter than the potions master, who towered over her. Penny imagined she didn’t look much different than a child to the man, but her anger did not mind, she could not function within reason. Nothing made sense, her heart ached, and her body had more pains than she cared to acknowledge and still the man insisted on making demands of her, like none of the responsibility rested with him. He was an insufferable jackass, and Penny refused to let him bully her.

Snape’s face darkened and Penny was certain he would kill her, and for a moment she was terrified of his retribution, but then he did a most peculiar thing. He forced his eyes shut, the lines of his mouth still hard. He remained very still as though he were trying to calm himself. The exercise was comical on such an angry face, but seemed to have the intended effect because when he opened his dark eyes he was no longer shaking.

“You have been missing for two months,” he said in a deliberately calm voice. 

“That isn’t possible,” Penny said, her anger crumbling into disbelief.

"I assure you, it is."

The conversation with Tom couldn’t have been more than a couple of hours. Her mind understood time, there was no logical way it moved differently there. The only alternative was that Tom did something after their Equivalent Exchange. There had been blackness and who knew how long she remained there with no sense of time. But why had he done it? The black eyes before her were an abyss of horrible possibilities she did not want to confront. It was her hand that now shook, not from anger, but fear. 

“That doesn’t make any sense. What happened when I lost control?”

“You used a particularly dark spell. Of course you had zero chance of actually landing it, with your thoughts spilling out of you like a toddler mid-tantrum," he said, a look of disgust inching the way over his harsh features as he recalled the memory. 

“I reached out to your mind, if you were party to my thoughts, why didn’t you answer?" demanded Penny.

Snape looked away from her, anguish coloring his complexion. The kettle on the fire whistled loudly, and he stood briskly, fleeing from her question to remove it and begin meticulously brewing coffee. All the while his face contorting in pain, and Penny unable to utter a single word. She knew he would never answer the question, no matter how she pressed. To preserve himself, he left her with the damning silence. 

When he returned, his composure back in place, he jammed a mug in her face, demanding she accept. Irritated, Penny refused the cup pushing it back towards him and turning her face away, nose in the air. Scowling, but making no response, he sat back down in the chair. 

“I want to go home, I want to see Harry,” Penny demanded.

Her fear was swelling in her chest making her feel as though she were on the verge of a panic attack. She wanted the safety of her twin, to lay her head on his shoulder. Harry, how had he suffered while she was lost? She needed to tell him how sorry she was, beg him to help her make sense of it all. 

The utterance of Harry’s name brought a sneer to Snape’s face. He took a sip of his scalding coffee before responding. 

“Poor, self-important Harry Potter is fine. Basking in the attention from the Triwizard Tournament without a care in the world. You waste your worry on him when it's you who will be handed over to the custody of the Ministry of Magic the moment we return to Hogwarts,” spat Snape. 

“You can’t let them, I refuse to go!”

“Let them! The ministry is at Hogwarts for the tournament, did you delude yourself into thinking no one would inquire when popular Penny didn't showing up to class!” he hissed.

“So you’re just going to sell me out,” she said, angrily.

“ _Me, sell you out!”_ he shouted, getting to his feet and throwing his mug in the opposite direction. It hit the cauldron and shattered. “Who showed up and pulled you from the brink of death! I’ve spent the last two months searching for you while everyone else fawned over your dunce of a brother. Wake up, Penny! You’re just the other Potter. You.Don’t.Matter,” he finished, vehemently, chest heaving and face maniacal. 

Without her consent, hot tears rolled down her face. The other Potter, she would forever be just that. No matter how hard Penny worked, how much she achieved, she was always in the shadow of her twin. She would get no special treatment like he. She was a freak, possessing a dark magic she could not control. Of course she would be shipped off to the ministry, no parent in their right mind would want her in class with their children. Perhaps they speculated, while giving Harry his scar, Voldemort gave her evil magic. No one could say otherwise, not even Penny, after all, she knew nothing about her own powers. 

Snape was right, in his cruelty he was trying to show her the truth of her predicament. He was always there for her, the only one there. Who else cared, beyond a shallow interest, what happened to her? Who’s day was any different without her these last two months? Nothing would have stopped her from searching for Harry, but it was Snape who stood before her now, trying desperately to prepare her for the reality waiting for her, not Harry. Snape hadn’t taken her back to Hogwarts when he found her freezing in the snow, he erected this tent and nursed her like Lily would have. 

The weight of Penny’s loneliness, fear, and disbelief cascaded inwardly, and she sobbed unapologetically. Snape looked awkward, peering around as though the tent walls would tell him what he should do. With a resigned sigh he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to her wordlessly. Then he slid her to the side of the bed to make room for himself and sat beside her. Arms and legs crossed, he laid back against the headboard, and just remained. They simply sat, bodies somewhat squished together on the single mattress, not looking at each other. He said nothing, but Penny did not need him to, he was there for her like he always had been. He did not condemn her, but clung to the quietness of the forest with her, doing what he could to stave off the impending misery, even if it was only for a moment.

Penny’s sobs eased as she gulped in the smell of bergamot. The warmth of Snape’s frame next to hers filled her with calmness. What was to come did not matter. Snape found her, and she trusted he would always find her--they would find each other, because in her most desperate moments, it was his presence she always sought. She called for him with her patronus because she believed he would come, even after such an awful fight. Penny trusted in Severus Snape more than anyone else, even if she was unable to verbally admit it. She would forever be magnetized to the man.

The rising and falling of their chests was the only sound for what felt like hours. Neither stirred, fearful to bring reality crashing in. The world waited beyond the tent, and it was as if they just never left it wouldn't have to come. There was a contentment both of them clung to. Things were going to change, bringing the crushing weight of how important they were to each other. All of the time they took for granted, the bickering that filled hours of their lives, it was falling away from them like a hand trying desperately to hold onto water. 

It was Snape who finally broke the silence. “Get up, we're leaving now."

Penny nodded, and turned to sink her nose into the chest of his robes. She soaked in the comforting smell, committing it to memory before rising. Snape rose stiffly after her, he retrieved a large cloak from a chair and wrapped it around her and exited the tent. They stood silently in the snow for a minute, staring at the tent, the moonlight glimmering softly on it. Without bothering to wave it away with his wand, Snape left the tent in tact, as though the act to leave a memento of something neither of them could return to. He grasped her shoulder and turned on his heel and they disapparated, appearing a moment later in the middle of Hogsmede, Hogwarts castle looming in the distance, the windows glowing from the candles within. 

Penny looked into Snape’s anguished face and knew she could not ask anymore of him. She could not make him drag her to her imprisonment. Squaring her shoulders and setting her jaw, she marched past him towards Hogwarts, squeezing his hand momentarily as she went. 

_Their daring, nerve, and chivalry Set Gryffindors apart_

That’s what the sorting hat sung the year she was sorted into Gryffindor; when she had looked up at the staff table and green eyes met black for the first time. There was shock and bewilderment in them, but the allure of the Potions Master was the desperate hope that was so picture perfect on his face. In that moment their destinies forever became ensnared, because Penny could not stop searching for the dark eyes of Severus Snape, and he could not help but hope every time he looked back at Penny.


	13. A Gift From My Liege

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!!   
> Into the Department of Mysteries we go!!! This chapter is longer than the others, but I really couldn't have Penny leave Hogwarts without seeing Harry. I also decided to make Tonks non-binary so the pronouns are they/their/them. 
> 
> I tried to put some extra editing into this. Previously, I've gone back and changed dialogue after posting, usually Snape's, to make it more in-character, but since people subscribed, I wanted the best version to be posted for those readers. But I do go back and alter chapters here and there. I actually changed quite a bit of dialogue from the last chapter, but if anything major changes, I'll let you know!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think! <3333 as always, thanks for the comments !

Penny sat unnaturally still. Dumbledore’s office was a comforting place, it radiated the freedom of Hogwarts. His blue eyes twinkled sadly in the candlelight light, watching her from across his desk. Snape left her with him, sweeping from the room without explanation. In his absence, Penny begged the headmaster to summon Harry, to which he agreed. Penny could think of nothing else but Harry, not a single word was able to be formed while she watched the clock tick by, ten, and then fifteen minutes in silence, waiting for his messy head of hair to burst through the door. Then, finally, she heard the footsteps and the severe notes of Professor McGonagall's voice. 

“I must impress upon you Mr. Potter, the serious nature of the incident--”

The door flew open without a knock and Penny was on her feet, staring into his green eyes. A moment later, his arms twisted around her, his hand running through her hair, desperate to confirm she was real. 

“I knew you’d come back. No one believed me,” he said so quietly only she could hear.

“Can you blame them?” she replied, trying to suppress the overwhelming emotion in her chest.

“Where were you all this time?” he said, pulling away slightly to search her face.

“Wish I knew. But listen, Harry, did Professor McGonagall tell you--”

“Tell me what,” Harry demanded, his eyes turning suddenly fierce.

Penny glanced at her professor, who shook her head apologetically. Penny couldn't blame her, Harry was an impossible person to communicate with when he was set on something and she imagined as soon as he heard she was in the castle, he was not interested in anything else.

“My expression is -- a problem. It did things without my intending,” Penny began, trying to find the right words, but nothing felt adequate. 

She wanted it not to be the case, and to leave with Harry. Have a laugh about something stupid, eat dinner in the Great Hall, and complain about homework. But they wouldn’t be returning to their reality, the one that saved them from their aunt and uncle’s. Penny always believed nothing could encroach on their bliss, yet in a matter of minutes she’d be hauled away and Hogwarts could not help her.

“We all lose control, it’s normal. Don’t you remember when I blew up aunt Marge? You just expect too much of yourself,” said Harry. 

“I’m not you, they’re -- well, the ministry is taking me away from Hogwarts for a while,” Penny burst out.

The abruptness startled even her, but Sirius always did tell her to be more direct with her brother. It would be a poor thing not to prepare him for the worst with so little time to discuss this.

“They can’t, that's absurd, Professor, do something?” Harry said brows furrowed, looking from Penny to Dumbledore.

“I’m afraid there is nothing I can do, Harry. The Ministry has a lot of regulations regarding magic they cannot trace. The minister has assured me they will work on expediting the process and returning Penny to us as soon as feasible,” Dumbledore replied gently, getting to his feet. 

“She isn’t dangerous! They can’t just take her away like she’s a criminal or something, she belongs here! She hasn’t done anything wrong!” Harry said angrily, taking Penny’s hand firmly in his, like a child would cling to a beloved toy, refusing to relinquish it to another.

“You are right, Penny has done nothing wrong, but that has never stopped people from fearing what they do not understand. It is my hope that the talented witches and wizards at the ministry will be able to help Penny control her expression, because she is a danger, but to herself rather than others,” said Dumbledore, placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder. 

Harry stared back at Dumbledore with an angry, disbelieving expression. Penny had never seen anything but admiration for Dumbledore in Harry’s eyes, it hurt her to see such disappointment color his brilliant features. She wanted him to understand it wasn’t the headmaster’s fault, many things had transpired and she wished she could share them all, but before Penny could find a way to say any of it, the door opened and people began filing in.

“A bad, business, bad bad, business, Dumbledore, but you forced my hand,” said Fudge , shaking his head, oblivious to the room full of observers. 

Behind him, Penny caught sight of the dark features of Snape, making her heart drop a few centimeters from its normal position in her chest. He looked scathingly at Fudge, who was flanked on either side. 

“Minister, Tonks, Kingsley,” Dumbledore said pleasantly, nodding at the newcomers. 

“Say goodbye to your sister, Mr. Potter, it is time we take our leave,” Professor McGonagall said gently, her hand grasping Penny’s shoulder.

Penny looked up to meet her eyes and nodded. She understood the unspoken words that passed between them. McGonagall was upset, but more than that, there was a fierceness in her expression, willing Penny to do what she always did--challenge everything. Penny grabbed Harry, burying her head into his neck for a long moment, “I’ll be back before you know it. But Harry, please,  _ be careful _ ,” she pleaded. 

“They aren’t taking you, this is insane,” he said loudly.

“Really Dumbledore, was it appropriate to bring the boy here,” Fudge said disapprovingly. 

Snape moved forward, sneering, “Appropriate? And what would you know of that, Minister. You brought two aurors to escort a single teenager from the premises,” he said coldly. 

“My safety--” 

“ _ Safety!”  _ Snape spat, “Do tell us what danger a 14 year-old poses to a full grown wizard, hmm?” 

Fudge was beginning to look very much like an over-large cherry as he swelled with anger. 

“Severus, that is enough,” Dumbledore said in a tone that told everyone in the room the conversation was over.

Snape looked furiously at Dumbledore, but made no response. 

“I’ll escort everyone out and allow Penny a moment to gather herself before she departs,” Dumbledore continued, moving across the room to hold the door. 

Fudge looked mutinous, but with a great huff, he puffed himself up and stomped from the office, his entourage close behind. Harry turned to Penny, his green eyes full of defiance. 

“They can’t do this.” he said.

“For once in your life Harry, listen! You need to worry about yourself and the Triwizard Tournament. Just look at me, I’ll be fine!” Penny said, trying to force herself to sound more optimistic than she felt.

Harry’s expression darkened and his eyebrow raised as he looked at her shoulder and then to the rest of her. 

“That’s exactly my point, look at you! You’re injured, and you haven’t even explained what happened these past two months,”Harry exclaimed.

“As touching as this reunion is, You have been asked to leave, Potter, you would do well to _get out!_ ” said Snape, giving Harry a look of utmost contempt.

Harry glared right back at the potions master, opening his mouth as though to respond but was cut off. 

“Come Harry, I do not wish to force you from the room, let's not make this any harder than it already is for Penny,” Dumbledore said in a soft tone that he saved only for Harry. 

Angry, Harry set his jaw and looked at Penny, squeezing her hand, “There’s nothing wrong with you, don’t forget that,” he said before exiting the office.   
  
With a quiet  _ thud,  _ the door shut, but Penny was not alone. Snape remained, a rucksack in his left hand. He crossed the distance between them and forced it into her hands.

“What--”

“I have no time to waste on useless questions, Ms. Potter, your eyes can answer them later,” he said, betraying a hint of impatience. “For merlin's sake, do not fool yourself into believing anyone at the ministry has any interest in your wellbeing,” he went on in a severe tone.

“I see you’ve used up all your feelings for the day,” Penny replied sarcastically, “But thanks for the  _ dad _ lecture, you might try adding some personal experience to really drive it home.”

Snape’s eyes flashed dangerously, it was not the moment to bring up James. Penny imagined it was a hard thing to care for the child of one’s archenemy. The thought made Penny wonder why Snape did it. What compelled the man to help her?

“Your loathsome father--” Snape began,

“Isn’t here, nor is she,” Penny cut in. 

Normally, Penny tried not to let being an orphan phase her, but there were times when it was impossible to ignore. Moments like this, where normal kids wouldn’t be facing such things alone made it hard to forget. Perhaps there would have been words of encouragement, or Lily hugging her daughter. But Penny could only imagine because she’d never had such an experience, she only observed them at the Weasleys, or on muggle television. In lieu of those permanent parental fixtures stood the potions master. 

Snape’s irritation did not budge in the wake of her self-pity, rather, it seemed to take offense at her words. He stepped into her space, glaring down his hooked nose at her, “You have never been alone,” he said, burning her with his harshness. Silence reverberated off the walls, Penny utterly bewildered by the man. 

“Nevertheless, you may write to me--” he added, shifting uncomfortably as though the words falling from his lips were indecent. 

“How kind of you, my liege, to take such mercy on me, and  _ allow _ me such a privilege,” replied Penny, sardonically.

Snape’s thin lips became little more than a line, his eyes narrowing dangerously. 

“What's the matter, Professor, are you angry?” she continued, jamming her left pointer finger into his chest.

“Do spare me from another of your tantrums, I daresay you’ve had enough to last a lifetime,” he replied vehemently.

“You’re a bloody coward, if you weren’t, you'd stop hiding behind that wall of yours before I walk out that door!" she fumed. " _Nevertheless,"_ she went on, intending to meet his cruelty with her own, "I!-- I will write to you, Severus Snape. I’ll write because--I’ll miss you. Because. . .I’m scared. Because I need you,” she said, her voice getting steadily quieter as she went, her anger falling away with the finger that returned to her side. 

His face remained expressionless as the seconds ticked by. Pulling her rucksack to her chest, she brushed past Snape and reached for the doorknob.

“Write to me. . .please.” he said in a strangled voice.

Penny paused and looked back at him, dark black hair hanging like curtains around his sallow-skinned face, the lines dark with shadow and torment.

“Only if you write first.”

Without another word, Penny turned on her heel and Snape watched despairingly as her long red hair disappeared. He could lie to anyone without fear of detection, but he could not lie to himself, the girl was insufferable, insufferably essential. 

******

Penny stared out the window of the dark sky from her compartment on the train. The aurors were having a discussion on the platform with Fudge, who apparated on the spot at its conclusion. A few minutes later the two joined her in the compartment. The tall, bald man took a seat opposite her, his deep blue cloak gleaming against her dark skin.   
  
“Kingsley Shacklebolt, at your service, Penny,” he said with a kind voice. 

“And I’m Tonks,” said the amused creature taking up residence beside Penny. They had short green hair that reminded Penny of the color of dish detergent, and wore a muted, striped button up beneath a handsome brown cloak. 

“You’re aurors?” Penny asked, marveling at how such a young looking and handsome person like Tonks had already made it through the schooling necessary to join such an elite group.

Tonks grinned, blue eyes glimmering with amusement, “What, we don’t look suitable enough to be your guards?” 

“No, it’s just, I imagined aurors somewhat differently,” Penny replied, glancing apologetically at Kingsley.

He gave a deep chuckle and replied, “The stuffy type work in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, the auror office naturally attracts a, different sort of person.”

“Is that where we’re going, then?” 

“Eh, no.” Tonks replied, glancing uncomfortably at Kingsley.

“You’re headed to the Department of Mysteries,” he replied.

Penny’s features immediately darkened, she knew of the department by reputation. It contained the most brilliant wizards, many of which conducted studies of various sorts. She did not fancy the idea of being a new project for them to poke and prod at.

“They’ll be able to help you,” Tonks said, trying to adopt a paternal tone, it did nothing to ease Penny’s cynicism.

“Right, ‘help me’ become a pin cushion,” she scoffed. 

“From what I’ve heard about you, you’ll be the one doing the poking,” Tonks winked. 

“How would  _ you _ have heard of  _ me _ ?” Penny asked, confused.

Tonks turned and pulled their legs onto the cushion and crossed them to face Penny. “The prophet, of course. There have been quite a few stories about you lately,” Tonks said matter-of-factly.

“While you were missing, and since Harry became a Triwizard Champion, Rita Skeeter seems to have developed a particular interest in your family,” Kingsley clarified.

Penny stared horror struck at the both of them. Harry must have been furious, and Penny did not want imagine what absurd things Rita Skeeter came up with to say, her writing was never very kind or factual. 

“So, is it true you destroyed Krum in a quidditch match, and you regularly sass the terrifying Potions Master?” said Tonks, bouncing up and down with excitement. 

Both were watching Penny with curiosity, much in the way Penny had seen people react to her brother when they asked,  _ is there really a scar? _

“I forgot about Krum, he’s the reason my shoulder is like this,” Penny glowered, “but it was worth it, the maneuver was glorious,” she continued, reminiscing on the moment she forced Krum to concede in their game of chicken, the happiness it filled her with could produce the strongest of patronuses. 

Kingsley shook his head, but amusement crinkled around his eyes, while Tonks jammed their fist into the air triumphantly. The three of them spent the next several hours talking and playing various games to pass the time. Half-way to London, a warm breakfast was served, just as the sun broke over the horizon. Penny felt very tired after the meal and laid her head back, falling asleep almost instantly. 

Sometime later, Kingsley woke her with his deep voice. Penny’s eyes opened reluctantly, and she followed the two onto the station platform and into the busy streets of London. Everything was intrusively loud, irritating Penny’s head, which was very adverse to being fully awake. Penny paid little attention to her surroundings, she never liked London, it was much too crowded, with people always trying to be _somewhere_ _ else _ . 

Tonks and Kingsley took Penny away from the hubbub and guided her toward a back entrance into the ministry so as to avoid the crowded Atrium. Down a small alleyway, they stopped at a broom closet that seemed to appear only when the two aurors pointed it out. Inside was a dirty fireplace where Kingsley tossed in some green powder and walked through, disappearing from view.

“After you,” said Tonks.

On the other side, Penny found herself in what reminded her of a warehouse, though not quite as large. Fluorescent lights blinded them from the ceiling, and rows of shelving lined every inch of the space, except for the neatly curved out rows between them. The shelves seemed to be piled with poorly organized junk. Tonks appeared beside her, smelling wonderfully of aftershave. High cheekbones grinned down at Penny, beckoning her down one of the many rows. They exited the room and made their way to the lift, which dinged on their destination: “ _ Level Nine Department of Mysteries _ ,” the smooth female voice said. 

Inside stood a group of wizards, several wearing white robes that were reminiscent of lab coats. Among them was a stout blond man who was wearing expensive-looking emerald robes. Kingsley stopped, visibly tensing at the sight of the group. 

“Ah, Shackelbolt, you made it, we have been waiting for our new guest,” the blond man said with a horrible smile on his face. 

“I am surprised to see you here, Yaxley. We were not informed of your involvement. Doesn’t one such as yourself have more important matters to tend to,” Kingsley said in a deep, authoritative tone. 

“It was decided The Department of Magical Law Enforcement should oversee such a, delicate matter. You only just missed the Minister,” replied Yaxley, looking down on Penny as though she were some trophy to be obtained.

Instinctively, Penny stepped backward, trying to put distance between herself and the man. There was a horrible feeling coming from him, and a wickedness in his eyes that he did not bother to hide. Tonks placed a hand on Penny’s shoulder, and moved forward, “The Auror office has an expressed interest in the proceedings. We will be making frequent check-ins to ensure best practices are being followed,” said Tonks, their voice not bothering to hide the threat. 

“By all means, we have no reason to stop you,” Yaxley replied, giving a slight nod of his head.

Both aurors turned their back on him, giving their full attention to Penny. 

“This is where you will be staying, they will not allow you to leave the department, but we will ensure you have everything you need, and if you have any requests, don’t hesitate to ask,” Kingsley said with a warm, toothy smile. 

His low voice was soothing, calming Penny’s nerves. She had taken to clutching her rucksack to her chest as though it would protect her from the greedy gaze of Yaxley.

“You’ll visit, won’t you?” Penny asked, glancing uncomfortably at the group over their shoulders.

“You betcha!” said Tonks.   
  
“As often as we can,” added Kingsley. 

“Give em hell for me,” Tonks whispered in her ear, as they departed. 

Without a moment's hesitation, Yaxley swept upon Penny like a hawk would its prey, placing a hand on the small of her back. The gesture sent a wave of discomfort down her spine. He looked through his lashes at her, blue eyes marred by the many crinkling lines that swallowed them. Disgusted by the man, Penny, pulled herself out of his grip, taking a deliberate step out of his bubble.

“You’ll forgive me, but men who feel the need to make power plays are not really my type,” Penny said scathingly.

“Ahh yes, I did hear you are more into the allure of the reformed bad boy. We’ll see how long that holds,” he said smoothly.

It sounded to Penny as though he were making a reference to Snape, but she could not be sure. How much did Rita Skeeter write about her and what did Yaxley know of Snape’s history? There were many questions Penny wanted answered, but she doubted she would find them while under house arrest at the Department of Mysteries. Refusing to respond, Penny turned to the other wizards who were pretending not to notice their exchange.

“Your quarters are this way,” one responded awkwardly, meeting her her impatient gaze.

The room he showed her to was some sort of horrible joke. It was completely bare-white with a single fluorescent bulb dangling in the center of it. A tiny bed was pushed into a corner and a table with two chairs resided on the other side of the room. 

“You may set your things there, we will be getting started with some preliminaries,” Yaxley said, delicately.

With a sigh, Penny set down her rucksack, at least she had discovering what Snape filled it with to look forward to. Pretending to busy herself with some things in it, Penny closed her eyes, reaching for her magic. With little effort she bound the sack to her bed and ensured it would only open to her touch. There was no doubt in her mind this lot would go snooping and she did not want anything going missing before she had the chance to tally it all. Satisfied with her effort, she turned and followed briskly after her new prison guards. 

Mercifully, Penny did not have to endure their company for long. Their first stop was a cozy room where a middle-aged woman waited for her. The walls were a sky blue, making Penny feel less like a lab rat.

“Penelope Potter,” the woman said warmly.

“Call me Penny, please.”

“Alright, Penny. I’m Florence. I’m to fill out your health report, but why don’t we see if we can’t make you a bit more comfortable first. You poor thing, all these injuries,” she said, examining Penny.

“Yeah, I’ve had a bout of bad-luck. But Madam Pomfrey said there wasn’t much that could be done.”

Florence began removing Penny’s sling, freeing her aching arm, and examining her, still tender, fingers. 

“Normally, that is true, but I’m a healer, and my unique ability is to expedite that process,” Florence smiled.

Penny had read of healers, they were quite rare, but she did not know the ministry kept any. Perhaps life in the Department of Mysteries would not be so horrendous after all, especially if she could be free from the damn pain of her shoulder. Florence helped Penny remove most of her clothing, explaining a healer needed direct contact with the skin to address the injuries. Then, she laid Penny down on a soft table akin to one a masseuse might use. Warm hands moved over Penny’s pale flesh, relieving her discomfort as she went. It took a better part of an hour for Florence, but when she finished, Penny’s shoulder felt good as new. 

“Now be on your way, and no more accidents!” Florence said, parting ways with Penny in a long hallway lined with many doors.

Penny’s next stop was the bathrooms where she was allotted an hour to bathe. It was the most glorious experience. She did not realize how dirty her hair was until she saw all the debris floating in the tub. It was so gross, she scrubbed her head three times to ensure she got it all out. A bathrobe was left for her, and she wore it awkwardly down the quiet halls, In her bedroom she found a pile of clothing someone left for her. Of course they wanted to dress her like a mental patient in a pair of grey sweats, white tank top and black hoodie. Lord forbid they acquire normal attire.

In her paranoia, Penny refused to strip down and instead went through some tedious gymnastics to dress herself while keeping covered from whoever was almost assuredly observing her. When she finished and tamed her mane of wet hair with a bun, she flopped onto the bed and opened the rucksack, spilling the contents out beside her. A collection of daily prophet articles were present, one seemed to be attached to a letter addressed from Lupin, making her heart soar. It was the piece he promised to publish for her, along with a thick response to her own words. She wondered if he knew yet that she was safe  _ and _ abducted by the ministry. The sight of his scrawl eased her heart, with his words to keep her company, she felt less alone.

She set it aside to read later, looking at what else Snape included in her contraband. There was the photo of Lupin and his sunflower, another of her and Harry that usually sat on her bedside table, and the last was of Lily smiling prettily at the photographer who was likely James. Setting them down with a smile, she picked up two books, _Pride and Prejudice,_ which was Penny’s favorite muggle novel as well as a very dingy, _A Complete Guide to NEWT Potions Making._ Flipping it open to the first page, she found--Severus Snape--printed neatly in the corner. The pretty lettering of Snape’s was to be found all throughout the book where he scratched out various instructions and notes around the text. The final item in her sack was a small stuffed bear. It was very worn, and had patches of fur missing. Penny dare not believe it ever belonged to Snape, or think what possessed him to include it. But when she brought it to her nose the faint smell of bergamot, bergamot and mildew swam over her. The gesture of the gift sent a curious sensation through Penny’s chest, one she could not quite pinpoint.

She tucked her things back into the bag, clutched it to her chest, and closed her eyes, intending to nap while she could. Her brain felt fatigued, too much had transpired in such a short amount of time, leaving her zero time to wrap her head around any of it. If she were going to play her cards right, she needed her focus back. For whatever reason, Penny had the horrible feeling that the worst was yet to come, she was certain Yaxley would make sure of that.


	14. Wizard's Chess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!
> 
> Sorry for the delay in posting. Life has been a bit stressful with exams. I'm taking Chinese as a second language and it's intense!
> 
> This chapter is a lot longer than some others, but it's necessary! I'm half way through my next chapter as well, which shoulder be up in a day or two!
> 
> Stay safe and enjoy.

Penny’s body lay spread-eagle on her bed, an open letter still clutched in her hand. The ink was smudged and the paper worn, but still it was legible. 

_Dear Penny,_

_I was so delighted to see your edits on the essay. I really think you are a very talented young witch, it was really my luck to have been privileged to teach you. But don’t just take my word for it. I am writing with the spectacular news that the Daily Prophet has accepted your work and you will be featured in the first week of October! You have earned this, I’m so proud! I hope you don’t mind that I asked Dumbledore to do the write up of your profile. I would have done it myself, but being what I am, I did not want to tarnish your moment, The headmaster was also very enthusiastic about helping and had some wonderful things to say about you, but you will see soon enough, I don’t want to spoil anything._

_On the nature of your concerns, I am familiar with expression, it is unfortunate that Grindelwald is the only case people know of, but the gift is very rare. You would do well to heed Professor Snape and avoid the Durmstrangs, I would not put violence past them, especially with the history they have with Grindelwald, but please remember it comes from a place of ignorance. There is nothing wrong with you. I wish your dad were here to tell you himself, what a wonderful, kind, and brilliant young woman you are. But I knew your dad very well, and for many years, so I hope you will trust the authority with which I speak on this subject, there would have been no question in either of your parents' mind on this: you are perfect just the way you are and there is no need to fear yourself. It will take time to understand, and I am sure Dumbledore is already working on it, but just allow yourself time to process it. We will figure this out. I am always here for you, don’t forget that. I’ll do everything in my power to help you._

_Harry is very much like your father! I daresay most of us find it hard to believe that Professor Snape has taken a liking to any student outside of Slytherin. Don’t let it get you down, it seems like the mentorship is as good for Professor Snape as it is you, Harry will come around eventually, but to us outside observers, you have nothing to worry about trusting Severus Snape. I believe he has your best interests at heart._

_I better wrap up this letter, I still have some things to finish today. Before I go, I was hoping to visit you and Harry in Hogsmede on November 6th. Perhaps we could have a butterbeer and check out Zonkos around 3pm, does that work for you? Let me know and I’ll make arrangements, and bring some books of interest along for you. I miss our chats at Hogwarts too, Penny, but just because our friendship looks different these days doesn’t mean it’s any less valuable. Try and stay positive._

_Again I am SO proud!  
_ _Remus Lupin._

Steps echoed in the hall causing Penny to bolt upright in her bed, head swiveling to the door. Her eyes betrayed no grogginess, but stared with panic at the dark wooden frame, dark circles encasing them like a cage. It swung open, and the dreaded, squeaky shoes crossed the room, their silent frame dressed in maroon robes, flanked by two more, who wore black robes. None of them spoke, not even a greeting. They simply crossed to her, in the robotic motion they did every night. Behind them was the cart they always brought. The first reached for a device on top and made for Penny. 

“You know a, ‘hello, sorry to wake you,’ would be polite,” Penny said, eyeing the collar-like device with disgust. 

The silent man ignored her and pressed the evil blue button that opened the device. He approached her, aiming for her neck. Penny instinctively raised her arms, having nowhere to retreat to. 

“Marshall, do you like that name? I decided on it since you refuse to tell me your actual name. But look, Marshall, can we not have a civil discussion about this. I know you think this is _science_ , but you do realize you are forcing a collar onto a human, an underage human at that. What happened to children's rights?” Penny demanded.

As expected, a hand caught hold of her ankle and yanked her to the end of the bed. The two flunkies descended on her, pinning her hands, while Marshall attached the device to her neck. It buzzed and closed uncomfortably, while three more smaller versions of it were attached to her and ankles and left wrist. Then she was being dragged down the same bright hallway they took her down every night. The emptiness was the only indication of night in the place, as there was not a single window in any of the rooms she was allowed in. It was awful, not knowing the time of day without asking. The morning crew, who were decidedly not sketchy scientists, spoke to her and answered all her questions. But this nameless, silent bunch, who pulled her from her bed each night, never responded. 

Penny was nothing more than a subject to be poked and prodded until they found the results they so desired. Tonight they appeared to be taking her to the Never-ending room. Penny dubbed it this because though at first glance the room appeared small, it continued on with no end. Even when it was well lit her eyes could not find the other side of the room. She was forced into her normal seat at the table. She plopped her head onto it, tugging at her neck. Penny was never a very claustrophobic person, but she felt on the verge of becoming one. 

The point of the device was to produce a response, and that response would bring out her expression. But to do so it relied on a slow torture, because, of course, asking was an unreasonable way to collect data. Penny just wanted to go back to sleep, she did not have the resolve for tonight's battle. She clenched the table in an effort to muster her willpower, thinking of Lupin’s letter. It was the only thing that helped her keep it together. If she could just get through this, give them what they want, perhaps she could go back to Hogwarts and finally meet Lupin in Hogsmede.

Sooner than Penny would have liked, she was being pushed upright, a box dumped before her. Marshall pulled a peculiar item from it, one that reminded her of a very elaborate perculator, except the bottom where the coffee would normally be collected was full of what looked to be pearls. On the opposite end, where water should have been was a sharp looking object attached to a long tube. One of the dark robed minions took it in his hand and turned on Penny.

“We haven’t come to drawing blood, I thought we were friends? Is it because I didn’t give you a name like Marshall? You can be Oliver if you just put the sharp object down,” said Penny, eyes narrowing darkly. 

In anticipation of her fight, the collar contracted, and the feeling of a thousand tiny needles erupted over it. She choked and reached uselessly for her neck, Oliver intercepting her right hand. He pressed it against the arm of her chair and then forced the tip of the tube into the thin skin of her hand, until it was completely hidden beneath and only the tube was visible. 

“Have any of you tried asking! Or are you just fond of this barbarism?” Penny gasped. 

Silence was their response, but she didn’t care. The horrible sensation in her neck was ebbing away, to be replaced by the stinging in her in her hand. She wanted to rip the thing out, but the gesture would only serve to make her more miserable. Instead, she sat back and tried her best to divert her attention from her neck. Her three captors moved to their plexiglas room where they observed her, safe from the damned items that would soon make their appearance. The first one glided across the room as though called by a summoning charm and landed in front of Penny. This one was a sphere that seemed to contain spheres within spheres. How many existed like Russian dolls within it, Penny could not tell. But she did not spend much time investigating. She’d experienced enough of these sessions to no longer care what the physical forms of the dark objects were, they were usually deceiving. It was the horrible chill of this one that left her with that made Penny wary.

The object shuddered to a stop before her, Penny knowing what they wanted her to do. She was to reach out to it with her magic. But doing so was never a pleasant experience. However, being slowly choked to death motivated her to do as was expected, though how any of this was to be determined with a group of mutes was beyond her. Originally, they'd just choked her until her expression responded, but Penny caught on quickly.

Tentatively, she reached out, searching for the sphere. It responded eagerly, reaching back. It felt as though it was grasping her, pulling her deep into its center. There was something there, trapped, and did not want to be anymore. It clung to Penny with an icy grip that sent waves of pain through her. She recoiled away from it, trying to break their connection, but it maintained its hold. Penny picked up the object and lobbed it at the plexiglas, but it stopped just short and zoomed back, ramming into her chest. Her throw clearly annoyed her handlers because her collar began its constriction, causing her to begin a coughing fit. Ignore the collar, she was more horrified by the sphere that was trying to burrow deep into her chest, searing flesh as it went. 

Screams of pain escaped her lips as her hands reached up in a desperate attempt to pry the object from her. It seared the flesh of her palms, but did not relent.

_Feed me!_ the sphere hissed, emanating excitement with each cry that escaped Penny’s lips.  
  
The room around her felt like it was caving in on Penny, but she refused to let herself break. She needed to ignore her collar and focus on the object before her.

She could hear Snape’s harsh voice in her mind reprimanding her, _Clear your mind!_   
  
She was a witch, an accomplished one with who did not need a wand to do magic, yet she was wrestling with this thing as though she were a muggle. She heeded imagined Snape’s voice and cleared her mind, searching for her magic, deciding to put the sphere into a box, creating a barrier between them. The box materialized slowly, all the sides taking shape one by one, until it enclosed the sphere, capturing it. It shook violently in the box before falling to the floor.

Chest heaving, Penny’s eyes turned to the percolator, a thick substance was moving through it, originating from her hand. In the container, a red pearl dropped from the tubing and joined its pure brethren. The production pleased Marshall, who sent the box away with a flick of his wand. Penny tried desperately to catch her breath, that sphere was only the beginning of a very long night. She sat back down in her chair, trying to slow her breathing. The room was spinning and she felt on the verge of passing out. Closing her eyes she started reciting _A Complete Guide to NEWT Potions Making_ page three, the Elixir of Euphoria , used to induce irrational happiness which can last for weeks, if brewed incorrectly. 

“Powdered bryophyta to be mixed with the sap of a 15 year-old Millwood tree, simmer on low heat in an already warmed cauldron for 12 minutes and 54 seconds,” Penny muttered to herself. The exercise settled her mind and eased the tension buried deep in her chest.

The exchanges continued this way, for how long, Penny was not aware. But the longer it went on and the more pearls she produced, and the more exhausted she became, rendering her almost completely unable to call on her magic. The feeling reminded her of short circuiting . When Penny ended up on the floor convulsing from a spell on what appeared to be a bewitched jack-in-the-box, her handlers finally relented. Marshall waved his wand wordlessly over her, while the other two cleared the cursed object away for the night and began collecting the peculiar red pearls from their basin. 

Blessedly, her collar was removed, but the devices on her wrist and ankles remained. She knew part of it kept track of her vitals, but she suspected they were also used to direct her magic. The concept was derived from old alchemist lore, to which she had viewed as a fable and sorely wished she’d paid more attention to. But basically, by closing off all but one of her limbs, energy, or magic in this case, was forced to be channeled in the desired direction. In this case, through her right wrist and into the percolator. This knowledge gave her the hunch that the pearls they were collecting were some manifestation of her power, though what they did with it, she had no clue. It made her miss the library and access to Snape’s brain, in his vast knowledge he’d likely know what they were doing. 

Penny pushed past Marshall as soon as she was free and sat up. She was uncertain if she would be able to stand up, but refused to accept the help offered to her. Grasping the table to pull herself onto her wobbly legs, she ripped the irritating tube from her hand. She did not bother to be careful, causing it to bleed profusely. A bandage was placed over it and she was led back to her room where she collapsed on the bed. Lupin’s letter laid open where she’d left it. Pulling herself to her pillow, she clutched the letter to her chest, curling the rest of her into the fetal position. The room around her caved in on her, her body aching from the strands of her hair to her toenails. The Department of Mysteries was a hell like she could have never imagined. Lupin’s letter offered a small form of comfort.

He believed in her, she had to be stronger, be smarter. She'd given up too easily these first weeks, assuming due process would bring justice. But as each day passed and she was subjected to experimentation that defined her as little more than a rat, she’d come to suspect the ministry had motives they were not being forthwith about. Her docility only served them, Penny did not owe these monsters her cooperation, they needed to return _her_ freedom, or face the consequences. Focusing her mind on the image of a warm butterbeer in hand and Lupin’s warm smile peering across at her, Penny dozed off to sleep. 

* * *

“PENNY!” said Tonks, exuberantly, when Penny walked into the dank mess hall where she ate her meals.

She’d just left the healer, who'd scowled at her appearance, but said nothing about it out-loud. The relief was too great for Penny to care about the motivations, but seeing Tonk’s long hair, which was confusingly pink today, and bright smile brought understanding to the forefront of Penny's mind. They wanted her to look presentable for her visitor so as to not arouse suspicion. 

“Hi Tonks, are you wearing a wig?” Penny asked, taking the seat opposite Tonk's, who’s floral blouse was quite pretty against their pale skin. 

“What? Oh, no. Did I forget to tell you I’m a metamorphmagus? I can change my appearance at will.” 

“Can you change into my escape rope outta here,” Penny sighed, looking down at her dismal meal. 

“If I could I would. But cheer up, I’ve brought you a few things, which was no easy task. Yaxley has set up some extreme surveillance on anything coming your way.” Tonks said, trying their best to sound casual. 

Penny’s foul mood brightened at the site of a pumpkin pastie which she nabbed from Tonk’s outstretched hand and promptly stuffed into her mouth. It was a sugary bliss Penny had forgotten existed. Laughing softly, Tonks turned over a bag full of items that included many candies, a chess board, some of her clothing and a stack of opened letters. 

“They read my mail!” Penny said indignantly, turning one over to see Harry’s scrawl on the front. 

“Yeah, and mind you, they will read anything going out too and toss anything they don’t like you saying.”

Penny gaped at Tonks, who’s normally bright and handsome features looked grave.

“What, am I a political prisoner now. Don’t I get a lawyer or something?” Penny replied, sardonically.

“Yaxley convinced the Wizengamot your case requires the highest security. Dumbledore has made an appeal, but Yaxley is doing all he can to delay it.” 

“. . .Why?” Penny asked slowly, looking up from the letter in her hands. 

Tonks glanced around nervously, as though afraid someone were listening, but the room was empty like it always was when Penny ate her meals. 

“Yaxley has ties to the MACUSA, and they're definitely interested in a young, malleable witch with magical potential as great as Grindelwald,” Tonks said, almost apologetically. 

“The Wizengamot can’t just sell me to the highest bidder like a show pony!”

“Of course they shouldn’t but that doesn’t mean they won’t consider doing it. Listen Penny, since the fall of You-Know-Who, people have done a lot of, err--extrajudicial--things to prevent anything like that happening again--”

“I’m not a dark--” Penny interjected. 

“You don't have to tell me!” Tonks replied, hands raised. “Dumbledore has a lot of power and will not rest until you are returned to Hogwarts. It just be. . .pertinent for you to be careful, keep your eyes and ears open. Don’t say or write anything you don’t want anyone else to see,” they pressed. 

Penny rubbed her temples, but did not reply. Her nightmare was relenting, how was she supposed to convince anyone she wasn't vying to be a future evil dictator? 

“My sleep has been awful, I _toss and turn_ every night, it’s _impossible_ to get any rest. But you wouldn’t know it looking at me,” Penny said, suddenly looking up at Tonks.

Their brow furrowed, today’s blue eyes searching Penny’s face, clearly confused by the abrupt change in subject. 

“Insomnia is a pretty normal symptom of stress.”

“I just never imagined it’d hurt so much. Every morning I wake up feeling like I’ve been thrown down a flight of stairs,” Penny pressed.

“Hopefully you’ll be back in the Gryffindor dormitory soon enough to remedy that problem. In the meantime, play the wizard chess set I bought when you can’t sleep. It’s charmed, so the white side will play against you. Arthur Weasley got the idea from automated muggle chess,” Tonks replied, a glint in their eye that told Penny there was more to the chess set than met the eye. 

With a handsome smile, Tonks got to their feet, sweeping their lovely pink locks behind their ear and bade farewell, leaving Penny to collect her things and retreat to her room to look through her letters. She wasted no time in scanning the words from her brother. 

_I won the first task!_

Thank Merlin, he was safe, but “DRAGONS!” Penny yelled out loud, reading Harry’s play by play of him and his broom v. a Bulgarian Horntail. She felt like she’d die from the stress of it and was quietly thankful she had not been forced to witness the event.

_Dumbledore is appealing, you’ll be home in no time. Don’t worry about me, Snuffles is here, just focus on how they’re helping you_

Penny snorted at this last line. 'Helping.' The ministry had no inclination to 'help,' they were just out to extract what they wanted from her. Nonetheless, Penny could not bring herself to write to Harry about the truth. Not that her letter would make it to him. It eased her worry that Sirius was there, but that put him in a precarious position. But, there were only two tasks left, if Harry just did like he always did, meet impossible odds with skill no 4th year would be expected to have, then life would become much simpler. Her brother's safety was all she could wish for at this moment. 

The second letter was from Lupin that made Penny's sour mood evaporate with every word.

_Penny,_

_I can’t tell you how relieved I am to learn you have been found safe. The agony of these past two months, well, there aren’t words for it. Dumbledore is working on this. Stay strong, I’ll write when I know more. Again, I am so relieved._

_Sending my love,  
_ _Remus Lupin._

Penny smiled, she wanted to hug Lupin for his words. They filled her with a kind of comfort she imagined Jame’s words would have if he’d survived. In this loneliness she longed for the guidance of a parent, of that comfort. Lupin never failed to be that person. To be fair, Sirius was her godfather and her closest family, and she loved him. But being on the run made it hard to connect with him, and there was no way he could write to her in here, what with the Ministry still fervently searching for him. But truth be told, Penny just connected with Lupin differently than Sirius. His words had a different impact on her. 

Looking down at the third letter in her pile, Penny was confused by the elegant penmanship and flipped it over. Curiously, it had not been opened and read like the others, but remained sealed. She opened to find a letter written in emerald ink. 

_Penny,_

_I don’t really know why I’m writing, but everyone is saying they found you and you’ve been taken to the Department of Mysteries, father confirmed the truth of this. It’s completely ridiculous, and my father says Yaxley is using it to gain favor with the MACUSA. He seems to be negotiating a side-deal with some officials there who are afraid to lose power in the upcoming election. I’m not sure what he’s promised, but father is not fond of Yaxley after he supported a tax increase last year.  
Anyway, you’ve always been alright, even for a Potter. With father’s connections I’m able to bypass the security measures they have for you, so if you’d like anything I’ll get it to you, I can’t even imagine the horrendous living situation there. _

_Also, beware of Yaxley, he is known to have an untoward appreciation for young girls._

_Don't worry about what you put in the letter, as long as it's addressed to me it won't be opened._

_Yours,  
_ _Draco_

The letter certainly read like the mannerism of Draco Malfoy, but Penny found it hard to believe it could be real. Perhaps she had misjudged the boy. They had sat beside each other on and off since her first year, and it was true that in the last year or so that became more frequent, but the prejudice of her brother was a hard thing to overcome. This letter, it was something to think on. She needed to tread carefully, but perhaps there was a play here, if Draco were willing, to get her out of this predicament. 

At the bottom of her pile she pulled out her final letter, her eyes falling on the name signed at the bottom, _Severus Snape._ Her heart skipped a beat, chest constricting uncomfortably. She’d asked him to write, but for the man to actually oblige her, she dare not believe it. Almost afraid of what the contents contained, she began reading.

_Dear Miss Potter,_

Penny gave a dry laugh, imagining her potions master scowling at his page as he etched this salutation. It had to have brought great pain to his dignity.

_I expect you have realized by now that you are expected to keep up with your studies even while in the custody of the Ministry. If you intend to pass my class you will do well to finish the attached prompt by the deadline, no exceptions. I warn you not to delude yourself into thinking I will give you special treatment because of your presence in the Department of Ministries, I am told you have been given the best accommodation, so do not bother to try and convince me otherwise. Nevertheless, I am not an unreasonable Professor, and seeing as you cannot attend class physically, I have painstakingly given of my time to create a set of assignments I believe will suffice in ensuring you are held to the same standards as your classmates. I will assign weekly prompts that you will answer with the book I lent to you. I expect well organized arguments, substantiated by evidence, but the length is up to you. See your first assignment below._

_Best Regards,  
  
_ _Professor Severus Snape,  
_ _Potions Master  
_ _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

Penny started dumbstruck at the letter. Of course the awful man was threatening to fail her, even though she’d been arrested. That deluded, psychopath simply desired to torment her at any chance he got, she fumed to herself. Yet, out of curiosity she looked down at the prompt, wondering how the infuriating man honestly believed assigning her a NEWT text was a fair way to evaluate her.

**Reference pages: 4132, 4051, 3722,**

**While it is impossible to manufacture or imitate love, amortentia is labeled a love potion because it causes powerful infatuation or obsession. The person under its control will do anything for the person who administered it.  
Discuss the differences between these effects and real infatuation. Include historical evidence of the influence of infatuation on persons behaviour. **

Penny blinked, reading and re-reading the prompt. She’d never read anything so absurd coming from Snape. Never in all her years at Hogwarts had she seen such a useless and open-ended prompt, so unrelated to actual potions making. It was almost as if his prompt was purposefully ridiculous, like he wanted it to get her attention. She peered back at the numbers, her hunch confirmed. There were nowhere near 4,000 pages in _A Complete Guide to NEWT Potions Making,_ but those sifting through her mail would not know this.

Her brain whirred: Snape was writing to her in code. 

Yanking her book free of her bag, she quickly began searching. Page 4, the first paragraph, third sentence and second word. She repeated this process with all the numbers, scribbling the words in order. When she stopped she looked at the message Snape had painstakingly written to her to avoid prying eyes.

_Popularity is everything_

Brows furrowed, Penny thought perhaps she’d gotten the code wrong. But then a memory came to the forefront of her mind. In her first-ever potions class she remembered distinctly how Snape had interrogated Harry, asking him questions no first year would ever be expected to know. It was the beginning of a mutual hatred between the two of them. Neither Harry nor Penny knew at that time Snape’s hatred spawned from a grudge he held against their father, James. But the intensity of his hatred made the memory very vivid in Penny's mind. After humiliating Harry, Penny remembered Snape saying,

“Clearly fame isn’t everything,”

The reference had to be on purpose so Penny would know she’d gotten the code right. However, he’d purposefully changed fame to popularity as a reference to the way he referred to her as “popular Penny”, usually as an insult to her character. But here he’d flipped the meaning of his quote. Could he be suggesting there was something useful to her popularity? She glanced back at the rest of the prompt, thinking hard.

“Powerful infatuation” she muttered out loud.

He wanted an example of infatuation, he was pointing her away from her book, but where. Then the pretty emerald scrawl caught her eye.

Draco Malfoy. 

Snape’s message became crystal clear, causing Penny to smirk inwardly. The man never let anything be easy. Of course he made no references to their last conversation. The note's purpose was all utility, but he’d beat Penny with a technicality. She simply demanded he write first, and he did. He was so unlike Lupin in his refusal to be caught expressing any form of emotion. Apparently, it was only acceptable to be vulnerable in moments when he had plausible deniability.  
  
For as annoying as the man was, Penny could not help stare at the letter, clutching the worn bear he’d given her. While everyone else told her to trust Dumbledore’s attempts to free her, Penny knew it would be Snape who got her out, it was always Snape. 


	15. *Moments with Snape: Office Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***READ THIS****
> 
> This is not a proper update. This is a fun new thing I'm starting. It's mostly going to be moments with Snape, or how Penny and Snape developed their current relationship. They are short little tidbits that I find fun to write! This one is set in PoA! I'll label all of these with *** in the chapter, so ya'll can know when it's a real update v. one of these.
> 
> Let me know if you like or don't like the idea. I imagine it could feel clunky and maybe I should put them in a different document? Not sure yet. 
> 
> ENJOYY

The sun was dipping low over the Hogwarts grounds, Penny hurrying away from Hagrid's. She’d spent the better part of the afternoon with Hermione and Hagrid working on Buckbeak's execution case. They didn’t get much done because Hermione burst into tears over Ron and Harry refusing to speak to her.

Penny loved her brother, but the argument over the firebolt was absurd. Penny made it known she agreed with Hermione, but neither of the boys would listen to her. So she spent as much time with Hermione as she could, until the idiots got over their grudge. 

The wind blew and a shudder tickled her spine. Penny paused, looking around at the Dark Forest, feeling as though someone were watching her. She told herself she was being absurd, but she could not shake the unnerving sensation. Sirius Black had escaped Azkaban and apparently was out for Harry, would that vendetta include Penny? She really did not want to find out, and hurried over the slope to find refuge in the castle. 

Penny left Hagrid’s before Hermione because she needed to turn in a paper on werewolves to Professor Snape. He’d subbed for Lupin early last month and assigned a paper most of her class refused to write, and Professor Lupin assured them they did not need to do. But Penny had already finished her paper by the time the announcement came. She didn’t actually mind, her studies took her into exploring the Wolfsbane potion, which she was fascinated by. 

Crossing the Entrance Hall to the stairs that led to the dungeons, she took them three at a time. Snape’s office was located halfway down the cold corridor, adjacent to Penny’s Double Potions class. Without a knock, she pushed the already ajar door further open, stepping inside. The room was dimly lit, casting eerie shadows on the jars that lined the walls. Though most of her classmates found them creepy, Penny was fascinated by the contents of the jars. Her eyes settled on a dead frog in one, suspended in thick purple liquid.

Movement from her right caught her attention, Snape’s dark hair coming into focus.

“It is customary, Ms. Potter, to knock before entering,” he said in a bored tone, barely looking at her. 

He shut the door to his private stores and walked at a brisk pace to his desk where he took a seat. Penny followed without invitation, seating herself almost before he had. 

His eyes narrowed, “I don’t recall asking you to join me. This is, after-all, my free time, and I’d rather not waste it.”

“I want to talk about the essay you assigned,” Penny replied, ignoring his jab, and opening her bag to find her essay.

“Well, I do not. That’s why I assigned it as an essay. You see, as a Professor, I am given the luxury of deferring the subjects I’m sick of trying to teach to imbeciles to independent study. But you can’t actually have finished--”

“Not that one. I’m referring to the one on werewolves that you assigned in DADA last month,” Penny said impatiently. Seeing the anger flash across his face she hastily added, “sir,” hoping to appease his wrath.

He was placated enough to remain silent, choosing instead to interlock his long, thin fingers before him.

Ploughing forward before he found his resolve to kick her out, Penny turned over her parchment and slid it across to Snape.

“In writing your essay I found mention of a Wolfsbane potion for the relief of symptoms of transformation,” 

“Your point?” Snape said lazily, dark eyes glancing at the clock behind Penny’s head.

“If you listen and stop interrupting I’ll get to it,” Penny replied, her eyes narrowing this time.

Dark eyes darted back to her face, scanning it, the corners of his lips twitching. 

“I can’t find a single book in the library on this potion.”

“Are you intending to turn into a werewolf this weekend?”

“No, are you?” quipped Penny.

His eyebrow raised, and he looked down his hooked nose at her.

“I am not the werewolf you need to worry about.”

“I’’m not worried about a werewolf, I want to know why this potion has been removed from academic shelves.”

He considered her for a moment, then he stood and walked to his book case where he scanned the shelves, retrieving what he was looking for. He flipped through the pages, returned to his seat and then laid the book open before Penny. Unable to stop herself, her greedy fingers took hold of the pages and pulled it toward her, her eyes darting furiously across the pages. 

“How can anyone brew this, it’s so complex and the mishandling of monkshood can easily kill someone,” Penny muttered, her brows furrowed. 

“I would not expect a subpar student to grasp the techniques required for this brew. I will admit, it takes a deft hand, but I can assure you I’ve brewed it several times myself with no issue,” he said in a velvety voice, his eyelids heavy with contempt. 

“You are a bad liar, Professor. I know very well you would never give me perfect marks if I were a subpar student.” Ignoring his sneer she continued on, “You’ve brewed this more than once?” she said, her tone betraying her skepticism.

“Yes, Ms. Potter, that is what I said. In fact, I am currently in the middle of a batch at this very moment.”

“I imagine you want it to be done by Friday,” said Penny, her eyes now searching his face.

A horrible grin spread across it, and he leaned forward, placing his chin in his long fingers.

“Tut tut, so much for perfect marks. That's an Exceed Expectations at best. I already told you I am not the one you should worry about,”

Penny broke into her own smirk, sliding her paper closer to him.

“Ahh, but you see, your conclusion has missed the mark. As I said, I came to talk about the Wolfsbane potion. I already knew about the werewolf. I just wanted confirmation that you have indeed given, what is it,” she said, looking back at the book, “96 hours a month, brewing this,” said Penny, smugly. 

“And why would you want confirmation of that,” said Snape, coldly. 

“Because it’s a really nice thing to do, Professor. I know you like to try and convince us all you are the scary Potions Master, but I give your effort an Acceptable at best,” Penny, finished pleasantly, smiling up into the cold fury that reigned down on her.

“How charming, I might need a tissue to dab my eyes,” said Snape, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 

Penny got to her feet and glanced at the clock, dinner would be served soon. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret Professor, that you’re actually a good man. But only if you help me become as talented of a potions master as you someday.” 

Hitching her bag over her shoulder, she looked back at the flabbergasted expression on his face, not bothering to hide her satisfaction. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she turned on her heel to leave.

“I look forward to our next discussion,” she said cheerfully, leaving the door ajar as she went. 

His lack of response told Penny she had hit the nail on the head. She’d been aware of Lupin’s condition for quite some time. She’d wondered how he was managing it, but she dare not ask him. They were becoming fast friends, but it was not a subject one brought up in polite conversation, and it was incredibly intrusive. When Snape assigned the essay was when Penny realized how Lupin was coping and who was helping him.

Everyone always told her she wasted her time with the surly Severus Snape. But Penny suspected, and this proved it, there was more to the Potions Master than met the eye, and she was determined to continue to discover more about him.


	16. You Can Write to Grindelwald About the Rights You’re Entitled To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains VIOLENCE, and Yaxley is definitely inappropriate, but nothing very graphic. There is also violence against animals! If not your cup of tea feel free to skip this chapter :) This is Penny's breaking point. But don't worry, next chapter Penny has a plan for the animals being tested on!
> 
> Hi friends, thanks for reading and as always, thanks for your kind comments, they have been very lovely to read. We are reaching our end with the Department of Mysteries, but Penny can't leave until she see's the VEIL. So I'm excited to write the next chapter >:). 
> 
> This chapter is a rough one, but lot of things have been set into motion. ENJOY. And I really do promise a happy ending for the animals. :))) I'll be posting Moments with Lupin next as the insert of happiness into all this gloooom.

****PLEASE READ THE WARNING BEFORE CONTINUING****

It was late but Penny wasn’t interested in sleep. She’d spent the better part of the day with people in white robes asking her to perform a series of specific tasks with and without a wand. The entire thing was quite dull, but Penny greatly preferred it to her nighttime visitors, because at least the daytime crew spoke and laughed with her. 

Penny was sitting at her table with the wizards chess set Tonks gifted to her. It was charmed by Arthur Weasley, but the set did more than simply play against Penny. It was another truly ingenious invention by Mr. Weasley. The board spaces were engraved with 60 different symbols on the face of it. At first look it was quite pretty, but Penny suspected there was a purpose to them beyond their aesthetic. The fact that there was no theme between the symbols solidified this hunch. She figured their meanings were to be interpreted. For example, the shaggy black dog bore remarkable similarity to Sirius’ animagus form, which could be a specific reference to Sirius, but dually, the dog could also represent loyalty. The bald eagle clearly represented the MACUSA, and the half-moon spectacles were Dumbledore. The rest would take some thought to use.

It was an intricate and challenging way to send messages especially when considering which pieces to place on which symbols. Penny would arrange several of her pieces to display the message she wanted, and she guessed those pieces would move on the linked chessboard. When the other person decided on a reply the white pieces on her board would move. It was not a very secretive form of messaging, and anyone who was paying any amount of attention would realize in chess only one piece is supposed to move at a time. But, as it was, no one seemed to be observing Penny’s time in her room with much care. She’d spent the better part of the last hour testing the function of it and trying to interpret the responses she was receiving. The process had given Penny a headache and she was rubbing her temples when the door opened and light blinded her. She blinked against her watering eyes and looked up into the blond features of Yaxley. Beside him were two strange men who wore tidy suits, thick robes, and bowler hats on their heads. The three entered, Yaxley waving his wand at the light bulb in the center of the room.

“Penny! Wonderful, you’re awake, I was hoping we wouldn’t be disturbing you,” said Yaxley, conjuring chairs for them. 

“Oh, you’re definitely disturbing me. But if you just wanna walk back the way you came, you can rectify the mistake,” said Penny, scooting herself closer to the wall as Yaxley took up residence in the chair closest to her.

“Such a charming girl. Alas, science calls us here,” Yaxley said dismissively. 

“Pray, tell me, what credible science is conducted in the dead of night on non-consenting children? And here I thought my brother had rid the world of that kind of ideology.”

“Some say he merely paved the way for someone to expand on it. That is why it is the job of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and the MACUSA to ensure that no such thing takes place, ever again,” Yaxley replied, giving Penny an ugly yellow grin. 

Penny looked away from the grotesque, waxy man in disgust. The fabrication and fear mongering was insulting. Yaxley merely saw an opportunity for personal gain and he did not care who he trampled to get there.

“I assume you must be the MACUSA,” Penny said, crossing her arms. 

“Yes ma’am. We are committed to ensuring a talented lady such as yourself is safe from the manipulation of any persons, international or domestic, for political or personal gain,” the younger man seated across from Penny said in a thick American accent.

“And who will protect me from you?”

“We have your best interest at heart ma’am, there is no need to fear us,” he said self-assuredly.

“The problem is I don’t care about your interests,  _ My _ interests simply include returning to school to finish my education, which the law says I’m entitled to.”

“You can write to Grindelwald about the rights you’re entitled to,” the grey-haired man beside Yaxley said in a cold, less aggressively American accent.

“At least one of you is honest,” Penny said, pointedly turning back to Yaxley.

He looked unperturbed, rather, he appeared enticed by her insinuation. 

“Penny, Penny, you’ll learn soon enough. It will be in your interest to cooperate, these lovely gentlemen traveled a long way to ensure the highest quality--”

Penny snorted before Yaxley could finish. He was laying it on thick, and Penny’s headache made it hard for her to have patience for his crap. 

“Come to see the show, check on your investments, of course. I look forward to it, because none of you will be able to wash your hands of injustice once the night is through,” she spat, looking toward the door where her regular visitors entered. 

They looked around uncertainly at her guests, causing Penny to smirk. They wanted Penny to cooperate, but she would do no such thing. They moved around Yaxley, pulling the dreaded collar from the pile. 

“We need to put this on you to ensure safety,” Marshall said in a deeper voice than Penny imagined him having. 

“I’m feeling a bit tired tonight, so I think I’ll pass,” said Penny, pretending to yawn and not bothering to look at Marshall. 

“We will be putting this on, it is better for you to cooperate.”

“Did I not make myself clear? I said no, unless you intend to  _ force me,”  _ she said, turning to him to stress her point. 

He nodded to the other two and they descended on her. Penny kicked out at the first, catching him in the groin. 

“Don’t touch me,” she growled, intending to make the biggest spectacle she could muster.

Oliver grabbed her right hand in an effort to subdue her, but her legs lashed out at him. The first took hold of her left arm once he recovered, and they wrestled her violently to the floor. Her head smashed into it, the two of them pinning her hands behind her back. Moments later her collar was attached along with the other three and she was turned over. She wiped blood from her mouth, her eyes locking onto the shocked expression of the young American. His ignorance irritated her, but she had little time to dwell on it. Marshall was forcing her by the arm to her feet. Down hallway after hallway, he dragged her, ignoring her every effort to stop his progress. 

Penny finally got his attention when she bit his upper arm, causing him to yelp. His dark feature contorted in anger, and he looked on the verge of hitting her, but he settled for taking a fist full of her hair to prevent her from biting him again. 

“I can only imagine what the Wizengamot would say if they caught wind of this kind of treatment,” Penny yelled. 

Marshall's yanking stopped, and he released her hair while he tinkered with the door he intended to go through. Penny had little time to straighten herself before Yaxley was on her, his thick fingers grabbing her chin. 

“The Wizengamot has trusted me to make the appropriate calls to ensure. . .public safety,” he said in a smooth voice. 

Penny ripped her face from his hold, backing away until she bumped into Marshall, who’d finished with the door, which he pushed her through. She stumbled, catching her balance before she collided with the chair in the center. Penny’s stomach churned as she looked around the room. The chair was reminiscent of a dental chair except for the restraints at the arms and legs. Beside it was a pile of objects that sent a chill up Penny’s spine. Beside the objects were a dozen or so animals that were crying from their too small cages. They were underfed and showed evidence of abuse. The sight sickened Penny to her core. 

“Do sit Penny, I daresay we are all bursting to see what you can do,” Yaxley said in Penny’s ear, his tongue flicking her lobe. 

The revulsion was almost too much for Penny to contain. She wanted to vomit all over the man’s shoes and scream at the group filing in. The MACUSA followed Oliver, undisturbed by the contents of the room, to a plexiglass viewing room while Marshall and handler number three began attaching parts of the percolator-like machine to the cages the animals were squeezed into.

Turning on her heel, Penny tried to push past the man who was much too close to her, but he caught her left arm with a firm grasp, a horrible smile working its way across his face.

“Sit, I insist.”

Penny reached for her magic, summoning the black crystal from the table and sending it soaring at Yaxley. His reflexes were barely fast enough, he let her go and pulled out his wand. By the time he stopped it with his spell, Penny had already sent all the other items flying, like a tornado, around the room. She heard Marshall yell as a glove collided with his neck and began suffocating him. Spells were being shot out in all directions, one grazing Penny’s cheek as she dived. The animals squealed in fear, a rabbit's tiny red eyes begging Penny for mercy. She reached for the latch, but midway she was stopped by an electric shock pulsing through her body. She screamed, and fell backwards. She could not control her muscles which were now convulsing violently. 

Yaxley stood above her, and along with Marshall, they pulled her roughly from the floor and dropped her unkindly into the chair, the restraints springing to life instantly.   
  
“Let it go for another minute, so she learns,” Yaxley said, watching her agony with hungry eyes.   
  
She wanted to hex him, make him feel her pain, but the more she tried to perform magic, the more pain she experienced.  
  
“The unspeakables created this with you in mind. Without an outlet, expression turns destructively inward. That pain you feel is your own magic, prevented from connecting to your mind, is redirected through your nervous system,” Yaxley said quietly, petting her cheek.

What he said reminded Penny of Tom’s explanation, how he’d protected her from a similar experience by isolating her from her nervous system. But the collar’s purpose was to do the exact opposite, and unless she could somehow control herself, she would continue to torture herself into the submission they wanted. Desperate for the pain subside, Penny struggled to subdue the rage in her chest, to clear herself of all emotion. It was much harder in the moment when horrible fear and disgust overwhelmed her. But she closed her eyes and imagined the last page she’d read in her text book.

_ Page 49, bezoars, taken from the stomach of a goat and acts like an antidote to most poisons,  _ she thought, imagining the dark features of Severus Snape before her. The pain began to ebb, her muscles collapsing in exhaustion. Penny panted heavily, Yaxley watching her with his hallow eyes. 

“That’s a good girl, I trust you have learned your lesson,” he said, smiling widely.

Penny, needing some way to make him know how much she hated him, spat in the grotesque creature’s face. He wiped it away slowly and then backhanded her, leaving her cheek throbbing. 

“Now, now, manners, Penny. Save your energy for the show,” he said, taking his leave. 

Losing the last of her patience Penny let out a blood curdling scream of frustration. She felt like she could scream until she lost her voice. She wanted to curse every one of the awful men that did not care they were torturing a teenager and innocent animals. It was they who should be locked up, but there was no one to help Penny, and she was at their mercy. Marshall continued hooking the peculator-like machine to the rabbit, and then connected the tubing to Penny’s restrained right hand. Today they did not seem to want pearls, not knowing what they did want unsettled Penny. Satisfied, Marshall joined the others and Penny waited for the first cursed item to make its appearance. 

It was the animated glove she had sent flying that landed softly on her stomach. It immediately sprang to life, moving its fingers in a way that was eerily similar to a spider. Penny tried to shake it off her belly but it simply scurried to her chest. It stopped at the v-neck of her shirt, and crawled beneath it. Involuntarily, Penny screamed, shaking back and forth violently to try and dislodge it. It stopped at her hip and then began digging at her skin almost as though it were trying to burrow beneath it. Penny’s screaming continued, as her flesh was scraped away by the somehow sharp ends of the glove. Terrified, Penny was uncertain what to do, she wanted to make the pain stop, but she was afraid of what would happen to the rabbit as a result. Her anger made her refuse to give her captors what they desired, but it was she who paid the price for it, not them.

Hot sticky fluid was running down her side when she could take it no more. She reached out to the item, causing it to dig even more frantically. Gritting her teeth she yelled “ASCENDIO” and sent the glove tearing through her shirt and into the air. Once free of the pain, she closed her eyes and imagined chains weaving their way around the cursed object. The glove fell with a loud, clunk onto the floor, struggled for a moment and then collapsed under the weight of the chain. Craning her neck, Penny stared down at the blood stain growing on her hip, her chest heaving. 

However, a moment later an awful screeching caught her attention, and Penny looked at the rabbit that was now being encased by the thick fluid coming from her hand. She could hear the sickening sound of its skin sizzling where the fluid touched it. It had nowhere to escape to, the liquid relentlessly oozing over every inch of its' body. 

Penny struggled violently, yelling “Stop! You have to help it!” tears blurring her vision. The desperate red eyes of the rabbit stared at her accusingly, until every portion of its' flesh was covered and the rabbit became motionless. The surface of it was slick, as though it were some sort of polished jewel. Penny reached out desperately, searching for the life of the rabbit, but it was gone, and in its place was an eerie silence. There was no doubt in Penny’s mind that what she felt was death. The thick substance that had come from her arm, the essence of it was, death. 

The comprehension sent her world spinning until she vomited all over herself without realizing it. Emptiness closed in around her, swallowing her like the fluid did the little red eye that had begged for mercy. Penny could not comprehend it, nor did she want to. But there was no time to dwell on it because Marshall was sending the rabbit statue away into the plexiglass room to the ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ of the evil men watching. And then he was attaching a monkey that was much larger than the rabbit.

“Marshall, don’t, please,” Penny begged, but he ignored her, readjusting her wrist. 

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The object was brought before her, but this time Penny ignored it, completely unaware of what was transpiring. All she could focus on were the small monkey hands clasping the bars of its cramped cage. Beady eyes darted around in fear, still full of life. The collar was suffocating her, black and blue dots springing up in her vision. Still, its life was there. Penny couldn’t, she wouldn’t. Before all became dark, her magic spiraled out of her, shattering the object to thousands of tiny pieces. The tube in her wrist seemed to gurgle and death made its slow journey through the percolator, getting ever nearer its victim. Penny could do nothing but watch, until she could bear the screeching no longer and she shut her eyes, trying to make its screaming stop, but it wouldn’t, not until it succumbed to death. 

Penny blinked, uncertain how she’d made it to her bed, or how long ago her visitors had deposited her here. The fatigue was almost enough to overwhelm her again, but somehow she managed to drag herself to her desk. Even though she was on the brink of collapse, she did not want to sleep. Instead, she retrieved a pen and ink and began writing. Her penmanship was messy, but she did not care. She’d had an idea and needed to get the letter to Draco sooner rather than later and she was afraid that once she fell asleep she would not wake up again for days. When she finished, she sealed the letter and addressed it as neatly as she could to Draco Malfoy, hoping he was right, and no one would open the letter. Before resigning to blessed sleep, she pulled out another piece and wrote a second letter.

_ Dear Professor Snape, _

_ How thoughtful of you to write to me and ensure I do not lag behind in my studies. I am indebted to your diligence. I imagine this task keeps you happily busy in my absence. Fret not, I’ll be returning soon enough and again grace you with my enthusiastic classroom participation, so hang tight! My response to the first assignment is attached below.  _

_ Homer’s Iliad recounts the story of Helen of Troy and the Trojan War also known as: The face that launched a thousand ships. Overcome with infatuation, Paris took Helen and entangled his kingdom in battle to keep her. However, infatuation led to arrogance and those in Troy did not heed the warning about the gifts of the Greeks. Accepting the Trojan horse into their once impregnable walls, bringing their defeat from within and returning Helen to Sparta. _

_ Amortentia while powerful, can never produce an infatuation this persistent. However, in the end cleverness proves itself the victor.  _

Penny rubbed her eyes vigorously. She hoped Snape would be a smart enough man to catch onto her message. Draco would be her trojan horse, able to pass through the walls undetected. Penny just hoped he would live up to his word and do as she requested. Only time would tell. At the bottom of her page, before she signed off, she decided to leave her message for Snape. Grabbing her textbook she looked for the appropriate pages and left the code in her reference page. She double checked the scribbled message to be certain she'd used the correct references.

_ It is customary to inquire how someone is doing when you write to them. _

Signing it, she addressed it to her professor and then collapsed in bed. She would write to Lupin tomorrow when she regained her composure. She was afraid she would not have the strength to lie to the man tonight. Before she dozed off to sleep, she reached out with her magic and moved the first chess piece she could feel and willed it to the ‘+’ engraved on one of the spaces. Muggles placed this symbol on their hospitals and Penny hoped whoever was reading the board would interpret it as, emergency. If things did not change soon, something was going to break, and Penny would not let it be her. She would topple the walls of the Department of Mysteries before she let that happen.


	17. *Moments with Lupin: The Boggart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of a beautiful friendship <333

“Penny?” said a voice from behind Penny. She turned her head to meet the kind eyes of Professor Lupin, who strode the distance to where Penny sat perched on a windowsill. 

“I know it’s getting late Professor, I was just finishing up a chapter and lost track of time,” said Penny, nervously glancing into the dark grounds outside the window.

“I wasn’t worried about that. Anyways I thought it was Harry who likes to roam after hours. But why are you reading here and not in the library?” he asked with a warm smile. 

“Normally, no one finds me here,” she replied sheepishly. 

“Ahh, sorry about that. I did not take you for an introvert having seen you in class.”

“Oh, no I didn’t mean it like that! I get easily distracted, so I have to be pretty diligent when I commit myself to something.” 

Lupin’s eyes scanned the book she was holding, “May I?” he asked. 

She nodded and handed it to him. He turned the book over and read the title “ _Organic Matter in Elixirs._ What led you to this?” said Lupin, looking impressed as he scanned the table of contents.

“Professor Snape lent it to me. I was in his office with some questions about the chemical reactions involved in elixirs and why so many do not allow for substitutes of their ingredients. He said if I read this and wrote him an essay on what I thought the answer was, he’d give me a lesson on it,” said Penny, eyes gleaming with excitement at the prospect.

“Professor Snape said that?” Lupin asked, trying to hide his skepticism.

“Yeah? I’m in his office all the time, he might as well be useful and do what he’s paid to do,” Penny replied, shaking her head at the thought of the man and his tendency to make getting any answers from him a mission and a half.

Lupin laughed out loud, startling Penny from her thoughts. 

“Of course he cannot say no to _you_. It’s an impressive feat, having the respect of Professor Snape, but you certainly have earned it. Do you often read materials this advanced?” he said, setting the book down and absently taking a seat beside her.

“He might try to act like he hates it, but the man honestly loves to argue, it’s his one weakness. As long as I come in with an argument, he can’t resist,” said Penny self-assuredly, crossing her legs to face Lupin. “But yeah, I routinely ask my professors for books outside of the syllabus materials. Professor McGonagall just loaned me _The_ _Alchemic History of Transfiguration,”_ Penny continued eagerly, pulling her book from her bag. 

Lupin looked from her to the book, shaking his head in awe. 

“You are truly an astounding student, Penny, full of so much drive and talent.”

“Talent?” Penny scoffed. “ Sure, I’ll never turn my nose up at a book, but I wouldn’t call that talent. After-all, I was the only student in your class who couldn’t repel the boggart. . .” Penny trailed off, looking out the window at the glowing lights coming from Hagrid’s hut.

She hadn’t admitted to anyone how unsettling her experience with the boggart was, though most of the school erupted into murmurs about it. When Lupin asked them to think of what frightened them most and prepare to turn that thought into something humorous, Penny thought Lord Voldemort would be what appeared before her. She’d worried about her classmates freaking out, and how she’d make someone that stole her parents from her funny. But when it was her turn, the form that appeared before her was not Voldemort, it was herself. Penny had just stood there, staring into her own green eyes that were eerily devoid of the life that normally lingered behind eyes. Penny didn't understand what it meant. The image unsettled her and perturbed her. She’d simply stood shell shocked until Lupin called forward the next person and mercifully let her move to the back of the classroom without a fuss.

It’d been days since the experience, and Penny had stood outside of Lupin’s classroom several times, intending to ask him what it meant, but always lost the courage. 

“I’d hoped you hadn’t looked at it that way, but that’s a pretty natural conclusion, albeit entirely incorrect. In fact, the appearance of your boggart was the moment I realized exactly what a unique individual you are,” he said, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“Are you sure we are thinking of the same experience?” said Penny, eyebrow raised cynically.

Lupin burst out laughing, pulling his arm back to clutch a stitch, his cheeks turning slightly pink. Penny stared at him, uncertain if she should be offended, or laugh too.

“I’m sorry, you just looked so much like him--” Lupin gasped, stopping abruptly as though returning to reality.

“You mean James? Did you know my dad? Normally, people say I look like Lily. Well, except for Snape, he says I take after my father when he is annoyed with me. But did you really know him?” asked Penny trying not to sound as desperate as she felt.

“I did. . .We were at school together,” Lupin said hesitantly, his countenance faltering slightly. 

“Do you mean it, do I actually remind you of him? I just can’t imagine my dad failing at something as simple as getting rid of a boggart.”

“Your father was a brilliant wizard, as are you, though he was much less charming than you to have in class. But your boggart proves you are neither him, nor Lily for that matter. For a boggart to turn into oneself suggests an extraordinary amount of self-awareness. Humans are self-absorbed creatures by nature, defining the world in terms of what others do. Very rarely do we consider we are the villain of someone else’s story.”

“You are being too kind, Professor, some might say your argument is biased. Perhaps it is self-awareness, as you say, or maybe deep down I’m self conscious, making me incredibly shallow, because I’m afraid of people seeing a part of me that hasn't been made presentable,” Penny countered, her eyes fixed fiercely on him, searching for any wavering of his conviction.

“I think you just proved my point, but I will concede to my bias. I have found you to be a fascinating young witch and want very much for you to see your enormous potential the way I do,” he said, scratching the back of his head, his face full of amusement.

“Are you being. . .sincere?” said Penny, leaning closer to him to scrutinize his face.

“I’d hope so. Otherwise I’m lying as much to myself as you.”

“Sorry, it’s just--such a peculiar experience. I’m so used to the deflections and backhanded compliments of Professor Snape, I almost forgot normal people don’t mind speaking plainly,” Penny admitted with a scowl.

“I imagine you are a peculiar creature to Professor Snape, from what I’ve heard he’s never liked any of his students before. But Penny, please believe me, I am being quite sincere. I am very lucky to get to teach a student like you.”

“Professor. . .I--well, If it is possible, I don’t know what to say, but your thoughts mean a lot to me. To be honest this whole boggart thing has been bothering me. I was worried, but you’ve convinced me, maybe, I can live up to his sacrifice,” said Penny, looking nervously down at her shoes.  
  
“You don’t need to live up to anything, Penny. Just never waste a chance to laugh, your dad never did.” Lupin said warmly, his eyes glittering in the candle light. “Come now, we better get you back to the Gryffindor common room before Mr. Filch comes around to scold us.”

Penny smiled and packed up her things. The weight in her chest was gone, to be replaced with the fondness she felt for Lupin. 

“Do you mind if I visit you after class sometime?” Penny asked, hitching her bag over her shoulder.

“I would like that very much,” he said, and they set off down the quiet corridor, Penny reeling with a million questions to ask. Lupin's lips upturned in amusement as he glanced down at the exuberant young witch obviously struggling with the effort to contain herself. 


	18. Order of Merlin For Services Against Foreign Intervention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!
> 
> This week ends The Department of Mysteries until Harry returns to it in OotP bwhaha, and yes we will see the veil again! Perhaps some of you may have noticed, if you watch anime, some of my ideas are pulled from Fullmetal Alchemist. I think Alchemy is a super interesting magic I wanted to include!
> 
> You may have noticed, the scene about the veil was pulled from JK, i changed portions, BUT ITS ALL HER. I'm not very good at describing that thing. 
> 
> Alright, enjooy. Moments with Snape, holiday version come next >:))))

Penny sat in the bath for sometime. The hot water was a welcome distraction, lulling her into a stupor. She’d been thinking about Harry, wondering how the tournament was going. Smiling inwardly, she remembered laying in the warm sun with him just a few months prior. The grass soft beneath them, wispy clouds skirting across the sky above. The sun was so warm, Harry’s hand clasped in hers. The moment was pure tranquility, nothing intruding on their discussion of favorite ice cream flavors. Harry was a mint chocolate chip kind of person, while Penny always preferred rocky road. 

Penny would gladly never eat rocky road ice cream again if she could spend afternoons with her twin again. By Penny’s calculations, a month had already passed since she arrived at the Department of Mysteries, making her total separation from Harry three months now. It was the most time she’d ever spent apart from him. He’d gone away for one month to the Weasley’s one summer because Penny had opted to stay at the Dursley's and help care for Aunt Petunia, who’d fallen very ill that summer. But other than that, they had no experience apart. Inside the enchanted walls of the Ministry, Penny also couldn't feel Harry. There was too much noise between them, making it impossible to pinpoint him. The feeling was an uncomfortable one, Penny never realized how routine it was for her to search out the familiar and comforting feeling of Harry’s magic, even when he lay asleep in his dormitory.

With a deep breath, Penny submerged herself beneath the surface of the water, and then formed a bubble around her head, allowing her to remain there for as long as she desired, without needing to come up for air. Releasing her mind of all conscious thought, Penny listened to the buzzing of magic. To the untrained senses it could be mistaken as one large sound, but Penny began meticulously isolating its parts, trying to identify them. Some were very easy to do so, like the ministry officials performing basic spells to complete their daily tasks. Then there were things like the floo network which webbed through everything else. Penny focused on the sounds closer to her, but avoided the cursed items that were located in the never-ending room. Instead, she searched for the sound she’d discovered just a couple of days earlier. Down empty winding halls, in the center of almost eternal silence was a whispering that beckoned her forward. There were many voices speaking, but Penny could not make out what any of them were saying.

Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to be beckoned toward the pleasant sound, but never moved beyond the veil that separated them. She lay like this for several nights in a row, her mind finding refuge outside the pains in her body. But after an hour of this, someone rapped on the door and forced her back to her to her senses. Leaving her solitude, Penny returned to her room, dressed and prepared herself for whatever the day had in store for her. Heaving a great sigh, she looked at her desk, willing there to be mail, but like every other day, there was nothing. Draco still had not responded to her previous letter which worried Penny. Perhaps her request was too great, or he was not interested in risking his neck for her, either way she would appreciate some form of response.

After she was dressed, several stern looking Ministry officials showed up at her door and without explanation escorted her to a room where a sleek blond man, dressed in expensive golden robes stood waiting for her. Penny stood dumbstruck as Lucius Malfoy turned to scrutinize her appearance and waved away the others. 

“Miss. Potter,” he said, looking as though the words on his lips caused him great pain.

“Mr. Malfoy,” Penny nodded. “To what do I owe this unexpected visit?” 

“You know perfectly well why I am here, Potter, so don’t play coy with me,”

“Coy? I can assure you I have never been the type to be coy, I prefer getting to the point, so please do, illuminate me,” said Penny, moving to an empty chair.

Lucius hesitated, but followed her, taking the seat as far from her as possible, and turned to observe her.

“Draco wrote to his mother asking for assistance getting you out of here,” Lucius bean, looking around distastefully at their surroundings.

“Did he now? What a thoughtful friend he is,” Penny replied in a level tone.

“Thoughtful indeed. After some questioning, he divulged that you and he are an item and begged her to understand his love for you,” Lucius continued, looking down on Penny with contempt.

Penny was shocked into silence for a long moment. The path before her was narrow but if she tread carefully, she might have a direct path out of the hell hole, if she didn’t, Yaxley would no longer be her biggest worry.

“Draco is a romantic, that’s for sure, and with those pretty lips, who can resist?” Penny sighed, looking into the distance dreamily. 

“Do not insult me, Miss Potter, by insinuating I do not know my own son. While Draco might not be ready to come out, I could hardly be oblivious. Of course his mother does not know this, but Draco prefers it that way. ”

Penny’s brain ground to a halt, but she dare not let the shock show on her face. One wrong step and . . . She glanced away toward the clock, thinking hard on her response.

“Draco is young and passionate, sometimes leaving himself vulnerable, but if I can help it, he will come out on his terms and when he is ready. I will not let some blackmail take that right from him,” Lucius finished, the threat dripping from his voice.

Penny turned back to the handsome face, Draco certainly got his looks from his father, and his sneer. However, Penny found Draco rather less contemptible, and was offended that this man was accusing her of blackmailing Draco with something so personal. It never occurred to Penny that Draco might be gay, she found that type of speculation rather rude, much like Lucius’s insistence that Draco’s involvement could only be induced out of fear of Penny. 

“Draco is my friend, and has been since my first year at Hogwarts, your prejudices against my family name delude you. You have greatly underestimated your son, he has done this from his own character. As for blackmailing, I thought that was a Malfoy speciality, I have no interest in commenting to anyone about Draco’s private matters,” Penny said, her voice unsteadily angry. 

Lucius said nothing, his grey eyes narrowing as he considered her sincerity. 

“He says if we will not help, he will write to the Daily Prophet about your predicament. With his name and Rita Skeeter’s love for drama and gossip, I’ve no doubt she will publish it,”

“Is that what you are afraid of, Mr. Malfoy, your son being associated with my name? I think we both know if I write to tell him not to he will know you were here,” said Penny. 

“You seem to know Draco well. I was skeptical when Severus said you two were as thick as thieves in his class, I’d heard of his soft spot for you, though I found it hard to believe, but you are the spitting image of that mudblood mother of yours, so I shouldn’t be surprised. I can’t imagine why Draco would want to help you” said Lucius, as though Penny were not sitting across from him.

“And I shouldn’t be so surprised by your ignorance. Thankfully, Draco only appears to take after you in looks. Give Draco my gratitude for his care, I am undeserving of such friendship,” Penny replied coldly, getting to her feet.

The insult to her mother pushed Penny’s anger to its boiling point. She did not trust her ability to give a measured response if she remained in the man’s company for another moment. Lucius Malfoy, a certain Death Eater, would have loved to see the likes of Penny’s mother murdered. Of course he could not understand what would motivate Draco, when Penny was dirty blood, which to people like Lucius, was as good as being less than human. Lucius Malfoy was a contemptuous git. When she wrote to Draco, Penny had not bargained for Lucius’s involvement, and she found herself regretting the oversight.

He followed her to the door, placing his hand on it before she could open it. Penny turned to face him, her chest puffed up, and her angry green eyes meeting his cool grey ones. The handsome man towered over her, eyes full of contempt in an attempt to make Penny feel small and insignificant, but she refused to turn away from his challenge. People like Lucius relied on intimidation to get their work done.

“To be clear, you are not fit to lick the dirt from Draco’s boots, however. . .” he said delicately, looking her up and down, “you Potter’s have a reputation, so I can be certain Draco has nothing to fear, as embarrassing his choice in friends may be. I suppose he gets his charity from his mother, so I cannot condemn him. But be warned Miss Potter, if I hear so much as a whisper about Draco you will have much more to fear than Yaxley,” he said, and then he pushed her aside unkindly and whisked through the door without so much as waiting for Penny’s response.

The anger welled in Penny’s chest, she felt very much like she would enjoy hitting the man. She gave herself a few moments, taking some deep breaths before exiting as well. She was surprised to find her guards were not waiting for her. She glanced down the hall, it was empty. Penny knew turning to the left would take her back to her room, but she did not feel the least bit inclined to be a good prisoner. Instead, she turned right, and wandered up a hall she’d never been to before. Penny’s feet moved with purpose and so much force that it startled Penny. She wound through the empty halls with a quiet purpose, an urge she could not ignore. The closer she got the more she thought she should turn around, and the more incapable she became of convincing her feet to do so. 

She stopped just outside a door, the whispering beckoning her, but unaware of her nearness. With a deep breath, she pushed through the door into a large, dimly lit and rectangular room, its center sunken, forming a great stone pit some twenty feet deep. She was standing on the topmost tier of what seemed to be stone benches running all around the room and descending in steep steps like an amphitheatre. There, in the center of the pit was a raised stone dais on which stood a stone archway that looked so ancient, cracked and crumbling that Penny was amazed the thing was still standing. Unsupported by any surrounding wall, the archway was hung with a tattered black curtain or veil which, despite the complete stillness of the cold surrounding air, was fluttering very slightly as though it had just been touched.

The whispers stopped abruptly and then returned sharply, as though noticing Penny’s presence. They were louder, almost urgent and Penny felt like she was being pulled forward, down the stairs, desperate to make out what they were saying. At the bottom of the stairs, she paused, glancing around. The air was stale with stillness, but still the veil moved, unsettling Penny. There was something just beyond the veil, Penny could feel it, but she could not make it out, being too tentative to even reach through the veil with her magic. But the whispers called her in a language unknown to her, she felt that if she just stepped through the veil, they would make sense. The urgency in the sound startled Penny, who realized she was suddenly only a foot away from the veil.

She could reach out and move the veil aside, her curiosity was certain she would know immediately what was on the other side. Her fingers moved slowly forward, mere centimeters before the veil when she froze. A chill shot up her. She'd heard something, she was certain she'd heard what was being said. For a fraction of a second it was audible.

_Equivalent exchange_

met Penny’s ears and she immediately took two steps backwards. They were the words Tom used, of a magic Penny was not familiar with. But she understood the essence, the veil wanted to take something from Penny, and she did not know what. She took several more steps backwards, turned heel and made to run up the stairs but collided with a firm body. Startled, and still unnerved, she yelped, and lashed out at the person who grabbed her.

“A smart decision, there’s no coming back once you go through that veil,” said Yaxley, smiling down at her with his ugly yellow teeth.

“What the hell, were you following me?” Penny growled, tugging at her wrists.

“ As a matter of fact, we have been keeping a close eye on you. It was terribly convenient of you to take our bait and wander off like this. With those auror dogs of yours keeping as close of a watch on you as they do, I wasn’t sure we’d get the chance,” he answered, dragging her up the steps toward the three men waiting at the top.

“Are you kidnapping me, from prison?” Penny said indignantly, trying futilely to ground her feet.

Yaxley ignored her efforts, and with enormous strength pulled Penny the entire length of the stairs.

“The MACUSA have agreed to pay a pretty price for you, I trust you’ll be a good girl for them,” Yaxley said, grabbing her chin in his hand.

“Because no one will suspect you when I’ve magically disappeared.”

“To anyone who will inquire, I’m in a meeting with Malfoy,” he grinned, his blue eyes full of sick excitement. 

“You piece of--” Penny screamed, kicking out at Yaxley just as the three men descended on her. 

One immediately stuffed something small and hard into her mouth, which promptly began to expand as soon as it touched her tongue, gagging her. The more she tried to get it out the more it expanded. Before she could take stock of her situation, a bag was shoved over her head and Yaxley’s face was gone. A new set of arms dragged Penny from the horrible death chamber.

“Enjoy America,” Yaxley cackled.

Shoe’s screeching against the floor, Penny struggled with every fiber of her being against her abductors. Her choked yelling was quickly muffled with a charm, removing Penny’s hope that someone would hear the squabble and come to investigate. She wasn’t sure how far they needed to drag to escape the ministry, but Penny felt that once she was outside the doors, all hope would be lost. 

“Get the door, they’ve set up the floo network for only 5 more minutes,” a deep voice barked.

Penny heard the murmuring of a spell and realized what a dunce she was. She had a bad habit of forgetting she was not in fact a a muggle. She reached for her magic, and turned the hallway into ice. Every set of feet slipped out beneath its owner, Penny landing hard on the back of her head. She heard grunts, and quickly reached for the bag, yanking it from her head. Blinking, she saw the three men floundering to get to their feet, and toppling over. Penny remained low, and started crawling, but fingers ensnared her ankle and yanked her toward the exit that was only 500 feet ahead of them. 

“Use your wand!” one man bellowed.

“I tried, I don’t know what she did, but I can’t seem to un-do it, just pull her to the door, we only have three minutes." 

Penny kicked and tried to keep herself from fainting. The choking sensation was unrelenting and making it increasingly difficult to breath. But she couldn’t fall unconscious now, if she did, she would wake up somewhere in America, with little hope of Snape finding her there. Penny’s foot collided with the man’s shoulder, who let go for a second before he tightened his hold and yanked her toward him, and then spun her around to take a handful of her hair. The door was open with one man finally scrambling over the threshold. Penny could see the green flames behind him, and fear swelled in her chest. She reached up and sunk her finger nails deep into the bearded cheeks of the man holding her hair. He yelped and raised his hand to hit her, but was forced to duck as a jet of red light barely missed his left ear. 

“Aurors!”

His hand on his wand, he shot a green jet of light back, while trying to scoot backward with Penny in tow. Penny writhed, listening intently to the approaching root steps that also stumbled on her ice floor. 

“Leave the girl, we have to leave now or we won’t make it out!”

Angry brown eyes looked down at Penny, and with a desperate effort he shot two well placed spells wrenched her over the threshold of the door. The other two men had already disappeared while they were only two good strides from passing through the fire. Penny was certain her scalp was bleeding and that chunks of her hair were going to come out. She felt the hope in her chest die, as, almost in slow motion, the man took his final stride, his toes stepping into the soot, he leapt. At the last moment, a red light collided with his back and he collapsed, his heavy body falling backwards on Penny. 

Her bones crunched under him, but there was no pain, only a great sense of relief. From beneath the man, Penny watched two sets of boots leap over their bodies and make it through the fire just before the flames flickered back to red and the network closed. A moment later, the body on Penny was lifted off of her, and Tonks skidded to their knees before Penny, who was clutching her throat.

“Kingsley, it’s a sweller, do you have any diminishing serum?” Tonks asked, looking over the rest of Penny.

Kingsley knelt down beside Tonks and extracted a dark blue vial from inside his robes and poured a couple of drops into Penny’s mouth. The wedge shrunk instantaneously, landing in her throat. Penny rolled over and coughed the thing out, a bright red marble landing on the dirty floor.

“Thanks,” Penny said in a broken voice.

She gulped in air, her throat searing with pain. 

“Oh Penny, I was so worried,” Tonks said, eyes glassy. They wrapped Penny in their arms and hugged her tightly. 

Tonks smelled wonderfully of cedar and aftershave, it wafted over Penny, calming every tense nerve in her body.

“That is quite the magic you performed out there, it was the only reason we made it here in time,” Kingsley said in his deep voice, clasping Penny’s shoulder.

“Yaxley,” Penny breathed, unable to speak louder than a whisper.

“We know, but he was nowhere to be found. It seems only these MACUSA fools are all we have to go on right now,” Tonks said darkly, pulling away from Penny to look her up and down.

“How did you--” Penny started.

“Lucius Malfoy made a formal complaint based on the evidence of his son, and then he gave us intel that you were being moved today,” Kingsley replied, nodding his head at the look of disbelief on Penny’s face.

“It’s true,” Tonks confirmed. “But Penny, look at you, what have they been doing to you?” Tonks said, their purple eyes examining her dark under-eyes and then moving to the bruises on her neck and arms from her nightly visitors. 

Before she could respond, Cornelius Fudge cleared his throat, and they all turned to look at the man, holding his bowler hat in hand and looking uncomfortable. 

“Kingsley, the aurors told me two made it through the floo network? Good, good. How they made it past our defences. Well, I’ll need an inquiry, you understand?” Fudge said, looking anywhere but at Penny. 

“Yes Minister, we already have Fredrick on that. Lucius’ information allowed him to pinpoint it before it closed,” Kingsley replied, getting to his feet. 

“And the girl?” Fudge said, still not looking at Penny. 

“She slowed their progress with the interesting bit of magic you saw in the hall.”

“Yes, yes. I'll be taking her from here, she is to be collected, Dumbledore has already sent someone, how that man knows. . . But never mind, we will look at an order of merlin for Lucius, yes? For services to his country against foreign intervention.”

Kingsley nodded his agreement, and Penny stared at them dumbstruck. She could not follow the event unraveling before her.

“I get to go home?” Penny asked stupidly, her voice hoarse.

“Only if you hurry up,” Fudge said impatiently, exiting without another word.

“I’ll escort her Kingsley and be back,” said Tonks, pulling Penny to her feet.

Tonks kept their arm wrapped around Penny even though she could walk just fine. Penny was thankful for the gesture, her body was shaking from head to toe, and she dared not believe she was about to leave this hell hole.

“My things--” Penny said, turning to Tonks.

“I’ll get them for you, you just worry about getting back home,” Tonks said with a soft smile.

“Get the animals too, they were testing on them. You can send them to me, just make sure they’re free’d,” Penny whispered urgently.

Tonks shook their head and walked silently through the halls that soon became crowded and loud. Many people stopped to point at Penny and whisper, but Fudge shooed them away impatiently. At Fudge’s office he waved the door open and beckoned them inside.

Penny’s eyes locked onto the worried pair of brown eyes that met hers as soon as she stepped over the threshold. Without thinking, she threw herself across the room and landed in his waiting arms. Neither of them cared they had an audience, he simply engulfed her in his warmth and hugged her tightly.

Penny pressed her nose into his chest, and heaved a great sigh, tears pouring over her face.

“It’s alright Penny, you’re safe now,” Lupin whispered into her hair.

Penny merely hiccuped in response as she pulled away to look at him, her voice still too raw to form words. He wiped the tears from her cheek with his thumb and smiled gently, then turned to Tonks.

“I don’t know how to thank you. . .?”

“Tonks, and the pleasures all mine. . .?”

“Remus. Tonks, thank you,” Lupin said again, extending his hand to shake Tonks’ 

Tonks grinned and took Lupin's hand. “I’m glad she’s in safe hands now, Penny is one spectacular witch. She did some might fine magic down there, very brave too, she’d be a natural auror,”

Fudge cleared his throat, "I do have other things to get to today."  
“Right…” said Tonks, looking at Penny and rolling their eyes behind the Minister’s back.

“The Minister has given permission for you to use his floo network to send you to my parent’s house, my dad should be home, his names’ Ted. He will have a portkey that will take you back to Hogwarts, where Dumbledore is waiting.”

“I really get to go home?” Penny croaked, afraid to believe what she was hearing.

"Yes, and about ruddy time. Listen to me Penny, I will personally make sure there is justice--” Tonks said, trailing off as their eyes fell on her neck again and filled with sadness. 

Penny nodded at Tonks, and they let the looks that passed between them say the things Penny could not get out of her throat. With a forced grin, Tonks pushed Penny toward the fireplace. 

“Get going, if you hurry you’ll be in time for dinner. That brother of yours will be waiting.”

Lupin gave Tonks another fierce look of gratitude, and took Penny by the hand and led her through the fireplace, neither of them bothering to say farewell to the Minister. On the other side, Lupin moved Penny to the couch and sat her down, kneeling in front of her. His warm hands engulfed her own shaking ones. She peered down, not realizing how badly she was shaking all over.

“Penny. . . I--look at you. We knew something was up, but this,” he said, his voice breaking.

“Promise me I won't ever have to go back there.” Penny said, a fresh wave of tears falling over her face.

Lupin looked suddenly stern, “You will never go back there,” he said with a coldness that rivaled even Professor Snape. Penny nodded, gulping away her tears. 

“Can you get me some water, my throat still hurts a lot,” she forced out, finally looking around her surroundings.

It was a small cozy cottage, floral wallpaper lined the walls and the small trinkets reminded Penny of an old grandmother. It was quaint and cute, Penny quite liked the aesthetic. Lupin jumped to his feet and mumbled about her drink and finding Tonks, leaving her to her thoughts. Thoughts she wasn’t ready to face. Everything happened too quickly from the moment she heard the voice behind the veil. She had not been allowed to face the truth because Yaxley had interrupted her. 

But in the silent living room her thoughts reeled. The exchange the veil wanted, it was a life. Penny recognized the feeling the veil was hiding. The moment the voice slipped through, she got a glimpse of the other side, the familiar silence of death. It was some sort of portal, but it required payment, the payment of a life, which is why Yaxley had said no one comes back out.

But what if an exchange was made, of a life force that was not of ne's own? What if there was a force that consumed all life when it touched it, leaving behind that same silence. The experiments of Yaxley all made sense, now. He was milling Penny for tokens of exchange, testing that the substance of her magic was the same as that of the veil. The dark pearls he collected, could they be used to enter the veil and leave unharmed? If that were possible, what waited on the other side? Penny remembered the awful sound of the whisper, and a horrible shiver went up her spine. She did not want to know what waited beyond the veil.

Thankfully Lupin returned a moment later, Ted hot on his heels. They gave Penny a sizzling beverage that returned her voice to her and then Lupin wiped some of the dirt from her face.

“The ministry did this?” said Ted, looking horrified. 

Penny nodded and then looked back at Lupin who was moving through a range of emotions. There was sadness, anger, fear, and something else Penny couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“You should have seen them,” Penny said with half a grin, trying to lighten the mood.

Lupin shook his head at her, “Penny, this looks like torture, you’re nothing but a kid. What were they doing?”

“Don’t make me say it here and then have to say it all over again when Dumbledore asks,” Penny pleaded, closing her eyes.

“Of course, but I am here for you, you know that, right?” he said, his worry coloring his voice.

Penny opened her eyes and turned toward him to wrap her arms around his chest again.

“Everyday in that place I told myself, if I just made it through today, I could finally do this. I could meet you at Hogsmede and have that butterbeer you promised. It’s what got me through, your words got me through,” she whispered, clinging tightly to him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner,” he said, voice full of anguish, his mouth moving to kiss the top of her head.

Don’t be sorry, just take me home,” she said, pulling away.

He nodded and they stood, his hand grasping hers. She let the warmth of it engulf her, with it, Penny felt she could recount the events in the Department of Mysteries so long as he remained beside her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lastly, do you all have a preference on how cannon this stays?
> 
> All cannon all deaths included? Or would you be down for some little changes in who dies? (I plan to go all the way through book 7) Let me know your thoughts! I gotta make some decisions soon. :) 
> 
> toodles.


	19. *Moments with Snape: Happy Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAAD to do something holiday themed!!!
> 
> Oh Snape, you big softiee!

“Can you two pretend like you’re taking this seriously,” Fred scolded.

Penny and Cedric were doubled over in laughter, but quickly straightened, gasping for air.

“We gave a beautiful performance yesterday,” Cedric said in a sulky voice. 

“Until you made it to the most important part of the play and devolved into _these_ antics,” George said pointedly.

“I promise not to laugh a single time tomorrow, scouts honor,” Penny said, hand on her heart. 

“You’d better, it’s our final rehearsal before show night on Christmas,” said Fred, clearing the set with a wave of his wand.

Penny jumped off the stage, grinned at Cedric, and grabbed her things. She needed to pull it together or they really would ruin the entire show. Cedric and her had only managed a couple of decent rehearsals, the rest were ridiculous and filled with the back and forth antics of Cedric and Penny’s jokes. The sappy romance was too much for either of them to take seriously. 

Shrugging off the predicament, Penny leapt down the dungeon stairs and skidded to a halt outside of Snape’s door. He was pushing it closed when Penny slipped through the last crack, sneaking past his frame as he snapped it shut.

“Office hours are over, Ms. Potter,” said Snape glaring down at her.

He looked to still be in a foul mood, Penny speculated it was due to the impending holiday. She’d noticed he never liked to partake in the festivities and gave the Christmas tree’s the look of disgust he normally reserved for Harry. 

“That’s fine, Professor, this is a casual visit,” Penny replied, taking a seat at his desk without invitation. 

“Casual visits are reserved for those I’m actually inclined to see,” he said icily. 

“Well, seeing as those inclined to visit _you_ are in low demand, I figured you’d be happy for the company,” said Penny, leaning backwards, her hands behind her head, she grinned up at him.

He rolled his eyes at her, but moved to take his seat opposite of her.

“Is there no one else you can harass, there are things I would like to attend to.”

“Like what? Tomorrow’s a holiday,” Penny replied, her eyebrow arched skeptically. 

“I know it must be hard for you to imagine, but the world does turn when you are not present,” he said in a velvety voice, waving his wand to bring a steaming teapot to him.

“Ooh tea, two sugars please!” she said, sitting up straighter, and choosing to ignore his jab.

Snape gave her a look of utmost loathing, but dropped two sugars into a mug and filled it before setting it before her none too gently.

“Maybe you don’t hate holidays after all,” Penny mused, considering him over her cup as she blew on it.

“That would be your third incorrect assumption today, perhaps the festivities have dulled your mental faculties,” he said, looking down his hooked nose at her while idly stirring his tea.

“Or perhaps it's your presence, it does have the tendency to dull one’s mind, but I shan't hold it against you,” Penny replied, her eyes narrowed.

Snape’s lips twitched in what looked to be amusement, but he took a quick sip of his tea before she could be certain. Penny refused to let the man remain in a foul mood, not with Christmas two days away. 

“If that is the case, please feel free not to come again.”

“And deny you the chance to work on your social skills? My mother taught me better than that,” said Penny, indignantly.

“You're an orphan, you have no mother to teach you anything,” said Snape, dryly.

“How sensitive of you to remind me, and just before Christmas,” said Penny, darkly, putting her tea down to fold her arms. 

“Please spare me. The lonely orphan holiday trope is overplayed as is," he said in a a bored tone. 

He leaned back in his chair to watch the irritation make its way to her face, giving her a cruel grin as she struggled with a response. Looking smugly satisfied, he took a slow sip of his tea. It made Penny fume, but she must not let the man distract her from her purpose. 

“Almost as overused as the bachelor who hates the holidays, so I guess we are two peas in a pod destined for each other."

Snape looked as though he were trying very hard not to roll his eyes again. He decided on glancing away from Penny's face as he considered his response. Penny was satisfied he was contemplating her point. Christmas was never her favorite holiday as she always forced herself into an unnatural cheer during the holiday season. It was a welcome distraction to the sadness that lingered in the corner of her heart, the empty space that twinged every time she received a sweater knit by Mrs. Weasleys. How different might holidays have been if Penny's parents weren’t dead? What traditions might they have shared. The thought left her full of a longing she dared not share with her twin. She only wanted the holidays to be perfect for Harry, but it didn’t stop her from wishing she had a mother to make holidays perfect for her. 

When Snape turned back to consider her, his expression was decidedly different, the sourness gone. His brows were slightly furrowed and eyes appeared distant ad though he saw something beyond Penny. He had the tendency to give Penny these looks from time to time. Sometimes they startled and unnerved her, but today the somewhat anguished look made Penny feel oddly connected to the man. Determining she would find no better moment than this, Penny reached in her bag and pulled out the mug cozy she crotched with the Slytherin crest on the front, wrapped in a neat bow and extended it to Snape.

“Happy Christmas then,” she said, waiting tentatively waiting for him to take it. His brow creased as he looked from her down at the cozy, staring silently at the thing as though it were something indecent. When the seconds ticked by and he did not move, Penny placed it on the table before him and returned her hands to her lap feeling increasingly uncertain about her decision.

Snape continued to look down at the cozy, silent and lost in thought, leaving Penny to shift uncomfortably in the silence. In a sudden urge to flee, she quickly downed the rest of her tea, unable to endure another uncomfortable moment. The gift was evidently a mistake, but she'd hoped. . .well it didn't matter, Snape was right, her assumptions were off today. 

Standing abruptly, she cleared her throat, “Well, I better let you get back to what you were doing, thanks for the tea,” she said, her voice breaking slightly and heart thumping loudly in her chest.

“Just a moment,” Snape said stiffly.

Penny watched him nervously, almost fearful of what would come next. He did not look at her, instead he took something from his desk drawer, walked around it and forced a small, clumsily wrapped box into her hand. The gesture would have felt rather aggressive if his hands had not closed resolutely around hers, as though ensuring she could not decline the gift. Utterly bewildered she looked up in the the uncertain black eyes that surveyed her.

Penny looked back to the present and then again to his face, a nervous smile spreading across her lips that quickly became a full fledged grin. Dare she believe what she was witnessing? Apparently Snape could not, because he quickly pulled his hands from hers, his eyes suddenly sharp as though he had returned to his senses. 

“Out of my sight,” he said in an irritated tone, turning away from her.

“As you wish, Professor,” Penny said quietly, turning the present over in her hand. 

Clasping it tightly to her chest, Penny made quickly for the door, desperate to know what was hidden beneath the wrapping.

“And Ms. Potter, next week, I expect you to be on time for office hours.”

Heart lighter than it’d been all day, Penny skipped from the office.

 _Severus Snape_ , the scary Potions Master had given _Penny_ a Christmas present, perhaps miracles were real. 


	20. Truce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!
> 
> Thanks for your thoughts on whether I should stay cannon or not! Some diversion will be made, because I want Penny to have some happiness at the end of this.
> 
> This week, WE ARE BACK AT HOGWARTS. Try not to make Snape suffer too much, Penny ! ;) Oh, and Lupin moments because <3

The landing in Hogsemede was not pretty. As soon as Penny’s feet slammed into the hard ground, she crumpled, Lupin reaching immediately to pull her to her feet. The world spun as Penny tried to focus on Lupin’s worried features. He wrapped his arm around her waist and helped her walk up the path leading to Hogwarts. Penny was thankful not only for his steadying hand, but his warmth. She was terribly under-dressed for a trudge through the snow. The ugly grey sweatpants she was given in the Department of Mysteries were immediately saturated by it, and she wore nothing but a t-shirt up top.

Lupin pulled her close and wrapped his robe around her as far as it would stretch. She shivered for a moment, but then was hit by the wave of warmth that radiated from him. Penny always wondered if it had something to do with being a werewolf or if she was just a very cold person. Either way, she decided it would be rude to ask him.

Crunching through the snow, Penny admired the tranquility of the path that led to Hogwarts. The snow lay in perfect white blankets over the grass that had been vibrantly green the day she left. The wind creaked through the Dark Forest, blew across the lake and burned Penny’s cheek. It brought a great sense of relief, filling her lungs with freedom, and making her feel as though she may burst.

She’d really made it, she was home, never to go back to that awful place again. Yaxley was either arrested or in hiding. The thought brought a scowl of satisfaction to her face, Penny had not known what hate felt like until meeting that evil creature. There was nothing more vile that Penny could imagine than he. Pushing the thought aside, Penny focused again on the beauty around her, Hogwarts castle looming in the distance, full of excitement, love, and safety. Harry was only 20 minutes away, she could feel him, though it seemed he was not yet aware of her presence. Penny preferred it this way, for all the happiness being back gave her, she dreaded the moment she would reach Dumbledore’s office and be asked to recount the events of the Department of Mysteries.

The reluctance didn’t come from a place of shame, but utter disgust and guilt. It did not matter that her abusers seemed to revel in their torment of her, it was more what her magic produced that bothered her. The little red eyes that pleaded with Penny haunted her dreams, waking her with a cold sweat each night. She shuddered, causing Lupin to look down at her.

“I know it’s cold, but can we stop for a moment?” Lupin asked.

Penny turned to face him, arms wrapped around herself. He looked down at her shaking frame, unclipped his robe and wrapped it around her. 

“Thanks.”

“Penny, if there is any detail of your experience you do not feel comfortable speaking about when we reach the castle, you are under no obligation to share it. I will not let anyone force you to relive something you are not ready to share. If you need time, feel as though you aren’t ready to go back to classes, do not hesitate to tell me. If I have to sleep on my couch for a month so you can get away, I’ll do it, but please,” he said, taking her cold hand into his “just tell me what you need to get through this,” 

His brown eyes were glassy looking down at her. It made Penny sad knowing the sight of her made him this upset. All she’d ever wanted was to see that wide smile looking back at her, craved making him proud of her. Lupin always made the world feel lighter and the sky appear more brilliant. The weight he held now would cripple her, but she did not let it. Rather, knowing what lengths he was willing to go to support her made Penny feel less alone in her struggle, he was the closest thing to a parent Penny had.

“I guess what bothered me most in the Department of Mysteries wasn’t what they were doing to me, it was coming to realize I understood very little about myself. For most of my life I’ve been Harry Potter’s sister or Lily and James’ daughter, but who is Penny? I think I’m afraid to find out what was different at Hogwarts while I was gone. . .” Penny replied, glancing at the castle behind him.

His brows furrowed, Penny found the look made his features more handsome. She always liked the way his face crinkled in concentration when he was lost in thought, especially when he was considering his response to something she said. He was very unlike Snape in this regard, who generally allowed his emotions to govern his mouth.

“You are so extraordinary and. . .rather absurd, Penny,” Lupin sighed, running his hand through his hair. He paused for a moment, looking toward the sky before continuing, “I know who Penny is, she never fails to surprise and impress me with her resilience. I trust the answer to your question is not one to be afraid of because yours is an absence that is impossible to ignore, and this I know for a fact. But you’ll see for yourself,” he finished, grinning at her skeptical brow.

“You are forever the cheesiest man I know,” said Penny, grabbing a lump of snow and throwing it at his face. 

It felt like the right thing to do, he had overcome her with emotions and Penny did not like not knowing what to say, but his words buried their way into her heart. If only everything was as simple as Lupin made it feel.

“And you are the most emotionally evasive girl I know,” he teased.

And then he reached down and packed a pile of snow threateningly. 

“I was only joking!” Penny yelled, running away from Lupin, regretting her decision to start the snowball fight. 

He ran after her and caught her quickly because Penny unable to breathe properly due to how hard she was laughing. Swiveling to protect her face, she tripped, plopped face down into the snow and then rolled over. Lupin descended to his knees and pushed Penny’s hands aside.

“I’M SORRY” she pleaded.

“Well I’m not!” he said, and then crumbled the snowball over her head.

“That’s cold,” she said, spitting snow out of her mouth between laughs.

“Snow generally is,” he laughed, wiping her face with his large hand.

“I never knew an old man could be so ruthless,” she said darkly, sitting up.

“Old! Keep the cheek up and I’ll be forced to get another snowball,” he said, pulling her to her feet.

“Alright, truce!” 

Looking satisfied, he pulled out his wand and dried her clothing.

“That’s useful, I’ll have to remember it.”

“We better get going, or they might worry.”

Penny nodded and the two of them walked and laughed for the next twenty minutes until they made it outside of the double doors. Penny removed Lupin’s cloak, took a deep breath and begged the heavens for the Entrance Hall to be empty. Miraculously, they did not meet a single student on their way to Dumbledore’s office. Lupin gave her a comforting squeeze of the hand when they stopped just outside the door and took the lead by knocking twice and pushing the door open before being invited. 

Inside, Dumbledore sat at his desk, Snape glowering at the window just behind him, his eyes snapped to Lupin and his lip curled into a sneer.  
  
“Albus, Professor Snape,” Lupin said, before stepping aside to usher Penny into a chair.

Penny moved forward tentatively, looking only at the dark eyes. The contempt quickly faded from his features as he looked over Penny, something akin to anger replacing it. Of course the infuriating man could show no emotion at Penny’s return. He’d refused when she left and in her letter, so why had she deluded herself into thinking a heartfelt reunion would be waiting for her. Even-still, when his dark eyes finally met her green ones, Penny couldn’t help the lopsided smile that formed across her face. Her heart thumped unexpectedly and for the first time in a long time, things felt right. Penny was back at Hogwarts, and nothing between her and Snape had changed, even if he’d been deflective his eyes didn’t lie--he was happy to see her.

“Remus, Penny, please sit and let me offer you a cup of tea, it’s quite chilly out there today,” Dumbledore said pleasantly, observing Penny through his half-moon spectacles. 

“Thank you Professor,” said Penny, accepting the warm cup.

“Cornelius was tight lipped, Albus. It seems Yaxley was tipped off, he was nowhere to be found. But Kingsley is head of the investigation,” Lupin began, Dumbledore nodding as he spoke.

“I expected as much. I trust Kingsley will locate him soon enough,” Dumbledore replied, watching Penny.

Feeling uncomfortable under his gaze, Penny sipped more tea, only to find all three watching her when she looked up. 

“Penny, I think you know I will, most unkindly, ask you to tell us what transpired in the Department of Mysteries. But before I do so, would you like me to send for Harry? He does not yet know of your return.”

“I-uhh, is it alright if we wait to call him? I’d prefer to speak to him privately,” Penny said to her cup. 

Lupin grasped her hand and gave her an encouraging smile. Feeling the courage swell in her chest, she sat up straighter. Snape’s features caught her attention, he was looking at their intertwined hands with the utmost disgust, his features sour.

Dumbledore smiled kindly at Penny, “Whatever you wish. As you may already know, we got word from Lucius that it was imperative to remove you from custody. He even made a formal complaint on your behalf,” said Dumbledore, eyes sparkling.

“Tonks made mention of it after they stopped the MACUSA from taking me with them. I am greatly in debt to Draco.” Penny said, glancing at Snape for confirmation. 

He titled his head ever-so-slightly, confirming Penny’s hunch that Snape had been involved in nudging Draco and possibly Lucius. 

“Indeed, and what a wonderful testament to the merits of inter-house friendships. But alas, now I have the unfortunate task of asking you what led to the events of today,” he said, his expression solemn. 

Staring at the point just above Dumbledore’s head, Penny explained how she started having nightly visitors, the three unspeakables, who attached the three devices to her, dragged her to the never-ending room and the way she was forced to reach out to the evil magic of the cursed items. Lupin’s face features darkened when she described the choking sensation that forced her to respond, and how, when it did respond, it produced the pearls. 

“And they used only the three devices each night? On the same hand?” Dumbledore inquired.

“Yes, sir.”

Dumbledore nodded at Snape who swept around the table and extended his arm expectantly. Penny offered her left hand which he clasped in both of his. With the contact of Snape’s cool skin, Penny’s whole body tensed, the familiar jolt of electricity pulsed from the place his skin met hers. He peered at her through his eyelashes with a knowing stare. Overly conscious of the others watching them, Penny did her best to act natural. His thumbs swirled over her bruise and she winced. Looking back at her wrist he flipped her hand over and examined it while muttering under his breath. Then, without warning, he stepped up beside her and swept her hair away from her shoulder, and kneeled down to look at her neck. His fingers were gentle at first, but then he pressed unkindly, causing Penny to cough several times.

“My throat is still sore from what they lodged in my mouth today,” Penny muttered, rubbing the side of her neck when Snape removed his hand.

“Your right hand is your wand hand, correct?" said Snape, considering her. 

“I suppose. But I imagine they could have used either hand. The point was to ensure my magic only left in the direction they wanted, otherwise they’d loose the expression to other atoms. I hypothesized the pearls were the physical representation of the power I expelled,” Penny said in a disgruntled tone.

Of course he’d rather torment her more than simply ask her thoughts on the topic, it was irritating they all assumed she was an unobservant dunce. Snape’s eyebrows disappeared and he turned to Dumbledore, who looked amused. 

“As astute as ever,” he said, gesturing for her to continue. 

The words flooded out of her until she got to the small red eyes staring at her. Her voice caught in her throat and she floundered for words to describe what transpired. 

“It consumed the rabbit's life.” Dumbledore said in a gentle voice. It was not a question, his knowing eyes searching her thoughtfully.

Penny nodded.

“I imagine it was quite gruesome. Was there anything left behind?”

“It was like it was encased with the substance the pearls were made of. . .” Penny trailed off, lost in thought. 

“Those with power too often believe those beneath them are of lesser value and feel validated in committing such cruel acts. I would encourage you, Penny, to remember you were as much a victim as the rabbit, and to allot responsibility accordingly,”

She looked at Lupin who got out of his chair to pace behind Penny, agitation clear on his features. Leaning against the window again, arms crossed, Snape all but rolled his eyes at Lupin. Turning back to Dumbledore, Penny went on, explaining the strange encounter with Lucius, leaving the details about Draco as bare as possible. Glancing at Snape, she could see his calculating eyes scrutinizing her, searching for the information he believed she was hiding. Pushing it to the back of her mind, she plowed out, stopping only at the veil.

“Death Chamber? That's a curious name for a room,” Dumbledore said, his voice no longer soft. 

Lupin stopped pacing and was glued to the spot watching Penny. 

“I gave it that name because death waits behind that veil,” Penny said, startling herself with her own certainty. 

“What made you conclude that,” said Snape, his dark eyes narrowed. 

“When I reached for the veil something made it through to this side, and when it moved the veil I could feel the other-side. It was like the rabbit, that feeling is unmistakable. All the murmuring is hiding the silence.”

“What do you mean by ‘made it to this side,” said Dumbledore, his features grave. 

“The murmuring was gibberish, but just before I pushed the veil aside, I was able to make out something. The moment I saw the other-side I heard someone whisper, _equivalent exchange_ ,” said Penny, shaking her head out of the trance like memory. 

Snape made a violent motion in the corner, but when Penny looked at him he’d regained his composure. Turning to Dumbledore, Penny saw something flash through his eyes. His face looked severe, as though what Penny had uttered was a horrible obscenity. But a moment later, he too had gathered his composure.

“What did those words mean to you, Penny?” Dumbledore said, leaning back in his chair like an exhausted old man would.

Penny felt suddenly reluctant to share her suspicions about the peals and veil, which would likely lead to her being forced to divulge the encounter in her head with Tom where she'd first learned of Equivalent Exchange. There were enough stress lines on all of their faces without Penny burdening them with that information. She was tired, tired of these explanations. She just wanted a bed and her brother. Clearing her mind of the guilt, she decided to withhold the information.

“It made me afraid, so I turned to run away, and that's when Yaxley found me.”

It wasn’t a lie. Lupin looked from her to Dumbledore, whose face eased slightly. He seemed satisfied to leave the topic at that, but Lupin looked on the verge of objecting, while Snape simply stared out at the darkening sky. 

With little energy left, Penny finished the rest of the story which caused Lupin to kneel down before her. 

“I know it was hard Penny, but it’s important that you shared it. It will help the ministry make a case against Yaxley,” he said, brushing her cheek tenderly. 

Penny nodded, unable to form any more words, her voice ragged from the days’ events. 

“You have shown more bravery than many full grown wizards, Penny. You rose to the occasion spectacularly, but you are safe now, so I think it is time for you to be allowed some much needed rest. If you would not mind, I’ll have Severus escort you to the Hospital Wing, there are a few things I wish to speak with Remus about,” said Dumbledore, sitting up straight again.

Rubbing her eyes, Penny nodded and looked at Lupin.

“You won’t leave while I’m asleep will you?”

"I wouldn’t dream of it, I still owe you some butterbeers,” he said with a warm smile.

Kissing his forehead, Penny followed an angry-looking Snape from the room, watching her exchange with Lupin seemed to irritate him as much as when she sat beside Harry. He swept from the room and down the corridor without so much as confirming Penny was following.

“You don’t get to ignore me,” Penny said to his back.

“I’m hardly ignoring you, I’m taking you to the Hospital Wing,” he said tersely.

“Didn’t you get my letter?”

“Of course I got your letter, Ms. Potter.” said Snape, rounding on her.

“Did you read it?” she pressed

“What else does none do with a letter?”

“Reply,” she said in an accusatory tone.

He seemed to flounder for a moment, his mouth opening and shutting several times as she waited, hands on her hips.

“I was busy,” he hissed. 

“Alright, go on and show me what you learned right now, then,”

“What I learned,” he repeated in a dangerously low tone.

“Did I stutter?” Penny said, cooly.

Snape’s lips disappeared, his eyes cold with fury. He looked mutinous, but Penny did not care. She reckoned the odds of him blowing up were low, so she pushed the bluff, crossing her arms in defiance. He knew what he’d done, and he would make amends or suffer the consequences.

“Do not presume I will let you get away with such insolence just because I feel sorry for you,” he spat.

“That's rich. If you read my letter, why didn't you respond? Was something confusing for you, should I clarify?” said Penny, disregarding his threat.

“I don’t need _you_ to clarify anything for _me,_ ” Snape said through gritted teeth. 

Feeling lightheaded again, Penny perched herself against the nearest window sill. “What’s the problem then? I never took you for a slower learner,” she mused, looking him up and down. He seemed to shift uncomfortably under her graze, bringing a smirk to her face that only served to make the man more irate. “Chop chop, I don’t have all day,” 

“I’m going to wring your--” he said furiously, advancing on her.

Penny stood up abruptly and strode the other half of the distance between them, stopping only to glare up into his reddening features. 

“My what? My neck? Must be a Death Eater thing, because Yaxley did the same thing every night for the last month,” Penny said, her voice shaking.

“I--that’s not what I meant,” he said quietly, the color leaving his face.

He looked down at her neck and reached out almost as if he intended to touch it, but seemed to think better of it.

“Isn’t it?”

Dark eyes locked onto green ones and then, most surprisingly, he was caressing her cheek much in the same way Lupin had done. He watched her features soften beneath him, the lines of regret and sorrow becoming more prominent on his face. He was exceedingly gentle, but his eyes were not distant like they normally were. He was looking at Penny, not some distant memory. It made her wonder what it was that he, a broken girl or someone he'd missed?

“Watch out Severus, your emotions are showing. You wouldn’t want me to find out how much you missed me,” she said, a grin twisting across her mouth. 

His features contorted in anger at her words, giving her the utmost satisfaction. Pushing past him she continued on her way down the corridor.

“Potter!” he yelled, vehemently.

“Don’t act like I didn’t just do you a favor, you deserved that, but it’s good to be back. I missed that stupid look on your face,” she said, rounding on him with a gloating smirk.

Before he could respond, she turned on her heel and darted down the hall, half fearful of his wrath, half choking with laughter.

As cruel as she'd been, his features didn’t lie, he liked the way his name sounded when she said it, and that pleased her. 


	21. *Moments with Lupin: I Am No Darcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I made a booboo when it comes to Hogwarts schedules and their Christmas break. I previously (in the last Moments with Snape) made the date of the Christmas play on Christmas Eve, but Hogwarts would be empty. So, it's now scheduled for the weekend before the last week of classes in December. I'll go back and fix that Moments with Snape later!
> 
> I might not be able to post my normal update this week because I have finals and a paper due :( So have this happiness just in case!! I also changed the dialogue between Snape and Penny in my last moments chapter if you are interested.
> 
> Alright, ENJOY LUPIN.

“We missed you on Friday,” said Penny, approaching Lupin’s desk.

He looked tired, even more so than usual. There were large bags under his eyes and he was oddly pale. But that did not stop him from giving her a wide grin. 

“I have always been prone to falling ill, would you care to stay for some tea?” he asked, gesturing for her to take a seat.

Nodding, Penny sat, feeling more excited than she had all day. She’d been depressed the better part of the weekend since walking into DADA to find Snape’s gloating face looking back at her. Unlike her peers, it was not the presence of Snape that made the class horrible, rather it was the absence of Lupin that made her sad. To make matters worse, she knew he was sick all weekend and missed her show. Though Penny had started the drama club and made the Christmas and Spring shows a permanent fixture of Hogwarts, this was the first time she had been asked to play the leading role. 

The play was an instant hit, which was a natural product of casting Cedric Diggory, an unnaturally handsome and popular 6th year Hufflepuff as the romantic male lead. Of course the school was talking about the chemistry between her and Diggory, and many people told Penny they were impressed with her acting. Yet, none of their words could cheer her up. The disappointment of Lupin not being in the audience was one that surprised her.

“Are you feeling any better?” Penny asked, accepting the chipped cup he offered her.

“As well as can be expected,” he shrugged. “I was sad to miss your play. My classes have informed me that you and Diggory are quite the match,” he went on, watching her with an amused look on his face.

“People are always looking for something to talk about when Cedric is involved,” said Penny, rolling her eyes.

“Are you sure about that? I heard quite a few swoon worthy retellings,” he winked.

Penny stared at Lupin, perplexed. It seemed as though he were fishing to find out if she were dating Cedric, which was an absurd thought, but she could not be sure.

“It’s called acting,” she said, pointedly.

“If you say so,” said Lupin, his eyes glinting as he took a sip of tea.

She looked away to contemplate what he was insinuating, “If I had a boyfriend I wouldn’t have time to go to Professor Snape’s office hours,” Penny concluded, recoiling at the horrible prospect of losing that designated arguing time. 

Lupin burst out laughing and began choking on the tea he had in his mouth. Brows furrowed in surprise, Penny turned back to the face that was red with amusement. After a few moments he seemed to get himself together. 

“I do not imagine Professor Snape has had an admirer before.”

“No, I think he works extremely hard not too,” Penny grinned, “but that’s not what I meant. I’ve learned a great many things from him I wouldn’t have otherwise if I didn’t visit him.”

“I did not realize Professor Snape held office hours, that’s very kind of him.”

“He doesn’t really, I just show up,” Penny replied, sheepishly.

Lupin let out another soft chuckle, his warm brown eyes considering her.

“I was only teasing you, Penny, I know you are very bright and always looking to be challenged. To be perfectly honest, I would have been more surprised if you preferred the pretty boy, but nevertheless, it wasn’t exactly the reasoning I expected to hear.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never turn my nose up at a pretty boy, but I guess the more, uuh, intellectual type are my preference,” Penny mused.

In retrospect, Penny had paid little romantic attention to anymore. The typical romance, hormone driven discussions of her peers never really resonated with her. She’d never been obsessed or distracted by anything other than potions, that is, until Lupin showed up. He was a handsome man, to be sure, and his warm brown eyes distracted her more than most, but it was his conversations that kept her craving his company. The thought she might have a crush on him consumed her thoughts all weekend. It was pretty typical for students to form crushes on their professors, but Penny never imagined herself in that absurd situation. 

Time spent with Lupin made Penny feel genuinely happy, and she was elated whenever he expressed how proud he was of her efforts. His warm smile and laughter eased her anxiety. The entire experience almost reminded Penny of what she had imagined having a dad would feel like. Her speculating made the entire ordeal very confusing for her, so much so that she decided to drop it. Penny enjoyed Lupin’s company and refused to read anymore into it. 

“Well, make sure you let Diggory down easy, and perhaps leave out the preference for the potions master,” Lupin teased

Penny scowled at Lupin, who looked far too amused with their conversation. 

“What’s your type then, hmm?” Penny pressed, eager to even the playing field.

“I’m far too old for dating,”

“Old? You can’t be older than Professor Snape, and I’ve estimated he is in his early thirties,” Penny replied, skeptically, leaning forward expectantly. 

Lupin considered her for a moment looking mildly impressed.

“Severus Snape was in my year while I was at Hogwarts, actually. Though I was in Gryffindor, like yourself,” he said, pausing to rub his five-o-clock shadow thoughtfully. “I’ve been single for much too long, I do not imagine a partner would be very happy with the bad habits I’ve developed in that time.”

“That’s fair, but even if that’s true, you can still have a type, _hypothetically,”_ Penny pressed, her nosiness getting the best of her.

“I suppose I asked for this by teasing you,” he said, shaking his head. But with a resigned sigh he obliged Penny’s curiosity, “I would not say I have a type, per-say. I find myself attracted to people who are authentically themselves and empower others to be the same. I try not to limit myself for fear I’d miss finding a truly spectacular person my feeble imagination has no hope of conjuring,” he finished with a small smile.

"Oh, dear, I cannot tease you about that. What a shame, for I dearly love to laugh.” said Penny, falling back into her chair dramatically.

“My dear, are you quoting Elizabeth Bennet to me?” said Lupin, looking suddenly mischievous.

Penny grinned, “I’m impressed,” she said, inclining her head. 

He smirked, accepting her compliment. “While you make a spectacular Elizabeth Bennet, I am no Darcy.”

“That’s for Lizzie to decide,” she replied with a wide grin.

Eyebrow arched, he leaned forward, “Is that so, lets have your assessment then,” 

Penny suddenly found herself thrown off kilter by the challenge in his eyes. Their back and forth was in good natured humor, but the topic suddenly hit too close to home for Penny to feel like she could make anything that came out of her mouth sound like a jest. In her opinion, his declaration was possibly one of the most romantic things she'd ever heard someone say. It was such a lovely way to look at life and love that it made Penny reconsider her own notions about romance.

“Alas, I am unable to assess you, I am far too biased in your favor,” she admitted with an apologetic shrug. 

Lupin crumpled up a piece of parchment and tossed it at her face, “An answer I cannot complain about,”

They studied each other silent for a moment, the amusement in their eyes fading in favor of contemplation. Penny observed the lines of his face, noting again how tired he looked for one so young. His brown eyes lingered on her for a moment before becoming fixed to a spot just to her right, his thoughts making the lines between his brows more prominent. 

She glanced down, realizing she had neglected her now-cold tea. She picked it up and emptied the glass. The movement seemed to bring Lupin back to his senses.

“As much as I’d like to continue our conversation, I should be responsible and prepare for my afternoon class,” he said, giving her an apologetic smile. 

“Of course, Professor, I hope you start feeling better, and thanks for the tea” said Penny, getting to her feet.

“I feel quite revived, your company was exactly the medicine I needed.”

He smiled at her and walked her to his door, waving to her as she went.

Feeling happier than she had all weekend, Penny made her way toward the Entrance Hall in hopes of a walk. Whatever her turmoil, she knew one thing was certain, Lupin was the friend Penny always wanted.  
  


  
  



	22. A Serious Bout of Deja Vu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! Finals went well and I'm on break!!. This means I get to spam some updates! I was just reading DH and wanted to pay tribute to some Sev, Lily moments from the pensive, albeit I've changed them a bit. 
> 
> The upcoming chapters this week will be: SIRIUS, the Yule Ball and Penny getting some time to talk to Draco, prepare for all the fluff.
> 
> But this week: When memories are dredged up, and Snape finds himself in a position reminiscent of the one Lily was in from the long distant past, how will he respond? The Potions Master should know by now, he can run but can never hide from Penny ;)

Penny blinked, early morning light was streaming in through the windows of the Hospital Wing. She felt so warm, her aches from the previous day almost non-existent. Yawning, she realized there was an arm draped over her. Turning her head, she found her shaggy-haired brother laying beside her, out cold, his glasses askew. Her heart swelled as she moved his hair out of his eyes. He was crammed into the bed beside her, holding her as though he feared she would disappear again. 

Penny did not know when he arrived, all she could remember was making it to the Hospital Wing and a furious Snape forcing her to take a potion of dreamless sleep, which Penny tried to resist because naturally, she wanted to see her brother before she went to sleep. Snape told her the dose was only small and she’d only sleep for a few hours before waking. With Madam Pomfrey demanding she take it as well, Penny could hardly defy them, so she accepted the potion from a smug-looking Snape, who’d blatantly lied, because she’d clearly slept through the entire night. 

The castle was still, the wind-rattled windows the only thing to be heard, other than the rhythmic breathing of her brother. Penny could not help but breathe in deeply, releasing all her tension on the exhale. She was home, Harry was safe, and perhaps life would return to normal. 

Harry’s eyes opened and he looked at Penny, wide-eyed, as though unsure if he were seeing her or was trapped in his dream-state still.

“Penny,” he said, tentatively.

“Why do we always find each other in the Hospital Wing like this?” she said.

Harry grinned widely, but the worry in his eyes did not budge.

“Penny, you idiot. What happened, Lupin wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“A lot, but at least I’m home now,” she sighed.

“But how, and what happened to you? I saw the bruises before Madam Pomfrey healed them,” Harry said in an accusatory tone, tracing his fingers along her neck.

“You won’t believe it, but Lucius Malfoy got me out.”

“Why would he do that,” said Harry, eyes narrowed suspiciously. 

“Draco demanded he help me, told him we were dating,” Penny said, shaking her head, still unable to believe it herself. 

Harry stared at Penny, his brows crinkled from the struggle of his inner turmoil. Penny couldn’t blame him, even after sitting with Draco and maintaining the somewhat friendship they had, she found it hard to believe. Though she speculated the potions master had a hand in prompting Draco’s involvement, which she shared with Harry, who found this new information even harder to palette than the first bit. 

“Are you sure it was Malfoy, how do you even know? And what were they doing to you at the Ministry?” 

With a deep breath, Penny began to explain to Harry the events in the Department of Mysteries. Agitated, Harry sat up and watched her, cross-legged, interjecting his fury every now and again. 

“What’s the MACUSA?” Harry questioned.

“The Magical Congress of the United States of America, don’t you ever pay attention in class? Professor Binns has mentioned them a few dozen times,” Penny scolded, sitting up as well.

“Why would they want you?” he said, looking perturbed.

“By the sounds of it they wanted to brainwash me into doing their bidding.” Penny replied, darkly.

“Is wand-less magic really that powerful?” said Harry. 

“If what Grindelwald was able to accomplish is any indicator, then I suppose. But Dumbledore defeated him with a wand, so it’s not necessarily a given. But I think, and this is just a hunch, based off of what Dumbledore said in passing, it’s that expression can’t be traced,” Penny mused out loud.

“What does that matter?” 

“Think about it Harry, The entire Ministry and Magical Law Enforcement operates on being able to locate those who misuse magic. Imagine having some sort of international spy who never left any evidence.” said Penny, somewhat impatiently.

Harry burst out laughing, “You, a spy!” he choked, clutching his sides.

“You brat, I’d make an amazing spy!” she said, reaching out to pinch his cheek.

“Maybe. But explain the rest,”

Penny continued on with her tale, feeling as though something were swelling inside of her chest, making it harder and harder to get the words free. She wanted the images to stop flashing across her vision, so she forced herself onward, pausing momentarily at the rabbit. 

“They made you kill it, why would anyone do that?” said Harry, aghast.

“Because they could.” 

“How can they get away with that, and right inside the Ministry!” said Harry indignantly, getting off the bed to pace angrily.

“Tonks promised they wouldn’t.”

“Did they even help you learn to control your expression? What even happened that day you disappeared?” Harry said, pausing in his pacing to turn back to her.

“No, they didn’t help me.” said Penny quietly, flopping back onto her pillow, mulling over everything that had transpired. Uncertain again if she should share what happened in her head. With a deep sigh, she finished explaining, and described the death chamber and what she felt and heard.

When she finished, he promptly walked to her bedside to look down at her miserable expression. Penny knew he was sharing the fear she felt in her chest. She always knew when her brother was present in her head. Normally, she liked it, but right now her shame made her wish he wasn’t there. 

“Don’t you dare for a second believe it, Penny,” he demanded. 

She gazed into his fierce eyes, startled.

“Believe what?” she said, acting as though she did not know he were privy to her thoughts.

“That you’re evil. What they made you do, that’s on them, not you. Every part of you, and every piece of magic I have seen you perform is full of life.”

“I want to believe you, Harry,” Penny said, miserably.

“Then stop making excuses for them. I never told you this, well, I’ve never told anyone except Dumbledore, but the sorting hat wanted to put me in Slytherin,” he admitted, looking apologetic.

“You in Slytherin?” Penny gaped. 

“It’s true, and I was certain, for a long time, that it must mean there is some part of me that’s like Voldemort,”

“Harry--” Penny said, sitting up to take his hand. But he stopped her.

“But I learned that our choices matter, Penny. We are not fixed, we can change our path at any point.”

She stared at him for a long moment. There was no doubt he meant what he said, the ferocity in which he believed what he said splashed over Penny like a wave. With a loud sigh, she finally broke into a grin and accepted there was no arguing with Harry. Instead, she yanked her twin into the bed with her, where she hugged him and ruffled his hair.

“So what made you lose control?” Harry finally asked, settling back beneath the blankets with her.

“I got into an argument with Snape. He actually pointed his wand at me, so of course my response was to lose it,” Penny shrugged.

“He did what! I’ve told you--”

“Come off it, Harry. In my anger I definitely sent a jinx at him, and he was the one who found me after I woke up,” Penny said, clamping her hand over his mouth to shut him up. She could not stand to hear another 100-reasons-Harry-believed-Snape-is-evil tirade.

“Fine. But what were you doing those two months, you could have written,” Harry scowled, pushing her hand away.

“I don’t know, I woke up in a forest somewhere, and to me it felt like no time had passed.”

“Dumbledore didn’t have any hunches?”

“If he did, he didn’t share them with me. But enough of this, it’s your turn, tell me what I missed,” Penny demanded, rolling onto her side to watch him.

Harry obliged and recounted to Penny all about Rita Skeeter’s obsession with writing about him, and the nice article he’d read that Dumbledore wrote about Penny when the Daily Prophet published her student submission. Penny found herself skeptical Dumbledore had anything to say about her, but she kept the thought to herself because he'd smiled and told her he clipped it out and saved it for her. Then he went on about how boring classes had been, adding almost offhandedly that Snuffles was living in a mountain just outside of Hogsmeade. Penny's heart leapt. She'd forgotten Sirius was at Hogwarts, and close enough to see. It'd been nearly a year since they seen him last, and Penny wanted dearly to see how he was doing for herself.

“Yesterday was the last day of classes, but everyone is staying for the Yule Ball,” Harry finished, a look of dread falling over his face.

“When’s the ball?” Penny asked,

“On Christmas Eve,”

“Who are you taking?”

“Parvati Patil,” he said, sullenly.

Penny rolled over into the pillow to stifle her laugh. Harry was evidently unamused by this and promptly poked her in the side. 

“I suppose you’ve already had ten invites,” Harry said with an eye-roll when Penny rolled back over to return his poke.

“Maybe I can take Lupin,” Penny exclaimed, fantasizing about the possibility. “Where is Lupin?” she went on, looking around the room.

“He came in while you were asleep, said he had some things to do for Dumbledore, but to tell you he’d be back today,” said Harry.

“I was hoping the three of us could visit Snuffles, bring him a Christmas present,” said Penny.

“This is a Hogsmeade weekend, that’ll be perfect! I’ll go send word to him,” Harry said, getting to his feet in excitement.

Penny smiled and waved at him. If she could just convince Lupin, her plan to get the photograph of the four of them would work perfectly. A family picture for Christmas was the best present she could imagine for herself. Being back in Hogwarts made it easy to push recent events into the back of mind. She did not want to spend too much time dwelling on them. Looking down at her arms, it was bizarre how all traces of her abuse were now non-existent, Madam Pomfrey was truly amazing at what she did. 

When the prison guard, Pomfrey finally roused and made her way to check on Penny, she insisted Penny stay for the first half of the morning, and would only consider letting her leave after Snape gave his verdict. 

Penny was sitting at the window, tapping her feet impatiently when said man finally arrived, looking like he had many other, better things to be doing.

“Professor!” Penny exclaimed, rushing over to Snape.

“Ms. Potter” he sneered.

“You have to help me, she’s threatening to keep me in here for the next week!” Penny pleaded in a hushed tone, afraid Madam Pomfrey would realize Snape had arrived.

The dubious look that appeared on Snape’s face told Penny he was contemplating the satisfaction of prolonging her misery.

“You do look pale and your health is of the utmost importance, it would be irresponsible of me to have you discharged early,” Snape said softly, his cold eyes alight with cruelty.

“I’m a red redhead, I’m always pale,” Penny argued, eyes narrowed.

“I’ve taught you for four-years, I’m well aware what your normal complexion is,” he said, unfazed by her argument. And with an unpleasant smirk, he made to move past her.

“You can’t be that cruel. I was only mean to you the other day because you deserved it. You haven’t even apologized for any of the last half-dozen horrible things you did to me! You had to know I’d either have to even the playing field or we couldn’t be friends anymore. I saved our friendship! Really, you should be thanking me,” said Penny, matter-of-factly, blocking Snape’s way.

He looked down at her, his lip curling and eyes narrowing in irritation. The look told Penny she hit the you-remind-me-of-your-father nerve and her chances of him securing her freedom were swirling down hole his glare was burning into her face. She tried to smile, but the action only served to make him look more severe as his cold eyes considered her.

“Do you think yourself special, Ms. Potter?” he began in a dangerously low voice.

“Yes,” Penny blurted out before she could stop herself. “Aren’t we all special?” she added quickly, hoping to stave off Snape’s fury.

“Of course you do. You think because you are a Potter you are warranted special treatment, well you will receive none from me!” he spat.

“My name? When have I ever been guilty of that! I was appealing to our _FRIENDSHIP,”_ she hissed, suddenly too irritated to care she was being flagrantly disrespectful, “to beg you not to leave me locked in this prison after a month of being a prisoner of psychopaths. I thought we were supposed to be friends, best friends,” Penny finished, crossing her arms, and turning her nose away from him, angrily.

The gesture was a tad bit melodramatic, but the nerve of the insinuation rubbed Penny the wrong way. She’d skipped all the bullshit and straight out asked for Snape’s help, and he was punishing her for it. Never in her life had Penny experienced a more tedious friendship. Every-time she felt like she’d made progress with the man, he was determined to send her back into a flurry of uncertainty. It was days from Christmas, and Penny mistakenly hoped for some holiday goodwill from the potions master.

She glanced back at him, disturbed by the prolonged silence. His dark eyes were studying her with a curious look, as though Penny reminded him of something he’d long forgotten. He wasn't angry, there was more of a superstitious look about the man, like he was in the middle of a serious bout of Deja vu.

“Are you okay, Professor?” Penny said in a concerned voice, unfolding her arms.

“We are--” he said, curtly, his eyes focusing on her face again.

“What?” said Penny, utterly confused by what just changed in the room.

“We are. . . friends,” he said in an awkwardly stiff voice. 

“I know, that was a rhetorical question,” said Penny, not bothering to hide her bewilderment.

Snape’s face contorted in cold fiery, his lips disappearing again. 

“Your arrogance should not surprise me. Friendship, Potter is a two way street, and customarily requires the consent of both individuals,” he hissed,

“What are we six? When was the last time you verbally asked anyone to be your friend, _sir_? Would you like me to get down on one knee, make sure someone gets photographs? Because in the world I live in, which is the world of emotionally capable humans, we hang out with people we like, and when two humans decide they like each other more than the others and hang out often, we generally call that friendship,” said Penny sardonically.

“You are insufferable!” said Snape, furiously.

“I am not, you just have a control problem. It would behove you to be mindful of it because it likely stems from toxic masculinity, and that perpetuates male privilege. You see, when you--”

“Not another word!” he all but yelled, pushing past her to walk briskly into Madam Pomfrey’s office.

Penny stared after him, perplexed, the man was such an oddity. The audacity of him, acting as though he were suddenly bestowing his friendship on her, _now_ . After all the work she’d put in all these years being a friend to the surly potions master, and he wanted to act as though something had suddenly promoted her to friendship level, as though, in his pity he would offer her such kindness. She refused to hear it. Severus Snape needed to wake up to reality and admit he’d always enjoyed their time together, as much as she did.

Feeling annoyed and certain she was doomed to her imprisonment, Penny perched herself back on the window and stared longingly at the Hogwarts grounds that were painted in tranquility. Sirius was out there somewhere, living in a cave as a dog, the thought made her sad, but she also felt grateful for the love of their godfather. Penny wanted so badly to see Sirius again. Just one afternoon with the four of them together, but now it was all but ruined because she let Professor Snape get under her skin, yet again.

Lost in thought, she flopped back against the wall and sighed heavily, saying out loud to herself, “Why did Voldemort kill you," thinking of her parents and feeling that familiar longing for their presence.

Resigning herself to her misery, Penny went to get back into her bed only to discover she was not in fact, alone, as she’d thought. Snape was watching her, standing just before the door, frozen. Torment was etched into the lines of his face, his misery apparent on it. Penny froze where she was, slightly embarrassed he’d caught her in a moment she’d assumed was private. The sun broke free of the clouds outside and its light spilled through the window, illuminating Snape’s face, which was rife with the torment of things he could never change. Oddly, the scene before her was like a reflection of her own misery. It made her feel suddenly guilty for the way she’d treated him earlier. 

“You were right I was being stupid before. I’m glad--I’m glad you said it,” she said, taking a tentative step forward.

Her movement jerked him back to his senses, and his posture stiffened again, sending the bottom of his cloak rippling, catching her attention. He was wearing his usual black attire, but today it did not make him foreboding, rather, it seemed to pair nicely with his long hair and pale skin. Behind his normal facade, the man was peering through at her, his usual cold eyes filled with something Penny could not put words to. In this moment he was not the Potions Master, not even her professor, he was Severus Snape, and what he was looking at wasn't James' daughter, nor Harry's sister, she was just Penny. The air buzzed around him, much in the same manner his skin did every time he touched her. He was radiating the feeling, and it drew Penny toward him, but before she could reach him he said, “You are free to go,” and sept from the room without another word.

Dumbstruck, Penny stared at the place where Snape had stood, mouthing wordlessly, wanting desperately to understand what he was feeling and what the buzzing meant. Before she could dwell any longer on what had transpired, Harry appeared in the door, a mischievous looking Lupin standing beside him.

“We’re here to break you out for a top secret mission,” Lupin said with a grin, handing over a pile of her clothing.

Penny couldn’t help but grin back, too excited to believe her Christmas wish might actually come true. Ignoring the clothing, she threw her arms around Lupin’s neck, “Do we really get to go?” Penny said in his ear, afraid to believe it was true.

“Have I ever lied to you?” he said, mock disapproval laced through his voice.

“I don’t know, have you?” she said, pulling away to examine him critically.

“Ouch, really, I get no faith?” he said with an exaggerated pout that made Penny laugh.

“I mean, technically you did lie by omission about Snuffles last year,” Harry pointed out. 

“Alright, I see I’m outnumbered here, let's get going, I’m sure Snuffles will be on my side in this argument,” said Lupin, putting his hands up in surrender.

Penny rolled her eyes and accepted the clothing. She was still unsettled by Snape, but she would have to find him later. Right now, her heart could only fixate on the excitement she felt.

In less than an hour she’d get to see Sirius again. 


	23. James' Daughter and The Damn Dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The break freedom is real, so here is another chapter! Say hi to Sirius!! bwhahha. This should be interesting ;)  
> This is basically my holiday gift to you, my lovely readers! Enjoy the cute little family Penny loves.

The muggle inside of Penny was still surprised when the shaggy dog at her feet became the tall, handsome, incredibly dirty, man she knew to be her godfather. Sirius grinned at them, his hair longer than Penny remembered it. He was thin and his clothing was torn. The man was a hot mess, but his happiness at seeing the three of them before him was contagious. Lupin didn’t waste a moment and embraced his old friend, Harry quickly following suit. Penny found herself nervous even though she’d spent so much time wishing to see Sirius again. Thankfully, he did not notice and bridged the distance between them and pulled Penny into a rough hug before holding her at arm's length,

“It’s uncanny how much you look like your mother, Penny. It really is like looking at a ghost,” said Sirius, his eyes glazing over much in the same way Snape’s did from time to time.

Penny couldn’t help but roll her eyes, she’d heard that line one too many times in her life. 

“So everyone says, I might try coloring my hair black just so I won’t have to hear it anymore, then maybe take on your last name, if you’ll let me,” Penny said, shooting a grin at Harry. 

“My mother would turn over in her grave, it sounds like a brilliant idea,” Sirius replied with a bark of laughter.

“No one is touching Penny’s hair,” said Lupin, looking much less amused by the proposition than Sirius. 

“Remus, why do you always have to be be such a killjoy. We already know what she’d look like,” said Sirius, gesturing to Harry. 

“I don’t think I’d make a very pretty girl,” said Harry, skeptically.

Lupin raised his eyebrow in an I-told-you-so manner, to which Sirius scoffed. 

“Considering it’s _my_ hair, I’ll be the one to decide,” Penny said, darkly.

“Atta girl,” Sirius said, slapping Penny on the back in what she assumed must be an affectionate gesture, but she was not quite sure because it nearly sent her toppling to the floor. She caught herself on Harry’s head, who’d taken a seat on the nearest rock. He yelped when a few of the hairs from his head came loose beneath her grasp.

“Erm, sorry. It’s been a while since I’ve been in this form,” said Sirius apologetically.

“Don’t worry about it Sirius, Penny is just unbalanced,” Harry replied with a grin. 

“A product of being your sister,” Penny retorted, straightening herself. 

“Well, it certainly feels like the holidays,” Lupin laughed, waving his wand to conjure a table and chairs for them, a small candle hovering just above it.

Following his lead, Penny pulled her rucksack off her shoulder, “I brought you some things, Sirius.”

He sat down, his eyes looking bright with excitement even though they were shadowed by the horrendous bags he had developed while in Azkaban. Meanwhile, Harry handed Sirius a pile of chicken from his own bag, which Sirius began inhaling immediately. Penny pulled a plate full of sandwiches, mashed potatoes, pork cutlets, a container of pumpkin juice, rice pudding, a cake, two bars of soap, a tooth brush, a blanket, several books, a new pair of clothing, and several games from her sack.

“Did you enchant that yourself?” Lupin asked, looking mildly impressed. 

“Hermione helped me. We were in the library one evening when we decided to try, it’s actually been really convenient,” Penny replied off-handedly, jamming her arm all the way to her shoulder into the bag to ensure she hadn’t missed anything.

Her fingers slid over the smooth surface of her camera and she yanked it out and tossed the sack to the floor just in time to see Sirius come up for air from his food. He accepted a glass of juice from Harry gratefully and eyed the haul, turning over the toothbrush in his hand like it was a luxury he could have only ever dreamed of. 

“You should have packed more soap, Penny, he looks like he hasn’t bathed in a year,” Lupin teased, bringing the bright pink bar to his nose to smell.

“Is it floral? Jenny Braester used to always smell like flowers,” Sirius said, tugging his shirt over his head to try on the sweater Penny brought for him.

For such a slim man, Sirius was still quite muscular, his torso looked more like that of a male model’s than an outlaw. Before Penny could get a better look, Lupin had yanked her toward him, covering her eyes with his hand.

“Really, Sirius, you're not 17 anymore,” Lupin said in a tone of paternal scorn.

“Find me a 17 year-old with better abs than these,” Sirius bragged in response.

Penny wrestled with Lupin, floundering like a turtle in his lap, unable to free her eyes from his censorship. She found herself disappointed when he did let her go and returned her to seat, giving her an accusatory arch of his brow. Penny pretended not to notice it, and turned away with a scowl. Sirius was right, none of the boys she’d seen looked like him!

“It suits you,” said Harry, looking at Sirius like he was a new man.

Penny followed the eyes of her twin, finding Sirius looking quite nice in his clean black denim pants and dark grey over-large sweater that fit his frame nicely. She nodded her vigorous approval, “What can I say, I have an eye for it,” Penny said, smugly.

“It’s easy when you have such an excellent model to work with,” he winked and then returned to his seat at the table where Lupin was shuffling cards for Slap Jack. 

It did not take long for Penny to discover she was not made to play this game with the three nutters sitting around her. They all became intensely competitive and would smash the jack with all their force, resulting in many swollen hands. Harry proved himself to be the undefeated champ, having the quick reflexes of a star quidditch player, to which Sirius spent much time praising him and reminiscing about the games he and Remus watched James play.

Having lost first for the seventh time in a row, Penny picked up her camera to snap their faces mid slap. She grinned imagining what the photo would look like, none of them realizing what she’d done until the flash went off. 

“Harry you little cheat!” Sirius yelled, arguing his pointer finger had touched the jack first.

“You’re just a sore loser,” Harry taunted, adding the cards to his already thick pile. 

When Penny finally pried them from their game, she handed them each a cracker from her pocket. 

“Happy Christmas!” they chimed, each of their crackers exploding in a burst of sparks as the wizarding ones do. 

Among the enchanted items, they each received a Christmas hat that Penny made them all put on before situating themselves for the Christmas photo she wanted. It took several tries because Sirius had no concept for how muggle photographs worked and kept turning his face away from the lens. Finally, the four of them squished together and Penny felt she’d gotten the perfect picture. 

“So, Harry tells me you’ve been spending a lot of time with that slimy git, Snape,” Sirius growled, fixing Penny with a hard stare.

Penny shot a furious look at Harry for being a tattle-tale. 

“He is my Professor, I’m required to,” she replied in an even tone. 

Sirius turned to Lupin, who glanced hesitantly at Penny, “The relationship is curious, but knowing how brilliant Penny is, it doesn’t surprise me. I wish you wouldn’t let old prejudices cloud your judgement, because from what I’ve seen, Penny and Professor Snape are good for each other, he was after all, the one who found her last month,” Lupin generously pointed out.

“Of course he wanted to be the one to find her, he was the reason she disappeared!,” Harry interjected, angrily. 

“What!” said Sirius, rounding on Harry for more information.

“Penny?” Lupin said quietly, turning to her with a questioning look.

“I know you want to trust him, but he pointed his wand at you, Penny,” Harry said, meeting her furious expression with his own fierce conviction.

“He did what!? I’m going to wring his slimy neck,” Sirius burst out, getting to his feet.

“Sit down, Sirius,” Lupin said almost lazily, waving his hand at him, still watching Penny. The gesture seemed to work because Sirius sat down quietly and turned his gaze to Penny who was reeling. 

She needed to control her fury, and she also needed some way to explain, but she wasn’t sure how. Harry looked vindicated in his opinion of Snape, which only served to annoy her further. It was tedious sometimes, how Harry was never open to considering how he may have been wrong about someone.

“It wasn’t Professor Snape’s fault, I lost control,” Penny finally said. “and yeah, he pointed his wand at me, we were fighting, but he didn’t use it.”

“He’s a dead man,” Sirius said under his breath, which garnered him a sharp look from Lupin.

“What could you have possibly have been fighting about that warranted him pulling out his wand on a student?” Lupin replied, looking as appalled as the other two.

“I stumbled on him and Karkaroff having a weird conversation, and I don’t think I was meant to hear it,” she said, looking nervously at her hands.

Her heart was hammering in her chest, fearful of what would have to come out of her mouth next, scared for the confirmation of disgust their eyes would bring. 

“Karkaroff?” Sirius said in a suddenly sharp tone, “Did he see you too?”

“I don’t know, I tried to run off, and when Snape caught me he was gone,” said Penny.

“Karkaroff, like the Durmstrang headmaster?” said Harry, looking between the worried looks of Sirius and Lupin, evidently as confused as Penny.

“Yes, but he wasn’t always a headmaster, he spent some time in Azkaban because he was a known Death Eater,” Sirius replied, getting up from his chair to look out of the cave.

“Why’d they let him out!” Harry demanded, looking disgusted.

“He cut some sort of deal with the Ministry,” Sirius said, not bothering to look at Harry.

“What was the topic of this conversation?” Lupin asked Penny, concern still etched in the lines of his pretty face.

Penny shifted uncomfortably, she wanted to lie, but she knew she was not capable while Lupin’s warm brown eyes were on her.

“Karakroff was saying something was growing darker while Professor Snape denied knowing what he was talking about, but Karakroff demanded to see his arm. Then Professor Snape pulled his wand on him and Karakaroff backed off and pulled up his sleeve. And well, on his forearm, I saw the dark mark,” Penny trailed off, expecting Harry’s sharp intake of breath. “So Snape’s a Death Eater! too”

“We don’t know that!” Penny said, defensively. 

Sirius finally turned around to fix his dark eyes on Penny, and then to look back at Harry.

“As far as I know Snape’s never been convicted as a Death Eater, but he sure as hell was into the dark arts while we were at school,” he said to Harry.

“It does not matter what Professor Snape was like at school, Dumbledore trusts him and gave him a job at this school,” Lupin said loudly as he poured a cup of pumpkin juice and offered it to Penny.

When she looked into his eyes she could tell he wanted her to know he was on her side. It eased the tension in her chest to hear him vouch for Snape. Penny really had not been able to come to a conclusion about the topic, and whenever it crossed her mind it left lingering distress. But Lupin had a point, _if_ Snape had been a Death Eater, there must have been a good reason for Dumbledore to trust him.

“Remus, we both know Dumbledore is too trusting,” said Sirius, looking unconvinced.

“And we also know you are too keen to judge everyone by how they acted in school. I seem to remember you being an insufferable bully,” Lupin said, his lips upturning at the sides.

Sirius grinned back at Lupin, “Whatever you say, but I can’t allow James’ daughter anywhere near that slimeball, it’s _Snape_ ,” he pressed, alluding to the mutual dislike Harry and Penny discovered Snape and their father shared for each other while at school when they learned Sirius was innocent.

“ _Allow_ _me. . ._ ” Penny said in a dangerously low voice, getting to her feet.

She could see Lupin recoil slightly and give Sirius a gruff shake of his head, as though to warn him, but he was ignored by both Penny and Sirius. 

“You’re my responsibility,” said Sirius, meeting her defiance with narrowed eyes. 

“That does not give you the right to presume to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with. You don’t own me,” replied Penny, ignoring Harry tugging at the edges of her mind, asking her not to ruin their visit by being hotheaded.

“It does when you appear to be so incapable. Do you even care about your father’s memory?” said Sirius, voice rising.

“I’ve done just fine for the last fourteen years, thank you! Professor Snape was there many years before you decided it was a good time to live up to that responsibility. And you want to talk to me about my dad’s memory, well I never got any of those because everyone decided it better we rot with the muggles, so screw you!” Penny yelled, the anger bulging in her veins.

She knew she would regret what she said later, her response was merely a reflex to the pain he inflicted insinuating James would be ashamed of her. It was a topic she struggled with often, and made navigating her relationship with Snape difficult. But at the end of the day, she always felt like her parents would have supported her. Even if Snape and her father didn’t get along, that didn’t change all the ways he had cared for her the last four years. And he wasn’t even obligated to, like Sirius.

Feeling like she might accidentally turn Sirius into a toad, Penny made to push past him and get some fresh air, but he caught her roughly by the upper arm, his features dark with anger.

“You’re not getting off that easily,” he growled in her ear.

She looked up into his face, he was much taller than she, and even as thin as he was, his grip was strong, making Penny certain she could not break free.

“Let go of me or I’ll hex you,” said Penny through gritted teeth.

“Try and hex me and see what happens,”

“Sirius,” said Lupin, sternly, getting to his feet to stand between them and place a firm, but warning hand on his shoulder.

For a moment Sirius held Penny’s gaze, shooting daggers at her, but then he heeded Lupin’s warning and let her go, allowing Penny to march off. Harry’s thoughts lingered at the edge of her mind, irritating her more. His opinion was she’d been horrible to Sirius and that Sirius had a good point, so she shut him out completely, refusing to hear another word. Instead, she heard Lupin behind her, “Have you tried listening to her. . .don’t you remember being her age. . .did that ever work on you?” he scolded, to which Sirius retorted, but the crunching snow beneath her feet drowned it out. 

She was tempted to march all the way back to school, alone, but felt that would only serve to solidify the perception she was acting like a dramatic teenager, and she didn’t want to lose the time with Lupin, who would likely be heading back to his normal life soon. So she waited several minutes out the front of the cave until Lupin appeared carrying her bag, Snuffles the shaggy black dog and Harry bringing up the rear.

“Thanks,” Penny said with a small smile, hoping Lupin would know it was for more than grabbing her things.

He clasped her hand gently and searched her with his warm eyes. He always made her feel like he could see straight through her, but not in the same way as Snape, who felt privy to her thoughts. No, Lupin’s gaze pierced Penny to her core, discovering all the things she was too afraid to see in herself. 

“I think it’s just been a long time since Sirius has had anyone to care for, and that scares him,” Lupin said softly, as he nudged her toward the path where Harry and Sirius stood waiting.

“Of course you gotta go and do what you always do. I was perfectly content leaving annoyed,” Penny sighed.

“What did I do?” he smirked.

“Remind me what's important,” said Penny, squeezing his hand back before she plodded off toward Sirius.

She knelt before the huge dog, who fixed her with his round puppy dog eyes.

“I’m sorry I was rude, it’s just been a really shitty last three months,” Penny began, patting Snuffles on the head. “But today was really nice, even if you are an insufferable--” she continued, stopping only when Sirius barreled her over mid-sentence. 

Lupin was above them, rubbing his temples, and looking as though he could not believe their immaturity. Penny turned, annoyed, to the dog staring back at her, his big black paws pinning her shoulders, wet snow seeping into the neck of her robes. Just when she was about to yell at him, he bent down and licked the length of her face with his wide, wet tongue, at which Harry howled with laughter, and Lupin tried hard to suppress his own.

Sirius licked her several more times, ignoring her protests. When he finally released her, he dashed enthusiastically down the lane, avoiding any retaliation. Lupin helped her to her feet and handed her his handkerchief, looking far too amused.

“Don’t you dare say anything,” she warned, and he obliged, chuckling quietly under his breath as they followed after the damn dog.

After some time, they bid farewell to Sirius, arriving in the Entrance Hall just before sunset. Lupin broke the news he’d have to leave them there and head back home, which left Penny greatly disappointed. She sulked while Harry said his goodbyes and set off for the library after learning Penny preferred to head back to her dormitory. 

Penny glanced around the hall, which was very beautifully decorated for the upcoming Yule Ball, yet it still felt somewhat empty knowing Lupin would not be there.

“Don’t look so sulky, Penny, you have a lot to look forward to,” he teased, turning her chin to face him.

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” she admitted quietly, feeling anxious at the thought.

“Believe me, I feel the same way. The last three months have been the hardest of my life, if I could hug you and never let you go I would. But that would be me being selfish, because I know the best place for your healing right now is here with Harry,” he said, tilting his head to make her stop avoiding his eyes.

“I know that you’re right, but it doesn’t make me miss you any less,” she complained, with a large pout.

“I guess I’ll have to leave you something to remember me by,” he said stepping closer to her and glancing above her head with a grin.

Enticed, Penny followed his gaze to find the mistletoe hanging above them. Realizing what he must mean, her eyes snapped back to his twinkling brown ones. He leaned in, causing Penny’s breath to catch in her chest, and kissed her very softly on the side of her cheek, lingering for a moment before he pulled away ever so slightly to whisper, “Happy Christmas, Penny, I’m very proud of you and I know your dad would be too,” into her ear. 

Sooner than she would have liked, he returned to looking at her, smiling in amusement at the dumbstruck look on her face. And then with a last smile and an affectionate bonk to her nose, he pulled the hood of his robes over his head and made for the door, Penny barely managing a “Happy Christmas to you too,” before he disappeared from sight.

Still dazed, Penny made her way to the Great Hall, replaying the look on Lupin’s face over and over again. Suddenly, she collided with someone and stumbled backwards, their hands reaching out to keep Penny from falling to the floor.

“You all right, Penny?” 

Penny looked up into the familiar blonde features of her potions buddy.

“Draco!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him and smothering him with her gratitude. 

“Missed me that much?” he said, smoothly.

“You--are--the--most--beautiful--person--in--the--entire--world,” she said, going back and forth from his cheeks and planting kisses on them.

She only stopped when someone cleared their throat loudly, causing the two of them to look up into the irritated features of Professor Snape.

“As touching as this romantic reunion is, people are trying to eat, Ms. Potter,” Snape drawled, prying the two of them apart, looking disgusted.

“Sorry Professor, she came at me,” said Malfoy, smirking.

“I do not blame you, Mr. Malfoy. I am well aware that Ms. Potter is a very forward girl and I do not imagine there is a man alive prepared for her advances,” he said, giving Penny a cruel grin. 

“I’m sorry women do not find you stimulating enough to be enthused around, Professor, Draco and I shall find a more private place to continue our conversation,” Penny quipped, eyes narrowed.

Snape grabbed the hood of her robe, yanking her backward, and preventing her from leaving the hall.

“You’ll do no such thing, get back to your common room, Mr. Malfoy,” he said through gritted teeth, his cold eyes boring into Penny.

Draco gave Penny an apologetic shrug and left, leaving Penny to the clutches of Snape, who released her, allowing her to round on him.

“What was that? Did you forget he was the reason I got out of HELL?” 

“No, but you seem to have lost your mind and propriety!” he snapped. 

Penny snorted in derision, giving Snape a haughty look, “Oh boy, here we go, let's hear that sexist lecture about how I should never express anything that looks remotely similar to expressing sexuality. I’m sorry your mom didn’t hug you when you were little, but really Professor, friends are allowed to show affection!” she fumed, adding, “Lupin does it all the time."

This seemed to be the tipping point for Snape who appeared to be shriveling in his anger. It was a curious thing to note, and so unlike her uncle. She watched him register everything that she’d said, his mouth opening several times and shutting again as though he thought better of what was to come out. Just when he looked like he'd gathered himself to respond, the handsome frame of Cedric Diggory came into view, engulfing Penny in his arms, pulling her off her feet and giving her a huge bear hug.

“Penny!” he said, kissing her cheek several times.

The sensation was quite pleasant, and startled Penny, who felt her face begin to burn. For a fraction of a second, mid-hug, Penny caught the smug look on Snape’s face that told her he knew exactly what she was thinking at that moment, making her face burn scarlet. With a dramatic swoosh of his cloak Snape left Penny to her humiliation, which she could not be distracted by for long because alongside the handsome face of Cedric, several other's joined, squealing her name.

Things became suddenly loud again, and Penny felt like Lupin was right, being at Hogwarts was exactly where she needed to be. 


	24. The Heir of Slytherin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny has been pretty ruthless with Snape lately, but look who has the upper hand now!
> 
> To the Yule Ball we gooo! 
> 
> As always thanks for reading and your lovely words. This chapter is a lot longer than my normal ones, mostly because IT'S THE YULE BALL. !! I'm also sorry this is late. I lost track of the days of the week doodeedoo.
> 
> Stay healthy and safe, and happy new year!!

The first couple of days being back at Hogwarts went by in a blur for Penny. Most of it was spent with the drama club who were preparing for their Christmas day show. Penny hadn’t intended to return so early, but Fred and George all but dragged her from Gryffindor Common room and forced her into helping them with some logistics in stage managing. They were trying to carve and bewitch some ice sculptors for props and no one had a very steady hand, other than Penny. 

The exercise was very therapeutic for Penny, and when she finally finished her two day endeavor, she followed Fred and George around the set, thoroughly enjoying being back in the thick of things. When the sun was setting on Christmas Eve, the three of them were sat on some rickety furniture in a back closet that was used to hold the majority of their props, sipping butterbeer. 

“It wasn’t the same without you, Pen,” George sighed, reclining against the box behind him.

“Yeah, it’s lucky you showed up or I would have seriously considered letting Davies carve penis sculptors. It’d be really great if you didn’t go and disappear on us next time,” Fred added.

“I’ll be sure to let the Ministry and MACUSA know I’m booked next term and to try kidnapping me in the summer, lord knows the Dursleys won’t miss me,” Penny replied, sarcastically. 

“I knew you’d understand,” George grinned.

“So, Penny, George and I have been talking,” said Fred, leaning forward to fix Penny with an unsettling look of intrigue. 

“Have you now? Finally tell George you’re afraid of the dark?”

“Fred you great prat, so that's why you won’t go to the bathroom alone!” said George in an accusatory tone.

Penny laughed, and looked back at Fred who waited patiently for her attention, his mouth forming a lopsided grin.

“As you may already be aware, George and I have decided our numerous talents are best utilized in entrepreneurship,” 

“The joke shop? I thought your mother was resolutely opposed to the idea?” Penny said, looking at the both of them, curiously.

Over the summer Mrs. Weasley had discovered Fred and George’s plans to open a joke shop, along with with prepared orders and years worth of inventions, which prompted her to rampage through the house and destroy anything resembling _Weasleys Wizard’s Wheezes_. Penny smiled inwardly, recalling Dudley being tricked into eating one of their candies, which caused his tongue grow to some four feet before the Dursleys would allow Mr. Weasley to shrink it.

“A technical difficulty, but every genius has to face some hardship. Once our financial situation, err, improves, all will be fine,” Fred said, waving away the concern like it was a fly on his face. 

“Right. . .” Penny replied, skeptically, setting her empty butterbeer on the dusty floor.

“What Fred is trying to say is, we are ready to move forward with opening with Weasleys Wizards Wheezes, but we have run into some troubles with our designs.”

“I’m sure they’re fine,” said Penny, encouragingly. 

“Fine is not good enough for sales,” said Fred.

“A fair point, what will you do then?”

At this both twins got to their feet and seated themselves on either side of Penny, fixing her with their most handsome grins.

“Uhh,” Penny spluttered, unsure what was going on.

“You, Penny are brilliant, the kind of brilliant worthy of Weasley’s Wizard’s Wheezes,” said Fred, in a velvety voice that made Penny burst out laughing.

“And you’re a ginger,” George added, his eyes glinting.

“You’re having me on, aren’t you,” she said, looking back and forth between them.

“Absolutely not, we don’t just call _anyone_ brilliant,” George replied, appalled.

“We want you to be our graphic designer, what do you say?” they chimed in unison.

“Are you serious?”

“When are we ever not serious,” said Fred in indignation, as though he thought Penny were being absurd.

She gave him an arch of her brow, but he did not waver.

“We’ll pay you for your services, of course,” George finally added. 

Penny reached out her hands and ruffled their ginger heads, “You idiots, it’s not even a question, of course I’ll help, no need to pay me, but if you make it big we can reconvene,” she winked, letting them go and getting to her feet.

They both smacked her on the back and raised their empty butter beers to her, before going into a few of the finer details. Then they gave Penny a list of some items and offered some rough sketches of their ideas, which Penny packed into her bag before making her way to her common room, the Yule Ball was to begin at 8pm and Penny needed some time to get herself dressed. 

The castle was buzzing with excitement for the ball, and Penny had heard talk of nothing else since she’d been back. All those old enough to attend the ball,(fourth years and up,) were mulling over who to take and gossiping about who was going who. Of the utmost interest was who the champions were taking, and Penny found herself unusually interested to discover Cedric was going with Cho Chang, a fifth year Ravenclaw girl, who was very pretty and played for the Ravenclaw Quidditch team.

After he’d accosted her in the Entrance Hall, Cedric and Penny had snuck away from the crowd and made their way to the astronomy tower to catch up properly without the nosey onlookers that swarmed to wherever Cedric was present. They sat side by side, laughing at his recounting of the first task. After some time, he asked her the dreaded question, about whether the rumors were true, and fixed her with his pretty eyes, which were unusually solemn. Penny merely nodded. Cedric looked disturbed, but he didn’t push the topic further, although Penny could have sworn he inched nearer to her.

When they finally arrived at the topic of the Yule Ball, Cedric admitted he was going with Cho Chang, but offered no details, which left a strange feeling in the pit of Penny’s stomach. She tried to smirk at him, but found herself thrown off kilter when their eyes met, an awkward silence ensuing as they searched each others' face. Penny finally broke the silence by announcing she should get going, but Cedric held her back a moment,

“Save me a dance,” he’d said, to which Penny nodded her agreement without realizing. 

Returning to his normal grin, they’d parted ways and she tried to shrug off the encounter, but found herself mulling over it more often than she’d like. Unlike everyone else, Penny did not have a date to the ball, though she preferred it this way. Having returned to Hogwarts a few days before, there just wasn’t anyone else left to take. Yet, Penny did not feel all that insecure going alone, but she found everyone’s muttering on the topic to be quite irritating. Even Harry teased her mercilessly for being  _ that person. _ It made her even more determined to make a statement with her look. She would make everyone else wish they'd gone to the ball with her, and anyway, she was her own date, so why not dress to impress herself?

It would take some time, but Penny secured several brews for taming hair and a dress through an owl order service. Funny enough, she was also happened to be pretty skilled when it came to her makeup having a natural inclination for drawing, though she rarely wore it. Often, the other girls would ask for her help and they'd spend an afternoon with Penny transforming them all into whatever they felt like. She enjoyed the experience, having grown up with a brother and never had any females her age around as a kid. The change of pace in conversation always entertained Penny, girls were so much _happier_ and funnier than the surly boys and man she spent time with.

At round 5 o'clock, Penny found Hermione and Lavender Brown in the dormitory and the three of them went to work. After some chatting, Hermione confessed to being asked by Viktor Krum to the ball, though she looked thoroughly apologetic. Penny put on her best smile, and helped Hermione with her eyeshadow, assuring her she was no the least bit upset, and Hermione should not worry about it. Hermione looked relieved and then gushed to Lavender about how Krum had gone to the library every day to see her, but never had the courage to speak to her.

Penny smiled at Hermione's obvious glee, returning to finishing her own look for the evening. She'd decided to go in the very opposite direction of the other girls, most of whom were wearing sparkly pinks and brightly colored makeup. Instead, Penny opted for a full length, velvety emerald dress that had long sleeves and hugged her body very closely, paired with delicate silver dress robes. She realized too late she looked like the emblem of Slytherin house, but she liked the dress for several reasons that far outweighed what people would say about her 'loyalty' to Gryffindor. At the end of the day, Penny was a redhead and green was one of the few colors that looked good on her fair complexion. Secretly, Penny also looked forward to the look that would appear of Professor Snape's face when he imagined her as a Slytherin student, perhaps he'd be nicer to her for it.

To offset her fair features, she chose a dark berry lip and a skinny wing, and paired it with a sleek pony. It was so strange for Penny to see her hair up, being a person who religiously wore her long locks down and in her face. Tonight, Penny desired to be someone else and she felt like the look accomplished this splendidly. When she was finished, Hermione gasped.

“Is it that bad?” Penny asked, worried.

“No! You look beautiful," Hermione said, warmly, "and like you’re 25,” Lavender added, giving her an approving grin. 

“Pity I don’t have a date,” said Penny, pulling on her dress robes.

“Something tells me you might find them lining up when you get downstairs,” Hermione said, making Penny do a twirl for her.

Penny smiled, thankful for Hermione. She wasn't exactly used to compliments having grown up with Harry and Dudley and spending most of her time with Severus Snape, who was allergic to giving compliments. She wondered momentarily what Lupin would say, and decided to gather the three of them into a photo to send to him later. Returning her things to her trunk, her stomach gave a sudden lurch as her thoughts returned to Cedric and Cho. Trying to shake the feeling, Penny said she'd wait downstairs for the two of them.

“What’re you wearing!” Ron demanded, eyes bulging when Penny stepped up beside Harry.

“A dress, which looks to be what you also decided on,” Penny said, looking Ron up and down.

Harry suppressed a snort as Ron turned scarlet. 

“Mum. . .” he muttered, still eyeing her like she were an actual Slytherin. 

Feeling somewhat sorry for Ron, Penny reached out with her magic and changed the robes from their maroon color to a deep blue, making them look a little less like a dress.

“Where’d you learn that,” asked Harry, admiring her handiwork. 

“I alter all the costumes for our shows,” said Penny, fixing the lacing next.

Ron seemed to finally catch onto what they were talking about, looked down at his robes and nearly cried. He grabbed Penny’s hand and shook it vigorously, after seeming to decide that a hug would be indecent in her current attire.

“Penny, you are a miracle worker, I am sorry I ever cheated off of you.”

“When did you cheat off me!” Penny demanded, but before Ron could answer Parvati showed up, giving Penny a surprised look and smile before heading for the portrait hole. 

“Good luck, try not to trip,” Penny teased, kissing Harry on his cheek. 

He scowled at her and made his way from the common room with Ron in tow. Hermione appeared beside Penny seconds later, Lavender rushing off to Seamus, looking prettier than Penny had ever seen her. Looking back at Hermione, she noted how lovely she also looked in her pink dress robes and sleek hair.

“You look fabulous, Hermione!” said Penny, walking around Hermione to admirer her from every angle. 

“Where’s Harry and Ron?” asked Hermione, who was slightly pink in the cheeks.

“You just missed them. They’ll be in the Entrance Hall. I managed to fix Ron’s robes so maybe he’ll be in a better mood today.”

Hermione didn’t look convinced but she followed Penny out the portrait hole. They found the Entrance Hall packed, teeming with excitement as students searched for their dates and waited for the doors to the Great Hall to be opened. 

“I better find Krum,” said Hermione, slightly breathlessly, and walked off, many eyes turning towards her and murmuring as she passed. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Penny saw Cho standing with her usual entourage of friends, looking lovely in silver dress robes, her hair down and sleek. Her eyes caught Penny’s, widening in shock. Penny gave her a tentative smile, but Cho turned away quickly, which Penny found rather rude. Feeling annoyed, Penny spotted Malfoy coming from the stairs of the Dungeons, Crabb, Goyle and Pansy Parkinson in tow. Ignoring all the turning heads that followed her, Penny made straight for Draco. 

“Glad to see you’ve embraced your true colors,” Draco smirked.

Pansy looked at Penny with the utmost loathing.

“Who’s your date?” Penny asked, smiling prettily at Pansy, just to irritate her further.

“You,” he said smoothly, interlacing his arm into hers. 

“Since your robes match my dress, I suppose I can't protest,” Penny said, appraising the well dressed Slytherin. 

“C’mon, they’re about to open the doors and I’d love to irritate your brother before he opens the ball,” said Draco, eyeing Harry with disgust.

“Leave Harry be, I need to talk to you since Snape interrupted us the other day,” said Penny, physically turning Draco’s head away from Harry to force him to listen to her.

“If it’s to thank me, you--”

“Your father came to see me while I was at the Ministry,” Penny cut in.

Malfoy’s face became suddenly serious and his cool grey eyes, that were so much like his father’s, searched Penny’s face.

“He didn’t mention that,” he said, slowly.

“Yeah, can’t imagine why,” Penny scowled.

The excitement around them jumped two octaves as the doors to the Great Hall swung open. The four champions led the procession of students into the beautifully decorated hall, where Penny spotted the ice sculptor she’d finished carving earlier that day. Curiously, she wondered how it’d made it into the decorations for the evening, which were the most magnificent Penny had ever seen. Tree's filled with glimmering fae and owls lined the wall, and tables adorned with the most beautiful china were spaced across the hall, the four house tables having been removed. At the center was a high table where the guests, champions and staff took their seats. Admiring it all, Penny's eyes fell on Cedric, who was taking his seat next to Cho, looking very handsome in his robes. She forced herself to look away when her stomach lurched at the pretty smile Cho gave him. 

Draco held her tightly, guiding her to a table near the high table, the end of which sat Snape. His dark eyes fell on Draco, and then slid to Pennys’ a look of confusion and shock mingling behind them. In a rather juvenile move, Penny stuck her tongue out at the potions master, who seemed to realize she was indeed Penny after all, and returned to his severe look of displeasure. Draco pulled a chair for Penny, who was now facing Snape, leaving her feeling slightly awkward under the scrutiny of her potions master, who very clearly did not approve of what he was looking at.

Draco leaned in close to Penny so as not to be overheard by the others joining the table, “He told you I wrote to them, I suppose?”

“Yes, and of your claim that we are dating,” Penny whispered.

“As tolerable as you are for a Gryffindor, my dad wouldn’t stick his neck out without good reason,” Draco shrugged. 

"A chivalrous move that I am forever indebted to you for,” Penny said, inclining her head in thanks.

Draco glanced at her, and smiled slightly, still looking uncertain.

“But your father knew it was a lie,” Penny went on. 

“What made him think that,” Draco said, in a level tone, his cool eyes trying to look casual.

“Glancing around at their suddenly full table, Penny said, simply “He assumed I was blackmailing you,” before turning to her plate and asking it for the vegetarian option on the menu.

Since returning from the Department of Mysteries, Penny found herself unable to stomach any form of meat. Any time she’d tried to eat, the face of the rabbit would appear before her, causing Penny to not help but imagine the face of the creature she was eating. Several times she was sent into a fit of spewing, which resulted in Madam Pomfrey finally resigning to letting Penny eat what she could stomach. 

Draco picked up on Penny’s hint, returned his air of boredom to his face, and ordered his own meal. 

“You’re not in Slytherin?” said Blaise Zabini from the other side of her, staring at Penny as though he’d never seen her before in his life. 

“How astute of you, Blaise. I’m in Gryffindor,” said Penny, cooly.

“Is she the Potter girl?” Blaise said to Malfoy, annoying Penny by looking over her. 

“The name is Penny,” she said in an irritated voice.

“I thought you were coming alone?” Blaise continued, ignoring Penny.

“I had a last minute change of heart after seeing how good emerald looks on her,” Draco lazily, not bothering to look at Blaise.

“I thought we agreed--and a half-blood,” Blaise spat, trembling with anger.

“ _ We, _ you decided!” Draco hissed, finally looking irritated. 

“I’m gonna hit the ladies room,” Penny said, thinking it would be better to give the two some privacy. She really did not want to be caught between their lovers quarrel. 

She glanced up and found Snape tracking her with an amused expression on his face. Spotting Ron, Penny made a b-line for him and plopped down, uncertain who looked more irritated Ron or Padma. 

“You look nice,” Padma smiled. 

“You too, Padma, I love that necklace,” said Penny.

“Did you see Davies ended up with Fleur,” said Padma, eyeing him at the high table.

“No way!,” said Penny, glancing at the dazed looking Davies, who was merely gazing at Fleur and missing his mouth every time he went to eat.

“Did you see who Hermione is with,” interjected Ron in a furious tone, staring daggers at Hermione and Krum, who were deep in conversation.

Padma rolled her eyes, the irritated expression returning to her features.

“They look cute together, good for Krum,” Penny smiled, ignoring Ron’s anger.

“Of course you’d say that, sitting with a table full of Slytherins, looking like the heir of Slytherin. You’re both traitors!” Ron accused, taking a large swig of butterbeer, but splashing most of it onto his robes.

“Alright, cool. I’ll be going now, enjoy your night, Padma,” said Penny, giving the pretty girl an apologetic smile.

Penny rejoined Malfoy, who was rather pink in the face, Blaise looking decidedly in the other direction. She squeezed Draco’s shoulder and he gave her a small nod to acknowledge his appreciation, and then they both turned to watch the champions move out to the dance floor. Penny’s eyes lingering on Harry only to migrate their way to Cho and Cedric.

“Why didn’t you go with Diggory?” Draco inquired, following her gaze.

“Why would I go with him? He asked Cho, anyway,” said Penny, pretending the question didn’t phase her.

“He wasn’t going to go with anyone, as far as I know. Cho asked him the day before you showed up.”

Penny turned to face Draco, she wanted to be sure he wasn’t jesting, and she found no lie in his features. A moment later he took her by the hand and led her to the dance floor, twirling her very elegantly. Several heads swiveling to watch them.

“Why are you doing this? If you’re mad at Blaise don’t you think--” 

“Blaise was the one who suggested we not come together,” Draco said, anticipating what she going to say.

“Oh, Draco, I’m sorry. Why would he do that?” Penny said, earnestly.

“If you met my father, then you should know, it’s different for pure-blood families. Naturally, he's nervous,” Draco said, dipping her low, his grey eyes looking suddenly fierce.

“Well you've both got it wrong, your father came to see me to ensure that coming out remained your choice. You're lucky to have a dad who supports your happiness, even if he was a giant dick to me,” said Penny, feeling slightly light headed as Draco held her in place, the blood pooling to her head.

He brought her up slowly, the two of them stopping their movement, unaware of the room full of eyes on them.

“It doesn’t matter, I am an only child, I’ll be expected to pass on the family name. And Blaise, I've tried to tell him, but his mother, you know, isn't the most open of witches,” Draco said, glancing miserably at Blaise. 

“Oh come on Draco, even the muggles have worked that technology out. You hardly need to live a miserable life for that. Hell, I’d be your surrogate if you needed it. But we both know, this, is not what either of you want,” said Penny pointedly, alluding to the the ridiculous triangle going on. "You're a Malfoy, if Blaise won't listen, persuade him." 

“For a Potter, you’re not bad,” Draco smirked. 

“What a charming thing for you to say, now go fix things,” said Penny, rolling her eyes and pushing Draco back towards the table where Blaise was doing his best not to look at the two of them. 

She watched Draco lean in and whisper something into Blaise’s ear, who looked up before the two disappeared in the crowd. Penny made her way across the dance floor, retrieved a warm beverage and went outside for some air, George wolf-whistling after her as she passed. She merely grinned at him and continued on her way. 

Many students were in search of spaces to continue private liaisons, which Penny tried to avoid, finding a quiet place on a garden wall, hidden behind some hedges. She sat and looked at the sky for a while, thankful she’d selected such a warm dress to wear. Snow was falling around her, giving the garden an ethereal feel. It reminded her of the forest where her and Snape’s tent remained. So much had happened since then, it was hard to imagine it. Even still, Penny found herself glad, she was uncertain how she’d landed a friend like Malfoy, but she would be forever thankful for him, and hoped he worked things out with Blaise. 

Several loud footsteps interrupted Penny’s thoughts and she turned to find three large Durmstrang students stopping just a few feet from her, watching her curiously. Penny recognized one as the thick-browed boy who’d called her an apostate on the dungeons to the stairs leading to her potions classroom. She got to her feet quickly and went to pass them before he recognized her, but another boy stepped into her path, blocking her.

“Vhy leave, it’s so pretty here,” he said, giving her a lopsided grin which she assumed he must have believed to be charming, but she found mildly alarming under the circumstances.

“Get out of the way,” Penny said sternly, trying to avoid the thick-brow boy’s eyes, but too late, he muttered something in Bulgarian, a word that sounded suspiciously like “Potter” reaching Penny’s ears. 

Penny tried to escape in the space between them, but the thick-brow boy grabbed her left arm. She turned to face him to find vehemence in his features. She met it with equal loathing. 

“I see the Ministry failed to rid Hogwarts of such filth,” he spat, in an accent so thick, Penny could barely understand him. 

“The only filth here is you, now let go of me,” Penny said in a dangerous voice, her fist shaking slightly.

“I do not have to, you are alone vile ve are three,” he said, with an unsettling grin. 

Penny glanced at his friends who were shifting uneasily where they stood. 

“I forgot Durmstrang is full of cowards, but here at Hogwarts, we prize courage, so I happen to like my odds,” Penny said with a cocky grin. 

“A puny girl like you, vat can you hope to do,” he laughed, pulling her closer to him.

Instinct from years of being chased by Dudley kicked in. Penny had always been more inclined to hit Dudley back than Harry. Mostly because he was never willing to admit to being hit by a girl, so she’d learned early on what an effective and well placed punch could accomplish. She pulled her right arm back, straightened her wrist, and smashed the Durmstrang boy in the nose, which immediately began to spurt blood. He stumbled, yelling as he grasped his nose. For good measure, Penny kneed him in his groin, toppling him to the ground. She rounded on the other two who backed away, shaking their heads, indicating they wanted no part of it. 

Penny pushed past them and weaved her way back to the busier areas of the garden, her hand throbbing horribly. She was afraid she may have broken a bone in it, but she wasn’t certain. As she raged inwardly, someone called out to her, and she turned to see Cedric making his way toward her. 

“There you are,” he said, his grin faltering when he reached her. “What happened,” he said, wiping blood from her cheek.

“I got into a fight, but don't worry it’s not mine,” Penny sighed, trying to examine her hand. 

“How do you always manage these things, Penny. And in a dress. Who'd you hit?” he said, looking thoroughly impressed.

“I ran into three Durmstrangs, pretty sure I broke one’s nose,” Penny said, wincing as Cedric felt for any breaks in her hand.

“Three!” 

“Two of them bailed as soon as I dropped the first,” Penny shrugged.

Cedric shook his head, his pretty eyes looking her over with amusement. 

“Of course you are brawling while still looking like the most beautiful girl in the school. Do any of us have a chance against you,” he said, tilting his head to get a better look at her.

Penny felt the blush rise to her cheeks, realizing how close Cedric was and how handsome he looked against the blue moon that was reflected by the blanket of snow. 

“You owe me a dance,” he said when she didn’t reply.

“Do you really want to be seen dancing with me when I look like this?” she said, eyebrow arched skeptically. 

“I don’t think you’ve ever looked prettier, but right here will do,” he said with a handsome smile, offering her his hand. 

Pretending to roll her eyes because it seemed like the thing she would normally do, Penny accepted his hand, a jolt of excitement rushing through her when he pulled her elegantly to him.

Ever so distantly they could hear the music from the Great Hall, rotating slowly in a circle to the beat, Penny’s heart thumping erratically in her chest. It was impossible, her and Diggory had been friends for so long, and never before had she felt this way. But she couldn't deny, the way his hand rested on her hip was pleasant, and the look in his eyes, it made her heart skip. 

“Are you using your powers of seduction against me, Mr. Diggory,” said Penny in an accusatory tone.

“Depends on if they’re working,” he said, smoothly.

“I do believe you came with someone else. It’s bad manners to make two girls swoon for you in a single night,” Penny scolded.

“There’s only one girl I wanted to spend tonight with,” Cedric said, quietly.

They came to a stand still, a snowflake landing on Cedrics nose, which was getting steadily nearer Penny’s face. His beautiful blue eyes glanced down at her lips, his own full lips parting slightly.

“Cedric,” Penny breathed, conflicted.

“If you don’t feel the same way, say so now and I’ll never bring it up again,” Cedric said, looking back to her eyes to search for her response.

He stood little more than a head above her, his blonde hair styled perfectly to the side, allowing the fluttering of his long lashes to be visible. He smiled at her hopefully, his dimples making lovely crevices in his angular face. Penny merely stared at him, dazed almost in the same way Davies had been with Fleur. She couldn't say it, even though she felt she should, for Cho's sake, she could not bring herself to lie. The fluttering in her stomach refused to let her. It had surprised her and Penny did not expect it, but she wouldn't lie, she wanted Cedric to kiss her. 

He smiled at her apparent loss for words, and moved his hand to her cheek and continued his descent to her lips, his warm breath hitting them, inches separating them.

“Ten points from Hufflepuff, Diggory, and--” Snape snapped, pulling Cedric away to get a better look at who was with him.

His dark eyes narrowed on Penny, who’s insides went crashing to the cold ground.

“Potter. . .” he said delicately, taking her in. “Ten points from Gryffindor as well. Get inside Mr. Diggory, I believe your  _ date _ is looking for you,” he said in a silky voice, not taking his eyes off Penny, who was trying to bury her humiliation. 

“Yes, Professor,” Cedric said, giving Penny one last look.

Penny, too, tried to leave, wanting very much not to endure what she knew was coming.

“You’ll stay, Ms. Potter, and explain what is going on here,” he pressed, cruelly.

“I was just chatting to Cedric,” Penny lied, not meeting Snape’s eyes.

“I did not know one could speak with their tongue down another's throat,” he drawled.

“He hardly had his tongue down my throat, he didn’t even get to kiss me, impeccable timing you have,” Penny said sourly, shooting an irritated glance at Snape.

What horrible luck she had. Snape and his dad sensors ruining her first kiss, and he would likely force her to re-live her shame for eternity. 

“Count yourself lucky, he came with a date and I imagine he will leave with yet another girl. The great feminist Penny, duped by a play boy,” Snape said, contemptuously. 

“Duped? Hardly, you clearly know nothing about Cedric” Penny replied, irritated.

“Don’t I?” hissed Snape, his eyes flashing angrily. “Let me guess, he said you were the one he really wanted to be with. Made some remark about how special you are and said you were the most beautiful girl here tonight, hmm? If he didn’t say any of those things, I’ll happily concede,” he said, a horrible grin spreading across his face.

Penny stared at the cruel man, her heart aching painfully. Cedric had said things along those lines, but Snape was twisting them, she knew Cedric, or so she thought. A part of her was afraid what Snape was saying were true, but she refused to admit it to the vindictive man. She glared at him in her fury, watching the satisfaction of being privy to her turmoil flit through his eyes.

“What’s the matter, Ms. Potter, do you dislike losing?” 

“I’ll be going,” she said quietly, refusing to answer him and trying again to leave.

He caught her wrist and stopped her, “I believe I told you to explain yourself.”

“I just did! Haven't you tormented me enough for one day!”

“As entertaining as your incapability at romance is, I was referring to the blood. Why are you covered in blood, Ms. Potter,” he said with a smirk.

Penny raged inwardly, realizing it was Snape who’d duped her into embarrassing herself, and it gave him great pleasure to see the anger flash across her face. 

“I hit a Durmstrang student, the blood is his, I think I broke his nose,” said Penny through gritted teeth.

“You did what,” said Snape, slowly. 

“He deserved it, boasting about how it was three on one and how he looked forward to cleaning up the filth, so I hit him and left."

“Was Diggory with you?” Snape asked, his voice suddenly cold.

“No, I was alone and ran into Cedric on my way back inside.”

“Have I not warned you about being alone! Must you insist on being such a thick-headed idiot!” Snape said, suddenly furious. 

“Sorry Master, I forgot to ask for your permission to live my life, but as it turns out, I am actually quite capable so you'll excuse me if I don't have time your bullshit,” Penny said, scathingly, throwing caution to the wind.

“You listen to me, Ms. Potter--” Snape began, his nails digging through her dress and marring the delicate skin beneath.

“MY NAME IS PENNY,” she roared, causing several students hiding in nearby a rose bush to squeal and topple backwards onto the path before making a dash for the castle. 

Her breathing was labored, chest rising and falling heavily as her fist shook, stuck in the clutches of Snape, who considered her with his cold eyes. 

“Detention, tomorrow, my office, 5pm. One of these days you will learn that I will not tolerate your insolence,” said Snape in a low, measured tone.

“And maybe one of these days you’ll realize ridicule isn't an effective way to teach anyone anything,” Penny hissed, yanking her hand from his grasp, which she suspected he allowed, and stormed away. 

Sometimes Penny just wanted to be a normal girl, and tonight, for a moment, when Cedric went to kiss her, she had been. But it was cruelly snatched from her, though in the back of her mind Penny was thankful Snape stopped her. If Cedric truly liked Penny, let him tell Cho the truth and come find her later.

As for Snape, he’d actually given her detention on Christmas. Perhaps he truly was as vindictive and miserable as everyone said. Thankfully, her anger at Snape distracted her from the doubt about Cedric's intentions he'd infected her with. Making her way to bed, Penny was thoroughly glad to be done with the Yule Ball.


	25. *Moments with Snape: New Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU KNOW I COULDN'T END THE HOLIDAYS WITHOUT INCLUDING THIS!!
> 
> I enjoyed writing this waaaay too much, I hope you enjoy it too!!

The snow fell quietly over the grounds of Hogwarts. It was New Years Eve, the castle empty of most of its occupants, having left to spend the holidays with their families. Sometimes Penny felt jealous of them, but moments like this, sitting quietly, the air crisp against her face, watching the magic of the grounds, was something she cherished. It had been a strange year, starting with Harry blowing up their Aunt Marge, to realizing Sirius Black, a mass murderer, had escaped Azkaban and was likely out to kill Harry.

She sighed, looking up and letting the snow fall onto her face, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. It never was a dull moment with Harry as a twin. But sometimes she wished it wasn’t their life. Penny knew Harry did not dwell on what life could have been, and she resolved for the New Year to be more like him. She had Harry, and these magic moments at Hogwarts, she needed to stop dwelling on things that could have been.

A crunching in the snow distracted Penny from her thoughts. Professor Lupin appeared in the corner of her vision, he looked surprised to find Penny sitting on the garden wall she’d cleared of snow.

“Penny!” he smiled warmly, altering his path to make for her.

“Hi, Professor. I didn’t realize anyone else would brave the weather,” said Penny, quietly wondering if Lupin’s tattered robes kept in much heat.

“When you get to my age you have to get up and out whatever the weather or the joints get stiff,” he winked. “May I?” he gestured to the spot beside her.

“Please do, you are very welcome company!” Penny exclaimed.

They squished together, Lupin radiating heat. Evidently, he did not need his robes to keep warm, unlike Penny, who was shivering slightly beneath hers. He was a welcome heater that she felt the sudden urge to wrap her arms around, but resisted the temptation.

“What brought you out here?” he asked, examining her curiously.

“Tradition," said Penny, simply.

“Oh? What tradition is that?” 

“I’ll tell you so long as you promise not to call me silly,” said Penny, eyeing the man tentatively.

“Wizards honor,” he said.

“I come out here every New Years Eve and tell mom and dad about the year I’ve had and about what I hope to do with my next year,” she smiled, looking to the sky as though the pair of them might be up there looking down on her. 

Lupin draped his arm over her shoulder and gave her a light squeeze, his warm eyes looking sad when Penny turned to meet his gaze, somewhat startled by his open affection. 

“Why would I ever call you silly for that, I think it’s lovely,” Lupin said softly. “Now what shall I tell my old friend James about my year, hmm?” he went on, looking thoughtful.

“You became Hogwarts hottest gossip for a whole month, that’s quite the accomplishment,” Penny grinned.

Lupin laughed, shaking his head.

“I’m sure James feels the same as you. But I was never one for the limelight. But I’d like him to know how his twins are the most welcome intruders of my freetime,” he said, giving her a teasing look from the side of his eye. “I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the privilege of helping Harry overcome his fears and seeing first hand the empathetic person he’s become. And of course there’s his sister, what she lacks in empathy, she makes up for in cheek--”

“Hey!” Penny yelled, shoving a fist full of snow down his cloak, unamused with his jab.

“Someone can’t handle the truth,” he laughed reaching for some snow for his counter attack. 

Penny tried to lean away from him to avoid the wet stuff but ended up tumbling backwards off the wall and landed in a crumpled heap, looking up into the face of Severus Snape, who was looking down at her, an eyebrow arched in disgust. 

“What’s this?” Snape sneered, lifting Penny to her feet and fixing his eyes on Lupin, who’s smile faltered slightly under Snape’s glare.

“A good time, not that you’d recognize it,” said Penny, dusting herself off.

When she looked up, Lupin was avoiding her eyes, obviously trying to suppress his amusement. Snape on the other hand looked down on her rather severely. 

“Good to see you Professor Snape, Penny and I were just discussing New Years traditions,” Lupin said, politely.

“Ah yes, taking on the paternal duties of your friend, how adorable.” Snape said delicately his eyes flashing to Lupin. 

“I’m sorry you feel left out, Professor, but there’s no need to be rude,” Penny said, lobbing a snowball at Snape’s face before Lupin could make his response. 

It hit Snape square in the nose and he spat the snow from his mouth, looking furiously at her as she burst out laughing. “If you tell me your New Year's resolution, I’ll tell me you mine,” she winked, glancing back at Lupin whose expression was caught somewhere between shock and horror.

“Amusing, I’m sure. How like her father, she is, wouldn’t you say, Lupin?” Snape said, sneering again at Lupin.

“I’m surprised you’d say so, Professor Snape, you should know better than anyone that Penny is one of a kind,” Lupin smiled, getting to his feet.

“Are you going already?” Penny said, trying to keep the disappointment from her voice, but Snape’s narrowed eyes told her she did not fool him.

“I was on my way to see the headmaster when I bumped into you. And your Potions Master won’t like me very much if I don’t share” he said, giving Penny a grin that seemed to irritate Professor Snape even more. 

With a last clasp to Penny’s shoulder, Lupin took his leave, Penny watching him sulkily. 

“Try not to look like a love sick puppy, it's sickening,” Snape drawled.

She returned to looking at Snape, who appeared especially irritable. 

“Of course you ruined a perfect moment, I swear you have a happiness sensor that allows you to sweep in and ensure no one is having fun,” said Penny, darkly.

“Your problem is you are too easily impressed,” said Snape, rolling his eyes. 

“Are you sure? What’s that say about you?” Penny smirked. 

“What are you getting at, Potter” Snape said, his lips pursed. 

“Lupin might be the most handsome and charming and amazing and--” Penny gushed

“Get to the point!” Snape spat, his fists shaking

“Oh right. Well, you’re still my number one, aren’t you? And let’s be real, no one would be easily impressed with you, you’re a nightmare. It takes true love for someone to get close to a rude, mean, grumpy--”

“Enough!” Snape yelled, looking even more furious, which greatly confused Penny.

“It was a compliment!” she said, defensively, her eyes narrowing, “would you prefer I LIE?”

“No. But you might try looking up the definition of a compliment,” he said, coldly.

Penny considered him for a moment, trying to figure out what was wrong with the man, and then it dawned on her.

“You’re jealous, aren’t you!” Penny, exclaimed.

“What did you say,” said Snape, becoming very still as his features went suddenly dark.

“Of Professor Lupin. Are you worried I’ve replaced you? I know what you need,” said Penny, ignoring all the warning signs that Snape was about to throw her off the side of the garden wall and watch her topple down the hill into the Great Lake, and took his slender hands into hers. 

Snape flinched involuntarily when she touched him but did not pull his hands away.

“What are you doing?” he said through gritted teeth.

“Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master, grumpy man, and absurd friend, my resolution this year is to dedicate more of my energy to our friendship, so never again will you have to worry that your prickly, annoying, and bad natured attitude will ever put me off from continuing to seek your company!” she declared, eyes bright with enthusiasm. 

“Save your pretty words for Lupin, I have no use for them,” he said, yanking his hands away from her and moving to sit in the empty space Lupin left, facing her, though decidedly not meeting her gaze.

“Is that so,” Penny said in a dangerous voice, taking an angry step into his bubble. “Is it really so hard for you to not be a horrible miserable man for one moment, and say what you _really_ feel!” she yelled, jamming her pointer finger into his chest and looking down on him with all her fury.

His face turned a horrible shade of crimson as he grabbed her finger and made to stand up to meet her anger with his own. But the movement caused Penny to slip on the ice and fall forward into his half risen frame, which was propelled by her momentum and he tumbled from the wall with Penny in tow. In a tangled mess of limbs and robes, they landed somewhat painfully in the snow below, Penny smacking her head against a large rock, causing stars to burst instantaneously across her vision. 

“You stupid girl! Maybe if you weren’t such an arrogant klutz I would enjoy your company. But as it stands--” he raged, getting to his feet to brush himself off but stopped mid-rant upon setting eyes on Penny.

He dropped immediately to her side.

“Of course you hit your head on the _one_ rock here,” he hissed, pulling out his wand.

“Get away from me, I don’t want the help of a man who doesn’t even like me,” Penny said, trying to push past him, but she felt suddenly woozy after noticing the copious amounts of blood sliding down her face, obscuring her vision.

“Don’t be stupid, you’re bleeding everywhere,” Snape snapped, pushing her back down.

“I don’t care, I’ll bleed all the way to the Hospital Wing if it means I can get away from you,” Penny spat, moving her head away at Snape’s every attempt to assess her wound.

“Hold still!” he commanded, his lip curling. 

“Try apologizing!” Penny demanded, refusing to obey. 

Snape took a shaking breath, closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose in an impressive effort to calm himself. She found herself grinning at how comical he looked, but she quickly suppressed it when his cold eyes snapped open once again. 

“What am I supposed to apologize for,” he asked in a deliberately calm voice.

“If you have to ask, you clearly don’t understand the concept of the gesture!”

“Enough of this, if you don’t hold still, I _will_ hex you,” Snape threatened, grabbing her chin and holding it still.

“Fine, but only because I’m getting dizzy,” Penny conceded. 

Snape’s lips twitched at the corners of his mouth and he gave her a smug glance before making quick work of her cut. 

“Thanks,” Penny muttered, bitterly.

He conjured a handkerchief and began to wipe the blood from her face, considering her quietly. Penny’s heart began to thump noticeably in her chest while she watched the man, her anger abating.

“I do not believe in New Year’s Resolutions,” he said, quietly.

“Why?” Penny asked, remaining very still, as though afraid of spooking a wild animal she wanted desperately to pet.

He fixed her with his dark eyes, “My mother made the same one every year and it never made a difference,” he said after a long moment. 

Penny considered him, wanting desperately to ask him what he meant, but thought better of it. She had never heard the Potions Master mention his parents, but something in the tone of his voice and the flicker behind his eyes told Penny he had good reason not to.

Finally, Snape stood and pulled Penny to her wobbly feet. 

“I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing,” he said, wrapping his arm around her to help her up the hill.

“You'll do no such thing, it’s a holiday!” Penny objected.

“Ms. Potter, you just cracked your head open, and while I am certain you have the thickest skull of any student to ever cross these grounds, you require an examination to ensure no permanent damage has been caused!”

“If you make me, I’ll tell her it was you who cracked my skull,” Penny said, mutinously.

“I’ll take my chances,” Snape said, lazily.

“Professor Lupin will back me up!” Penny continued, as he dragged her across the snow, refusing to hear any of her arguments.

He glanced down at the disheveled, stubborn girl and held her a little tighter. Perhaps it was for the best that she spend more time with him, it seemed she had a proclivity for trying to send herself into an early grave. And for whatever reason the thought of it made him especially annoyed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MWHA. Happy New Year, hope you enjoyed it, tehehehe.


	26. *Moments with Snape: Bergamot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This isn't an update, it's something I wrote for my lovely reader and commenter 8emezzo who gave me this wonderful idea!!! It's set in the HBP and something we thought would be hilarious to happen, I haven't decided if I'll make it cannon for this story yet, hmm. Thoughts?**
> 
> **But maybe I'll start something where I take and write requests for scenes and create a series? Dunno yet, but for now I'll put this here! Let me know any thoughts you have ^-^ Thanks to my awesome reader 8emezzo!!**

Penny burst through the door of the DADA classroom, clutching the small vial filled with a liquid that had a mother of pearl sheen. She looked around the dark and somewhat creepy classroom wildly, finding Snape sitting at his desk.

She marched straight for the man, kicked out the chair, plopped down and stared at Snape, breathing heavily, eyes wild.

“We have not been back a day, Ms. Potter, must you insist on intruding on my free time,” said Snape, somewhat impatiently.  
  
“We need to talk about _this_ ,” Penny said, forcefully, placing the bottle between them.  
  
Snape eyed it with a curious expression.

“If you had not noticed, I am no longer the Potions Master, take your questions to Professor Slughorn,” Snape said in a bored tone.

Penny uncorked the cap, the aroma wafting over her again. She had to be sure. . .the most glorious scent overcame her, and suddenly she became irate.

“Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in existence and causes a strong infatuation--”

“I’m well aware what it is, Potter,” Snape sneered.

“It emits a different aroma to everyone who smells it, reminding the person of the things they find most attractive,” Penny continued, ignoring Snape’s obvious disinterest. 

“Yes, Potter, you have correctly recited the textbook, bravo.”

“So, why doesn’t it smell like Lupin!” said Penny, staring into Snape’s dark eyes desperately.  
  
He blinked, uncertain he’d understood what she just said. And then, very slowly, his mouth twisted into that horrible, awful, evil grin he saved for the moments when he intended to make her suffer.   
  
“The potion does not lie, Potter, as much as you’d like to delude yourself,” he said delicately, intertwining his delicate, long fingers. “Apparently half-breed doesn’t do it for you.”  
  
“No, clearly there is something wrong with the potion, tell me what you smell,” Penny said, breathlessly.  
  
“Enough of your tantrum, you know full well Professor Slughorn could brew this in his sleep,” said Snape, resting his chin in his hand, an air of amusement lingering in his eyes as he revelled in her obvious misery.  
  
“Then why--” Penny choked, as the bergamot reached her again, making her slightly dazed. “Why does it smell like you!” she said, getting to her feet and pointing her finger at him accusingly.  
  
Her chest was heaving, heart beating erratically, it couldn’t be, but her nose didn’t lie, so it must be something else. Snape’s expression changed, his brows knitting together and eyes narrowing.  
  
“Is this a joke, Potter,” he whispered, dangerously.  
  
“No, it’s not! It’s clear as day,” she said, taking another deep breath, “Bergamot and stale fire, it--. . .I smell you,” she hissed.   
  
“I warn you--”  
  
“You’re a legilimens, am I lying?” Penny challenged, feeling impatient for an answer to this horrible mystery.  
  
She suddenly regretted the open invitation as she felt him probe her mind, searching for the prank that wasn’t there, and finding the truth of the matter instead.   
  
“Well, well,” he said in a velvety voice, getting to his feet as well. “I’m flattered, but really _Penny_ , you’re a little young for my tastes,” he said, delicately stressing her name.  
  
“ _Your tastes_ ,” she said, flabbergasted, cheeks burning red. “Do you even understand what’s going on!”  
  
“I think you will find I understand the situation perfectly, it’s you who seems to be confused,” he smirked.  
  
“Tell me what you smell,” Penny said, suddenly moving forward until her hip bones hit the edge of his desk. Snape bent his head to meet her own, “No,” he breathed, his hot breath smashing like a wave across her face as though it were a sauna, the wonderful aroma of spearmint mingling with her haze. 

The bell suddenly rang and a group of fearful looking second-year Hufflepuffs began to filter into the room, shooting curious glances at the two of them. Snape straightened himself and returned the sneer to his face as he looked past her to his next class.  
  
“This isn’t over,” Penny said, angrily.  
  
“Do try to let the half-breed down, gently,” he said so quietly, only Penny could hear him.  
  
Overcome by her fury, Penny stormed from the room, the bottle in hand, taking several more smells of it as she went. It couldn’t be true. . .bergamot. . .a cauldron. . .long dark hair. Irrationally, Penny lobbed the potion out the nearest window.   
  
The surly, insufferable Potions Master? Never! Lupin was her one true love, she refused to believe otherwise. 


	27. A Diligent Disciplinarian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi fambam! I start school on Monday again *sob* :( so I worked hard to get this out before I get busy again. I promise we will return to Malfoy next chappyy. Thanks for all the love and support it makes me happy cry!
> 
> Detention on Christmas? Surely this can go well?? HMM

Christmas morning came too soon for Penny, who’d sorely missed her bed and become accustomed to sleeping in. But Hermione forced her groggily from it and the two of them made their way to the boys dormitories where Penny threw herself onto Harry’s bed and buried herself beneath his covers. He groaned momentarily before sitting up and reaching for his glasses. Penny on the other hand remained decidedly in the comfort of the bed. 

Having been a prisoner for the last month, she hadn’t exactly had the time to Christmas shop, but no one seemed to mind, and a pile of gifts was placed before her, which was enough to coax her into a sitting position. Everyone tore open their presents and dug immediately into the sweet treats they found within. Hermione had gotten Penny a collection of muggle classics that were rewritten for wizards. Ron, in a moment of unusual thoughtfulness, gave Penny and Harry matching watches that were jimmy-rigged to replicate the Weasley family clock which, instead of displaying the time, displayed the whereabouts and physical condition of every family member, in this case Penny and Harry. Penny had the suspicious feeling he’d gotten the idea from her disappearance, but she gave him a tight hug nevertheless, which caused him to turn a deep shade of red. Mrs. Weasley sent her usual box of goodies and knitted sweaters, while Harry had selected a ring with a gemstone in the center that was bewitched to change colors and tell the wearer what emotions the people them were around were feeling. It seemed legit, because it indicated everyone was cheerful. Further into her pile, Penny found dozens of sweet treats attached to letters written by her peers who expressed their happiness at her return to Hogwarts. At the very bottom was a gift from Lupin and Sirius that was beautifully wrapped, (she assumed by Lupin, because Sirius did not strike her as the type to have the patience for such an activity.) Inside, she found a new, pearly white cauldron that was designed to change colors depending on its temperature, allowing for more precision while brewing. 

“So, how was the ball, I didn’t see you all night?” Hermione asked Penny.

“Don’t remind me of it,” Penny groaned, looking down at her swollen hand.

Harry caught sight of it, and everyone moved closer to look at the bruised mess of a limb.

“What happened!” Harry demanded.

“I ran into some Durmstrangs, one came at me, so I broke his nose,” Penny said with a sigh. 

“Are you sure you hit a nose and not a pole?” Ron said, skeptically.

“Did Malfoy set you up?” Harry asked, angrily.

“Draco? Of course not. I went out to get some fresh air by myself,” said Penny.

“Oh, Penny! Didn’t Professor Snape warn you about this?” said Hermione, looking reproachful. 

“Yeah, as he reminded me last night before he gave me detention today,” Penny said, a sour expression taking up residence on her face.

“On Christmas!” Ron and Harry exclaimed in unison. “He really is evil,” Ron said under his breath. 

“You don’t even know the half of it,” muttered Penny, bitterly. 

Harry raised his brow expectantly, and Penny realized all three of them were waiting for an explanation she did not really want to give.

“Erm, he found me with Cedric, and we got into a fight,” she said, trying to act casual.

“Why were you with Diggory?” Ron asked, looking suspicious, “And why would that make you get into a fight with Snape?” Harry added.

Hermione gave Penny a piercing stare, her mouth sliding into a knowing grin that made Penny feel like it would be impossible to lie her way out of this. Perhaps if she just omitted some details. . .

“I, we, uhh, Snape found us and took some points, sent Cedric away, and he noticed the blood because nothing gets past the infuriating man. He got mad, said I was being foolish, and well, I disagreed,” Penny said, crossing her arms stubbornly.

None of them looked the least bit convinced by her sparse story.

“Right, so why were you with Diggory?” Ron repeated.

Penny’s cheeks burned under their scrutiny. 

“Because we were talking,” Penny said with a tone of finality.

“You were snogging!” Ron accused, waving his pointer finger at her.

“What!” Harry choked, looking from Ron to Penny, searching for the truth. 

“We--that's not what happened! Snape interrupted us before he actually kissed me!” said Penny, avoiding Harry’s eyes.

“Wow, never would have thought Snape was capable of doing something useful, but he saved you from fraternizing with the enemy!” said Ron, looking disgusted.

“Don’t start that again!” Hermione said, rounding on Ron.

“But he went to the ball with Cho,” Harry said in his signature tone of moral purity.

“I know he did,” Penny said, quietly, flopping backwards on the bed, replaying the words of Severus Snape in her mind. Had she been an idiot?

“Then why would he be trying to kiss _you_ ,” Harry pressed.

“Oh Harry, it’s obvious isn't it? Cedric has liked Penny for over a year and the only reason he went with Cho was because Penny wasn’t here,” Hermione snapped, looking impatient. 

“Then he should have dumped Cho and taken Penny once he knew she was back,” Ron interjected, helping himself to some of Penny’s candy from her enormous pile. 

“And if Penny said no?” Hermione said, pointedly. “I don’t think anyone knew if she liked him back. . . ” she broke off, looking at Penny for the answer.

Penny sat up and met her eyes, “I don’t know, but I didn’t say no when he asked to kiss me,” Penny said slowly, trying to figure out what it meant.

“Uhh, I’m eating,” said Ron through a mouthful of chocolates, looking as though he were going to be sick.

Penny rolled her eyes but didn’t reply. Harry pricked at the edges of her mind, he was upset by the whole situation but did not want to say more on the subject. He was raging inwardly about the way Cedric would treat Cho, whom Harry had a very big crush on that he did not want to admit to. What an awkward love square to be caught in, Penny thought to herself, before brushing it aside.

The rest of the day went by in a blur of snowball fights that Fred and George organized with a lot of the student body still present at Hogwarts. Penny bewitched a couple of sleds to zoom around the battlefield and allow their riders to fling snowballs at the opposing team. Due to her useless hand, Penny was relegated to constructing the fort, which ended up being an intricate design that mimicked the structure of Hogwarts itself. 

As she was admiring her handiwork she noticed Professor Dumbledore and Hagrid walking toward her, Hagrid breaking away to settle Fang, who’d ambushed Harry and barreled him over to lick his face. Penny laughed watching the ordeal and then straightened up as Dumbledore stepped up to get a better look at mini-snow Hogwarts. 

“A lovely replica!” he said, clapping his hands together in appreciation. “You have outdone yourself, Miss Potter, Professor Flitwick was telling me just last night it was you who carved that wonderful Swan at the Yule Ball. I found it quite amusing when it honked like a duck,” he went on, blue eyes twinkling. 

“Oh, thanks Professor. But I can’t take all the credit, Fred and George inspired most of it. The honk will get its moment of glory tonight, so be sure to watch for it,” Penny grinned. 

“It is a pity you won’t be joining us, I had hoped to introduce you to our guests, Madam Maxine was particularly interested in the Christmas show. Alas, Professor Snape has informed me you will be serving detention and absolutely refused to move the time,” he said, his blue eyes glinting with amusement as peered at her through his half-moon spectacles.

“Professor Snape is a diligent disciplinarian,” Penny said, trying to keep the note of bitterness out of her voice.

“Perhaps, I rather thought he was finally warming up to the holiday spirit,” he said giving her a strange smile before he left Penny to continue on his walk with Hagrid.

It was a peculiar thing to say, but Penny did not dwell on it too long, Dumbledore was always weird, this was not out of the usual for him.

Taking a break from her work, Penny sat beside George and accepted the warm butterbeer he offered her and admired the chaos, her eyes landing on Cho and Cedric standing side-by-side on the other side of the field, locked in conversation. Penny’s stomach churned and she quickly set her butterbeer down, garnering a curious look from George.

“I’m surprised Flitwick let you out here, I figured you’d be preparing for tonight, being the lead and all,” Penny said, turning decidedly away from Cedric.

“Unlike you and Diggory last year, I actually utilized our practices to, you know, practice,” he grinned.

Of course he had to bring up Cedric, Penny could not escape.

“I have some bad news, I won’t be able to witness your glorious debut, Snape gave me detention,” said Penny, miserably. 

“On Christmas! Blimey! Even Fred and I haven’t had a detention on Christmas, what’d you do?” he said, looking at her as though seeing her for the first time.

“I don’t even want to get into it.”

“I’m so proud, perfect Penny is growing up, becoming worthy of her newfound position at Weasleys Wizards Wheezes,” he simpered jokingly.

“Well, at least there’s a silver lining,” she said, getting to her feet. 

She was chilled to the bone and her hand was aching, so she decided to warm up a bit before going to her detention. She momentarily contemplated seeing Madam Pomfrey for something to help with the pain, but she knew it would not end well so she resigned herself to stopping by the Great Hall for some snacks to take her mind off her misery. 

Penny lingered for a bit at the Hufflepuff table, listening to Hannah Abbott’s recounting of the glorious evening she had, before making her way to the dungeons for her detention. The double doors opened just as she was about to turn out of the Great Hall, the wind blowing her hair over her shoulder. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Cedric, grinning handsomely at his friends as he crossed the hall. Penny attempted to flee the scene unnoticed, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her before she cleared the corner to the dungeon stairs.

“Wait up Pen,” came his sing-song voice. 

She turned to meet the equally delightful face. He was standing closer than she was prepared for, making her heart speed up. He looked her over, tentatively. 

“Hey,” she said breathlessly, causing him to flash his unnaturally white teeth at her.

“Were you trying to avoid me,” he said, giving her a horrifically seductive arch of his brow.

It sent Penny into a hailstorm of emotions, most of them revolving around how nice it would feel if he were trying to kiss her again. But then she caught sight of Cho Chang peering at them looking as though she were waiting for him, and Penny came plummeting back to reality.

“No, I wasn’t. Snape gave me detention last night and I’m going to be late, but it looks like Cho is waiting for you.” Penny said quickly, shifting uncomfortably. 

“Oh,” he said, the amusement leaving his face. “Can we talk later, then?”

“Yep!” Penny said in what she hoped was a believable off-handed way, and waved goodbye before he could say anything else.

She dared not look back at him, it would only leave her vulnerable to Snape’s vindictiveness, which was sure to be on full display being the holiday. When she made it to his office she found it locked, but his classroom door stood ajar so she peered in. He was standing over a bubbling cauldron, facing her, though he had not noticed her being fixed as he was on the ingredients he was cutting with the amazing precision Penny had only ever seen one other time. His long dark hair framed his long face nicely, the dim candlelight hitting his cheekbones handsomely. Even from so far away, Penny could not help but note how elegant his movements were and how he commanded complete control of the cauldron. It sent a shiver up her spine, making her feel like it was almost indecent to continue watching him in this manner, but she couldn’t bring herself to ruin something so perfect by announcing herself and cause the serenity to become a sneer. 

With a last greedy look she finally pushed the door open and walked in and made a b-line for the man, wanting desperately to know what he was brewing. Without a word, she stepped up beside him and peered into his cauldron. He had no recipe, just a pile of ingredients. Concentrating on the them, Penny did not notice his dark eyes watching her as the gears in her brain whirred, trying desperately to figure out what he was making. The color of the brew gave no indications, being a muddy brown, but as soon as her eyes fell on the bicorn horn and mandrake root sitting beside Snape’s slender fingers, she knew what she was looking at.

“A Pepperup Potion?” she inquired, finally looking up at her Professor. 

He gave a curt nod and flicked his wand lazily, causing a station to spring up beside his own. “For your detention you will complete everything on that list to replenish the stock of the Hospital Wing,” Snape said.

It was a relief to find him in a better mood than he had been the night before, and he was asking her to brew _with him,_ it really was Christmas! This was a dream come true, though Penny dare not vocalize it for fear of alerting his 'anti-bonding mechanisms' that would surely send the pair of them spiraling into another fight. Forgetting about her crippled hand, she reached for her cauldron and winced as it screamed in pain. She tried to hide the hand but Snape was too quick for her. He snatched it, eyeing it in irritation.

“You do realize this is broken,” he said, assaulting her tender flesh with his nimble fingers.

“It’s just bruised,” Penny said, biting back tears.

He looked down his nose at her with a look that asked if she actually thought he was that dumb. He pressed particularly hard just below the knuckle of her pointer finger, causing her to cry out in pain.

“The break is here because you were careless in tucking your fingers before swinging,” he said, scornfully. 

“Point taken, I didn’t think before I swung,” Penny said, trying to pry her hand away, but Snape had no intention of letting it go.

“A common theme of last night,” said Snape, smoothly. 

“Oh please, you can hardly fault me for not thinking before kissing the most handsome boy in the school. The not thinking part is what makes the whole thing enjoyable.”

“Is that so? When you finally experience it, be sure to let me know if that statement still stands,” he smirked, waving his wand over her hand to heal the break.

His jab irritated her, that was not information she wanted him to have, and of course he was going to use it against her for all eternity. But she found herself too distracted by his wand work to dwell for long.

“You're amazing. How are you so good at everything,” Penny gushed as she flexed her renewed hand.

“Ms. Potter, if you are to have any hope at a successful romance, try not throwing yourself at every male you come into contact with. A boy like Diggory is looking for intrigue,” said Snape, fixing her with a shrewd look. 

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t take the romantic advice of a 30-something year old bachelor seriously. But fret not, it’s only you I throw myself at, I like that look on your face it induces. As it were, it was Cedric who threw himself at me,” Penny said, idly, as she began flipping the pages in her textbook to find the one she needed.

“Did he now? How interesting, I saw him eating breakfast with the Chang girl just this morning,” he said, cruelly.

Penny became rigid, freezing mid-turn. She felt sick, her heart twisting horribly in her chest. She didn’t want to let Snape’s words get to her, but she found herself unable to pretend to be unconcerned.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would say you don’t like the idea of me and Cedric, why is that Professor?” Penny said, rounding on Snape, her green eyes blazing.

She was satisfied to find his gloating smirk disappear, leaving him looking a little unnerved. He watched her for a long moment tracing his mouth with one long finger.

“You are--” he began, but stopped, his eyes becoming slits as his own thoughts appeared to catch up with him. “I do not wish to clean up the mess when he makes a fool of you,” he said curtly, before sweeping from the room.

He looked like a fleeing bat with his robes billowing behind him, but Penny would not let him escape that easily. She followed him and cornered him in his store cupboard. He still ignored her, searching for whatever he needed.

“If you’re making this up because of some prejudice you have against Diggory, that’s cruel. I listen to you, you know I do. And-- I like Diggory! Only Merlin knows why, but I was enjoying it until you went and opened your mouth!” she snarled, snatching the bottle he reached for in order to get his attention. 

“I merely described the situation as plainly as I saw it develop before me. If you didn’t like what you heard, perhaps you should speak to the boy,” he said, spitefully.

“No you didn’t, you twisted it on purpose, admit it!”

“ _Twisted?_ How prone you are to accusing me of cruelty while being willfully ignorant of the blatant mistreatment of yourself by Mr. Diggory!” he sneered, looking unhinged. 

The malevolence behind his eyes startled Penny so much she stumbled backwards, suddenly afraid. It was her turn to flee, and she turned on her heel to return to the classroom, moving much faster than she intended, but the door slammed shut in her face, Snape’s quick footsteps close behind her. 

“Leaving so soon, Potter? What’s the matter, are you afraid of the truth?” he snarled.

Penny whirled around to meet him as he stopped just outside of her bubble, anger radiating from him.

“I have zero interest in speaking to you when you’re acting like this. It’s Christmas and I don’t have to listen to you if I don’t want to,” she said, giving him a condescending once-over, and then she turned her back on him and reached for the door.

“Don’t you dare turn your back on me!” he screamed.

Penny sensed his magic before anything else. She turned just quick enough to get a glance of the wand in Snape's hand before her eyes darted to the large item departing the shelving behind him, spiraling in her direction. Without a conscious thought, she conjured a protection shield. The object was reflected off of it and hit his book case, sending several books toppling to the floor. 

And then in her fury, her expression surged out of her, consuming the pain in her heart from Cedric and the anger and frustration she felt for Snape, the person she always looked to for an explanation; who always made things make sense, but he was twisting things, she could feel it in his words, which were like daggers piercing her heart. The shame he piled on her, it felt too unfair and it warred with her desire to believe Cedric; to enjoy something; to finally act like an ordinary girl.

All of this burst from her, she didn’t care that when she turned on him his face already shown with deep regret, his wand lowered, agitation and sorrow etched in the lines of his face. But then all the color drained from his face and he yelled, throwing himself toward her. Every jar lining the wall rose into the air, and as soon as Penny devolved into screaming because her head suddenly burst with pain, every jar exploded, spraying liquid and glass in all directions. 

Snape raised his wand and the projectiles bounced past them as he knelt down where she was already on her knees panting in agony. 

“I hate you!” she said through her chattering teeth, eyes shut tight, clutching her head desperately. 

She heard the sound of things bounce off the charm Snape had placed around them. Again and again, items banged into it, trying to make Snape feel the same pain Penny was being consumed by. 

“Let me help you!” Snape was saying, sounding more desperate than Penny had ever heard him before. But he was getting farther and farther away. Things were fading, and it felt like there was an ocean crashing into her ears. 

Images flashed across her vision: a shack covered in dust; a cave, and inside a boat; the numbers 711 etched on a door; a room Penny felt was oddly familiar; and finally a snake. As violently as they began, they dissipated and a warm vibration took their place. Penny could not ignore it, she felt magnetized to it. It was pulling her back, the pleasantness of it singing to her in her agony, causing her to open her eyes. 

Snape was looking down at her, fear like Penny had never seen looking back at her. His hands clasped on either side of her face, his skin vibrating against her own. Penny gasped as though coming up for air after a long dive into the dark waters of the ocean. The air was fresh, reaching her in the depths of her soul; it was like breathing for the first time. And then all of a sudden she felt horribly light headed, Snape allowing her to collapse into his lap as he muttered under his breath.

“Don’t let go,” Penny said clutching the man’s hand, “I’m afraid of the dark,” she said, trying desperately to cling to consciousness.

He didn’t respond, but she felt his presence prick at the edge of her mind, she opened hers and found herself drawn into his own, his emotions sweeping over her and giving her a renewed strength. She no longer felt on the verge of collapse, but was overcome by the ferocity of his feelings, one after another hitting her like a wave would a landform when it wanted to make it a beach; regret, fear, helplessness, confidence, desperation, sorrow and love. Penny could not make sense of any of them. She’d always imagined being in another's mind to be like reading a book, but nothing was etched so plainly in Snape’s mind, and she did not know where to begin to interpret any of his thoughts, which were as foreign as another language to Penny.

So she stopped trying, and instead wedged herself into the comfort of his nearness. She did not want to leave, though she sensed relief from him, indicating he had likely succeeded in doing what he’d meant to, but he did not disturb her or push her out. The rising and falling of his chest naturally returned her to her own awareness, though she could not pinpoint the moment she had left his mind. She blinked, recognizing her own limbs again. She was strewn in his lap, one hand holding his, the other clutching at his chest, her head resting against his stomach. His right hand held hers while his left rested gently in her hair. 

Penny didn’t want to move, she wasn't even sure she could. Everything ached but she did not care. All she could focus on was the humming that rang through every fiber of her being. She became acutely aware that what she had been feeling every time he touched her was the the connection between them that allowed her expression to pass from her and combine with his atoms. Strangely, it felt as though he were the wire missing from her circuit, bringing her great relief. She did not know _how_ she knew this, she simply felt the truth of it in his hand.

It was the same thing she had felt since the first time she sat in his classroom, but could never explain it--they had always been dyadic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww Snape were you just looking out for Penny or do you just find it impossible to see her with someone? Hopefully Penny and Cedric can work things out before Cho ruins everything !!! (I have never liked Cho, I am sorry if you do)


	28. Malfoys Know Everyone's Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a good weekend! 
> 
> Here is Draco, as promised! I love him soo much. <3
> 
> Thank you beautiful readers for sticking with me so long, for your comments, thoughts and ideas! It really inspires me to keep developing this story and Penny and Snape's journey!

The New Year passed before Penny even realized. Recovering from her outburst in Professor Snape’s office took longer than she anticipated. Her energy levels were low and she felt like there was a needle constantly pressing into her skull. By some miracle, Dumbledore had not forced her to stay in the Hospital Wing. He felt it better to rest and return to her normal activities as soon as possible. Thankfully, Professor Snape left her with Dumbledore after the incident, allowing Penny to ask about the peculiar connection she’d become cognizant of.

Professor Dumbledore did not look surprised by her confession, rather, he smiled sadly at her. 

“It seems the red string of fate has brought you together, and while I do not believe in destiny, there is magic we have only just begun to understand. But, coincidentally, I have some knowledge of what you speak of,” he said, looking grave. 

Penny, feeling hopeful, begged the headmaster to explain further. 

“Grindelwald had the experience you describe, as have others before him. The individuals expression is attracted to are known as coordinates, which means to “bring the elements of expression into a relationship that creates harmony within its bearer.” 

“Harmony? But why is it only--”

“Professor Snape,” said Dumbledore, anticipating her question, and looking as interested as she felt. 

Penny’s chest had felt on the verge of exploding, rendering her unable to form words, she nodded her head vigorously, waiting on the edge of her seat as though the big reveal of her favorite show were about to happen.

“Because just as the magnetic field of this lovely planet we share creates _only_ two magnetic poles, magic too, operates within its own natural law. While we do not know for what reasons the coordinate is chosen, the phenomena is documented well enough for us to be certain, like oppositely charged magnets, the two are drawn together by a force that is extremely difficult to oppose.”

“Grindelwald was _drawn_ to someone? I have never heard of him caring about anything other than himself,” Penny said, skeptically.

“Much like Voldemort, Grindelwald sought power above all else, and like Voldemort, this created great fear in him. The kind of interdependence created within a dyad was seen only as weakness to him. He sought to wield his expression for domination purposes, he could not do so while seeing himself reflected back at himself through someone else,” Dumbledore replied, thoughtfully

“That’s really sad, I wonder what the other person must have felt when they finally converged.”

Dumbledore fixed her with his blue eyes, the twinkle that was normally there, replaced with a heaviness.

“Lonely, I imagine,” he said, distantly, gazing over Penny’s shoulder as though there were something he saw beyond her.

He was quiet for a long moment, but then he forced a smile to his face, “It is a lot to mull over, I will trust you and Professor Snape to discuss the details of the connection when you are ready. But I would encourage you, Penny, to remember your path is not Grindelwald's, and while his experience can give insight into your abilities, you are not bound by it. Learning to control your expression is a process of understanding yourself, and often, it’s those closest to us who see us most clearly,” Dumbledore said, kindly, sending her on her way to think on his words. 

The damned words had haunted her, everything Dumbledore spoke of made her feel horrifically helpless. Penny did not like the idea of being reliant on anyone, especially for something as serious as not accidentally killing herself, but Grindelwald had managed on his own, which was a thought that only served to send her on a spiral of obsessing that she might end up like him. The trail of thoughts were so awful, Penny was unable to share the events of the night with Harry, fearful of what he would say. Though she knew Harry would always love her, she had a hard time coming to terms with how much of her life had been torn from her control. Yet, lying to Harry left a knot in Penny’s stomach, and the stress of this lie, piled on top of having not mentioning her encounter and pact with Tom to anyone, felt as though it would crush her. 

None of these thoughts helped her mood, which was already all over the place since the Yule Ball. Penny simply did not have the energy to face Cedric and deal with what his intentions were. Snape’s words remained solidly buried in her chest, tainting her perception of Cedric, which annoyed her. But she found she did not spend much time thinking on it, and avoided the boy, figuring she would talk to him once classes started again. 

Since her ‘outburst’, Penny found herself stricken with night terrors that she would be ripped from sleep by, waking in a cold sweat. Every night she relived the torture of herself and those animals in the ministry, hearing their cries and feeling the magic within her move through her veins like she was watching it move through the percolator, making its way to silence life, forever. Even when she’d wake, she was still uncomfortably aware of it within her, putting her on the verge of a panic attack. After several nights of this, Penny suddenly hated sleeping, and avoided her bed at all costs, a choice that only made her exhaustion worse. It was like being a little kid again, as soon as the sun would begin to set, she would become full of dread, her heart deciding to pick up its pace and make it impossible to relax enough to sleep.

Penny considered asking Snape for a sleeping potion, but she knew they were addicting and not able to be taken long term. Going down that rabbit hole only seemed like more misery, so she’d taken to napping sitting up right during the day in the owlery. The vibrations of life surrounding her, lulled her into a calm state, and in the safety of it, napped in the corner where she was certain other students were not likely to notice her. Several of the owls often perched on her and slept alongside her. Having never had her own pet, Penny found the experience heartwarming. 

On Sunday afternoon, the day before classes would begin again, heading to the Gryffindor common room after her nap, Penny noticed a familiar blond head inside an unused classroom on the 6th floor. Altering course, she entered it and plopped down on the desk he was sitting on. 

“You look awful,” Draco said, scrutinizing her appearance.

“Thanks, so do you,” Penny scowled.

His normally vibrant skin was dull, his hair was a mess and he looked like he had not eaten in days. 

“I’ve just been arguing with Blaise.” 

At this, he looked away from her and began shooting holes in the ugly tapestry at the back of the room with his wand.

“About what? It looked like you worked things out at the Yule Ball.”

Draco’s face darkened and he turned to Penny. “ Blaise had no objections to a passionate night, the objections conveniently came the next morning when I pushed the subject of making things official again,” 

“Is it your family name still?” asked Penny, feeling irritated that Blaise would do something like that.

“He refuses to get into it, says he’d like to keep his options open and see where “things take him,” he sneered.” “I’m a Malfoy! And he, the child of a gold digging whore! As far as I’m concerned, it’s over.”

Penny draped her arm around Draco, startling him. She squeezed tightly and said, “Good, you know your worth. Because screw anyone who would treat you like that. Blaise does not deserve someone like you, but I am sorry you are sad.”

“I’m not sad!” he said, his cheeks flushing pink at the suggestion. 

“Right,” Penny smiled, pulling away to enjoy the pretty pink on his fair features. “You need to date someone more like my brother, it’s a pity you two can’t get over your squabbling.”

If possible, Draco seemed to become even redder and floundered for words.

“I am a pureblood!”

“You purebloods really need to read Romeo and Juliet, blood doesn’t matter when love is involved,” Penny laughed. 

Draco turned away from her and began shooting the tapestry again. 

“I don’t think I’ll date anyone again after Blaise,” he muttered.

Penny sprang to her feet and stepped between Draco and the tapestry to give him a fierce stare.

“Don’t you dare let that unworthy twat ruin the happiness that’s waiting for you. He’s a coward, you are not. When he works it out, he will realize what he missed. There _is_ someone as emotionally capable as you out there, and I know you’ll find them,” Penny said with more force than she intended.

Draco’s narrow grey eyes watched her, and then he let out a great sigh and ran his hand through his messy blond locks.

“Thanks, Penny.”

“Did I hear that right, a Malfoy said thank you?” she teased.

“Yeah, just don’t tell anyone,” he replied, rolling his eyes at her. 

“No one would believe me, anyway.”

“Since we are on the topic of failing love lives, why don’t you tell me what happened with Diggory and why he is spending so much time with that annoying Ravenclaw girl,” Draco said, cooly, patting the empty space beside him.

Penny grimaced at the mention of Cedric and took the seat reluctantly.

“What makes you think anything happened,” Penny asked, trying to gauge what she would be forced to divulge. 

“Roger Davies has been telling everyone he saw Cedric kiss you at the Yule Ball, it’s a pity that only the Chang girl doesn’t seem to believe it,” he said, an air of disgust in his tone.

“He _tried_ to kiss me, but Snape interrupted us.”

Draco snorted with laughter causing Penny to hit him in his side.

“Sorry, but you honestly have the worst luck.”

“Maybe it was good luck if Cedric and Cho seem to be a thing,” Penny pointed out, trying not to sound miserable. 

“There is no chance in hell anyone in their right mind would choose that docile airhead over you,” Draco said, sounding offended at Penny’s assumption.

“Well it doesn’t matter anyway, I’ve kinda been avoiding him, so he probably figures I’m not interested now.”

“Lucky for you, as you noted earlier, I am an emotionally capable individual and my advice to you is: grow a pair, or, uhh, I don’t know the gender inclusive version of that saying, but you’re in Gryffindor, aren’t you supposed to be annoyingly unafraid to say what you’re thinking?” he said, his eyebrow raised. 

“I have plenty of courage, thank you. But I do have a brain, and I’m not that keen to be made a fool of,” Penny said, testily.

Slytherins really had no sensitivity. 

“Who told you he’d make a fool of you?” Draco said, his eyes narrowing.

It was Penny’s turn to turn red this time. “No one! I just thought things through after the Yule Ball,” she replied, a bit too quickly.

“Am I supposed to believe that lie?” he drawled, eyelids heavy. 

“I’ve no idea why you’d think I was lying,” Penny replied, turning away from him.

“I’m gonna go out on a very short limb here and say it was Snape. In which case, you had to see _that_ coming.”

“What makes you think that, and why should I have seen it coming,” Penny said, trying to hide her desperate curiosity by tracing her lower lip with her finger.

“I’m not touching that with a ten-foot rod. You and Snape are bizarre, and perhaps one day you’ll stop being in denial about it. But whatever he said, he was wrong,” Draco said, giving an impatient click of his tongue.

“How can you be sure,” she said, finally turning to him, her eyes wide.

“Because Malfoys know everyone’s business, therefore I am confident in saying Diggory has been in love with you since last year, so do stop trying to sabotage yourself.”

“Pretty sure it’s you I’m in love with,” Penny gushed, feeling oddly relieved.

“Don’t worry, doll, I have that effect on a lot of people,” he smirked. 

He jumped off the desk and gave himself a stretch, yawning.

“Won’t you tell me what you meant about Snape,” Penny asked, following suit.

He gave her a peculiar look, his perfect baby-like skin crinkling momentarily as his brow furrowed. 

“Sometimes it’s like there’s a force between you, pulling you two together. There’ s something there, but like I said, I’m not touching it,” he said, giving her a, my-father-is-best-friends-with-Snape-who-is-also-the-head-of-my-house look that made her drop the subject. 

Penny left Draco, thinking over everything he had said, not realizing where her steps were taking her. She came to her senses when she tripped and barely caught herself. Blinking, she realized she was standing at the bottom of dungeon stairs looking down the corridor that led to her potions classroom and across the way, Snape’s office. 

She blinked, unsettled that her feet had brought her here without her brain knowing. She was also unnerved because she hadn’t seen Snape since their fight and Dumbledore’s explanation. Part of her wanted to move forward, his office door was a-jar. But the other was afraid to find out how he would look at her. Draco’s words about being a Gryffindor drifted through her mind, causing her to take several determined steps forward. But then she stopped, suddenly unwilling to go any further. She turned tail and made for the stairs, her hand grasping the rail.

“Where do you think you are going, Ms. Potter,” his silky voice said, stopping her in her tracks. 

“To my common room?” Penny said, tring to continue forward.

“The Gryffindor common room is on the 7th floor in Gryffindor tower, so why, pray tell me, did you come to the dungeons?”

Penny could almost hear the narrowing of his eyes, knew his dark eyes were boring into her back, but she just remained frozen, mid-step, like an idiot. Straightening up, she turned around. 

“I don’t know,” she said, honestly, studying him as though he held the answer to the question. 

If he didn’t believe her, he gave no sign of it, he merely considered her for a long moment. 

“Since your oaf-ish footsteps have already disturbed me from what I was doing, you may as well come inside,” Snape said, turning briskly to return to his office without waiting for her response.

“What do you mean, _oaf-ish”_ she raged, chasing after him.

He made it to his desk and took a seat, grinning horribly at her.

“Precisely what it sounds like, you have no subtly,”

“Subtly? I have no need for such a thing,” she said, definitely.

“Don’t you? Curious, considering it looked to me like you were running away just a moment ago,” he said, challenging her with his brow. 

“I told you, I don’t know how I made it down here, I’ve been tired lately.”

“I can see that,” said Snape, giving her a severe look. “You look as though you have not slept in a week.” 

“That’s because I haven’t,” Penny said, looking decidedly away from him to observe his office.

The last time she’d seen it it’d been a mess of goo and glass. She wondered vaguely how much effort it’d taken Snape to clean it. There was no evidence of their skirmish, it was as though she’d imagined the entire thing.

“Do you think you could try for one week of your life not to be suffering from something,” he said, impatiently. 

“I’m not suffering from anything!” Penny replied, irritated.

“Oh? awake pining for true love, then?” he asked, cooly.

Penny turned back to meet his smug expression. 

“No, actually, been having dreams about the Ministry, but thanks for asking,” she said, darkly. 

His expression undisturbed, he bent forward and placed his chin into his hands and said, “Go on.”

“Uhh--I can’t get the images out of my head so I can’t sleep for more than two hours at a time,” Penny stammered, caught off guard.

“Would you like help?” he asked, tapping his lower lip with his pointer finger.

“With what?” 

“Getting the memories out of your head,” he said, giving her an impatient eye roll.

“Oh,” she said, lamely, and then continued, “You can do that?”

“Indeed,” Snape said with a wave of his wand. 

A shallow stone basin landed between them, on which runes, strange symbols were carved alongside stones fixed to its exterior. Inside was a silvery substance.

“I’ve never used a pensive,” Penny said, realizing what she was looking at.

“It matters not, I can remove the problem memories.” 

“Alright,” Penny said, nervous excitement rising from the pit of her stomach.

“Tut tut, manners, Potter. If you wish to receive, you must _ask_ first,” Snape, chided, smoothly.

“You’re really doing this to a poor, suffering girl?” said Penny in an accusatory tone.

“Spare me your melodrama,” he said with a bored expression.

“Fine. Will you help me?” she asked, resentfully.

He merely stared at her, an unimpressed eyebrow disappearing into his hairline.

“Please,” Penny blurted out, indignantly.

“That was about as eloquent as your stride. However, I realize you have a severe incapability when it comes to communication, so I shall be merciful, _today,”_ he said in a tone of mock concern, taking pleasure in watching her face twist in irritation as Penny forced herself not to respond, desperate for the man’s help.

Snape slid the pensive aside and lent toward Penny, his wand raised. Penny leaned in as well, knowing already that he would need to extract the memories from her mind, usually via the temple. 

“You’ll need to maintain eye contact, and concentrate on the memory you want removed,” Snape instructed.

Penny nodded, feeling stupidly nervous as their eyes locked. With a steadying breath, she fixed her thoughts on that horrible night at the Department of Mysteries, allowing all the images to flash across her vision like a slideshow. The cool end of Snape’s wand pressed against her skin, his lips moving, though no sound left them, and his dark eyes stared into hers, pulling her thoughts from her. Penny could not describe how difficult it was to focus on Snape while feeling mildly alarmed by the intensity of his stare while also maintaining the flow of images. She became distracted a few times and almost broke eye contact. But then, very gradually, the images receded until she was just staring at her potions master. It was an unnerving experience, Penny knew what the memories were, but she could no longer call them to the forefront of her mind. 

The movement of his lips had stopped, his concentrated stare ebbing away. Their eyes lingered on each other longer than was normal. Both of them seemingly unwilling to break eye contact first. Surprising even herself, she reached up with a shaking hand and touched the wrist that held the wand connected to her temple. It was smooth to the touch, and the familiar zap of electricity passed between them, but Snape didn’t flinch away, making Penny wonder if he felt it too. She stared at him, his face expressionless, hiding his thoughts behind that wall of his.

Had Dumbledore told him what he told Penny? Was Penny supposed to tell him? What did a ‘coordinate’ experience? Why Snape? Would she need him nearby for the rest of her life? The reeling of questions sent a sharp pang to her head, and she subconsciously broke contact with him to rub her forehead just above her eyebrow, as though it would make the pain go away. 

Without a word, he pulled the sticky goo from her head and dropped it into the basin where it swirled and the images that had been tormenting her looked back up at them. Out of respect for her privacy, Snape did not look, choosing instead to turn back to her.

“If that is all, then I should inform you, the headmaster wishes me to give you extra lessons to work on controlling your expression,” said Snape, returning to his air of impatience.

“Why?” Penny blurted out, quickly adding, “sir,” upon catching Snape’s mutinous glance. 

“I would have thought that was apparent, but the headmaster feels it unwise to let things continue as they were,” Snape said, slowly. 

“But what can you teach me?” said Penny, realizing too late how rude her tone of disbelief came off.

“As a professor at this school, I am qualified to teach many things,” Snape said, icily. “But the focus will be on the relationship between magic and emotions, in the hope that by being a more emotionally stable person, we will not repeat,” he said, laying a delicate stress on, “the other night.”

Penny snorted with laughter. “I’m pretty sure you’re more unhinged than me, it sounds to me like Dumbledore wants to amuse himself,” Penny smirked, imagining what a fiasco such lessons would be. 

“Do not mock me, Potter, or I will be forced to chastise you,” he said in a dangerous voice, tapping the desk with his fingers, impatiently.

“At this rate, some might wonder if you like punishing me, professor.” Penny replied, cooly. “But can you blame my skepticism, the only two times I’ve lost control was with you,” Penny went on. 

“Do catch up, Potter, that _is_ the point,” said Snape, his lip curling in cruel excitement. 

“What--wait. . .no--” Penny gaped, realization spreading across her like the twisted grin did across Snape’s thin mouth.

“You do like punishing me!” Penny exclaimed, feeling his betrayal keenly.

“Hardly, but I could scarcely disagree with the headmaster that I am _uniquely_ qualified for such a task,” his velvety voice said, causing Penny to shudder. 

She stared at him in horror, his features displaying far too much satisfaction for her tastes. It was evident the point of the lessons were to push her to her limits and bring her to the brink of a breakdown in order to train her to maintain control. Of course Dumbledore had selected Snape for this job, the man was insufferably good at driving her to her breaking point. The prospect of lessons that entitled him to free-reign of pissing her off would be the nightmare to replace the one she’d left in the pensive. 

“Do not worry, Potter, I’ll be sure our time is utilized to its fullest extent,” Snape said, very softly.

Penny moaned in despair, got to her feet and made her way toward the door refusing to respond to the man. He let her go without a word, satisfied with the offering of her misery. There would be no escape come Monday, Penny was trapped in Snape’s snare. He would help her, that much was true, but he would be sure to relish making her suffer in the process. Malfoy was right, she had terrible luck. 

Somehow fate had connected her to the man who was going to use that red string to tie her up and watch her drown. He was a sadist, that she was sure of, but if opposites attract, what did that make her? The answer was one Penny did not want to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Snapes' gotta win, and Penny just wasn't on her game today (Can you blame her, jeeze poor girl) ahaha. Oh boy, Penny just can't catch a break this year :P I promise to be kinder to her for a few chapters, let her enjoy some Hogwarts time BEFORE THE SECOND TASK. dundundun.


	29. *Moments with Lupin: A Private Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy almost weekend!! I hope you're all doing well. It's been so long since I've written any Lupin, forgot how much I love him!
> 
> I wrote this because I didn't want to do my school work!
> 
> 我不喜欢做功课! 但是我今天的中文的功课很多！
> 
> Thats my Chinese practice for today, if you happen to speak mandarin feel free to comment in it to help me out!!

The sun shone through the window of Lupin’s office and fell across his pretty face. Penny was sitting across from him, she'd finished her cup of tea from the chipped cup of his she found so charming. It'd become routine to visit Lupin, when he was feeling well enough. Almost as routine as it was to bother Snape in her free time. Time spent with Lupin, however, was never anything like the gymnastics Snape put her through. In place of snarky back and forths' and arguments, was a gentle companionship, filled with laughter and much absurdness.

Today was no different and Lupin seemed to be in good spirits though he looked rather tired. Somehow the two ended up in a thumb-war showdown, the random topic came up when Penny made mention of young Harry’s obsession with it. Lupin, curious, inquired to know what a thumb-war and after losing in the demonstration to Penny demanded a best of three.

It was hard for Penny, who, by the sixth try, was laughing so hard she could barely breathe, her right hand trapped in Lupin’s, who was giving her an this-is-serious arch of his brow. 

“I can’t--professor--the look on your face,” she gasped. 

“Do it for me?” he said, turning the full force of his sweet brown eyes on her, which in this moment seemed to be channeling the heart-melting power of a puppy dog. 

“You’ve lost every time, It won’t change,” she hiccuped, straightening herself, trying her best to force the bubbling hysterical laughter back down her throat.

“Yet, the thrill of possibly beating you drives me onward,” Lupin said, a grin playing at the corners of his mouth. 

Their thumbs lined up, “One, two, three, four I declare a thumb war!” they chimed in unison. 

It did not take Penny long to conquer Lupin yet again, causing him to yell out, “Honestly, again!”

Penny, burst into another fit of giggles that she tried to hide by placing her head on the table so Lupin could not see how her laughter brought her to tears. But he was more observant than she suspected.

“Are you crying?” he said, his bewildered amusement evident in his tone.

Penny shook her head, unable to form words just yet. 

She felt his hand begin patting her head softly, almost pityingly. The sensation was enough to bring the onslaught of amusement to a halt, as it was the most glorious of feelings. It made her want to close her eyes and fall asleep, but his voice kept her from doing so. 

“I suppose I cannot be cross with someone who looks as adorable as you do when you laugh,” Lupin sighed.

Penny sat up to face him, “I _am_ sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you, you are just so absurd sometimes, but thats what I like about you. However, you truly are awful at this game,” said Penny, giving him a wicked grin.

“I see what you did there, tell me how awful I am _after_ I’ve been distracted by the fact such a special girl as you would say she likes me. But I won’t be beguiled,” said Lupin with a lopsided grin.

“Sounds like a challenge,” said Penny, leaning forward. 

Mimicking her body language, Lupin met her face in the middle of the desk, leaving a few inches between then.

“Penny Potter, are you being greedy? We can’t have that. Perhaps I need to put back on my professor’s cloak and teach you a lesson,” he said, cocking his head slightly. 

For a moment, Penny thought she should back down, accept she’d already won the day. But the temptation in Lupin’s eyes trapped her, egging her onward. She should have realized it was a bait, Lupin saw right through her, knew her weaknesses too well. But she plowed forward, recklessly. 

“My dear Professor, are you threatening to be stern with me? I confess, not for a moment, do I believe you." she said, confidantly.

“Is that so?” he replied, looking intrigued. “I suppose there has to be a first time for you to be wrong.” 

And with a devious glint in his eyes, he stood and made his way to the other side of the desk, stopping just behind Penny, who was utterly bewildered and unprepared for the warm hands that grasped her sides and began ruthlessly tickling her. Penny half yelled and half laughed, as she tried to squirm away from him.

“I didn’t mean it!”

“Giving up already? That won’t do, no I think a little longer will ensure the lesson sets in,” came his husky reply, as he mirthlessly continued his rampage on her sides.

In her fit to wriggle free, she slid to the floor believed for a moment, herself free, but then he knelt down beside her and continued. Their eyes locked on to each other, Lupin now openly laughing as he watched the laugh-crying girl giggle, cry and squirm all at the same time. 

“Please--” she gasped. “You win, uncle uncle!”

His hands paused, “uncle?” he repeated, “what has your uncle got to do with this?” he asked, looking perplexed.

“Do wizards not use that saying?” Penny said, chest heaving, glancing at the hands that still hovered at her sides suspiciously.

Lupin shook his head in response, brows furrowed.

“In wrestling matches people say it, it more or less means I give up,” she said, eyes narrowing in bitterness, she had not expected to lose.

“Pouting does not suit such a pleasant face as yours,” he teased, pushing at the edge of her cheeks to try and force her frown back into a smile. 

She studied him for a moment, his features endearing and looking back at her with an affectionate sort of look. But when she went to respond the door to the classroom swung open.

“Lupin, you’ll need to drink this imm--” Snape drawled, stopping when his dark eyes scanned the scene before him. Penny on her back heaving, Lupin’s pointer finger still on her cheek.

“Professor Snape,” Lupin said, getting to his feet, nonchalantly.

“Have I intruded on something,” Snape said, delicately. His dark eyes locked onto Lupin’s, his brows disappearing into his hairline. 

“Lupin was just giving me a private lesson,” Penny said, sitting up.

Lupin shot her a warning glance, but she ignored him as the dark eyes narrowed on her face. Penny merely smiled back at him, jovially, relishing the irritation she could see boiling below the surface. 

“Is he now?” Snape said, softly, giving Lupin a damning look. 

“Penny is just trying, what's that proverbial saying? Stir the pot, you musn’t listen to her, she is a troublemaker through and through,” Lupin said, lightly, and he strode across the room to accept the steaming goblet, filled to the brim with a blue liquid, from a very stiff Snape. “ I am in your debt, Professor Snape.” 

Penny observed the exchange, still half perched on the cold floor, the skin on her legs beneath her skirt sprouting goosebumps from it. 

“Indeed. Now if you would not mind, I’ll ask Ms. Potter to accompany me, unless of course you have not finished yet,” Snape sneered.

“You’d have to ask Penny, I've no say in where she goes,” Lupin said, pleasantly, turning to Penny with a kind smile. 

Both pairs of eyes were staring at her, causing anxiety to rise in her chest. This had to be some sort of test, one to which there was no right answer. She was such a pleasant time with Lupin and did not want to see it cut short, yet again. But the Potions Master requested her, which was a tantalizing gesture in and of itself. The deciding factor came in the form of the goblet in Lupin’s hand. She knew what was inside it and what it was for. It would be hard for her to pretend otherwise if she remained as he drank it, so she sprang to her feet. 

“Have you finally looked at my thoughts on the recipe for the Wiggenweld Potion and my reasoning for the revision?” Penny asked, hopefully.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lupin shake his head, as he muffled a chuckle and made his way back to his desk, set down his goblet and retrieved Penny’s book bag and returned to her.

“Thank you for the lesson on thumb wars, Penny. I look forward to our next rendezvous to see if you’ve learned the importance of modesty,” he winked. 

Penny smirked, and turned to her rigid potions master, following after his billowing cloak.

“You didn’t answer me, sir!” Penny said, as the door thudded behind them. 

"I'll answer you when I'm good and ready," he spat, fixing her with his furious stair before striding off toward the dungeons.

Penny followed after him, feeling it would be better to remain silent until he cooled off a bit. He was an impossible man, but she'd given up time with Lupin so he would need to deliver or there would be hell to pay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I started really trying to send less American in this storyy. It is s tough goal, but hopefully my characters will sound more British here sooon.
> 
> But Snape, lmao i HAD TOO.


	30. I can’t take it back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I've changed some things in this chapter since I first posted it, just Snape and Penny dialogue, I decided to go in a different direction**
> 
> Happy new week everybody! 
> 
> I'm still trying to be nice to Penny this week, so we'll see how it goes. It's past my bedtime, zzz. But I'm glad I got the editing done to get this up :))). 
> 
> Enjoy!

Sleep came much easier for Penny since Snape removed the memory from her head. His help could not have come at a better time seeing as second term started and Penny had much to catch up on. While some of her professors, like Professor Binns, did not even notice Penny’s absence, most already decided on some way for her to make up missed work. Her professors for Arithmancy, Astronomy and Potions settled for a, very long(in Snape's case), essay on the material she missed, which would be due by the end of the month, while others decided she need to find space in her already full timetable for remedial lessons because they needed to be able to evaluate how well she performed the magic. They did not specify for what length of time, but said "until they felt she was sufficiently caught up on material." Penny thought they were looking to keep an eye on her per Dumbledore's orders, but she could not be certain. 

Including her other commits, Penny's timetable was now insane and just looking at it made her feel exhausted. Even Professor McGonagall gave her an apologetic smile when she stopped by the Gryffindor table to hand them out. 

**Monday:** Herbology with the Hufflepuffs; remedial lesson with Professor Sprout; Care of Magical Creatures; lunch; Arithmancy; dinner. 

**Tuesday:** History of magic; remedial DADA lessons with Professor Moody; lunch; double Potions with the Slytherins; dinner; Quidditch. 

**Wednesday:** Charms; break; Astronomy. 

**Thursday:** Transfiguration; remedial Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall; lunch; double DADA; dinner; Drama Club; Astronomy. 

**Friday:** History of Magic; remedial Charms with Professor Flitwick; Charms; lunch; double Potions with the Slytherins; dinner; ~~torture~~ lessons with Snape.

Needless to say, the week did not get off to a great start, which was only exacerbated by an article published Monday morning about Hagrid admitting to being a half-giant. It seemed the Skeeter woman somehow overheard a conversation between Hagrid and Madame Maxine, a conversation Harry also overheard. Penny agreed with Harry, she did not understand why being a half-giant was noteworthy, Hagrid was a great, honest person and would never hurt anyone. Ron, seeing it as his duty, took it upon himself to explain how and why the larger wizarding community would respond. His explanation caused Hermione to click her tongue impatiently before going headlong into a rant about Elf rights.

In all fairness, while everything Ron said was abominable, he was correct. The Slytherins relished making sneering remarks to irritate Harry in their first Care of Magical creatures lesson, which was taught by Professor Grubbly-Plank because Hagrid did not show. Draco took special enjoyment in talking down about Hagrid, demonstrating how, even if he was quite like-able sometimes, was still the child of Lucius Malfoy. Penny, irritated, refused to speak to the boy.

By quidditch on Tuesday afternoon, Penny was in a sour mood. She’d suffered through a remedial lesson with Professor Moody, who’d taken a keen interest in her expression and deemed it necessary for her to learn to perform magic with her wand without the assistance of her expression. Moody was ruthless in his approach, which did not help Penny’s frustration. Not reaching for her expression proved to be an incredibly difficult task. How Moody knew the difference, Penny did not know, but she suspected it had something to do with the magical eye of his. When she finally did manage to only use her wand, the actions felt awkward and the magic produced was feeble. 

“It’s a start, Potter. But you’ll need a lot more practice if you are to have any hope. The effort is worth it, you don’t want to be caught in a situation where your enemy knows this reliance on this expression of yours is your weakness,’ he growled, patting her roughly on the back before sending her on her way. Too irritated, Penny refused to see the wisdom of Moody’s words, and repressed the thought of how useful a wand would have been while attached to that cursed collar.

Double Potions with the Slytherins was also full of misery. Penny had decided to sit beside Harry because she was still irritated with Draco. Snape found this choice particularly intolerable, and harassed Harry with fierce vindictiveness. Penny finally snapped near the end of their lesson after Snape made some remark about Harry liking the attention, and accidentally sent a bottle of dung beetles hurling at his back with her magic as he moved towards his desk.

By some miracle, it missed him and hit the wall, but he turned around with a vengeance demanding to know who the perpetrator was. No one could give him the answer, being equally as confused as he. But it was evident he suspected Penny, yet could not prove it. She knew, however, as the bell rang to release them, he would not let the subject drop. 

Being on the quidditch pitch she’d cleared of snow on the crisp January day was a welcome distraction. Penny gulped in the fresh air and felt the tension in her muscles ease. She was one of the first to the pitch and was gathering gear with Marietta Edgecombe and Hannah Abbot. A short while later, most of their players had showed up, along with many spectators.

“Ohh, did Cedric come to watch you, Penny?” Hannah Abbot giggled, eyeing the handsome 7th year and his normal entourage.

Penny scowled and turned away, refusing to answer. She did not want to think about Cedric at the moment, but she was satisfied to see that Cho was not glued to him like she had been lately. No, Penny just wanted to hit something, so she picked up a beater's bat, thinking it would be a good release.

Malfoy stepped up beside her, eyeing her warily.

“Try to look pretty, Penny. Cedric is here to cheer you on,” he said, cooly.

“What you did to Hagrid was wrong,” Penny said, stubbornly ignoring his remark. 

“Being a half-breed lover is your one fault,” he sighed, eyeing her with as much resolution as she did him. 

“And being prejudiced is yours,” Penny said, reaching for a broom. 

“It is pointless to argue about it now, I can’t take it back,” Draco said, taking the broom she was reaching for before she could grasp its handle. 

“Oi!”

“I can see you aren’t in a good mood, and I honestly can’t blame you, but try not to take anyone’s head off with that,” Draco sniggered.

Penny rolled her eyes and grabbed another broom, and joined the other players on her team. Draco was seeker again, Penny was determined to beat him, if she did so, she could find it in her heart to get over her anger at the harm he’d done to Hagrid. She rose into the air, smiling broadly as the wind blew through her red hair that was secured tightly in a pony. She felt utterly weightless, zooming around the pitch, doing loops and dips, to warm herself up. 

Snape blew the whistle and the bludgers were released, Penny, zooming after them. Being a beater was a much more technical position in the game because the bludgers had a mind of their own, and a beater had to hit them from the right angles. After a few failed attempts, Penny managed a pretty decent shot that stopped Roger Davies in his tracks. He dropped the quaffle and allowed Hannah Abbot to take it and score for Penny’s team.

The contact of her bat with the bludger was as a blissful release as Penny knew it would be. It gave her immense joy to smash it with all the strength she could muster. On one occasion, she sent it flying nearly half way down the pitch where it cut off Marietta in her attempt to score. Many people cheered, but Penny paid little notice. She’d realized that being a beater was much like playing the muggle sport called pool; she needed to aim her bat much in the same way a pool player lined up their cue with the white ball. 

After this realization, Penny tried several strategies in doing so, one play, actually standing upright on her broom and bringing her bat above her head to lob it at just the right angle for the bludger to be intercepted by the other beater and send it sailing at Malfoy, whom it hit square in the stomach, causing him to barrel roll. Penny found herself satisfied by the look on his face as he tried not to spew. She couldn’t outright target him, they were friends, and in her anger, would be bad sportsmanship. The play was also so funny she knew he wouldn’t be able to be mad. Unfortunately, despite how entertaining Penny had made the game, her team lost to Malfoy catching the snitch.

Panting hard, Penny landed on the hard ground, still grinning like an idiot, Malfoy setting down beside her, the snitch clutched in his right hand. He looked smug, but Penny didn’t care.

“Good game,” she said, patting his back before she reached for her water bottle and guzzled the contents of it. 

“Looks like your efforts were successful in getting the attention of pretty boy,” Draco smirked, nodding towards Cedric, who was walking across the pitch toward Penny. 

Most people were already leaving, with a few collecting the gear and returning the balls to their boxes. Draco shamelessly abandoned Penny, leaving her standing quite alone as Cedric’s grinning face came into her vision. Without so much as a salutation, he grabbed Penny around the waist and spun her around.

“Penny, that was brilliant!” he said, setting her back down to grin at her. 

“We lost, Cedric,” Penny said, unable to stop herself from laughing.

“So what! Eloise Midgen is a rubbish player, probably can’t see past all that acne, and it’s hardly fair being against the Slytherin seeker. But _you_ , when you made that loop-de-loop and came up at full speed, I thought you’d lost the plot, but coming from below the bludger like that to hit Davies as he went to catch the quaffle--brilliant,” Cedric said, his eyes gleaming as he recalled the play.

“Thank god someone noticed that. I know the whole standing on the broom thing is more flashy, but the miracle of the timing, just as Davies soared over me. Honestly, if I’d waited a second longer I would have hit Hannah,” Penny admitted, remembering how thankful she was it’d worked. 

He stepped in close to Penny, draping his arm over her shoulder, looking up at the dimming sky as though he were watching her again. Penny felt the heat rise in her cheeks as she glanced at his handsome cheek bones. She’d been avoiding Cedric since the Yule Ball and forgot how much she missed these talks of theirs, but she still couldn’t shake how distracted his proximity made her.

“I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life,” he sighed.

“Except yourself in the mirror every morning,” Penny snorted. 

“You think I’m beautiful, do you? Please, tell me more,” said Cedric, rounding on her looking intrigued. 

“Stop fishing for compliments.”

“How dare you accuse me of such shallow-ness,” he pouted. 

“From what I’ve heard, Cho tells you plenty how handsome you are,” Penny said, pointedly.

His features darkened, and he frowned, his arm slackening slightly around her shoulder. 

“Penny, you don’t--” 

“Mr. Diggory, remove your hands from Ms. Potter. I did not think I would need to reiterate Hogwarts rules to a 7th year,” Snape said, coldly. 

The two turned, startled from their moment. Cedric, reluctantly, removed his arm from Penny, grazing her cheek softly as he went. The gesture sent a vein pulsing in Snape’s temple, but he said nothing. 

“Since when are students not permitted to hug,” Penny demanded. 

“Since I am the Professor, and you the student,” Snape spat.

Cedric nudged Penny in the side in warning, while he tried to hide an affectionate grin.

“Oh please, since when does that argument work on me? I know my rights as a student, and you don’t get to suppress them just because you have issues with public displays of affection,” Penny countered in a biting tone. 

“You may go Diggory,” Snape said in such a low tone, it was almost impossible to hear him. 

“If you don’t mind, professor, I’d like to walk back with Penny, since it’s getting dark,” Cedric said, taking Penny’s hand in his, in support of her. 

“How chivalrous of you," Snape sneered, "If you feel you must. . .however, I would hate to see Hufflepuff lose all those points you just earned them,” Snape went on, his threat laced with venom.

“Go on Cedric, I’ll be fine,” Penny muttered, she didn't fancy the idea of getting Cedric in trouble for her inability to shut up when Snape was around.

He faltered for a second, but then seemed to decide to listen to Penny, gave her hand a light squeeze and jogged across the pitch, Penny’s eyes fixed on his retreating back. Would there never be a spare moment in her life to figure the entire debacle out? Apparently not under the ever watchful gaze of Snape.

“Do you think yourself clever, Ms. Potter, showing off in front of your boy toy?” Snape snarled, returning her to the mess of a situation in front of her.

“Where do you get off--you stormed over here like a deranged nun! He only had his arm around me. I' sorry you are some human-contact celibate, but I’d imagine, being a human _with eyes_ , you’d have figured out by now that hugging does not equate impregnating!” Penny fumed. 

“Your arrogance knows no bounds and it deludes you! You presume to know more than I, who has actually been a 17 year-old boy!”

“Is this your confession, Severus Snape, are you saying you took advantage of naive girls for your personal satisfaction? Do tell me, from your expertise, how it is done,” said Penny, scathingly. 

“You impertinent--” Snape yelled, furiously, taking a step towards her, his hands balled into shaking fists. “Your father was a pompous fool as well, and look where that got him!”

“Married to my beautiful mother, Lily who loved him more than anything!” Penny yelled, unable to control her anger. 

In a flash, Snape was upon her, the back of his hand raised, ready to slap her across her frozen cheeks. Penny’s heart leapt in fear and she flinched, cowering to protect herself from the man’s anger. The gesture was enough to stop Snape in his tracks, who seemed to become suddenly aware of what he was about to do. When the hand did not collide with her, Penny looked up tentatively at the man, who’s features were almost completely obscured now, the sun lingering for its final moments in the sky. His pained expression returned to its usual wall, as the sun finally disappeared and they were plunged into darkness. 

All to be seen were their outlines, as they watched each other, each breathing heavily, unable to move from the spot. Penny felt undeniably frightened by the man, but more so angry at him for nearly hitting her. It reminded her of the kind of thing her Uncle was capable. Yet, she found herself remembering how when she snapped, she'd sent a jar flying at his head and only by some miracle did it miss him. She wondered what it took him to stop himself from actually hitting her, but did not think on it too long. 

"You actually wanted to hit me?" Penny accused in a tone of moral purity she stole from Harry.

“I did not mean--you’re just so--” Snape said, in what Penny thought was his attempt to apologize, but she would not accept it.

"I'm so?? So what? You're the Professor! What happened to _that_ argument, HMM?" Penny pressed, still indignant. "Aren't professors hired because you're bastions of self-control, here to protect and nurture the children of the future? Did you think of my future of TRAUMA if you'd hit me!"

"I didn't--I would never-- if you'd shut up and stop being patronizing for a moment of your life!" Snape snarled, floundering for words.

"Maybe if you formulated a complete apology, I'd be inclined to, ” Penny replied, dryly.

“If you stopped being so pretentious, perhaps I would!”

"Alright, I'll wait," Penny said, crossing her arms in expectation.

"What," he said, quietly.

"I'll be quiet so you can apologize," Penny repeated, her voice stern.

"It won't happen again," Snape replied, shortly.

"How genuine," Penny muttered. "You really should be friends with Lupin, he could teach you a thing or two. His apologies are always so sincere and he follows up with these hugs, they really makes my heart melt, like I could never be upset with him again." she gushed, pausing. "You, not so much," she mused in a low voice, trying to imagine a world where Snape would open hug her without first driving a knife through her back.

“We’re going,” Snape said, icily, grabbing Penny by the neck of her robes and pushing her towards the castle.

“What! I'll go when I'm good and ready,” Penny objected, trying to resist him.

“ _Now!_ And not another word! _”_

Penny stumbled over the dark grass as she was manhandled by her professor, toward the glowing castle light. The walk was cold now that Penny's adrenaline had warn off. Although the anger Snape was reeling in was radiating off him like heat. She decided to listen to him for once and not talk, afraid he might toss her into the Dark Forest and leave her there for the giant spiders to eat.

“Just a moment,” Snape said, stopping a couple hundred feet before the double doors.

“You ready to apologize now?” Penny said, scornfully as Snape released her from his grasp. 

Snape ignored her and forced her around to face him instead, though for what reason, she did not know, it was still nearly impossible to see him because the moon had not risen yet. 

“Were you aware the memory you gave me was split?” Snape said, slowly and deliberately. 

“Split?”

“It refers to the tampering of a recollection, where the memory is filled with grey matter that makes it unintelligible,” Snape said, rather impatiently.

“Hang on, you looked at my memory!” said Penny, indignantly, taking a step away from her professor as though seared by his betrayal.

“You failed to ask me not to.”

“I shouldn’t have to!”

Penny found herself shocked and somewhat mortified the man had pried on her memories. While she could not recall the memory so long as it was in the pensive, the impression of the horrific nature of it remained. It was an experience she found hard to share with others for the shame she felt over it. And here stood this full grown man who’d stuck his head in it, after she’d trusted him with it, like some snoopy teenager. The audacity of him to then ask about it, without first apologizing!

“That is not the point, Potter, why would anyone want to split the memory after you--” he said harshly, stopping abruptly to clear his throat. “after the monkey,” he continued, more softly this time, as though afraid to upset her.

Penny’s eyes narrow dubiously, but she decided to accept the man’s attempt at not upsetting her, as feeble as it was.

“I passed out and woke up in my bed, then wrote you a letter that you never replied to,” Penny replied, unable to keep the bitterness from her voice. 

“You were not passed out, the memory goes on for another hour, but the split prevents me from accessing it. Tell me why you think that would be,” Snape went on, his voice returning its usual cold tone.

“How should I know? Why’d they tie me to a chair and torture me? Probably because they’re psychos. You saw the memory!” Penny replied, feeling offended by his insinuation that she did not think enough on the subject.

“Had you passed out before that time?” Snape pressed, evidently dissatisfied with this response.

“I don’t know, yeah, maybe. I often felt confused there, but I thought it was from being overtired.”

“And before you went to the ministry?”

“I’ve no idea.”

“ _Think, Potter!”_ he hissed.

“I already told you, when I went missing it felt like only a day passed!” Penny bellowed. 

“You are confident that was the first time?”

“Sure, why not.” Penny replied, irritated. 

Snape was silent for a long moment, his face turned toward the dark forest. But then Penny’s teeth chattered, breaking the silence.

“You may go,” Snape said, dismissively.

“Hang on, what was that all about?”

“You weren’t concerned about it before, why should you be bothered now,” said Snape, severely. 

“Fine! I don’t even care, but next time, you might try asking before you go digging into someone's memories like that!” Penny fumed, and then she turned away from him and stormed off toward the castle.

Penny was deeply unsettled and did not think continuing the conversation with Snape would be a good idea. He was a clever man and bound to see through her. The idea that someone tampered with her memories was a disturbing thought, but more disturbing was her inclination that Tom had something to do with it all. Penny still had no explanation for what had happened after she left Tom, she’d more or less suppressed thoughts about what occurred in those two months, which was necessary due to the events at the ministry. But the thought that the incident was not a solitary occurrence frightened her. 

Upon reach the light of the Entrance Hall, she held her hand out in front of her to look at the smooth skin as though the mark Tom carved into her would appear there. Penny hadn’t told anyone about it, and being as far down the rabbit hold as she was now, did not fancy confessing the truth to Snape. No, she would do her best to conceal that memory from her potions master, and figure out what that symbol meant and how to undo it, herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snape, how could you! And here we thought you were doing something out of the kindness of your heart for once!, nopee.  
> And Tom, you troublemaker, what have you been up to?


	31. Only in Retrospect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!
> 
> It's been a lame week for me, I'm behind on a lot of school work :(:(. The joys. But writing this chapter this week kept my spirits up. I've recently had a bad experience with fanfiction.net and this livejournal blog that linked to this fiction and wrote some really awful things! I understand giving constructive feedback, and as a writer, I try to be open to that to become better. And I really do think I've improved, I mean, all of the other fics I've written on here were sooo bad, ngl! But I'm really happy with where I've taken Penny and Snape. I felt like this person, who wrote a blog post to blast my story, but not actually give ME feedback was just being mean. 
> 
> But I decided I wouldn't let it get me down because my experience with the A03 community has been so positive. Ya'll inspire me! I love writing for you and reading your stories. I want to say this story is an inclusive space, and I hope none of you will let bullies get you down. Grammar, sentence structure, or character designs don't need to be what someone else prefers, they can be exactly as WE CHOOSE! I oppose the snobbish, and often harmful assumptions that some people consider "proper writing" and will always believe the writing process for the writer is much more important, as well as our context and culture.
> 
> That's my long winded way of saying I really appreciate all of you <3

Penny woke with a start when Madam Pince hissed in her ear. Without realizing it, Penny had fallen asleep while studying for her evening astronomy class. Madam Pince, being as unlikable as she was, told Penny off for her horrendous treatment of her textbooks (she drooled all over) and insisted she leave the library and only return when she understood the value of knowledge.

Shrugging groggily, Penny packed her things and made her way to the Great Hall. She’d barely made it through her homework because drama club ran long due to Fred and George having detention and Flitwick asking Penny to stay behind so he could discuss stage management with the three of them together. Naturally, the extra time spent together amounted to much time joking and little time discussing actual logistics. Penny would pay for her leisure time that evening when she would need to stay up late after Astronomy to finish her transfiguration reading. Sometimes Penny wished she could not care and let an assignment go here or there, but that was impossible due to her perfectionist nature. 

Glancing down the hallway as she rounded a corner for the stairs, she caught sight of a head of silky black hair. Turning, she realized half way down the hallway Cho Chang was talking to Cedric, who was identifiable by his hair, though most of his face was blocked by the back of Cho’s head. Penny froze, horribly curious what the two were doing alone in such a deserted corridor. Cho’s hand reached out and took hold of Cedrics', and then she raised herself delicately onto her tippy toes and appeared to kiss Cedric. Penny's insides felt as though they were tumbling out of her, and she dashed away, unsure where she was headed but desperate to put as much distance between her and the horrible sight as she could. 

Frantic and unseeing, she rounded the corner into the Great Hall and made it part-way down the Slytherin table when a hand grasped her upper arm and twirled her around, forcing her to walk back toward the door with him.

“What the--”

“Let's go somewhere private,” Draco muttered, smiling as though everything were normal, but fixing her with his worried grey eyes.

Penny allowed herself to be led away by Draco, neither of them saying anything until they found the safety of a cluttered but spacious unused closet. He shut the door behind them and sent a few glowing orbs out of the end of his wand so they could see each other, before leaning gingerly against the only clear wall, while Penny sank to the dusty floor. Her mental functions still had not returned, all she could see was Cho kissing Cedric on repeat before her eyes.

“Come come, tell me what happened,” said Draco, crossing his arms.

“Why would something have happened?” Penny replied, in an attempt at a causal voice.

“Do you think I’m thick? You were fine at lunch, a little melodramatic with your refusal to speak to Snape when he came by the table, but you had your usual, overbearing pep,”

“And?”

“And when you walked into the Great Hall you looked like you were going to spew or cry or both at the same time,” Draco replied, testily. 

“Was it that obvious?” Penny said, desperately, finally turning to meet his ever knowing gaze.

“You are incapable of hiding anything, Penny,” he said, rolling his eyes at her question.

“I saw Cho, she kissed Cedric,” Penny blurted out, her eyebrows furrowing without her consent.

“That little tramp! She must be desperate after everyone was talking about you and Cedric at quidditch,” Draco said, his voice laced with venom. 

Penny stared at him, transfixed and confused at the same time. 

“Well?” he pressed, as though she had only begun her story.

“Well what?”

“What happened! Did he kiss her back, were there hands?? Details woman!” 

“Oh. I didn’t wait to see, I kind of ran away when I saw her kiss him,” Penny said, blushing furiously at her momentary stupidity. 

Draco observed her critically, as though he could not believe what he was hearing. 

“You ran away and let that tr--that other girl take what is yours?” Draco said, in a deliberately slow voice to shame her.

“I--I--what was I going to do, march over and break them up!” Penny floundered, turning decidedly away from her snarky friend to watch the glowing orb hovering a few feet from her. 

“Since when do you, Penny, who took a bludger to the neck to best Viktor Krum, not put up a fight?”

“Shut up Draco, this is completely different. Do I even like Cedric? Is that what this horrible feeling is?” she asked, more to herself than him. 

“Oh lord,” Draco sighed, moving across the room to sit beside her. “You are a most incapable creature when it comes to romance. At first I thought you were just playing hard to get, but you honestly are that oblivious.” 

Penny scowled at her friend, he was truly a Slytherin, so like his head of house, using her misery to ridicule her when she just needed someone to help her process what was going on. She refused to respond to him and instead tilted her head back against the lumpy drawer behind her and wallowed in her misery.

“Okay you sook, enough of that. This isn’t over, if that Chang girl thinks I’m going to let her win, she’s got a fat one coming. This is war Penny, get yourself together so we can properly analyze what you did see happen. But first, I’m gonna get us some refreshments,” Draco said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully before getting up. At the door he turned back around, “You, stay put,” he warned, his eyes narrowed.

Penny nodded and watched him go, bewildered by him and uncertain she understood any of the words that came out of his mouth. Draco seemed so confident in everything that was happening, but Penny did not understand how he could be, she was so confused herself and the situation was hers. Draco hadn’t answered her, did she like Cedric, is that what she felt? They’d been friends for over a year now, when had things changed? The dwelling only served to annoy her, there were so many other pressing things going on in her life, she should not devote time to such futile endeavors. Cedric was much older than her, even if he did _actually_ like her he would be leaving at the end of the year and then what? The thought left a horrible emptiness in the pit of her stomach. She’d never experienced a friend graduating before, it impressed on her the unwavering nature of time and how little control she had over it. 

Moments were fleeting, had she taken for granted all the time she’d spent with Cedric, or was that what it meant to be human, to only realize the importance of something in retrospect. Mercifully, Draco dragged her from her horrendous trail of philosophical thoughts, returning with his hands full of several things.

“Firewhisky?” Penny said, skeptically, recognizing the bottle. 

“You’re not allowed to touch it until you’ve eaten, last thing I need is you pissed, crying about Cedric,” he smirked, handing her a sandwich and a couple of pumpkin pasties. 

Draco found a musty old blanket hanging off a chair, and a couple of pillows, whispered, _scourgify_ and then laid it on the floor for the two of them. Penny wasted no time inhaling her food and then turned her gaze on the firewhisky. She had never tried alcohol before, though she’d heard of students getting their hands on some from time to time.

“How’d you get that?”

“Ask me no questions and I shall tell you no lies,” Draco replied, pouring her a shallow glass. 

Penny took it, swirling the contents in her glass. She remembered distinctly how the alcohol Tom had given her burned, though how she felt anything imagined in her head was a mystery to her. Knowingly, she tossed the entire thing back in one gulp, nullifying the burning, which settled pleasantly in her stomach. 

“I didn’t know you drank,” Draco said, looking impressed. 

“Me either, but I could get used to this,” Penny replied, extending her glass for more. 

Draco obliged her, “Sip it this time, I need you to be able to walk back to your dormitory when we’re through here.”

Penny rolled her eyes, but heeded his instructions and took a sip, crossing her legs and watching the blond boy, who was reclined lazily across from her.

“It’s nice.” 

“Father has nicer, but it’ll suffice.”

“Right,” said Penny.

“Alright, down to business,” he said, pouring himself a second drink, “what _exactly_ did you see?”

Penny explained the events precisely as she recalled them, although placing less emphasis on her running from the scene and instead describing herself walking casually. Draco clearly did not believe her, but she pretended not to notice.

“It’s highly inconvenient you left before waiting to see if he snogged her back, but by the sounds of it she threw herself at him” Draco mused.

“He didn’t exactly throw her off!” Penny said, defensively. 

“Of course he didn’t, would you? It could have been an awkward situation, do try to imagine yourself in someone else's shoes, Penny,” said Draco, in a scolding tone that could rival even that of Aunt Petunia. 

Penny rubbed her temples, a pleasant wave of dizziness overtaking her. While Draco was still lost in thought, Penny helped herself, casually, to more firewhisky, this time filling her glass to the brim.

“I’m not usually wrong, but maybe, maybe there is a chance he likes her, lord knows she's tried hard enough. But it doesn't make sense, he came to see _you_ on Tuesday. Hang on, what did happen on Tuesday?”

Penny choked on her drink, “You don’t want to know.”

Draco raised his eyebrow and waited for her to explain. 

“Snape interrupted us. . .shuddup!” Penny said, turning sourly on Draco who was snorting with laughter. 

“So you’ll be dating no one while at Hogwarts,” Draco smirked, calming his laughter.

“ANYWAY. Cedric grabbed me and spun me around, told me how amazing the plays were. But then Snape demanded we separate, but when he told Cedric to go, Cedric took my hand and asked to walk back with me,” Penny went on, looking reproachfully at Draco.

He seemed to perk up at this and took another drink, intrigued.

“Oh?”

“Of course Snape threatened to take points from Hufflepuff.”

“Forget Snape, you’re not ready to face that reality yet, but it's obvious, Tuesday Cedric had eyes only for you. I mean, grabbing you around the waist, basic heterosexual male tactic. You females fall for it every-time,” said Draco in a bored tone.

“I did not!”

“Don’t try and bullshit me Penny, it’s insulting,” said Draco, and reprimanded her by flicking her cheek. “Just admit you liked it.”

“Fine,” said Penny before downing her firewhisky. “It was nice, sometimes when he’s so near it's hard not to be overwhelmed by him,” said Penny, beginning to feel the world around her spin. 

“Like there isn’t enough time to take it all in, to feel every inch of them?” Draco added, quietly. 

Penny met his sad gaze, “Blaise?” she whispered.

He merely nodded and she poured them both of them another drink and went to sit next to him, draping her arm around him.

“To our future happiness,” and they cheered before taking their drink in a shot.

******

“Shh Penny, we’re almost there. We don’t want Professor McGonagall finding us,” said Draco in an urgent whisper.

“Oh but Draco, let's go out in the snow, I’d really like to go play in the snow!” Penny exclaimed, tugging against Draco’s firm arm.

“No Penny, it’s midnight, and we have to turn your assignment into Professor Snape or you’ll fail, remember?”

“But where is my assignment, Draco, we don’t have any bags?” Penny hiccuped.

“Don’t worry I have it,” Draco said, his voice strained as he tugged her down the dungeon stairwell.

“How do you even know Professor Snape will be down here, what if we catch him in his nightgown,” Penny giggled. 

“I doubt he sleeps,” he muttered as he stopped Penny outside Snape’s office door.

He knocked several times before the door opened and Snape’s tall frame appeared before them.

“Draco! what’re you--”

“Please Professor, I didn’t know who else to come to, my father, well you know, but Penny, she’s had too much--” but before Draco could finish his sentence Penny flung herself at Professor Snape, tripped in the doorway, Snape catching her before she toppled to the ground. He looked down at her, his eyebrow arched critically. 

“Professor, I was so mean today!”

Recognition lighting up Snape's eyes, he clasped a hand around her mouth and stopped her from talking and turned back to Draco as he pulled the unsteady girl over the threshold. 

“What was it?” he hissed at Draco.

Draco shifted uncomfortably, glancing at Penny as though uncertain.

“Tell me what it was and you are free to go."

“Firewisky, sir, she saw Cedric with the Chang girl, and she had around 4 glasses of firewhisky,” Draco said to the floor. 

“Get to bed now, and tell no one,” Snape said, as he struggled with a defiant Penny who did not like being silenced.

“She missed astronomy, sir, her brother will be looking for her,” Draco added before leaving them, the door shutting with a snap. 

“Go sit at my desk Ms. Potter while I find something to deal with your condition,” Snape said, giving her a scathing look.

Penny heard none of it, and instead moved around the room, running her fingers along the jars that lined the wall. They emitted such a pleasant vibration she couldn't help but continuously run her hands over them. 

“Stop that!” Snape hissed upon his return, grabbing her by the forearm and dragging her toward his desk.

“Oh wow, you feel even better than they do,” said Penny, turning on Snape and rubbing the top of his hands, and then reaching for his cheeks.

He froze and stared down at her, his dark eyes trapped somewhere between amusement and fury.

“You’re drunk Ms. Potter, I imagine everything feels good,” he said, stiffly. 

“It really does, why haven’t I done this before!” she squealed, caressing his jawline. It was peculiar, she could feel stubble, though his face always seemed so smooth. On her tiptoes, she squinted up at him in the dim light, looking for the five o’clock shadow, finding it, and purring in delight.

“Sit!” Snape commanded, prying her hands from him and forcing her into the chair at his desk,

But Penny refused to oblige and slid out of the chair onto the cold floor, staring up at the twinkling ceiling, using her finger to draw different shapes in the air. Snape’s shadow fell over her.

“I thought you were supposed to be upset about the Diggory boy, you do not look like a girl pining over an imbecile.”

“Upset? I’ve re-evaluated the situation, now I’d really just like to kiss him,” Penny replied, dreamily, suddenly tracing her own numb lips with her finger. "Can you fetch him!” said Penny, eagerly, sitting up too quickly and teetering over. 

“I absolutely will not. I do not think you realize, Ms. Potter, just how many school rules you’ve broken!” Snape spat.

“Yet you let Draco go. But if you must, I’m here now, punish me professor,” Penny simpered before breaking into a cackle. “Can we play some music, I’d really like to dance,” Penny said, switching gears before Snape could even scowl at her. 

“Enough!” Snape said, furiously, yanking her from the floor and forcing her to sit on the edge of his desk, where he stood before her, trapping her. 

“You know, maybe I was right ignoring you today. You tried to hit me the other day, and here you are being violent yet again. You really need to get yourself together man.”

“You’ll permit me not to take life advice from a girl who cannot hold her liquor.”

“Oh pleasee, stop acting so superior. I merely got drunk, you went and took the Dark Mark in your rebellious stage,” said Penny, laying backwards on Snape’s desk, until her head just dangled off the other-side.

“Potter! You will drink all of this” Snape said, angrily.

“No, I don’t think I will.”

“Why not,” said Snape, in a low voice.

“Because I’m sick of you telling me what to do, and never thinking about how your actions affect me. Do you find it amusing when I suffer?” Penny asked, sitting back up and fixing him with her fierce green eyes. 

“I never said--” Snape replied, shifting uncomfortably. 

“No you don’t ever say anything, you just make demands of me, rage at me and lash out before ever trying to speak to me like I’m a capable human being,” she finished, cocking her head sideways, as though she'd never truly seen the man properly before. 

His hands took hold of her shoulders to straighten her as though he were afraid she would continue to fall off balance. Penny reached up and held onto his left forearm, closing her eyes in an attempt to make the world stop spinning. However, an eerie prickling was moving through her fingers and into her spine. Eyes fluttering open, she turned and pulled his left arm into her hands, Snape allowing her. 

“It feels different here,” Penny said quietly, running her fingers over the black fabric that covered his forearm. 

Without a word, Snape undid the button at his wrist and rolled up his sleeve, exposing his pale, smooth and muscular forearm, on which, a grotesque image was emblazoned, though it looked as if it had been smudged off over the years. Penny’s breath caught in her chest, and she could feel his eyes watching her intently, measuring her reaction. Very slowly, Penny moved her pointer finger toward the mark, unsure if he would let her. When her finger connected with his cool skin, she began tracing the outline of the mark, a horrible sickness flooding through her from it. But she persisted, searching for every inch of the dark magic, trying desperately to understand it. 

“Sometimes there are things I can’t explain.”

Penny made it to the snake’s head, considering his words, but then was suddenly overcome with the sickness, pushed Snape’s hand away and spewed over the side of his desk. She gasped for breath, her stomach continuing to convulse, Snape making a noise of disgust as he took several steps away from her. 

When it finally calmed down, “Perhaps I'll have that potion now,” Penny conceded, trying not to spew again at the sight of her own mess. 

Snape cleared it with a wave of his wand and walked back toward her, extending the bottle to her.

“You’ll need to drink all of it and not spew again, or it won’t work,” he said, briskly. 

Penny had ruined the moment, there was no getting him to return to his vulnerability. She could kick herself for the timing. There was so much she could have said, should have said, and of course she went and puked all over him. Once she became sober again, the man would more than likely make her pay for it, too. 

“I shouldn’t have drank so much, I didn’t realize--” Penny said, quietly, glancing at him. 

“Tomorrow you will attend all classes, you will not go to the Hospital Wing, no matter how awful you feel. If you do take something to help with the hangover, I will revoke my mercy, do I make myself plain?” 

“Yes, sir.”

"Good. One way or another, I will impress upon you the importance of pain as an effective learning tool," he said, his lip a thin line. “And Ms. Potter, next time, just tell the boy you like him, and spare us all the mess,” Snape smirked as he helped her from his table and toward the Gryffindor Common room.

Penny couldn’t believe the man, she would have done just that if Snape hadn’t been the-- well never mind, it didn’t matter now. Her mental faculties were returning, and they were extremely painful, causing her to feel like she might start spewing again. On top of it, she remembered she skipped astronomy and therefore did not turn in her assignment. Penny had never not turned in an assignment, the horror of it made her want to cry, but she dare not in-front of Snape.

Tomorrow’s double potions and evening expression lesson were going to be misery, there was no doubt Snape would ensure that. But in this moment Penny couldn't shake the fact Snape had shown a side of himself he’d never shared before, and she doubted he'd shown many others the mark. She still clutched the bare forearm, wondering how many thoughts of Snape’s he didn’t know how to explain and Penny had misinterpreted. As grotesque as the mark was on his arm, there was something entirely comforting about the ease with which he left it exposed to her. The gesture impressed upon her more feelings and emotions than any of his words ever could. The man was a mystery, but Penny was determined she would eventually solve him. 


	32. Her Narrow Miss of Nonexistence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO FAMILY HERE WE ARE WE HAVE MADE IT TO 100,000 WORDS!
> 
> I can't even believe we have come this far together. I never expected this story to develop the way it has or to make it this far. Or that I'd only be just about to the 2nd task at 100,000 words. haha (we have a loong way to go sorry ><) But it's been a journey I've loved every minute of! As promised, I'M STILL TRYING TO BE NICE TO PENNY. So enjoy. 
> 
> I took some time off social media after my last post and then came back to all your wonderful comments, and I cry with happiness at your kindness <33 you are a beautiful community. I also aced my Chinese midterm and cry more tears of happiness. Alright, love you all.

Penny’s misery was almost as acute as her humiliation when she was forced from bed on Friday morning. She looked in the mirror at her puffy face and tossed her hair into an uncharacteristic messy bun because she lacked the energy to brush her hair. Then she splashed cold water on her face and called it good, joining Harry at Gryffindor table. 

“There you are! Why weren’t you at astronomy last night?” Harry demanded.

“What happened to your face?” Ron said, scrutinizing Penny’s appearance. 

“Ron!” Hermione scolded before giving Penny a sympathetic look.

“I got drunk on firewhisky with Draco last night, ended up in Snape’s office,” Penny groaned, as a wave of nausea rolled over her when the smell of sausage hit her. 

“Malfoy!” “Snape!” “Drunk!” they all exclaimed at the same moment, making it impossible for Penny to discern who said what.

“A little quieter for my head!” Penny hissed, clutching the side of it.

“Did Snape expel you?” Harry said, reaching over and rubbing her head gently. 

“No, but he said I have to suffer through my hangover without any remedies or he intends to punish me,” Penny replied, bitterly.

“As you should! You broke so many school rules _and_ missed class, what were you thinking, Penny!” Hermione said, disapprovingly. 

“That’s unlucky for you, Bill told me firewhisky gives the worst hangovers,” Ron said, matter-of-factly. “Whatever you do, stay away from anything greasy, this one time Bill was eating bacon after a particularly wild night and spewed chunks all across the table. Mum was so angry.”

“Really Ron, we’re eating!” said Hermione.

“Just take something and pretend you’re miserable,” Harry said to Penny.

“He’ll know, he always knows.” Penny said, feeling fearful of the wrath of her professor. 

They finished their breakfast and made their way to History of Magic where Penny promptly laid her head down, uncertain if she would be able to move it again.

“How about I take notes today,” Harry said, reaching for her notebook and giving her a pitying look.

Seeing as Penny gave him her notes every other day of his education, Penny could not help but roll her eyes at the angelic twinkle in his eyes, as though he believed himself the nicest brother of all the land. Hermione glanced disapprovingly at Penny while Ron and Seamus began their typical shenanigans, which Penny realized were highly amusing and helped to distract her from her pain. 

Thankfully, by the time her lesson with Flitwick came around, Penny was able to pretend to be capable, though was still suffering from an awful headache. Flitwick was ecstatic with her attempts at the summoning charm, which sent him down memory lane about Penny’s mother, Lily, and how skilled she was at charms, and how charming he found her.

Lunch came in a blur and Penny attempted to try and stomach a small salad, a mistake that sent her running for the girls lavatory to spew. She felt better when she finished, rinsed her mouth the best she could and then realized she would be late for potions. Sprinting at top speed, she skidded to a halt before the door, clutching the door frame as her world spun dangerously. 

“Take your seat, Ms. Potter,” Snape’s velvety voice said from behind her. 

Penny pretended not to notice him and marched forward, her world tipping sideways and sending her stumbling. Snape caught her before she hit the bookcase, smirked down at her, and then pushed her aside to continue on his way to the front of the class. 

Immediately, Penny noted Malfoy’s absence, of course he wasn’t going to show up after being a giant snitch. But she scowled nevertheless. Afraid she would not make it all the way to her normal spot, Penny made a b-line for the open space beside Neville, stumbling as she went. 

“You okay, Penny?”

“Hi Neville, I’ve been better,” Penny admitted, pulling her things out.

“I never got the chance to say, but I’m glad you’re back, Hogwarts wasn’t the same without you,” Neville said kindly. 

Penny turned to him and fixed him with her green eyes, causing the boy to turn red. She smiled, unable to come up with the words to thank him, so instead she hit him in the shoulder and grinned awkwardly before feeling really lame and retreating to the cupboard of ingredients.

Everything sat in their usual places, but today Penny found herself extra sensitive to their textures and smells, that made her dry heave when she went to pour some fairy eggs onto her cutting board. A few people looked back at her, curiously as Penny tried to pull herself together. 

“Does there seem to be a problem, Ms. Potter?” Snape’s cool voice asked. 

“Yes, I think I might vomit” Penny said, fumbling with the lid and holding back more heaves. 

“While I am pleased you were wise enough to heed my warning; if you puke in my store cupboard, you will be spending your lunch hour cleaning it," he smirked, eyeing her with evident satisfaction.

“I’m not,” Penny mumbled, jamming the eggs back onto the shelf and resting her head in her hand for a moment. She’d developed a cold sweat from the effort of not puking and was afraid the next ingredient would trigger her response again. 

“That’s because you’ve expected indulgence at every turn, it’s about time you experience what reality is,” Snape grinned, horribly.

“Reality? You mean like Draco's reality where he wasn’t punished or expected to come to class? As his head of house I’m sure you’d know a thing or two about indulgences,” Penny snapped, reaching for her next ingredients. 

“Is that jealousy I detect? Suddenly regret being sorted into Gryffindor like every sorry fool before you?” 

“The only regret I have is aiming away from you when I threw up last night,” Penny said, wryly, grabbing her ingredients and moving past him. 

“You are free to try again tonight and see how it works out for you,” Snape said in such a low tone, only Penny could hear him. 

If possible, her stomach felt even sicker at the thought of the prolonged torment tonight's lesson would bring. She had no idea how he intended to teach her, but she knew his methods would not be enjoyable. The flicker of twisted excitement in his eyes told her so. 

After an hour of true agony, Penny found herself very impressed with her jawbind potion.

“Look, sir, a potion that could keep even your mouth shut,” Penny smirked as Snape made his rounds. 

While the Gryffindors laughed openly, Neville looked away, clearly terrified when Snape stopped, his eyes narrowing on Penny’s face. 

“Is that supposed to be clever, Potter? If so, I’d reconsider your aspirations,” Snape said, tersely.

“Oh? But you were my only aspiration, being the dark, brooding, master-mind, potions master you are, but maybe you are right, I should aspire to something less _volatile_ ,” Penny mused, eyeing her potions master with an air of mock consideration.

“Ms. Potter, you aspirations change with every shiny, new boy-toy that pays you enough attention, perhaps a little volatility might keep you interested for a change,” Snape said cooly, looking down his hooked nose at her.

Penny gaped at the man, he had truly silenced her and she found herself thoroughly impressed by it. Her mouth hung open stupidly because her brain was unable to form a response. The Slytherins however, were able to form a response, and snickered heartily. But Penny did not care, because she wondered if this was how Snape felt when he made that stupid face and floundered for words when they fought. Was he too, impressed with her in those moments? The thought intrigued her, she liked being impressive. She did not imagine Snape being impressed or intrigued by anything, or that he even experienced emotions more generally. But if he did, she now needed to prod him and make note of the peculiar ways he expressed those severely repressed emotions of his, and bask in the power of being the one to produce them. 

The corners of Snape’s lips twitched as wrote down their marks on his clipboard, moving on before Penny’s brain could catch up. Penny and Neville packed up and made their way to the door, but Penny stopped, she felt like something was tugging on her, so she turned and stared down the walkway between their tables. A couple of students walked past her, but they appeared to be moving in slow motion. 

Her eyes found him with no effort. He was leaning against his desk, arms folded, watching the students leave with his usual sneer. Penny froze, a loud whirring noise pressing against her ears. Distantly, she was aware of her classmates' chatter, but she could not focus on them. Instead she felt a pull that was reminiscent of the veil in the Department of Mysteries. His dark eyes finally noticed her, his brows furrowing as he gazed back at her. His arms slackened slightly and he seemed to move slightly in her direction but came to an abrupt stop. And then everything around them shifted. They were no longer in their potions classroom, instead, they were standing in a vast open, sandy plane. The distance between them felt infinite but like she could reach out and grab him at the same time. Behind Snape was a blue light that expanded behind him, reaching into the darkness above him. It illuminated him and extended over the vast sky, spiraling towards Penny, but she did not know how or where the band of light connected to her, it was almost as if it were a part of her.

It was beautiful, the tranquility of it, the feeling of closeness to Snape, as though he resided inside of her even though vast emptiness seemed to separate them. The tranquility however, was broken when doors began forming, one on top of the other, banging into violent existence behind Snape. Penny reached her hand forward, worried Snape would be pulled into one of the doors, but before she could reach him, everything shifted and the blue light was gone, leaving them standing in a cylindrical white room, with doors lining every inch of the walls. The ceiling felt low, but the room vast, a combination that was suffocating. 

To Penny’s horror, there was blood, so much blood pooling beneath Snape’s feet, but he seemed not to notice it. It was coming from the doors behind him, but it was impossible to tell from which. Penny felt the sudden need to pull him away from the doors, something about the blood wasn’t right, it was trying to consume Snape, take him with it back to wherever it had come, somewhere Penny wasn’t allowed. 

She stepped forward, ready to fling herself at him when the world responded, violently returning them to the potions classroom where she stumbled upon the impact. Penny blinked several times, her hand still reaching for Snape, who looked unnerved. He eyed her intently, but said nothing. Slowly, and feeling very dazed, Penny brought her hand to her face to examine it. Why was she so desperate to reach for him, to pull him back? It was like a suffocating fear was swelling in Penny’s chest, making her unable to feel anything but an impending doom. 

Snape crossed the room in two strides and reached for her hand, lowering it, his agitated eyes fixed on her face, as though searching for something. Penny clung to the cool fingers, not fully seeing the man before her. He obliged her without protest as the minutes ticked by and silence reverberated off the walls. That was, until Penny became aware of how heavily she was breathing and that hot tears were rolling down her cheeks.

It confused and frightened her because she did not know why she was crying, or why she felt so afraid. She’d seen glimpses of something--was it blood, so much blood? And those dark eyes in a pool of it, but they’d seemed distant, as though unable to glitter with the light they now held. But the recollection was fading, like sand in an hourglass, pouring out of Penny’s mind until she was left with only bewilderment. 

“Sorry, ” Penny said, wiping the tears from her face awkwardly. 

“You don’t know what you’re reaching for, if you did you’d think better of it,” Snape finally said, his voice as rigid as his body. 

“I don’t understand--”

“And you never will, you can never know,” Snape said, his voice suddenly hard and his eyes cold.

And then, without warning he pulled his hand from hers and whisked out of the room without another word, leaving Penny feeling worse than she had all day.

On her way to the stairs leading to the Gryffindor common room, a hand clasped her shoulder. Cedric’s smiling face looked down at her, irritating Penny. She did not feel like dealing with the handsome boy at this moment.

“Penny, I haven’t seen you since quidditch, I kinda thought you’d want to talk,” Cedric said, with a nervous smile.

“Talk about what?” Penny replied, not bothering with pretenses.

“Us. . .” Cedric faltered

“Who’s us? Three’s a crowd Cedric, I’m not interested in whatever this game is you’re playing. I’ve always liked you, but maybe I didn’t actually know you.”

“Penny you’ve got it all wrong,” Cedric protested.

“How is stumbling on you and Cho kissing getting it all wrong?” Penny snapped. 

“I didn’t--”

“Don’t deny it, Cedric. At the very least, I deserve your honesty. Even if she kissed you, the issue remains, figure out what you want. I know I don’t want any part of this if you’re just going to lead us both on,” Penny finished, her tone hard.

Cedric made no reply so Penny pushed past him and made for the double doors without looking back. Cedric didn’t stop her, but Penny did not have the space in her heart to feel the sting of it. She merely moved forward, taking the steps two at a time until someone grabbed her around her waist and stopped her in her tracks. 

Startled, Penny’s head snapped angrily in the direction of her attacker only to find Lupin's warm brown eyes looking back at her.

“Sorry Penny, I didn't mean to startle you, but I couldn’t resist,” Lupin said with an apologetic smile.

Penny’s arms wrapped their way around his neck and pulled him close to her, breathing in the smell and warmth of him. She’d felt on the verge of falling apart, but his arms would not let her.

“Are you alright?” he asked, sounding slightly worried as he rubbed the back of her head. 

“I wasn’t, but I am now,” Penny whispered, clinging to him for a moment longer.

“How about we find somewhere private to chat, hmm?” he said, looking down on her.

His hand in hers, Penny nodded and followed after him. 

******

“Firewhisky?” he exclaimed ten minutes later when they'd found an empty class room on the third floor. He tried his best to look stern but ended up looking more amused than anything as he took in her hungover appearance before him.

“Just don’t tell Sirius, I swear I’ve learned my lesson,” Penny said in a pleading tone. 

“I’m sorry Penny, I couldn’t deny Sirius the pride of knowing what a little rebel you've become,” Lupin grinned. 

“It turns out being a rebel is too painful, so I’ll be returning to my old life,” Penny scowled. 

“I’m surprised you even tried it out, was there a particular reason?” Lupin asked, eyeing Penny as though she were hiding something from him.

“I don’t know, yeah. . .maybe? There’s this boy. . “

“Cedric Diggory?” Lupin said, sitting himself on the ledge of the window. 

“How’d you know!” Penny asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously. 

“If you’re thinking it was Harry, he didn’t mention it." Lupin said, patting the empty space beside him.

Penny took his invitation without hesitation.

“Then how?” 

“An old man’s hunch,” he said wisely, but when he saw Penny would not accept this answer, he went on, “I was a young man myself once, I saw the way you looked at each other. You were bound to stop being in denial at some point,” he said, cooly, his long hair shining prettily in the sunlight breaking through the clouds. 

“How am I the last to realize!” Penny raged quietly, rubbing her temples in irritation.

“You’ve got too much going on in that lovely head of yours for such trivial things as a school boy crushes,” Lupin chuckled.

“It’s been a right pain, and Professor Snape’s been a psycho since he found Cedric trying to kiss me at the Yule Ball. It all started so simple; a first kiss sounded quite nice," Penny said, miserably.

“First kisses are quite nice, I’m sorry you were denied yours,” Lupin said quietly, kissing the top of her head gently. 

"If you don't mind me asking, when was yours and with who?" Penny asked, feeling curious. 

"Well I can't rightly deny you after you've shared with me, but no telling," said Lupin, scratching his head nervously. 

"I'd never!"

"It was in my 4th year at Hogwarts and it was with Sirius. Truthfully, I'd fancied him for a long time before he'd noticed," Lupin said, sheepishly. 

"Sirius! I didn't know he was attracted to anything but himself," Penny mused, eyeing Lupin with fascination. There were so many questions she wanted to ask.

"He isn't, with exception for your dad, but James only ever had eyes for Lily. Needless to say, it never worked out between us, and I found myself happily dating a Ravenclaw girl a few months later."

"A love triangle! I'm shocked. Imagine if Sirius had won over my dad, I might not exist," Penny said, eyes wide at her narrow miss of nonexistence. 

"I"d rather not contemplate such a gloomy existence. I much prefer this one," he said warmly. "Now tell me, what seems to be upsetting you if the Diggory boy had wanted to kiss you?" Lupin pressed.

Penny sighed, learning more about Lupin sounded much more exciting, but she obliged him. 

"Professor Snape felt the need to point out the fact Cedric had taken Cho to the ball and then gave me detention on Christmas, and well, if possible it all just got worse.” Penny sighed, laying her head on Lupin’s shoulder.

“Sadly, sometimes Professor Snape has a problem seeing past his own feelings."

“It’s probably for the best, it seems like Cedric doesn’t know which one of us he actually likes.”

“So, that’s why you were drinking?”

“I’m not sure. I mean I definitely felt something for Cedric, and every time I saw him with Cho, it made me sick. But there’s just been so much other stuff going on, I haven’t really been thinking about it,” Penny admitted.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Lupin asked, his voice soft and inviting. 

Feeling sure he’d think she was silly by the end of it, Penny plunged into the fight she’d had with Snape and what Professor Dumbledore had told her about the relationship between someone with expression and their coordinate. And then, rather awkwardly, admitted that hers was Snape. Lupin listened to her, turning so their legs spread out side by side, allowing them to face each other. 

“Professor Snape? You’re certain?” Lupin said, the lines of his pretty face becoming more prominent. 

“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life, to tell you the truth,” Penny replied with a frown. 

“What did Professor Snape say when you talked about it?” Lupin asked, running his fingers over his five o’clock shadow.

“Err, I didn’t exactly discuss it with him,” Penny said to her shoes.

“And how’s that worked out for you?” Lupin asked with a knowing arch of his brow.

“Don’t give me that look. It’s Professor Snape! Do you think he’s capable of talking about. . . _anything_ ! What was I supposed to say-- _oh by the way I feel this weird vibration every time you touch my hand, it means fate has connected us forever_ ,” said Penny, sardonically. 

“Quite the pair you make,” Lupin noted, his mouth twitching in amusement. 

“I’m nothing like him!” 

“Yes, by the sounds of it you never run away from your problems, deflect emotional intimacy with snark or choose drinking instead of communicating. Clearly the issue here is Professor Snape’s communication style,” Lupin quipped. 

“Funny," Penny said, darkly. "It's not like taking to you, I love talking to you, everything you say makes my world brighter, it feels easy and natural to have these conversations with you.”

Lupin went very still and his gaze became more intense. He leaned forward and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Penny’s ear and said, “You flatter me to speechlessness Penny. What have I done to deserve you?”

Penny couldn’t help but smile at him, her heart bursting with the affection she wanted to smother him with.

“Even though I’d like to covetously keep you all to myself, I think it’s important to find a way to talk about this with Professor Snape.” Lupin went on, reclining against the wall behind him and gazing out at the darkening grounds beneath them.

This was not what Penny wanted to hear. Why couldn’t Lupin be the one she was connected to, why had fate done this to her? Did she get no choice in the matter? Penny did not want to think about Snape, or to think about that feeling of dread. Why had he said those things and been so angry? What was it that she could she never know? Unfortunately, there was no convincing Snape if he’d set his mind against sharing. It’s what made trying to talk to him so impossible, it made her feel sometimes that she was giving so much of herself and receiving nothing in return. 

Lupin sat before her, it wasn’t a moment she wanted to waste trying to figure the impossible man out. So she pushed away her confusion and squirmed across the ledge of the window and laid her head in Lupin’s lap, looking at his well defined jawline. He looked down at her, his look of worry melting into a smile. 

“You can’t do things like that, it’s not fair,” he sighed.

“What things?” Penny asked, crinkling her brows.

“Things like laying here and making it impossible to care about anything else other than this moment.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad to me,” Penny smirked. 

“One of the perks of youth,” Lupin said, sounding conflicted.

“You’re so melodramatic sometimes,” Penny said with an eye roll.

“You’re calling me the melodramatic one?” he challenged. 

“Yes, sometimes you can let it go and not feel so burdened by making the right choice. Your being here is all I’ve ever needed,” Penny said, fiercely. 

“When you say things like that, you make it even more difficult to share you,” Lupin replied, his features suddenly dark. “But my conscience compels me, against my own desires, to encourage you to speak with Professor Snape, otherwise I fear your long-term happiness will suffer,” he went on, turning back to the window again. 

“If I agree to try, no promises on success, but try, can you stop being such a Debbie downer,” said Penny, poking the man’s cheek with her pointer finger. “Will that make you happy?”

“You always make me happy, but yes, I’d feel better if you tried,” Lupin conceded, clasping her hand in his large one and pressing it against his cheek as he smiled warmly down at her. 

After a moment, Penny broke the silence, “What brought you here?”

“Tonks asked me to bring your things and to see how you are. They wanted to come themselves, but were behind on work, so I am to report back in gruesome detail, how life at Hogwarts has been!”

“I totally forgot about my stuff”

Lupin pulled out his wand and the rucksack he’d left on the floor made its way and landed lightly on Penny’s belly. 

“Did Tonks mention the animals?” Penny asked, opening the bag to look inside. 

It sent a strange chill down her spine as she recalled how she’d clung to this bag during her stay at the Ministry, how it’d been the only thing to make her feel connected to the outside world. 

“They did. I brought several of them with me and left them with Hagrid, who was more than happy to accept the job of caring for them.” Lupin said, reaching for the photo that slid out of the bag.

It was the one of him and his sunflower that Penny so dearly loved. She couldn’t help but smile looking at it. 

“You took this with you?” Lupin said, quietly. 

“Professor Snape packed it for me, it normally sits on my bedside table.”

Lupin’s brows furrowed and his features became suddenly pained as he pushed the photo back into the bag. 

“I’m glad he cares so much about your wellbeing,” he said, distantly before forcing the smile back onto his face.

Penny was worried, but she didn’t think it was a good idea to push the subject any further, and not to mention, she was a horrendously selfish person and just wanted to enjoy the time she had left with Lupin before she’d have to march her way back to the dungeons and face the surly potions master again. 

"I'm glad I had your pretty face to look at whileI was stuck in that prison," Penny winked, in hopes of lightening the mood. 

Lupin laughed, the smile finally reaching his eyes. "Don't make me blush, it'll ruin my facade."

"What facade?"

"The one that I use to pretend that I am not rendered completely helpless by your every word," he teased, ruffling her hair.

Even though Penny’s life did not want to slow down; her list of worries was building; and nothing made sense, for the short time she laid in Lupin’s lap, laughing with him, none of it mattered. The impending dread of a future she could not control would not reach her--until she walked through that door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Lupins first had to be Sirius @_@ he and Penny share an attraction for pretty boys in common, AHAHA.
> 
> But in this story Lupin is pansexual, as I've tried to hint at before, for anyone who is curious.


	33. You're Too Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi my loves! 
> 
> Sorry I didn't post last weekend :(:( got behind and this chapter was particularly difficult. It's pretty important for the plot, so I needed to get it right! My brain has also been muuuush, but I napped a ton so hopefully it works now XD
> 
> k, love you all and hope you're safe and healthy <3

Life moved quickly, too quickly in January. Due to the nature of drowning in her homework and extra coursework, Penny did not notice, as life became naturally busy again. It was odd how she recovered herself and returned to normal life. Though, her and Snape definitely were not on normal terms. Since their weird moment in the potions classroom when he stormed out, he’d been distant and brisk with her. 

Both he and Penny were being uncharacteristically restrained during their Friday lessons where Snape endeavored to lecture to her the importance of controlling one’s emotions, delving into the theories of Legilimency and Occlumency. What was conveniently absent was any real information on what expression was capable of and how emotions related to living with it, along with any practical testing of the connection between the two regarding her outbursts.

Snape seemed especially reluctant to broach said topics and dodged all of Penny’s questions, leaving her frustrated and feeling liks she was wasting her Friday nights. She’d much prefer to spend her time catching up with homework, or napping. But she made no remarks, determining to find information herself, seeing as everyone felt the need to use a lot of words to tell her absolutely nothing. It gave her the inkling suspicion that they were hiding something from her, and if anything motivated Penny it was a good mystery, she was after-all, Harry’s twin.

On the topic of Harry, he’d finally admitted that he lied about the progress he’d suggested he’d made with the mysterious egg. It should not have been a shock to Penny, but she kicked herself for not realizing her twin was hiding something from her sooner. Not knowing what he would be facing was a horrible prospect that Penny dedicated most of her time to, resulting in her falling behind in her homework. So she started pulling all nighters to catch up and was looking like a walking zombie. But in comparison to Harry getting hurt during the task, lack of sleep was a small price to pay. 

Unfortunately, her Professors took notice of Penny’s uncharacteristic drowsiness. Professor McGonagall even pulled her aside to speak with her on the topic. While she did not directly broach the topic of Harry, she insinuated realizing Penny was worried about her twin and offered her an extension on her essay on how environments impact transfiguration. Penny was unsettled but grateful, and woefully unprepared for McGonagall to take on an oddly maternal tone in lieu of her normal harsh one to tell Penny she was proud of her and continually impressed with how hard she worked. The conversation made Penny feel the same swell in her chest Lupin normally caused.

After weeks of struggling to no avail to decipher the egg, Harry finally caved and confessed that Cedric had suggested to him he should take the egg with him for a bath, saying he owed Harry one after the first task. Penny tried to pretend to be unperturbed by the mention of Cedric, whom she had not spoken to in almost a month. (Apparently her invitation to honesty wasn’t appealing to him.) Burying her scowl, Penny turned her fury on Harry who agreed to try Cedric’s advice soon. Satisfied they might actually make progress, Penny let it go and focused her energy on eating. Remedial lessons with the nuisance, Mad-Eye Moody was in ten minutes and Penny needed to be on her game to deal with the man and his _unorthodox_ methods for teaching. 

Needless to say, the lesson was not going well half-way in, with Penny struggling to get her wand to produce a stunning spell, and as a result was knocked backward on the floor by Moody’s own spell. Laying on her back, her body aching, Penny seriously considered the legality of a professor forcing a student to endure their attacks. But seeing as the DADA position was cursed and Dumbledore had such a hard time finding a willing professor this year, she suspected he was turning a blind eye to such questionable practices.

“That was lazy Potter, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you thought this was a waste of time,” Moony growled, fixing her with his magical eye. 

“I mean, you're not wrong, what’s the point of all this?” Penny snapped, getting up and dusting herself off.

“The point? The point in being able to protect yourself?” Moody said, aggressively, seating himself on the edge of his desk.

“I can protect myself just fine, and have proven so on many occasions,” Penny said, her eyes narrowing in irritation. 

“That’s because you’ve never been put in a situation where you were without magic. Grindelwald understood, practiced his wand work because when Dumbledore showed up he knew his expression would be useless,” Moody barked, his real eye bulging in a deranged sort of manner.

“Why would his expression be useless against Dumbledore, that makes no logical sense,” said Penny, skeptically.

“Sense, you speak to me of sense, girl, when you clearly have none!” Mood laughed, and then he took a long swig from his hip flask while Penny stared at him feeling slightly disgusted by the sight before her. 

“The sense comes from nature, and with magic, nature always produces balance. For a jinx there is a counter-jinx, a poison an antidote. Even the physical world follows these principles; there is a sun and a moon; the ocean has a beach; and evil is opposed by good. These things coexist and some argue they can only exist because of the other. So, where there is expression there is also a coordinate. Don’t be fooled by much of the recent lore on the subject that touts ‘harmony’ as central to the relationship. It’s codswallop and gives the impression the two skip off into the sunset together, which couldn't be farther from the truth.”

“I don’t understand, are not all the other examples in harmonious relationships? Why would this be any different?” Penny said, feeling paralyzed by her curiosity. 

“Hasn’t anyone explained this to you! Unless. . .” Moody said sharply, scrutinizing her with both eyes. “They thought it was better not to. In which case, I probably shouldn't--”

“Please! I have the right to know don’t I?” Penny pleaded. 

“Aye, you do. And I’ve never been much into coddling, it’ll be better for you in the long run, you should be prepared. Alright, take a seat first,” he said, motioning to the chair beside her while he took the one before him and turned it around to face her.

“The bearer of expression and the coordinate are attracted to each other because their nature are opposites, and when opposites get close enough, they become one, completing the dyad. A dyad united is harmonious, quelling the chaotic force of expression, a force some scholars have likened to that of death. The coordinate is able to transform that energy. It’s even said, in unity, the dyadic force is the very essence of life itself and can be used to heal and even bring the other back from death. But there is no proof of that,” said Moody, glancing over at Penny as though to check she were still listening. 

She nodded, too afraid any noise of hers might cause him to change his mind.

“Sounds fine and dandy until one places such a relationship in context of human greed and power.”

“What does that have to do with it?” Penny asked, her brows furrowed in thought.

“Think, Potter! What human relationships have you ever seen be so straight forward? An attraction that strong, coupled with the power of life itself-- it’s volatile, and subject to our emotional whims. And then there is also the issue that while the two are connected by time and space, they are not necessarily united, or even realize until many years of life have been lived. The person you are connected to could be more interested in power, or not interested at all,” said Moody, impatiently. 

“Why not just forgo the bond all together, it seems like the obvious answer here,” said Penny, feeling bemused.

“You assume this is nothing more than a school crush and underestimate the power of the magic at work here. Think of the magic compelling your brother to participate in the tournament, and then times that by the length of time and space and you have the dyad,” replied Moody, tapping his wooden leg on the hard floor. 

Penny looked away from the man, as much as she wanted information from him, she still found being in his company disturbing. For whatever reason, she did not trust the gnarled existence, and felt like something was off, but she could not pinpoint what. Yet, he was the first person to share any information with her, information Dumbledore had to already know, so why did he refuse to share it?

Whatever the reason, she had it now, though she questioned whether it made her feel any better. Her and Snape were forced together by magic? In all honesty, she’d always used the word magnetized to describe her relationship with the potions master. How else would one describe continually returning to argue with such a snarky, bad tempered man? The prospect she would never escape the man was a rush and annoyance at the same time. If he continued with his brisk attitude towards her, their forced union would be a living hell on earth. 

“So, in this worst case scenario you described, what happens? Since I can’t just avoid the person for eternity?”

“Good Potter, finally asking the right questions,” he grinned. 

Penny did her best not to flinch involuntarily at the horrific sight.

“The dyad at war is what you are referring to, it allows the chaotic energy to reign unchecked. For the bearer of expression, this can cause irreversible damage to the nervous system because they cannot share the burden with the coordinate for fear they will steal it and use it for their own desires, or the coordinate rejects it for some reason.”

“This arrangement sounds pretty rubbish for the one with expression,” Penny said, darkly, feeling like it would not be out of character for Snape to let her suffer.

“It would seem so at first. While expression _is_ chaotic, the coordinate bears the burden of the curse. Remember that the coordinate _attracts_ this energy, and the essence of expression, without the bond, is _death.”_

“So what, death follows them around all their life?” Penny asked, sardonically.

“Precisely, but it doesn’t affect them, instead it takes those closest to them,” Moody said, looking morbidly excited by the prospect of such a horrific existence. 

Penny was horrified and speechless, and suddenly very self aware. She looked down at her hands and felt grossly conscious once again of the movement of energy through her veins, recalling distantly how what came from them moved through the percolator and sucked the life from the tortured animals. This same power, the power over life, the power of death those evil men milled from her to do what exactly? The prospect was too horrific for her to come to terms with. And Snape, for whatever reason was damned to bear this burden of hers? Had he already lost someone he loved? Were he and Penny at war? She certainly did not feel united with him. 

“Hang on, can we backtrack just a little? Now that I understand the relationship a bit, why am I learning wand work if you just stated the two _can_ be at war?” said Penny, snapping herself out of her stupor because she needed to utilize what little time left she had with Moody.

“Hmm?” growled Moody, who had apparently been ignoring her. “The dyad is at war, not the expression. Expression is useless against coordinates. If it is used it can be syphoned and turned against them. It’s why Grindelwald fought Dumbledore with a wand,” Moody said, waving off the question as though it were obvious. 

He stood up to signal the end of the conversation, but Penny’s head snapped in his direction, the reality of what he said hitting her like a tidal wave.

“Do you mean to say, Dumbledore was Grindelwald's coordinate?” Penny said in barely more than a whisper. 

Moody studied her for a moment and then finally said, “I imagine it’s something that doesn’t come up in casual conversation, but I do wonder why that werewolf pal of yours hadn’t mentioned it. Remus Lupin is the only person Dumbledore allowed to record the details of his experience after finally facing Grindelwald.” 

If Penny did not know any better, she’d have guessed her mouth was hanging open. The shock that was spreading from her fingers to her spine rendered her completely unable to comprehend exactly what she was hearing. Moody looked her over, seemingly satisfied she was finally taking him seriously. While Penny saw Moody moving his mouth, she was not actually listening. Her brain was moving a million miles a second, overwhelming her with questions and thoughts.

“--you’re too young yet. But we’ll all be curious to see who it is,” said Mad-Eye, startling her from her thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be real entertaining,” said Penny, not bothering to mask her irritation.

The way Moody was observing her like some exciting science experiment reminded her of the Department of Mysteries and the way Yaxley had looked at her. Yet, she was forced to be grateful to Moody. He’d been honest with her when even Lupin hadn't been. Lupin, who Penny trusted more than anyone had withheld such information from her. But why? Penny found she did not care why, the pain in her chest overwhelmed her logic and made it impossible for her to be reasonable. And Dumbledore, what had he thought when Penny had sat across from him and confessed it was Snape? She remembered the conversation being peculiar, but she never imagined. . . Was it to protect Snape? And Snape, did he even know? 

Penny and Moody stared at each other for several minutes before he sent her on her way, tasking her to take her wand practice more seriously. Penny nodded and wandered back to the Gryffindor common room lost in the turmoil of her thoughts. She did not know what she was supposed to do with this information, part of her wanted to run the length of the castle to the stone gargoyle and demand answers from Dumbledore. But the other half was disgusted with herself and irrationally angry at the thought Lupin may have believed he was protecting her. The decision to withhold the truth left a chasm between her and Lupin, making Penny feel very alone under the weight of the new information. After all, she could hardly ask Snape about it. How was she supposed to deal with this? The burden was too great and Penny did not want it anymore. 

She needed to talk to someone, she needed a parent. But her parents were dead, they couldn’t help her. Gone because of a flick of Voldemort’s wand--but then it dawned on her. She had the closest thing to her parents hiding in Hogsmeade as a dog, Sirius! He was her godfather, and Penny convinced herself he would know what to do, he had to. If she could just make it through her week of classes, she could sneak to his cave and talk to him. He would know what James would have thought better than anyone. 

******

Getting to Saturday was easier said than done. Penny found herself unable to think of anything else other than what Moody had told her. It consumed her all of her waking thoughts. Harry was worried about her and asked her about it, but Penny dodged the question. She just didn’t know what to say or how to explain it, not before seeing Sirius. She told him she was worried about his next task, which wasn’t a straight lie, it just wasn't the whole truth. Harry accepted the explanation and receded into the guilt of his procrastination, which satisfied Penny because it meant he might finally take the time crunch seriously. 

By the time Friday potions came around, Penny was a nervous wreck, unable to sit still and obsessively checked the clock feeling like life was moving absurdly slow. She still hadn’t forgiven Malfoy and was seated beside Neville for potions, tapping her finger in agitation, paying very little attention to the boy. 

Snape was testing them on their knowledge of antidotes which was a breeze for Penny, the rest of her class, not so much. Even Hermione looked strained as she questioned herself again and again over her antidote, which was a shade too dark. Penny surmised she’d added the beetroot before stirring three times counterclockwise, which was a common mistake. 

Her own potion was a crystal blue that reflected the candle light of the room quite prettily. But she did not admire it, being too overwhelmed with the horrible thought that someone close to Snape may have died sometime in his life, with it being her fault. She kept looking at the man and glancing away nervously when his dark eyes looked back at her. He’d said nothing to her all class by completely avoiding her table, to Neville’s delight. But with ten minutes to go, her luck ran out.

“Ms. Potter, is there a reason you are twitching like a heroin addict?” his smooth voice said, as he appeared in front of her, startling Penny so much, she jumped in her seat. 

“I’m not twitching,” Penny quickly murmured to her cauldron. 

His long slim hand came down angrily on her right hand, stopping her finger’s violent tapping she hadn’t noticed. Snape’s eyes bulged a little and his eyebrow raised in challenge.

“I hadn’t noticed,” said Penny, focusing on his hand which was sending small vibrations through her own. 

She wanted to understand it, to know what was transpiring between them, but the connection also agitated her. She was bad for Snape and could only bring misery, so she slid her hand away from him and began biting her lip instead. 

‘What did you take?” he hissed under his breath.

In her confusion, she finally looked up into his face and was shocked to find worry lines crossing his sallow features. 

“N-nothing, sir,” Penny said, honestly.

The bell rang so Snape addressed the class, his eyes not leaving Penny's face. “Leave a vial with your name on it on my desk and you may go,” he said coldly.

When Penny made to leave he added, “Except you."

His hands held the edge of her table, his knuckles unusually red against the pale backdrop of his smooth skin. Penny tried her best not to fidget under his gaze as her peers filed out, but found the effort exhausting, so she resulted to tapping her foot but stopped abruptly when the door closed with a _thud._

She was trapped, trapped in his snare. Surely he would see right through her and she’d have to finally ask him, to speak of this wretched curse.

“Sir?” Penny finally asked, when he did not break the silence.

“Your head of house made mention you have not been yourself. She says you are subdued, withdrawn and seems to think _trauma_ is taking its toll on you,” Snape said, trying not to sneer, and failing miserably. 

“Sure, trauma. It couldn’t possibly be the devolution of our--whatever we have, the horrible things you said about Cedric, or the way you’ve been ignoring me this last month. But sure, call it trauma if it makes you feel better. ” Penny replied, exasperated.

Even in her turmoil, she still had a bone to pick with Snape and his abandonment. She couldn’t blame him for the other stuff because she wasn’t certain he was even aware, like Lupin had been. But he _was_ keeping something from her and felt being mean to her was the only way to deal with it, never-mind the toll on her.

“Of course you think yourself the victim, there is never the consideration in your perspective that sometimes your actions are the harmful ones,” spat Snape. 

“I’m 14! You’re like 40! It’s expected I’ll be an idiot, but a well meaning mentor would, you know, help me learn, instead of torturing me every chance he got!” fumed Penny.

“35,” hissed Snape through pursed lips.

“What?”

“I’m 35, not 40,” he said, his lips barely moving. 

“You say that like there’s a difference,” Penny said, condescendingly. 

“There is!”

Penny’s eyebrow arched in angry amusement and she crossed her arms.

“You have clearly missed the point. Was it because you need me to stroke your ego first? Don’t worry Professor, you might act like a miserable old man, but you still radiate the arrogance of a 17 year-old git, and that skin, you’ll have to give me your skin routine, it’s deeee-vine.” Penny said, sardonically. 

Snape’s hands had left the desk and he took a step back from her, his whole frame shaking in anger.

“How cute, deflecting any personal responsibility in your own misery to avoid accepting what a nuisance you are to others, next time try taking the hint sooner and save yourself the effort,” Snape said in a biting tone.

His words cut through Penny as though she were butter. Fighting with Snape was a welcome distraction, but she’d allowed her anger to get the best of her, anger that was caused by Dumbledore and Lupin, not Snape. But Snape had repaid her in kind, his words, they prodded at the horrible thought that she was a harm to his life, the prospect she would be damned to be drawn to him for the rest of her life while all he wanted was to be as far from her as possible. Her expression _was_ a nuisance and perhaps he already knew it, even if he didn’t say.

Her breath caught on her chest and before Penny knew what she was doing she’d turned on her heel and was racing toward the door. She was fleeing more than Snape, she was fleeing herself, her own damned existence. But his hard grasped caught a hold of her wrist and yanked her back, twisting her around to face him.

His dark eyes were narrowed, serious and probing, his fury no longer present.

“What would have placed that thought in your head?” 

Penny stared at him, confused, and then realized he must have shared in her thoughts, though which, she knew not.

“If you answer me one question, I’ll tell you. Have you ever lost someone you love?” Penny asked, terrified but desperate.

Snape’s narrowed expression suddenly widened, and for a moment he looked consumed by grief and shock at the same time. His eyes glazed over, he was no longer looking at Penny, but seeing someone else, as she’d always, in the back of her mind known, but never acknowledged.

There was no other good reason why, when his eyes locked on hers. . .he returned to a moment he could never get back because she was dead. . .everyone had always told Penny and she’d been so stupid.

_You are the spitting image of your mother, **Lily.** _

Severus Snape had loved Lily Potter and Lily Potter was dead, dead because expression was a horrible evil. Snape was cursed to be destined to the daughter of the one he’d loved, which ultimately resulted in her demise. How twisted was fate to devise that Penny would be the reason her mother was dead.

It was a truth Penny wanted to escape, like Snape was in the depths of her eyes that were so like Lily’s, and when his grasp slackened, Penny did just that. 

She turned and ran without looking back, ran from the one she needed most. 


	34. Sometimes Love Makes Us Do Stupid Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii friends <33
> 
> Hope everyone had a good week! This chapter is a bit longgg, there was too much stuff to fit into different chapters so I threw it here. I've been listening to Avril Lavigne "Warriors" which probably inspired the more emotional portions of this. But after last week, Penny needed to confront some feelings and who better to do that with than SIRIUS.
> 
> enjooy !

Penny managed to escape the Gryffindor common room before Harry could find her, but made sure to ask Ginny to let him know she had plans with someone else today in Hogsmeade, so he would not worry. Ginny looked as though she wanted to ask Penny questions on the subject, but Penny was through the portrait hole before she could form the thoughts. 

There were not many students in the Great Hall when Penny arrived because most normal people liked to sleep in on weekends, with exception for a small cluster of early risers. Penny had purposefully signed up for the early trip to Hogsmeade in order to avoid unwanted questions about her obviously distraught state.

She yawned, having been unable to sleep the night before. She tried her best not to think of the events that transpired on Friday, or acknowledge the horrible hole in her chest. Instead, she focused on filling her bag with the food she thought Sirius would like. Anything to keep moving, moving forward--it was all she could do, if she stopped, she was afraid she might be swallowed whole.

So that’s what she did, one foot in front of the other through the cold morning chill. Her only thoughts were of Sirius, he would know what to do, he had to. Penny was convinced of it, of Sirius’s ability to make this bad dream go away. She fixated on that certainty until she was standing before the cave he was staying in, her heart racing, unable to step forward or call out to her godfather. 

She’d reached an impasse, her feet simply refused to move any farther, afraid the relief she fantasized Sirius would offer might not actually exist, and instead she’d be forced to face the horrible pain ripping her heart apart. Sirius had been best friends with James, he’d loved Penny’s mom and dad, what if the truth. . .what if he hated Penny for it? And if he told Harry? If she lost them both, what would she have left? No, coming to Sirius was a stupid idea, she needed to leave before it was too late.

She turned and made it only a couple of crunching footsteps when his bark-like voice called after her, “Penny!” his hand clasped her shoulder and turned her around to face him, his face full of the warm amusement it always had. For someone who had suffered for so much of his life, he was unusually able to be happy.

Her heart sank even further, the man had endured so much, how could Penny ask him to share her burden? How could she be so selfish, Harry would never be. Why couldn’t she be more like her brave twin, how come he got all the courage? 

“I shouldn’t have come, Sirius,” Penny choked out, trying to pry herself away from him.

His forehead wrinkled and his amusement quickly became, concern. 

“What happened, Penny?”

“Nothing. It was stupid of me to come, just let me leave, I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

“Like hell, you’re going to come with me and explain what is going on,” said Sirius, dragging her across the snow and through his cave before forcing her into a chair.

“Hey you lunatic! You didn’t have to drag me.” Penny fumed.

“You think I haven’t seen _that_ look thousands of times on James’ face? You might look like your mom, but you are so much like James it frightens me sometimes.”

“Shut up Sirius, you don't know anything, I'm nothing like them,” Penny said, looking decidedly away from her shaggy-haired godfather, she was afraid the feelings of her chest would burst out of her, that they would betray her fears. Something about seeing Sirius's face made it so much harder for her to keep her normal composure. She couldn't lie to him, no, she didn't want to lie to him. 

The sound of a chair scratching against the cave floor met Penny's ears. Sirius made himself comfortable beside her, his elbows resting on his knees as he bent forward to brush her cheek gently. 

“I know you can't get rid of me that easy. You weren't trying very hard, were you?” he said in a stern voice that did not match his physical gesture. 

“You’re so annoying, y’know that?” Penny muttered.

“Paternal, some might say,” he said, his grin evident in his tone.

“Is lying also a paternal trait?” Penny asked, finally turning to the gaunt face beside her.

Sirius looked confused, his thick brows furrowing. 

“I don’t und--”

“Did you know, did you all know? Lupin told you, didn’t he? There is nothing you two keep from each other. Why would you keep it from me? Was it just a big joke to you because it's Snape?” Penny blurted out, anger rising in her chest.

“You’re going to need to give me some more details to work with if you want me to know what you’re talking about.”

“He knew about Dumbledore and Grindelwald and he didn’t mention it, after _everything_ , after listening to me tell him, _it’s Snape_!” said Penny, angrily, her voice as cold as the brisk wind outside the cave.

Sirius leaned away from Penny as though her words had lashed out at him, shifting uncomfortably, his features darkening.

“You have to understand, you were missing for two months, none of us knew what happened to you. He was so worried about you, Penny, and when you came back from the Ministry, I’ve never seen him so upset. He couldn’t bring himself to make life any harder for you. He loves you, you know that. Sometimes love makes us do stupid things, but I don't regret agreeing with him,” said Sirius, his voice breaking, uncharacteristically. 

“Love! That’s not love, that's selfishness! I trusted him, _both of you_. Why couldn’t you have just believed I was capable!"

“Because you shouldn’t have to be capable! For merlin’s sake Penny, you’re 14!” Sirius yelled, slamming his fist down on the table. 

“I stopped being 14 when they tied me to a chair and milled me for magical ability. You didn’t give me a choice, just like them, you took it from me. But you can’t protect me from myself, Sirius. Was it because you were scared to accept what I am? Of the fact that what runs through my veins is death?” Penny said, meeting his yell with a scathing hiss.

“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say, Penny,” Sirius said, his face stony, voice laced with disgust. “We were worried what that greasy git would do to you when he found out. There’s more to it Penny--”

“More I couldn't possibly understand? About the dyad, in unity and war? Or the fact I'm essentially helpless against Snape?" Penny spat, the startled look on his face giving her immense satisfaction. "Yeah, Moody told me,” Penny went on with a short laugh.

“Moody? why would he--well never mind. We were afraid knowing the details might compel you to confront Snape, and Dumbledore said he was certain you would not bring it up with him after you found out. It seemed--we’d hoped leaving off the details until you were older, less impressionable. . .” Sirius said, trying to adopt a diplomatic tone.

“Are you really _that_ prejudiced? You thought you needed to protect _me_ from _him?”_ said Penny, incredulously. 

It was worse than she’d imagined. They’d all decided without her, were herding her in the direction they’d wanted her to go in. And it was all because they were afraid of Snape’s intentions? The man who’d been there for her the last four years, who'd found her in that forest and helped her out of the Ministry. And still, their preconceived opinions of him mattered more to them. But Snape didn’t know; this whole time he’d been unaware of what was going on between them, unaware that the misery in his life-- 

“Don't be a fool Penny, Snape has always been knee deep in the dark arts. Always looking for more power. If he knew what he had in front of him, of course he’d take advantage of your weird fascination with him,” Sirius growled, heat rising into his face. 

“You ignorant piece of-- I don’t care what you think, you know nothing about Severus Snape. He isn’t the problem, I am! He’s cursed, Sirius, cursed because I exist,” said Penny, her voice constricting horribly. “Death follows him, because of _me_.”

“That’s just superstition Penny. . .”   
  
Sirius looked as though he were suddenly deflating, watching her with a kind of sad regret, like he'd never imagined her coming to this conclusion on her own.

“Is it? Because I looked for myself! Dumbledore's mother and sister both died prematurely! His brother Aberforth was known to have run out, to get away from Albus!” Penny breathed, watching Sirius’s features shift, trying to hold onto the control he was quickly losing. 

“Penny, listen to yourself, you aren’t being reasonable, this is superstition that came about from ignorance. Sometimes people die. That doesn’t mean you're some bad omen.”

“But what if I am. . .I saw it Sirius--I saw that those Ministry officials could do with the power in my veins. Maybe the Dumbledores is a coincidence, but I need to know to be sure--Who’d Snape spend a lot of time with at school. You were in the same year, who did you see him with?” said Penny, leaning forward and grabbing a fist full of Sirius’ sweater, her hand shaking, her voice desperate.

Sirius was unnerved looking down at her, as though he were afraid for her sanity. He reached for her hand, grasping it firmly in reassurance.

“Penny, where is this going?” he said.

“Answer the damn question!” she screamed.

‘I don’t know, I never paid that much attention, but I suppose I saw him from time to time with Lily. James mentioned they lived near each other as children.”

Penny’s heart slowed to a standstill, but somehow she managed to force her mouth open again.

“He and Lily grew up together. . .and--and who did Snape hate more than _anyone;_ why does the man who likes no students, favor me, who looks so much like Lily?" Penny pressed, her chest moving laboriously. She couldn't say the damned words, but the intensity of her emotions willed Sirius to think, to realize. 

“Hang on, Penny. . .Penny! You can’t possibly be suggesting?” Sirius said, his voice finally furious. 

Was this the moment? Penny thought, watching his features contort with anger and fury. Would he confirm she was the reason for all their misery?

Sirius got to his feet and pulled Penny from her seat, yanking her into his arms, crushing her with a hug that felt as though he were afraid to let her go, that at any moment she might disappear. 

“What if there’s a chance, what if I’m the reason she’s dead?” She'd finally released it and with it came the flood of hot tears, dampening Sirius’ sweater without her consent. 

She couldn’t hold them in any longer, they were too heavy to carry, and for some reason Sirius made her feel like it was okay to leave them with him. She’d been so angry and she wanted to rail at him, but the moment their bodies collided, she felt like every muscle inside her gave a collective sigh of relief and let go of all her tension. All Penny could do was cling to the man and cry, releasing every horrible thought she’d been bottling up for months. 

“You listen to me Penny, Moody is wrong, he got his facts wrong, Lupin can tell you in due time. But for now you need to believe there is not a dark bone in your body. Wherever you go, only light follows and so much life, even that greasy git couldn’t help but love you. You were created from such a beautiful love; there is nothing that can ever convince me that what you say is true, because when I look at you, when I hold you like this, it makes me feel like I’ll never know pain again,” he said, his voice rumbling through his chest. 

“I just want things to go back to how they were, when I understood what I was,” she admitted through her gritted teeth, trying to force the waves of emotion back down her throat. 

“You’re too impatient Penny, you can’t just flip through yourself like a book, searching for the information you desire, expecting the pages to always be the same. If they change sometimes, let them,” Sirius said, pulling away and looking down at her as though she missed the most obvious answer.

But the look wasn't one of pity, rather, it was one of someone who understood her frustration, of someone who'd wondered, and struggled in many of the same ways.

“When your dad asked me to be your godfather, I never believed there would I would ever come to fulfill that obligation. I was so young, they were too, but everything changed, and in Azkaban I thought about how it was true, because I'd failed. But I got another chance thanks to you both. But what I want you to understand is, I let that reality dictate my actions because I didn't want to let go. But when I did let go, look what I found, pages full of more happiness than I deserve," Sirius said with a hard look, a look that demanded she believe him. So unlike the softness of his friend, Lupin.

How different their approaches were, and yet, Penny felt the same relief in her chest Lupin's warm smiles and hugs always brought. Penny had always been wary of Sirius, deterred by his rough exterior and point edges, but she realized how foolish she had been.

Penny couldn’t find any words in her swollen chest. Instead, she merely gazed up at the man, thinking how handsome and vibrant those sunken features were, how even Azkaban was unable to steal that from him.

Sirius accepted her silence and led her to his pile of blankets on the floor. He wrapped her in one and then sat down beside her, draping his arm over her shoulder so she could rest her head on his chest. He busied himself with detangling her hair with his fingers while she listened to the methodic beating of his busy heart.

It worked so hard inside of him, full of life, of love. The sound of it reminded Penny of strength, of a strength she wanted, of the determination to not give up. She imagined all the places Sirius’ heart had been, and what it had endured, how this heart showed up, even when it meant putting him in danger to protect Harry.

Eventually, the sound lulled her into a dreamless sleep. One Sirius did not disturb her from, instead allowing her to find comfort on him for several hours. When he woke her up, she was bleary eyed and groggy, the sky outside growing dimmer.

After a few parting words, he escorted her back to the path that led to Hogwarts, Penny making it just in time to join the final group on the walk home. Some people stared curiously at her, which Penny assumed must mean her face betrayed her afternoon of crying. She found she didn’t care. Her chest was lighter, full of the warmth Sirius left there. It made her sorry Sirius was an outlaw, that her and Harry could not leave their aunt and uncles to live with him. How she yearned for the day the two of them could sit on a couch, napping with her head in his lap. 

Whether that reality came to pass or not, Penny knew she was lucky to have Sirius in her life. The confidence in his eyes when he told her he knew who she was brought true comfort. Whatever expression was and meant for her future, whatever else there was to learn about her relationship with Snape, Penny felt more hopeful. After-all, she’d always lived with expression, the only thing that had changed was everyone else knowing. 

*****

After finally following the advice of Cedric, Harry discovered his second task would take him into the Black Lake to retrieve something of his, that supposedly had been stolen. It was a relief to finally know what they were up against, but the four of them now faced the daunting task of finding a way to let Harry breathe underwater for the better part of an hour. 

Penny could not help but think what a horrible disadvantage Harry was at being a 4th year. 7th year transfiguration got into the principles of self-transfiguration, a skill well beyond Harry and too dangerous to try. This left them spending all of their free time scouring every book they could get their hands on for any reference to underwater survival. Unfortunately, they were having no success, and the task was the following day. 

For a hot second Penny thought Harry jumping in the water and not completing the task was an ingenious way to keep her twin safe, but was forced to concede to Harry’s angry point that such a thing done in front of the entire school was too humiliating and could result in more problems for the third task. Hermione and Ron looked like Zombies along with Penny. All of them were feeling the stress of what tomorrow would bring, leading Penny to get too restless to sit in the library any longer.

She told them she had a hunch and bade them farewell, making her way to the dungeons. Penny felt they had been too narrow in their search and figured it was worth a shot to consider potions as a possible solution. Professor Snape had a store cupboard full of ingredients, surely there was something they could use. Whether he’d let her have it was another story. 

Their awkward interactions had continued, Snape avoided making eye contact with Penny at all costs, and the both of them refused to speak of their latest debacle. Penny didn’t have the energy to deal with the man, nor the heart to make him look so sad again. Harry consumed her every waking thought, he needed her to find a solution for him.

Throwing open his office door, Penny ran straight into the potions master, who’d apparently been on his way out.

His lips formed into the usual sneer as he looked down to scold whoever had so rudely intruded on him. When his eyes registered her though, it became apparent to Penny she was not the person he expected to see. She took this as her opening.

“Professor, glad I caught you, do you keep a list for your store cupboard?” said Penny, not bothering with formalities. 

“If I do, it does not matter, I am on my way out,” he said, coldly.

“No problems there, I can find my way around,” Penny said sweetly, making her way around Snape and into the the store cupboard before he could respond

However, it did not take him much time to storm after her.

“Ms. Potter, you cannot barge into my private stores.”

“Why, you hiding something dirty in here?” Penny said, somewhat distracted as her eyes fell on the list.

“I am a full grown man, I hardly feel compelled to hide anything,” he said icily. 

At this, Penny snorted with laughter and looked up at her professor.

“Oh, you actually meant that,” said Penny, her eyes scanning over the incredulous look on his face. 

List in hand, she sat herself on the floor, her knees pulled into her chest and her back pressed against the small amount of wall that existed between shelves.

“You arrogant girl! I said I was leaving, not, make yourself comfortable!”

“Is there a reason you are so needy today? I told you, you could go. I’m hardly going to steal anything,” said Penny, ignoring the angry man and reading through the list. Snape was truly a perfect specimen, his list categorized so beautifully and within the categories, alphabetical order. His pretty handwriting made the entire thing even more drool worthy.

“Potter! My private stores are not here for your personal amusement. You would do well to remember your place as a student, before I take it upon myself to remind you,” Snape said in a low voice, a dangerously low voice.

“Listen, can you just quiet down. It’s impossible to think with you badgering on like this. Stop getting your knickers in a twist and just let me read through the list. It won't kill you to try and not be difficult for one moment in your life” Penny snapped, her frustration getting the better of her. 

At first Penny assumed he’d listened to her, and marveled at the silence reverberating off the walls, but then the chill whipped her across the face. The feelings she normally felt radiating from him had became significantly different, unlike anything she’d felt before. They startled her into realizing what she’d done. . .She looked up tentatively at the rigid form of Snape, his face contorted in rage. The sight of it sent Penny scrambling away on her hands and knees to the opposite side of the room, throwing her hands before her, dramatically.

“I didn’t mean it, I wasn’t thinking, just don’t kill me,” she said, her voice laced with accusation, even though he hadn’t moved so much as an inch.

“Get up,” he said softly.

It was the most terrifying sound Penny had ever heard. But even though she knew she should heed it, she could not give up, Harry needed her.

“Please professor, I just need to look through the list, if I don’t Harry will--”

The utterance of Harry’s name was the last straw, and he strode the distance between them and screamed “GET UP”, hovering over her like a deranged man. 

This time she made haste, her back pressed firmly against the cool cement, desperate for as much distance between them as possible. It didn’t help, he reached out and grabbed her by the neck of her robes as though it were the scruff of a neck. And then he pulled her along with him, the only noise, his brisk steps and Penny’s grunts, as she was slowly strangled by his hold. 

“Where are we going, Professor?” Penny finally asked.

“The headmasters office,” he said, curtly as they rounded the corner to the stone gargoyle.

“You can’t be that mad, don’t you think you’re being a little unreasonable? Okay, I was rude, but I’m sorry!” Penny exclaimed as Snape pushed her toward the stairs and released her robes.

Penny stood defiantly, trying to find an opening between Snape and the doorway, but he pointed his finger threateningly towards the office door and Penny thought better of it. She marched to her doom, Snape hot on her tail.

However, when the door swung open, a most peculiar sight met Penny. Dumbledore was standing beside a chintz sofa that had three people who appeared to be asleep on it. Two of which were Ron and Hermione.

“Ah, Penny, glad you could join us. Unfortunately you took longer than the others, whom I’ve already explained the details to,” Dumbledore said pleasantly, offering her a seat beside the bizarrely unconscious people.

Penny made no move to accept his offer. Snape finally opted to push her out of the way so he could walk through the doorway.

“And what exactly are you intending to do with us?" said Penny, stomping on Snape’s foot as he slid past her and pretending it was an accident.

He shot her a furious glance, but she avoided his gaze so he could not be certain she’d done it on purpose. 

“Tomorrow the champions will be rescuing something very dear to them, as determined by magical selection. They will retrieve you from the Great Lake, after facing the obstacles in their way. No need to look so worried, I assure you my magical capabilities are considerable.” smiled Dumbledore, his blue eyes observing Penny with an amused look that flicked to Snape standing just to the side of her, his arms crossed in boredom.

“No chance I can take a hard pass on that one? I’m a bit busy at the moment. And well, as amazing as Harry is, I’d prefer not to entrust my likelihood of drowning to him. You see, I'm not a big fan of water.” Penny said, awkwardly, making the mistake of looking at Snape’s gloating face.

"Afraid of water? How curious." he smirked, his eyebrow raised.

Penny scowled, the last thing she needed was that man knowing that bit of information.

But the fact of the matter was that there was no way Harry was rescuing anything tomorrow, he still hadn’t figured out how to breath underwater, and now the three of them were to be taken out of the equation. The boy was doomed.

Dumbledore chuckled softly, startling Penny.

“There will be no drowning tomorrow, and I’ve no doubt the champion rescuing you will take great care." Dumbledore said, his blue eyes twinkling mischievously, like he knew something she didn't. Something that wiped the smirk from Snape's face and replaced it with disgust. "But sadly, I cannot give you a pass, the magic that selected you is binding, you are what this champion seeks,” Dumbledore finished, not looking or sounding apologetic at all.

Penny stared at the man, realizing there was no escape, just like water offered no escape from the silence. she turned instinctively to the dark eyes, the vast knowledge she wanted to escape into to. Anxiety was rising in her chest. When Penny told them she wasn’t a fan of water, that was the biggest understatement of the century. She was terrified of water. Penny didn’t know why, but the empty loneliness of it disturbed her. It was an all encompassing pit of darkness that drowned a person in lonely silence, removing any sense of direction. No matter how hard someone struggled they could not move forward beneath the surface.

Lost in her thoughts and dread, Penny realized Snape's face had changed, the lines becoming prominent on his face. Meanwhile, Dumbledore was whistling idly, pretending not to notice the two of them. Penny finally looked away, embarrassed of what she might have shared without knowing it. But Snape bridged the distance and stood in front of her before she could make her way to Dumbledore. He held up his right hand, offering her a small vial of something, what it was, Penny did not spend much time guessing. What caught her attention was the way his left hand had taken a gentle hold of her own. At his touch, Penny’s racing heart eased, the soothing vibrations working their way through her muscles.

His eyes held her's purposefully for a moment, confusing Penny. And then she felt the familiar knock of his presence, and her mind opened to him like he was an old friend. She felt him in her mind, treading delicately through her fears, collecting them all up and replacing them with the assurance that nothing would happen to her.

Understanding what he wanted her to do, Penny accepted the vial, pulled the cork off with her teeth, and downed the liquid, clinging tightly to his fingers. Even though her anxiety had abated, he remained in her mind, waiting, his dark eyes unwavering. And then there was nothing but blackness. 

****

Cold hard air burst into Penny’s lungs. She spluttered as the cold water shocked her into consciousness. Confused, and disorientated, Penny felt someone clinging to her waist, pulling her through the water with him. In her confusion, Penny swallowed a lot of water, causing her to cough profusely. Thankfully, a moment later, they were pulled onto stable ground, the wind whipping against Penny's frozen frame. She still coughed out water, but less. She blinked as a warm blanket was wrapped around her.

"Penny, are you alright?"

She turned to look into the pretty eyes of Cedric, who was also wrapped in a blanket. Penny was confused, so confused. 

"Where is Harry?" was all she could say.

“He’s still down there, he was trying to save the others,” Cedric replied, pulling her near him so he could wrap her in his blanket as well.

Penny's whole body was shaking violently from the cold, her teeth chattering so loudly she could barely think. But Harry was in the lake, he'd made it, he'd figured it out somehow. The thought sent relief through her, but then she was confused all over again. 

“I don’t understand, why were you the one to save me--why not Cho?” Penny said, staring at the handsome boy.

Even drenched, he somehow looked like a super model ready for a photoshoot.

“Cho? It's never been Cho. Penny, it’s only ever been you,” Cedric said, fixing her with a sad smile.

And then the noise hit her and Penny looked up and realized they were surrounded by bleachers, and their forms were blown up on a screen. Everyone was watching them, cheering, and chanting for Cedric, some even awing. Several other people were making their way quickly toward them, among them Madam Pomfrey.

Penny could do nothing but stare at the boy, still too disorientated to comprehend what was going on around her. Cedric gave her hand a soft squeeze beneath the blanket, hidden from the view of their spectators.

Before she knew it, they were being examined, Madam Pomfrey unhappy with the sound of Penny's lungs and afraid she would get pneumonia because of the water she swallowed. But Penny did not notice nor care, all she could do was look at Cedric, who was laughing with the judges, glancing at her periodically.

For the first time in her life, Penny was glad she’d been wrong about something. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TAKE THAT CHO. I feel satisfied now lol.


	35. Just A Little More Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi fam <33 I had so many assignments to finish this week so it was truly lovely to write this chapter! In a couple of weeks I'll be on break and get to write a lot more, might even finish GoF!! But we will see, there will probably be a lot of fluff chapters of Hogwarts life before the third task, mostly because the return of Voldemort brings a lot of dark stuff. So expect some slice of life stuff here for a bit! 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts with me, I always love hearing them! And appreciate your support in this slow fic. As a reminder, especially for this chapter, this is a Snape fic, but Snape goes through a lot of crap until book 7, so I like to stay true to that. Penny and Snape are kinda in a place where things are changing, and neither of them really knows how to deal with it. But that's all I'll say on that!
> 
> Alright, enjoooy <33

“But why would Cedric come for you?” demanded Harry, looking irritated.

They were sitting in the Hospital Wing because Madam Pomfrey was overbearing as usual and insisted Penny come after the task was finished. However, she’d rushed out to attend to a crisis in the Beauxbatons' carriage, allowing Harry Ron and Hermione to find her and interrogate her.

“If you're asking why it wasn’t Cho down there, you really are blind, Harry. Cedric hasn’t seen Cho for weeks now,” Hermione responded in an exasperated tone.

“How do you know everything?” said Ron, giving Hermione a suspicious look, as though she were not to be trusted.

“Really, do neither of you speak to anyone else in this castle?” Hermione replied, testily.

Penny had to look away, she was with Ron and wondered how Hermione knew these things. Granted, everytime Penny had seen Cedric since her outburst he had been alone, but she hadn’t put the piece together herself. She truly was Harry’s sister sometimes, obliviousness was apparently genetic. 

“But you don’t like him?” said Harry, turning to Penny with his wide green eyes.

Penny shifted uncomfortably beneath his gaze, the truth felt like a betrayal of her twin on many levels.

“Of course she does, and don’t you go guilting her about it! Her and Cedric have liked each other for a long time, even if it has been complicated,” Hermione snapped.

Penny was very thankful for Hermione at this moment. It was nice having a girl around, sometimes boys were impossible, especially Harry and Ron.

“But Cedric is so. . .pretty,” Ron said in disgust.

Hermione rounded on him, but Penny wasn’t paying attention, she was focused on Harry, his disappointed look making her sad.

“I understand why you’re upset, I confronted him about Cho. But I can’t lie to you, you know I can’t. I was happy today, happy like I haven’t been since before--” Penny said quietly to Harry.

He pushed his glasses back up his nose and sighed.

“I just hope you’re right about him.”

Penny ruffled his hair and leaned in to kiss that famous scar of his, but pulled away quickly when she felt Harry stiffen beneath her. When she gave Harry an inquiring look she found his eyes fixed angrily on something else. She turned and found the potions master looking down at Harry with the utmost loathing.

“Why’re you here?” Harry said.

Penny groaned internally seeing where the exchange was bound to end up.

“10 points from Gryffindor, Potter, for that tone. Need I remind you that I am not required to explain myself to you, champion or not,” Snape sneered.

Harry’s outrage burst from him before Penny could stop him. “You can’t take points for--”

“I assure you, I can. Another five from Gryffindor for your lack of respect. Now take your friends and get out of my sight before I decide to take more,” said Snape, his dark eyes flashing with cruel excitement.

Harry took Penny’s hand and made to take her with him, but Snape’s soft voice stopped him.

“Leave her,” he said in a deliberately slow voice, his eyes gliding lazily to Penny’s face.

Harry looked mutinous and ready to sacrifice more points to protest, but Ron nudged him in the side muttering “C’mon mate, it’s not worth it,” 

Snape’s cold eyes followed the back of Harry’s head until it vanished, his lips curled. And then he turned back to Penny, his air of irritation abating only slightly.

“I hardly think that was necessary,” said Penny, scornfully.

“You are as overindulged as her, so wouldn’t expect you to grasp the finer points of the lesson,” Snape replied, cooly.

Penny eyed him for a long moment, noting how his cloak was thicker than normal, and how his long thin hands were unusually pink, burned by the cold outside. 

“Y’know my aunt always told me when boys are mean it means they like you,” she said, grinning dubiously at the thought of a world in which Snape confessed his undying love for Harry.

“That explains your poor choice in men,” he said, moving to her bedside and pulling up a chair.

“Aww, you should have more self-confidence than that, professor!” Penny smirked. 

“Not all of us suffer from a bloated ego like you, Ms. Potter,” Snape replied, looking as though there were something particularly foul beneath his nose.

“Penny,” she corrected him. 

Snape rolled his eyes and reclined slightly in his chair.

“My point exactly, you think you should be an exception. Propriety establishes these conventions, Potter. I am your Professor, and out of respect--”

“Lupin always called me Penny,” Penny interjected. 

“It does not surprise me a half-breed gave little thought to appropriate social interactions,” Snape sneered. 

“Appropriate social interactions?” Penny said, dangerously. 

She tossed her legs over the side of the bed so her knees were pressed against Snape’s, her fiery hair flinging wildly over her shoulder. “Do tell me what you’d know about those? Need I recount for you all of our recent encounters? In your professional opinion, is it ‘appropriate’ for a professor to point their wand at a student?” Penny said, scathingly.

“Ah yes, deflect your personal defects on me, how expected. You have only ever liked learning that which comes easy to you. You’ve never challenged yourself, confronted those lessons which are painful to learn. Instead you bury your head in the sand and convince yourself it’s my fault,” Snape said venomously, his face so close to hers, his spit sprayed her with his every word. 

“You sound like some chauvinist who believes I should be some docile girl who apologizes for being who I am. But I’m not fooled, it’s a facade. I see the truth,” Penny countered, her jaw set.

“What truth would that be?” Snape drawled, looking thoroughly unimpressed. 

“You have so much self-loathing locked up inside of you and you keep it as though you are paying some sort of penance. I think my ability to accept myself makes it difficult for you to maintain your conviction for suffering,” Penny said, her voice growing softer and brows furrowing as she felt understanding spiral through every part of her. 

She was unable to stay irritated, it was as though she were seeing Snape clearly for the first time, like all his efforts to hide from her did not make a difference.

Snape jerked his face away from Penny, staring down at her like she had electrocuted him. What little color his face normally had was gone, his features twisting in the effort to hide his agony. Penny’s heart beat loudly in her ear, the blood rushing to her right hand, forcing it forward, causing it to reach without her realizing. It gripped his left forearm where she knew the dark mark was, holding tightly. 

Even though it was evident he was still wrestling to get his emotions under control, he registered her hand, and looked down, brows furrowed. 

“You don’t have to pay for what you did with your life. I know who you are, and I like you better for it,” Penny said quietly, her voice soft. 

Penny watched as Snape lost the battle with his emotions, the mask he hid behind shattering into a million tiny fragments. Behind it was a tortured man who reached violently for her wrist, to clutch onto it for dear life. As his skin connected with hers, a tidal wave of emotions hit Penny, drowning her in grief and torment. The feelings frightened Penny at first and she wanted to pull away, but then something caught her attention. It was faint, but she sensed the smallest flicker of something else. It was the last ounce of hope in the dark and painful space. It was ignored by Snape, or perhaps avoided.

It had never occurred to Penny that the man she looked up to, that always had the answers, who picked her up when she stumbled, would also be afraid; that there were some things he didn’t understand or know what to do with. But Penny understood that little flame, how it needed to be nurtured and cared for, that it would not burn him. She wanted to show him.

She was on her feet in a moment and pushed her way between his legs, flinging her arms around his neck to bury her nose in his hair. The smell of bergamot reached her and she breathed it in, greedily. Though Snape remained stiff beneath Penny, his hand reached up and held her upper arm, in what Penny assumed was a display of accepting her gesture and reciprocating. His arms did not wrap around her, he did not say anything . But Penny could feel his heart racing in his chest, and listened to the rising and falling of his chest. 

It didn’t matter, engulfed in his mind, all Penny wanted to do was cling to him, the man who was so dear to her, but she could never find the words to tell him. They remained like this until Penny felt his emotions slowly recede into those dark spaces he hid them. Once they were stowed away, he pushed her out of his mind, erecting that wall of his to separate them once again. Penny knew what was coming, but she refused to move. She didn’t want the moment to end, they always ended too soon, and she still hadn’t figured out how to say what she wanted to him. 

His hands reached up to her own interlaced ones behind his neck and pried them apart with a strength Penny could not fight. He dragged them away from himself against their will, stood and looked down at her through distant eyes, holding her hands before him.

Penny stared back up at him, feeling like a puppy dog begging its owner to pat it one more time. She didn’t want him to go, to do what she knew he would. If he’d give her just a little more time to find words to say something, anything. But his hands were letting go, his cloak billowing behind him.

“Stop running from me!” Penny shouted at him, but he did not stop, the door thudding behind him, the only response Penny would receive.

*****

When Penny finally escaped the clutches of Madam Pomfrey, who begrudgingly agreed she could not imprison Penny because she _suspected_ she would come down with pneumonia, she opted to avoid what she knew would be a very full Great Hall. It was dinner time and everyone would be celebrating Hogwarts’ victory in the second task. Cedric had finished first, however, Harry in his idiocy, which compelled him to remain in the lake to ensure everyone made it out, received points for his bravery and was now tied for first place with Cedric going into the third task.

Instead, Penny made for the astronomy tower, it was a clear night and the stars would be visible. Lost in thought, her legs moved up the stairway on their own. Why had Penny felt compelled to say those things to Snape today? And those feelings Snape had accidentally shared with her, what had caused them? Grief was not a feeling Penny had ever felt before, even when she thought about her parents, she felt regret but never grief. She supposed it was natural, having no memories of them, and being unable to even picture their voices. So, the pain of it, that horrible hole inside of Snape, it made Penny wonder how he managed to live with it.

It was hard to know if she’d done the right thing, but in the moment, it felt like the only thing to do, to show him he wasn’t alone. His exit made her think maybe he didn’t feel the same way, but then again, Snape always did like to avoid displays of emotion, and Penny imagined sharing those feelings with her had been something he never intended to do and regretted sorely.. 

It was strange how hugging could be so different with different people. Penny always felt welcome, safe and secure in Lupin’s arms. She was magnetized to hugging him, and his arms always waited for her. Hugging Snape on the other hand had been the most terrifying experience. There was so much uncertainty, and a fear he might reject it, but when her arms wrapped around him, and the smell of bergamot engulfed her, a strange sadness filled Penny, a sadness that she did not hug him more often. 

Penny sighed, realizing she was standing at the railing already, looking over the dark grounds. If she couldn’t even hug Snape, how was she ever going to tell him about their little red string, the one that connected them through time and space. No doubt he would hear the news then leave and not come back. 

“I don’t want to think about this anymore” Penny said miserably to the sky.

“Then don’t, come sit with me instead,” came his husky voice from behind her. “I promise to take your mind off things,” he grinned when Penny whirled around to appreciate his pretty, angular face.

“You could have made yourself known sooner,” Penny scowled.

“And deny myself the adorable sight of you lost in thought? I had neither the willpower nor the desire.”

“If you weren’t so pretty, looking up at me like that, you know I’d be cross with you, right?” Penny sighed, bridging the distance between them and sliding down the wall to sit beside him. 

“I might have to use that to my advantage, then,” he said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“I doubt you have ever needed an advantage in your life, Cedric,” Penny replied skeptically.

They were sitting side by side, their fingers only centimeters apart, centimeters that felt so vast. He smiled at her with that unnaturally white smile, his cheeks dimpling in perfection. Merlin's beard, Penny had never seen anything so alluring in her life. 

“You are incorrect.”

“Do you even know who you’re talking to, sir? I am never incorrect,” Penny teased with a click of her tongue. 

“Alright, let's test your skills,” he said in a deep voice, his pretty eyes suddenly alight with excitement as he turned to face her, bringing their faces much closer together.

Penny felt the heat rise instantaneously to her face. Cedric was much too close, it made that annoying haze overtake her, the one that made her want to yank him even closer.

“I’ve never balked at a challenge,” she said, sounding more confident than she felt. 

“That’s what I was hoping for,” Cedric said, cooly. “When you confronted me about Cho, why didn’t I follow you?” 

“Because you knew you were in the wrong,” Penny said quickly, as though the answer were obvious. 

“ _Ehnt!_ You were wrong then and you’re still wrong now,” Cedric said, giving her a disapproving look.

“Sounds like a convenient answer to a rigged game,” Penny challenged, her eyebrow arched.

“You must not have stayed long enough, because when Cho kissed me, I did pull away, Penny and I told her I couldn’t reciprocate her feelings.”

“Then why wouldn’t you just say that--”

“Because you were already convinced. I do pay attention to you, Penny Potter, more than you’ve noticed. You are a stubborn one, and you don’t like to be wrong,” he said, giving her a sheepish grin.

The sound of her name on his lips sent a lovely tingle up Penny’s spine, it was an underhanded tactic of his that made playing the game much harder for Penny.

“I couldn’t live with myself if you thought you were just something to entertain me, so easily replaceable. Any words I might have said to convince you felt too hollow to describe how important you are to me,” Cedric continued, his fingers slowly worming their way towards hers and skimming them ever so gently, as though he were still uncertain. 

Penny remembered how Dumbledore had smiled in his office and spoke as though he knew something she didn’t, how he mentioned the magic involved that selected for the champions to rescue something very dear to them. Penny couldn’t lie to herself, she knew Cedric’s words were the truth. He hadn’t chased after her, but the magic that had selected for the task said everything for him.

“Cedric I thought you were smart, I’m a nuisance, why would you--” Penny began, but Cedric cut her off by placing his pointer finger over her lips as he whispered “Wrong again, Penny. If it makes me a fool, then I’ll be your fool, as long as you promise to never stop being my nuisance,” he said, playfully.

“That should be illegal,” Penny murmured, her body bursting to the brim with desire. 

A lopsided grin spread across his lips, his fingers gliding gently back and forth over her bottom lip.

“You never gave me your answer at the Yule Ball, a single word will silence me--but if--”

Penny couldn’t stand the teasing a moment longer, she grabbed Cedric’s hand in hers, a soft moan escaping her lips, causing him to stop speaking abruptly. He met her half way, his hands moving immediately to her hair, their lips crashing into each other and sending jolts of pleasure through Penny’s body. 

Penny grabbed onto Cedric’s forearm, the other hand holding onto his neck. She felt like clay beneath his touch, his every stroke extracting something new from her. She moaned, grabbed, and crushed her lips against his own. Meanwhile, his tongue forced its way inside her mouth and she met it in a battle of wills. Every euphoric sensation he sent vibrating through her body, she returned twofold until Penny finally pulled away, breathing hard. She pressed her forehead against Cedric’s and looked into his dazed face and smirked. 

“I didn’t know it felt _this_ good. I shouldn’t have waited so long,” she breathed.

Cedric’s face flushed prettily, his eyes looking hungrily at her lips, but he did not kiss them again, instead he held a fist-full of her hair and shuddered. 

“Why do you always have to get the better of me, Penny,” he said, looking as though he were struggling against his better judgement. 

He finally pulled himself away from her and laid back against the wall, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. He intertwined his fingers with hers and stared up at the starry sky. 

“Was that really your first kiss?” Cedric finally asked once both their breathing had calmed, glancing at her from the side of his eye.

“Unless you count the kiss we shared on stage, yeah. Don’t tell me it was bad.”

“It was definitely not bad. I should have expected you’d be the most tantalizing creature on this planet,” Cedric said, frowning.

“The great Cedric Diggory, Hogwarts champion, undone by a simple kiss? I could get used to this,” Penny said with a wicked grin.

He turned to her, looking intrigued.

“There is nothing simple about you, but I think it’s time for _your_ lesson,” he said in a low tone. 

The sound of it made Penny shudder, perhaps she would regret teasing him. He moved in slowly, taking a firm hold of her face. He stopped just shy of her lips, his hot breath washing over Penny like a sauna. Again, she was pulled towards him and tried to force her lips on his own, but he held her in place, a smirk forming at the corners of his mouth.

“So impatient, Penny. The build up is the fun part.”

Penny’s breath caught in her chest, her hands reaching desperately for something, anything. They found his shirt and balled into fists around it. His lips finally moved, they infuriatingly kissed the corner of her mouth before trailing downward to her jawline. 

“Cedric,” Penny begged, pulling on his shirt as she tried to stifle a moan of delight. 

He ignored her, choosing to kiss her neck tenderly instead. The sensation almost sent Penny’s eyes rolling into the back of her head.

“Get up here and kiss me, now,” Penny demanded, goosebumps springing up over the palace his lips had connected. 

“Only because that was so irresistible, but slowly this time,” he said, giving her a warning look.

Penny prepared herself, she would not let herself lose control again, or so she thought. This proved harder in practice, because as soon as his eyes met hers, Penny felt overcome with her desire yet again. But Cedric already knew and whispered, “Just close your eyes.”

She did as she was told, listening intently to the sound of his breathing. And then ever so gently, his lips pressed against hers, his fingers caressing her collarbone. Penny remained still, breathing in the warmth of his mouth. This kiss sent a completely different sensation through Penny than the last one, it reached into her soul and touched her hidden most regions and coaxed her feelings into the palm of his soft hand. It wasn’t about the pleasure, the need, or the physical touch, Cedric’s kiss contained something so much more, something Penny wanted desperately to understand. 

Their kiss came to a slow end, though Cedric’s lips remained pressed against her own. Penny suspected he was willing himself to pull away, which she knew was probably a good plan, considering she wanted to return to the first type of kissing they’d tried. She settled for biting his lip just hard enough to get her message across. 

He pulled away and looked down at her innocent expression.

“Don’t even try to play innocent, you did that on purpose,” Cedric grumbled. 

“You deserved it,” Penny countered.

“Maybe, but I regret nothing,” said Cedric, wrapping his arm around Penny.

Laying her head on his shoulder, she looked up at the sky. It was the kind of moment Penny expected to see a shooting star. So she searched for a star to take her wish with it, a wish that things could always remain as simple and carefree as they felt when she laid in Cedric’s arms. A wish that she would always find Cedric on this astronomy tower. 

But no star ever came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Snape being the vulnerable one?!?! Aww Penny, it's alright the surly man needs to work on himself. Actually, I imagine it'd be horrifically hard for Snape. Penny is the living reminder he killed Lily. And then against his better judgement he lets himself and Penny start caring for each other, and is likely overcome with guilt that she's an orphan. What's a man to do? Seems like they'd both be better off IF THEY WERE JUST HONEST. But they wouldn't be Penny and Snape if they were emotionally capable ;)
> 
> 2) I know some of you expressed not being a fan of Cedric and Penny, which I understand. It's a small part of her much larger story, and will obviously be cut short. I hope you'll stick with the story even if this isn't your favorite. <33


	36. *Moments with Snape: Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't done a moments chapter in a long while. And I couldn't let February end without a Valentine's day chapter! This is also a reference for the change in Snape during the GoF when his mark starts to burn and he is forced to reconsider his choices with Penny.
> 
> Happy week!!

February was always a tedious time in Hogwarts. There was too much giggling for Penny’s liking. Valentine's Day brought the obsessive chatter about romance, crushes and whom would be gifting whom. The addition of the dashing Remus Lupin only heightened the feminine hysteria. Penny knew the poor man had been inundated with gifts, mostly anonymous, only because he had shown her the day before when she went to visit him. He’d grinned at her with that oh so lovely smile of his that made Penny feel inclined to join the other absurd girls and buy him a present. But she managed to regain her composure and had a very nice visit with the man. It was some kind of mercy that Valentines day fell on a Saturday and a Hogsmede weekend. Penny and Harry were not allowed in Hogsmeade because their aunt and uncle refused to sign the permission form, and no one was inclined to bend the rules when a mass-murderer was out to get Harry, which in Penny's opinion was a fair stance, but Harry's, not so much.

In her boredom, Penny found herself in the greenhouses, opting to do some sketches for her homework that would be due the coming week. Penny yawned as she scribbled something out, beside her sketch of the valerian plan and listed the potions the plant was was used for:

_Draught of Living Death_

_Draught of Peace_

_Forgetfulness Potion. . ._

Yet, she was certain she was missing one from her list but she could not remember which. Her brain refused to yield to her efforts. 

“The fire-breathing potion,” Snape drawled from behind her.

Penny’s head swiveled on her neck to find Professor Snape standing over her, reading over her shoulder.

“That’s rude, you know,” Penny said, slamming her book shut in her lap.

“Only you would be inclined to think being given a free answer and point on your homework is rude,” he said, the corners of his mouth twitching. 

“I meant reading over my shoulder.”

“Don’t worry, if it had been your diary I would not have been interested in the slightest. Your teenage angst remains safe.”

“It’s Valentine's day, I truly doubt there is an ounce of angst in this castle,” Penny noted, getting to her feet to better face her professor.

“Isn’t there?” Snape said, insinuation dripping from his tongue while his eyes lazed over Penny’s lone form. “Then what should I make of this sight before me. No valentine, Ms. Potter?” he smirked. 

“I have never required an excuse to come to the greenhouses, the only thing out of place here is you. No one good enough to warrant your affection today, professor?” Penny quipped, looking the man up and down. 

“I have no such foolish needs,” he said.

“No need for human contact or intimacy? If that were so you would not have made yourself known to me,” Penny pointed out, arching her brow to convey she remained completely unconvinced. 

“Boredom is a sufficient motivator on its own,” said Snape, cooly. 

“If I had the decency to blush would you tell me the real reason you don’t like holidays?” Penny smirked.

Penny was helplessly curious about Professor Snape, and he seemed to be in a good enough mood to warrant the prod. With any luck he might divulge something to her.

Snape peered down his nose at her looking mildly impressed with her boldness. After a moment's contemplation he said, “Holidays were invented for those unwilling to accept their mortality. They simply serve to distract one from the inevitable and create a shallow sense of meaning.”

The answer startled Penny, who raced to get the gears moving in her brain so as to have a somewhat intelligent response.

“I think you are too harsh, professor, and unrelenting in your perspective. Mortality is a condition of us all, and to ignore it is as much of a fault as to be overly aware. To me holidays aren’t a distraction but rather a display of acceptance of the passage of time. They are memories to carry with us during it, to remind us we are not, in fact, utterly alone,” mused Penny.

Though she felt confident in what she said, Penny hadn’t noticed how her own arms had crossed, hands clinging to her upper arm as though to protect herself from something unseen. Like what she said was some horrible memory that brought her a great amount of pain. Her body language did not go unnoticed by Snape, however, who’s eyes were scrutinizing her fiercely, in an attempt to dig their way right into her mind and see for himself. The intensity of the gaze sent a shiver up her spine and made Penny uncomfortably self-aware. 

“And you, Ms. Potter? If I am to believe what you said, then why have you foregone these _memories_ in lieu of this greenhouse?” Snape asked in a low voice, so low Penny wasn't even sure he'd actually uttered them. 

Penny’s mouth opened slightly as she stared up at the man who seemed so intent on discovering something, to understand something that was so obvious to Penny. The lost look was comical and it sent Penny into a fit of laughter. This outburst unnerved Snape who looked visibly taken aback, but he waited quietly.

“I don’t know about you, professor, but all of my favorite memories include you, so if you ask me, I made the right choice in coming here today,” Penny shrugged. 

She turned back down to her books and began packing them away, feeling mildly self-conscious about her honesty, and fearful the admission would result in him taking his leave. Severus Snape did not like anything remotely related to feelings. He was emotionally adverse, as Penny liked to think of him. But she found herself yet again surprised by the man, and as she turned to her sketchbook, his thin hand was laying something upon it.

Penny picked the flower up and brought it to her nose, it was a small daisy, so unassuming in its form, but vibrant with color. Had he really--?

Penny turned back to Snape with a questioning look, but he had already turned away from her and was waiting impatiently by the greenhouse door, tapping his foot as though he expected her to follow him. When she reached him he said nothing and neither did Penny, but the two of them quietly agreed through a lingering glance to take the long way back to the castle.

The air was brisk as she walked side-by-side with the potions master, occasionally bumping into each other, but never adjusting their distance. His company was all her disquieted spirit needed. Looking down at the daisy he'd given her, Penny smiled and held onto it as delicately as she did the silence between them. 


End file.
